RAW this week starts with music & pyro.
Jeri-Show out to the ring looking all dapper and tied with straps over both shoulders on both of them. Of course they also both look surly. They pose in the ring, then they both get mics. Huge heat for them both. Jericho says they both need to clear up some misconceptions this evening. Wake the fans up from the ignorant bliss they’re in. that DX is the best tag team ever. They most certainly are not. But they cheered for their childish antics. They’re there to deal with facts and expose DX right now. “You suck” chants. Jeri-Show have been champions for over four months. They’ve embarrassed and beaten everyone in their way. Even Kane and Taker couldn’t take them down. They won those titles in the very first night of their existence, DX have been together since 1997 and have never been Tag Team Champions - ever. Big Show says DX are frauds. They have their books, hats, shirts, glowsticks, their in ring dominance can’t compete. When they’re destroyed at TLC, their merchandise will be garbage, like them. Together they - Jeri-Show - have held over 42 titles between them. Jericho is the first undisputed Champion. He’s the only man to have held the WCW, WWE and ECW heavyweight titles. Jericho asks if they understand what this giant man is saying. They can’t be beat! Nobody can match the strength, intelligent, ability and agility of them. In a normal match they’re unstoppable, add in tables, ladders and chairs and they’re really unstoppable. Big Show says this fist of his knocks people out, including HHH. Jericho says fact number four, DX has never been in a TLC Match, ever. They’ve never felt all three things together, they don’t know what they’re getting into. “DX” chants. They’ve never been the Unified Tag Team Champions… Finally DX’s music cuts off Jericho and out they come to huge pop. DX are in ring gear and have to wait for the “DX” chants to stop. HHH says they forgot a fact. Fact #32 that they’re boring us to death. They keep obsessing the fact that they’ve never been Tag Team Champs. They’re the Tag Team Champs and no one cares about them! DX has been at the front of every revolution in the past decade and they’ve amassed an army. That green represents the DX Army of people who believe in DX. Not because of the jokes and merchandize. It’s because they believe no matter how bad life dumps on you, you grab it by the throat and make it give you what you want! The fans love this. HBK says in 2 short weeks, in his hometown of San Antonio, is once again going to grab life by the throat and make history. One, but being in their first ever TLC Match. Secondly, DX will be the Unified Tag Team Champions. If that wasn’t special enough… HHH says not only will they become Champions, but they get rid of Jericho from RAW! The only reason Jericho’s even here is because of those belt. once he doesn’t have them, bye bye! DX will make sure in two weeks that we won’t have to listen to him whine any more. The fans start singing the goodbye song to Jericho. He says they can sing all they want. Everyone knows without Jericho, RAW is nothing. He leaves and the ratings will be in the toilet. Jericho says he knows it eats them alive that they’ve never been the Tag Team Champions. He knows that the time they have those belts lets their fans down. They’re better than you. They won them the first night of their existence (thought he and Edge won them, not him and Big Show), yet DX coasts on their laurels. The best friends who have Ben through thick and thin for 12 years couldn’t accomplish what Jeri-Show did in one night. They’re better than them. “You suck” chants. HHH says Jericho makes a lot of interesting points, but he thinks 2 weeks can’t come fast enough for him. Jericho has two weeks and the clock is ticking. Jericho and HHH tonight in this ring. Jericho consults with Big Show, but looks like they’re kissing. Jericho accepts, on one condition. Big Show says the condition is - if Jericho loses he’ll face DX in a Handicap Match. If Jericho wins, HHH faces Jeri-Show in a Handicap Match. HHH barely looks at HBK and Jericho takes that as a yes. Jericho has four words - I’m never leaving RAW! Jeri-Show leave DX standing in the ring. Jeri-Show pose outside with their belts.
- Commercial
WWE Slam Of The Week - the Pilgrim versus Native Americans Match with the Gooker ringside. Melina pins, but then Melina gets beaten down by the Gooker who was Maryse in the hideous outfit. She stripped and posed to show how hot she was/is.
