The John Report: Talking Smack for 10/09/09 (Batista v. Punk, Rey v. Jericho)

Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE's Friday broadcast, Smackdown. If you're wondering I won't be writing about ECW and I still have yet to see Hell in a Cell. Don't look for any kind of recap of that show. I feel like my column complaining about too many title switches covered my thoughts on that well enough. Speaking of that, the link is here and if you wrote me about it I will reply. Been swamped with work stuff, plus nearly 200 emails about it, so I'm doing the best I can. I should be caught up by Monday or Tuesday, for sure.

Taped from Trenton, New Jersey let's talk some smack...

- I'm still getting used to the new song and intro. I kinda liked the old song. Not sure about the new one yet.

- Teddy Long starts us out. This was pretty brutal at the beginning because the crowd was dead for his babyface announcements (he was a heel a few weeks ago, if you recall) and they piped in crowd reactions that sounded more fake than ever. Really embarrassing. The crowd really wasn't hot all night, though. He mentioned if Cena lost to Orton in the Ironman match that he'd be welcome on Smackdown. Nobody cared. That brought Punk out to say they don't need Cena on SD. By the way, CM Punk sold the beating from Hell in a Cell on a show "five days later" even though his match was shorter and it wasn't one day later like when Cena no sold it on Raw. See, it's little things like that make or break a wrestler to me. Punk wanted a rematch with his corrupt ref Scott Armstrong in the ring, which caused crazy old man Vince McMahon to come out. He announced a fatal four way at Bragging Rights with Undertaker defending the belt against Batista, Rey Mysterio and CM Punk. Punk wasn't happy because he wanted one on one, but isn't a four way better because now you don't have to pin Undertaker? Ah well, there I go thinking again. This segment was fine aside from the dead crowd while Long was trying to pander to them.

Rey Mysterio d. Chris Jericho (***1/4)
Yes, this is the shit that I love about Smackdown. I'm actually surprised that they remembered their feud over the late spring/early summer. A year from now they'll completely ignore it, so it's nice to know they can remember all the way back to four months ago. This was, by the way, one of the two best feuds of the year along with Punk vs. Hardy although I still haven't decided what will be first. I'll save it for the 2009 Johnny Awards at the end of the year. The match was typical greatness from these two. They got about 12 minutes or so with the obvious "guy out on the floor, so let's go to commercial" spot when Rey did his patented under the bottom rope floor bump that I love. I missed Rey, that's for sure. Their chemistry was still there with plenty of counters by both guys including the missed 619 into the Walls of Jericho spot that I love. Throw in the little things like Jericho going after the mask again and Rey finally hitting the 619 (remember in their first match this year he couldn't hit it?) leading to the win made it a great match. I can watch these two wrestle every week and never complain. This is why Jericho's the best. He can lose clean on TV every single week for a year and then win a World Title the next week and nobody would have a tough time believing it. Unlike the top guys on Raw, he does lose on TV and that's better for the whole roster especially in this case since Rey's in the title match at the next PPV while Jericho's probably defending the tag belts again.

If you're wondering about Big Show he's apparently filming a made for DVD WWE Film where he plays a wrestler that tries to raise money for an orphanage that's kind of like Nacho Libre. He'll be missing some TV dates here and there due to that commitment. I like Show and think he could be good in comedic roles, but that sounds awful.

- Raw Rebound showing Big Ben being talked about on Sportscenter. I guess that's all they cared about. Next week they might get mentioned on Access Hollywood. Will any of this lead to more viewers or PPV buys? Probably not. Good to know that their priorities are still out of place.

- Word Up time. The word is Eve because she's wrestling next. I guess they ran out of real words.

Michelle McCool d. Eve Torres (*)
Three minutes, Michelle won with a big boot. Eve has a nice body. I don't know what else there is to say. I like Michelle as a heel way more than her "loving life" babyface run that was absolutely brutal. I just don't think she's a good talker or actress. In ring, though, she's fine.

- The Undertaker returns tonight to tell CM Punk to wear a suit. Okay maybe not, but he's back. Yes folks, it's news when somebody that is employed by the company actually works. Amazing.

- Vickie and her boyfriend Eric Escobar were in Teddy's office. She basically tried to stir shit up wondering why Eric wasn't in a match. Teddy should have said because he's green. Then he spoke in Spanish, which I guess we're supposed to hate. Not a great segment. The only highlight from this was when Teddy busted out the "Excuse me?" at the start.

John Morrison d. Dolph Ziggler to retain the Intercontinental Title (**1/2)
Good match coming in at under ten minutes. I think they dropped the ball by not doing a Morrison vs. Mysterio match on the next PPV considering how good the last one was. Early in the match Maria came out to sit by the announcers. The offensive exchanges were pretty good, but I think what they need to do are more counters. That's when matches go from good to great. It's what guys like Michaels and Jericho are the best at. The story came when they brawled on the floor. The Ziggle man took Maria's chair, thought about using it, then tossed him back in and hit a dropkick. Now he wanted the chair, but Maria sat on it. Keep in mind the ref was right there. I love how JR ripped Ziggler for trying to cheat with the chair even though the ref was right there, so what could he really do with it? I'd like to think that this will lead to something better down the road, but I really have my doubts. They should have had a ref bump in there. Ziggler looking for the chair and yelling at the girl gave Morrison time to spring off the ropes and pin him with the Flying Chuck Kick. I assume that's named after Chuck Norris. I googled it and there's a ridiculously awesome Chuck Norris video where he dropkicks a dude through the windshield. Now Ziggler is 0-4 in IC title shots. I'm sure that means he'll get more shots because punishing people that lose matches in WWE doesn't really exist.

