The John Report: The Raw Deal for 04/26/10 (The Draft)

Submitted by John C. on April 26, 2010 - 10:30pm
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I wrote The Raw Deal live tonight. I decided that since it's the three hour live draft show it would be a good idea to cover it live and offer my takes on the moves as they happen.

Live from Richmond, Virginia this is the Raw Deal...

The announcers are Cole, Lawler and Striker.

First match of the night is Showmiz vs. Hart Dynasty. Miz came out questioning the Hart Dynasty name, saying they were not a dynasty since they didn't have gold. Miz called himself a technical master of the ring at one point. And Mark Henry's thin. I like Miz, but let's not go crazy here. Miz called Bret Hart a loser and told him to come out to declare Showmiz the greatest tag team in WWE history. "We're Showmiz and we're awe…" cue the Bret Hart music. Great pop for him. Bret says that he declares that Showmiz is the greatest tag team of all time. He also declares that the Mountie was the greatest Intercontinental of All-Time and David Arquette was the greatest World Champion of all time. Good ones. Called Miz a horse faced idiot. He said talk is cheap and that tonight we'd declare the Hart Dynasty the new tag team champions of the world. The match is coming up now.

Unified Tag Titles: The Miz & Big Show vs. Hart Dynasty
Miz and Tyson start it off. Natalya's looking nice. Nice flipping armbar by Kidd and a seated dropkick gets two. Smith does a really nice delayed suplex like his dad the British Bulldog used to do. Big shoulderblock by Smith on the floor. Cue to the commercial.

(Commercial)

We came back with Cole busting out his "longest episodic weekly blah blah blah" line. Now it's time for the babyface in peril spots with Big Show booting Tyson Kidd in the head. I wonder if most fans realize how good Tyson Kidd is. I recommend checking out some matches from last year against John Morrison for them. One was on SD, one was on Superstars. He's got the potential to be a great worker. Miz got tagged and got a nearfall with a neckbreaker. This crowd is pretty good. They did a lot of good near tags as we hit the 10 minute mark and Smith tagged in. I think Smith in particular is better working as a babyface. Miz went for a pin, put his feet on the ropes and Brett pushed them off. Tyson Kidd charged at Show off the apron. Smith rolled up Miz, got two. Tag to Kidd. Hart Attack clothesline! Wow, this crowd is hot. Sharpshooter by Kidd. Miz taps. New tag team champions. Awesome pop here! Yes. Great to see. Match was about 12 minutes.
Winners: The Hart Dynasty

Analysis: *** Fun match. They really did a good job of working Kidd over, Smith got the hot tag and they finished it off perfectly. It was a classically wrestled tag match, which is great to see. I'm very pleased with this and as a Canadian I'm marking out a little bit over the win by my fellow Canucks. Good stuff.

No draft picks there even though a Smackdown team won. I guess those are coming. Up next Sheamus talks about putting HHH out.

(Commercial)

We came back to a video package of the Batista/Cena match from Extreme Rules. I haven't even seen it yet. Some say it was great. Some say it sucked. The video package showed way more than they usually do. Love how a guy retains a title by putting duct tape on the other guy's feet. I guess rope was unavailable.

Ha. They showed post-match from the tag title match where Big Show KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT~! of Miz. I guess one of them is going to the other show and the team won't be together. I imagine it's Miz going to Smackdown.

Then we got a video package of Sheamus destroying HHH at Extreme Rules. Injury angle. Off to film a movie in New Orleans. The announcers busted out their SERIOUS VOICES~! to talk about HHH saying the typical internal damage. Oh no. I'm crying. He better come back as a heel. I'm tired of face HHH.

Backstage, promo time for Jack Swagger. He brags about beating Orton. He mentioned his 4.0 GPA in finance saying if he was on Wall Street the US wouldn't be in debt. Edge came in to say he's next to challenge for the World Title.

Divas tag match coming up. A diva draft pick will happen after it.

(Commercial)

Draft Lottery Match: Michelle & Layla vs. Maryse & Eve
It's Smackdown vs. Raw here. Maryse & Eve started fighting on the floor. Eve threw Maryse into the railing. I love how Striker talks about Layla excelling at taking advantage of the opportunity. Yes, with her career record of 1-40. Eve hit Michelle with a neckbreaker. There was a nice "We Want Mickie" chant during this match although it should have been louder and longer. The crowd wasn't that interested in the match. Maryse tagged in Eve blindly, she turned around and Maryse KO'd Michelle with a kick. It was about 4 minutes.
Winners: Michelle & Layla

Analysis: 1/2* Pretty boring. Best part of the match was the "We Want Mickie" chants that quite frankly should have been louder and longer. I'm glad that her hometown of Richmond represented her at least a little bit.

To Smackdown: Kelly Kelly. I think I had that in the predictions. Ha, Striker called her one of the most charismatic divas in WWE. Only smiling blankly all the time is the definition of charisma? I give her beauty, but not charismatic.