Melina and Gail Kim out to Melina’s music. Kim in lilac and Melina in blue and black. Melina does her split entrance. Backstage Jillian and Maryse walk along. Josh asks Maryse why she attacked Melina last week. She says when somebody walks around with the Diva’s Title, there’s only one thing to do. Josh says dress up like the Gooker and attack? Maryse says she’s disappointed in Josh. She simply provided the Trojan Horse, Melina was the turkey. How you say Josh, gobble gobble? Jillian then sings the word gobble for us. Out to the ring, Jillian in light blue and Maryse in black. Jillian holds Maryse back as Kim holds Melina.
Melina in with Maryse who quickly tags out. Maryse poses on the apron and Melina goes after her. Jillian tries to roll of Melina quickly, but it doesn’t work. Jillian slammed around and monkey flipped. Kim tags in and comes off the top in a flying dropkick and pin until Maryse breaks it up. Side slam to Kim and then a cartwheel elbow drop for a pin on Kim. Kim flung by her hair then Maryse tags in. Maryse taunts Kim and Melina. Kim grabs her and slams a neck breaker. Melina tags in and a number of dropkicks then a kick to the side of Maryse’s head. Knees to Maryse’s back then a spear. Jillian rushes in but Kim flies in to take her down hard. Melina gets whipped. Maryse hits a DDT on Melina for three (but it looked horrid).
- Winners: Maryse & Jillian
The heels celebrate in the ring.
King and Cole talk about Sheamus. Video of Sheamus taking out Finlay and then destroying him. Sheamus eliminated a number in the Battle Royal. Kofi eliminated Orton, but then Sheamus eliminated Kofi. After the contract signing Sheamus ambushed Cena with the help of Ventura.
Sheamus backstage heading for the ring.
- Commercial
Sheamus out to the ring, glowing white. Sheamus calls for a mic but Justin won’t go near him. Slides it into him. Sheamus says last week Cena asked why should he take Sheamus seriously? He put Cena through a table. At TLC he doesn’t have to pin Cena, even though he can. He doesn’t have to make Cena submit, even though he can. All he has to do is put Cena through a table, and he’s already done it once. When he does it at TLC, he will become the new WWE Champion! Then Cena will take him seriously. Santino’s music? He comes out to face Sheamus? Oy! Santino has a mic and says Sheamus must be very focused on his big match with John Chena coming up because all he did was talk about John Chena! Sheamus didn’t even talk about Santino one time. Or their match right now. Guess he’s not so smart person. Santino asks if Sheamus’ overlooking him? Sheamus glares. Santino asks if he’s angered to Santino. Sheamus glares. Santino says Sheamus is jellie-ous of him. That has to be it because Santino actually has skin pigmentation. Sheamus glares. Santino says he can enjoy the sunshine, unlike Sheamus. Santino just realized, Sheamus thinks Santino’s after his Lucky Charms! Sheamus really glares. Santino says not to worry, he can keep his cereal, but they are magically delicious! Maybe because he knows a little bit about Santino and he’s a two time IC Champion-eh. Pop from the fans. After TLC Sheamus will still have nothing. So listen to his advice Lameass… Sheamus pushed Santino to the mat in one fell swoop. Stomping the heck out of Santino and then flung into the corner while the ref screams for Sheamus to stop. Shoulder slams into Santino’s gut. Forearm to Santino’s upper back then more stomping. Pulls Santino to his feet then clothelines him to the mat. Santino struggles to his feet and another clothesline to the face. The ref’s afraid of Sheamus. Santino runs into the big boot and then Sheamus pulls him up. Sheamus hits his border toss type finisher on Santino. Sheamus screams as the ref checks on Santino and tries to keep Sheamus away. Sheamus under the ring and comes out with a table. Table into the ring and the ref flees. Table set up at an angle in the corner. “Cena” chants. Sheamus pulls Santino up by his head, flings him in the air, catches his body and slams him back first through the table. Video replay of Santino going through the table over and over. Sheamus leaves the ring screaming that he’ll do that to Cena.