- We see a video of the Undertaker's seven title wins. Keep in mind that's 7 title wins in 19 years. Randy Orton already has more than him in five years. Somebody should write an article about how they're killing the titles. Oh wait, I did.

- After the match, Dolph and Maria were backstage. He told her he wanted to keep his professional and personal life separate. Then he broke up with her. She looked as though she was trying to cry, but it almost looked like she was about to laugh. I guess the relationship that we never cared about in the first place is mercifully done. It could keep going if they have Maria go heel to help Dolph win the belt, or maybe prevent him from winning the belt intentionally. I can't say I care either way. They have barely been together on screen and when they have the chemistry hasn't been good. And I like both. It was way too, what's the word, high school-ish (I guess that's a word) of a story for me. I think I spent more time thinking about this in two minutes than WWE has over the course of a couple months.

- The team of Batisterio talked. You could make so many jokes about performance enhancers with these two with Rey reaching into his bag, but I like Rey too much to do that. But YOU can still make the jokes. They each said they were winning the belt. Rey's not, that's for damn sure. I'm calling a Batista heel turn before the end of the year. At least I hope so. I'm tired of him as a face and I think he could be much better as a ruthless heel monster…err animal. Kane's the monster. I need to get my animals and monsters right.

Kane & Drew McIntyre d. Matt Hardy & R-Truth (*1/2)
It was kept pretty short at under four minutes. It's a shame that they gave McIntyre the generic heel music. I was hoping for something more memorable. They are really trying to push McIntyre as McMahon's hand picked future world champion based on Vince's promo about him a couple weeks ago. You mean he's not going to toil in the midcard for three or four years while the same people wrestle on top? I think he will. Anyway, they beat up Truth a bit early, then in two minutes he made the hot tag. A little rushed, no? Hardy cleaned house for a bit, then ate a Kane uppercut while the ref wasn't looking and then Drew finished him off with a sitout double arm DDT finish that looks pretty pretty good. (That's a Curb Your Enthusiasm reference, people. Best show on TV.) The commentary by Ross led me to think that Kane and McIntyre will be some kind of tandem going forward, but that could be a guess on my part. I wouldn't mind it since it could help McIntyre get over as a rising heel that hides behind Kane when things go bad.

- The Undertaker actually showed up for work! Nice. He cut a promo that went a few minutes, which is longer than his norm of late. He spoke about as slowly as he walks. He ran down Punk saying he'd take his soul, said that he admired Rey's heart, but that he'd show him no mercy and then recalled past battles with Batista, whose rage wouldn't be enough to save his soul. That was two soul references. Need some new material, old guy. This was fine. They must be really worried about him in the ring because he was limping after the Cell match and his time as an in-ring performer might finally be numbered. I don't expect him to have too many TV matches going forward unless they decide to hide him in tags.

CM Punk d. Batista by countout (**)
Two minutes in, Punk bailed to the floor and surprise, they went to commercial. Crazy, huh? Like all Batista matches, he didn't sell much and his moveset was predictable as he hit two spinebusters because, well, what else can he really do? This is why he needs to be heel. The older he gets and more injuries he gets the less he's going to be able to sell moves properly. Not like that was ever his strong suit. Once he did the rope shake, Punk continued his story of being a wimp by bailing to the floor again. Batista, not the smartest guy, tried to hit a Batista Bomb on Punk on the floor. Punk held onto the ropes, kicked him in the head and got back in the ring at 8 while Batista didn't make it back before ten. Punk won via countout. He smiled. I guess he can brag about beating Batista. After the bell, Batista went in the ring and hit a Batista Bomb. Heel behavior? Maybe. I just think Punk's in the doghouse right now.

Post match, Batista hit on all the divas backstage. That didn't air, but I bet it happened. And good for him, by the way!

Three Stars of the Show
1. Chris Jericho - Yep, match of the night again.
2. Rey Mysterio - Good to see him back.
3. John Morrison - Consistently good. I really want to see him feud with Jericho, though.

Rating: 6.5 (out of 10)
Last week: 7.5

Good show. It's hard for me to complain when you have a Jericho/Mysterio match that receives a good amount of time and the main event was solid. Morrison/Ziggler was decent too. I really hope it's the end of the Ziggler/Maria angle that really seemed childish from the start. It's hard to ignore how poorly Long's opening promo was received, though. They really need to stop with the sound mixer because the fake noise hurts more than it helps. Still, very enjoyable show for the most part.

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I'll be back on Tuesday for the Raw Deal. If you're a NFL fan check out my weekly picks column at the Sports Oratory located right here. I also want to plug my column on the WWE and World Titles one more time because I'm really proud of it and I want every wrestling fan to check it out. The link is here.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend and to my fellow Canadians out there have a happy Thanksgiving (it's on Monday).

Smell ya later,
John Canton - oratoryjohn@gmail.com
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