Jeri-Show walking backstage talking about the ideas Jericho has. Suddenly Big Show looks down and barely as tall as Big Show’s kneecap is Verne Troyer. I knew he was tiny, but wow! They shake hands and talk it up a bit, then Verne back on his phone. Jericho tries to get his attention and Jericho talks about another RAW gues host disrespecting him, that’s the joke? Jericho screams at Verne to no avail. Big Show shrugs, Jericho stomps off. Verne and Big Show shake again and it’s really cute. (I like Big Show as a face, personally.)
- Commercial
Justin announces Verne Troyer, through all his accolades. Verne is on a stool on the stage (I know he has serous troubles getting around without a scooter). He gives cheap props to Baltimore. He says when he saw his friends Seth Green host RAW, it looked like he had a great time, so he wanted to try it for himself. He had so much fun at SummerSlam. Everyone was so great, except one person. He was an inconsiderate, obnoxious jerk. The Miz! He really liked everyone from WWE except…. Out comes the Miz. Miz asked that he’s inconsiderate? It’s funny, he doesn’t remember seeing him at the party. Then Miz looks down and sees Verne acting all shocked. Miz said he almost stepped on Verne. Miz squats and says he wants to apologize and says he feels aweful and if there’s anything he can do like give him ‘one million dollars’. Miz goes on and on and call him ‘Mini Miz’. Verne is rude, saying he’s never heard that one before! He’d imitate Miz too, but he hasn’t done any movies. He’s surprised than they filmed two Jackasses. Verne says he’s a better actor and bigger star than Miz and if SS didn’t prove anything, it also proved he’s better with the ladies. Miz didn’t look impressed. Miz called him a little twerp. He threatened to kick Verne through the posts like they were the uprights, until Mark Henry came out to stop him. Miz congratulates Verne for being saved by the world’s blandest man, fat bastard. He’s gonna eat ya, get in his belleh… savor this moment Henry, he has no personality. He has less than this little half of a human being attempt at hosting his show. Miz says his 15 minutes of fame is up. The only thing that people will remember is that he’s the Miz and he’s awesome. Verne says as bad as he wants to slap that stupid grin off his face, he has someone else in mind. Henry laughs. Verne makes the match between the two of them. Verne and Henry shake while Miz glares. Miz backs away as Henry in red stares.
- Commercial
Kofi out to the ring to huge pop from the fans. Cody attacks from behind. Cody stomps the heck out of Kofi, then slams him into the stairs before the refs get there and get rid of Cody. Kofi can barely move from the one stair shot. Kofi’s a puddle of mush from the attack. “Kofi” chants from the fans. Kofi to his feet and rolls into the ring. Video of the attack. The ref asks Kofi if he wants this match and he does. Orton’s music but Ted is suddenly behind Kofi in the ring. He chop blocks Kofi and then stomps that same leg over and over. Kofi is rolling in pain on the mat as the ref tends to him. Video showing how Ted came through the crowd to attack Kofi. Kofi still wants this match. Orton’s music and out he comes. The ref physically keeps Orton back.
Kofi can barely stand, but ready to go. Orton on that same leg Ted worked over. Stomping, pulling, kicking at it. Outside and the ref yells at Orton to get back in. Orton slams the leg down on the apron. “Kofi” chants. Kofi’s leg on the ring post. Orton back in at seven. More stomping of Kofi in the ropes as the ref yells at Orton. Orton slingshots Kofi into the bottom rope, chest first. Kofi can’s breathe and is choking. Orton stalks Kofi. Kofi pushes Orton off and Orton stomps Kofi more. More stomping in a corner. The ref tells Orton it’s enough, but doesn’t stop it. Kofi to his feet, but they’re still in the corner. Kofi tries to fight back with punches, but it doesn’t last. RKO to Kofi. Orton pins for three as if he did it all.
- Winner: Orton
The ref raises Orton’s arm. Video of Cody’s attack on Kofi. Then Ted’s attack on Kofi. Finished off by Orton during the match that wasn’t a match. Orton still stares at Kofi while the music plays. Orton to his knees next to Kofi, then gets Kofi’s head in a lock and sets him in the corner. Kofi is a wet noodle. Orton’s keeps the hold on tight and then a hard DDT to the mat with Kofi’s legs still up on the corner. Kofi is left with a foot on a bottom rope, face down. Huge “Randy sucks” chants like I have never heard! Orton’s covered in sweat and stares at Kofi as if he loves what he did.
- Commercial
Verne and MVP playing the WWE video games. Henry comes in and MVP asks him what’s wrong. He says nothing’s wrong, but then Jillian’s there, in front of the screen they’re gaming on (cardinal sin) and she says she’s knows what’s wrong. She goes off about Mark having no personality, but she’s bursting with it. Henry says she’s bursting with it all right. She wants to sing a song. MVP says no. Verne asks what song. MVP says he has a way to prove Miz wrong. When Henry goes to the ring he’s all business. But Mark can dance. MVP says he’s sorry he’s asking this, but it’s to prove a point. He asks Jillian to sing. Mark then starts dancing and looks danm fine! Then he squishes her. The fans love it. MVP and Henry flee. Verne says he thinks she’s dead. Then Verne goes back to playing Taker beating the heck out of MVP on the screen.
Cole came out with the best comment he’s had in a long time saying something about ‘the day the music died’. he and King had a good laugh about this before talking about later matches and then TLC’s matches.
A sexy red car pulls up and out pops Cena looking totally pissed off.
- Commercial
Cena out to the ring. He’s all pissed off about last week and it shows all over his face. He stops the music. Last week Sheamus put him through a table to make a statement. Sheamus says he’s the new WWE Champion. He hasn’t won anything yet, last he knew Cena was still Champion. As the Champion, even if he loses he’s entitled to a rematch. He’s planning on using it at TLC. He told Sheamus he’d better be ready for war. No more waiting, no more talking. Tonight we go to war. Tonight it’s his turn to make a statement. It’s them facing off for the championship. “Cena” chants. Cena’s bouncing all over the ring, but it’s Carlito’s music that hits. Carlito comes out to the ring. He’s probably realized he’s not Sheamus, doesn’t know Sheamus, doesn’t like Sheamus. There’s a whole locker room full of superstars that hopes Sheamus beats Cena at TLC. Not just RAW, but SD! And ECW too. They’re all tired of Cena hogging the spotlight. Sick of his hats, t-shirts, wristbands. Where’s his wristbands? Sheamus is going to do to Cena what they all want to do, put him through the table and become the new WWE Champion. Cena might represent these people, but Sheamus represents them. He’ll go through a table and his reign over WWE will be over. Cena says Carlito picked the wrong man on the wrong night. His mouth’s about to back him into a fight he wants no part of. He doesn’t like who he is, doesn’t like how he does things? Step up. Make one move and he’ll unleash hell on him. It’s party time. Let’s go. Don’t like his hat? The hat flies. Don’t like his shirts. That flies. Do something! Carlito bites his apple but doesn’t have a chance. A kick, then an AA to Carlito. Carlito flies from the ring. Then Sheamus’ music and out he comes. Cena yells if he wants some, come get some! Sheamus on the stage but won’t come down as Cena screams and begs for the man. Cena’s seething but Sheamus turns and walks away leaving Cena even more pissed.
Miz walking backstage, heading for the ring.
- Commercial
Verne’s on stage again. He asks if Baltimore is having a good time. He introduces two good friends, MVP and Mark Henry. They come out to the stage. MVP tells everyone to prepare for an epic moment. So they will hit you up with a dose of reality. Something real special for you. World’s strongest man about to rock the mic. Henry gets the fans up and starts rapping with MVP backing him up.
- Commercial
Henry in the ring and Miz climbs in after showing off for the camera.
Miz after Henry and on him in a corner, Henry throws him off. Miz on Henry’s back, but slammed down. Kick to Henry’s face. Miz tries to whip Henry but eats a corner then a clothesline. Chop block and Henry throws himself up in the air to land. Kicks to Henry’s face and still nothing. Sleeper on Henry, but he slams Miz into a corner. Punches to Henry in a corner. Flying clothesline in a corner on Henry. Miz climbs and flies, but Henry catches him. World’s strongest slam and Henry pins for three.
- Winner: Mark Henry
Henry puts a fist up, as does Verne. Henry up to his friend on the stage. Verne says, “The Miz who?” Verne calls for the ladies. Out comes the Bellas, Kelly and Eve. They all dance with Henry and around Verne. Henry picked up Verne and put him on a shoulder. “Thanks Baltimore!” yells Verne, but not until the camera went to Jericho, backstage, heading for the ring.
- Commercial
Mark Cuban will be special guest host next week.
DX backstage. HHH says he had the weirdest dream that a little man came in and gave them a piece of paper that they had to got to Little People’s Court. HBK says he had the exact same dream. HHH says it’s creepy, but it makes him feel better as it was all a figment of their imagination. But then Hornswoggle is there, in a suit and he’s sub-titled - Gentlemen, you’ve ignored my plea for legal discourse and have left me little choice but to seek further prosecution. I am terribly disappointed. HHH asks what he said. HBK said, don’t worry, I speak leprechaun (point back to the Cryme Tyme skit and the original Airplane ‘I speak jive’ bit). HBK tells Hornswoggle they have nothing on them. HHH agrees, nothing! HBK motions for them to go. Again HHH says nothing. Hornswoggle says, subtitled - good day! Then Verne rolls in on his scooter. Verne says to sue them for everything they got. They knock knuckles (I didn’t realize the size difference between those two. Hornswoggle is positively huge compared to Verne!)
Jericho out to the ring. DX’s music and out comes HHH and HBK. They throw all sorts of paraphernalia to the fans.
HHH onto Jericho to start off. Jericho flees the ring to gain control, but HHH after Jericho and attacks on the ramp. Back in the ring and Big Show’s music hits. HHH tossed from the ring and on the floor. Big Show motions to HHH as he walks by. HBK throws off his announce head set in disgust.
- Commercial
Big Show verbally rips on HBK and HHH. HHH into the stairs and Jericho breaks the count. Punches to HHH’s head. Big Show keeps talking them up. Back in the ring. HBK says it’s all true and a first time for everything. He also can’t believe they’ve been accused of being popular. Pin on HHH for two. King’s all lounged back as if this is round table and nothing going on in the ring. King asks about Big Show using a ladder at his size. Big Show says he’d only have to use a couple steps because of his size. Knee to HHH’s gut. High knee to Jericho and Cole brings us back to the match. Facebuster on Jericho for two. HHH runs into s knee and then Jericho climbs down HHH to try for the walls, HHH out. Enziguri to HHH for two. Big Show keeps talking up Jericho. Running bulldog to HHH. Lionsault onto HHH’s knees that he got up to block the move. Set up for pedigree but Jericho reverses to pin. They exchange blows. Jericho backed into a corner. Jericho walks into a huge clothesline for two. Big Show talks up Jericho’s heart. Jericho can kick out of anything!!! Pedigree set up, but reversed into a DDT on HHH for two. Kicks to HHH’s head. Jericho runs into a spinebuster for two. Big Show on his feet and stalking to the ring. HBK to his feet and Big Show pushes HBK away. HBK hit’s the apron wrong! Big punch to HHH from outside. The ref throws Big Show from the arena. HBK hits sweet chin music. The ref throws HBK out. HBK argues to give HHH time to come back. You can tell from the look that HBK was pissed, probably from how he hit the apron so badly. The ref in to count out the wrestlers, but they both got up at nine. HHH counters the code breaker, Jericho counters HHH with the walls. HHH kicks out and rolls up Jericho for three.
- Winner: HHH
Jericho is left on the mat in shock as HHH staggers up the ramp. HHH is acting like he’s bleeding from the mouth or nose, but covers well. Video of all the interference. On stage HBK with HHH. HBK says next week is his last night on RAW. If you’re not down with that, they’ve got two words for ya…
Biggest pop
DX
Kofi
Cena
Biggest heat
Orton
Jeri-Show
Sheamus
The Miz