(Commercial)

Draft Lottery Match: CM Punk vs. Evan Bourne
I wonder who wins. I love how Striker knows so much about the Straight Edge Society while Lawler seems to know nothing since you can tell he doesn't watch Smackdown. Bourne hit his offense, but does anybody believe his nearfalls? Not really. He did a nice splash to the floor. He also got a spin kick and a hard running knee. I love Bourne's offense. Punk gave him more here than anybody ever does. Bourne's on the top, mystery guy runs out, knocks Bourne off the top and Punk hits the Go To Sleep to win. Match was five minutes.
Winner: CM Punk

Analysis: *1/2 Like I said they gave Bourne more offense than they usually give him, which is great. Punk barely got any offense in, but he won at the end and that's what matters.

To Smackdown: Big Show. I love how in the graphic they even have the announcers like Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel in it. I'll take a guess that one of the announcers isn't randomly selected.

After the break, Sheamus talks.

(Commercial)

Backstage, Teddy Long talked to Big Show. Show's smiling, so I guess he's a babyface now. Teddy started dancing and singing "got myself a winner."

Sheamus talked about HHH's career ending because he made it end. He started talking about Cena when Randy Orton's started up and the crowd popped HUGE for Orton. He's seriously getting some huge pops now.

Orton says nobody has despised HHH more than him, but that he did it like a man face to face. He didn't jump him with a lead pipe? No, but he assaulted his whole family and got his friends to attack him all the time. I shouldn't go remembering things, right? Sheamus says Orton doesn't deserve a shot because he lost last night. Orton says how about he hits him a RKO right here? Crowd likes that. "Sorry fella, I don't deal with losers." Sheamus says he's going to face Cena. Cue Cena. How can we resolve this without a guest host? I miss them dearly. Not really. I don't miss them at all. I think I like this show because there's no guest host.

Cena's in happy mode, so I guess he won't be doing one of his "talk real quiet AND THEN TALK LOUDLY" promos. He goes to announce a guest host. Says WWE global is calling him. He's doing "comedy" now talking on the phone. "Oh I can see him now, he's pretty pale…He's like a jar of mayonnaise with eyeballs with hair of ketchup." The announcers loved it. Cena says the only person that could name a #1 contender for the champion was him. Nobody gets a free shot. You earn it. He says Sheamus vs. Orton to determine the number one contender. Orton went for RKO, Sheamus dodged and we'll get that match later.

(Commercial)

Since they're in commercial, I'll do one of my own. Go to mickiejames.com or countryshowcase.com to support Mickie in her music career. I don't know what's in her wrestling future, but if you're a fan of hers you should check out her music career too.

Draft Lottery Match: 10 Man Battle Royal: Kane, Drew McIntyre, Shad, Rey Mysterio, R-Truth vs. Santino, Mark Henry, MVP, Yoshi, Dibiase
The winning team gets three picks. You know Raw's going to win since Smackdown already got two picks. Dibiase's Million Dollar Belt looks more fake than the breasts of the divas. There were a couple of eliminations, but still eight guys left as they went to commercial.

(Commercial)

Ha, Santino eliminated a couple of guys when we came back. To be honest I was getting a drink, so I missed much of this. Kane just tossed Henry so we're down to Kane and Mysterio from Smackdown while Dibiase and Santino from Raw. And there goes Kane. It's Rey against two guys. Is that Dibiase spot going to be in every match where the guy stops and he hits them with a clothesline? Mysterio countered to hang on. He went to eliminate Ted with his feet, but Ted hung on. By the way, they're wrestling in t-shirts of the show they're on. Ted chucked him, but Rey hung on again. Santino's still sitting in the corner. Now Ted hangs on again. They must be having fun doing this. Mysterio charged him and Dibiase kicked him off for the win. Michael Cole was so excited Raw won. He's the only one that didn't know it was obvious, I guess.
Winners: Team Raw

Ha, the trombone celebration from Santino! Dibiase gave him the Dream Street after.

To Raw:
- John Morrison. He might be turning heel.
- R-Truth. Michael Cole is excited! I guess Morrison turning on Truth could happen. Cole called them a great tag team. Yeah, teaming together a few times is a great tag team these days. The Killer Bees are pissed somewhere.
- Edge. I called it in my preview. Makes sense.

Michael Cole's so excited he can't even speak. I wish.

(Commercial)

The three guys that just got drafted? I called it in my preview last Monday: WWE Draft Preview. You're welcome. That's a little freaky, I have to say. I really don't work for WWE. Or maybe I do? If I talked in SERIOUS VOICES~! when I talked about HHH then you know I did.

Back from break, they showed a clip of Heath Slater, a very average NXT rookie, beating him on NXT last week. Jericho came out to talk about how Edge tried to hurt him. He called out Heath Slater. Oh god, not the NXT song. I hate this fucking song. It's brutal. And if you watch NXT they play it several times a night. Slater says he's sorry that Jericho didn't beat Edge and that he couldn't beat him. Says he won't be able to beat Christian.

Draft Lottery Match: Chris Jericho vs. Christian
Two of my favorites. And they go to break right away. I'm predicting Christian wins and then later in the show he randomly goes to Smackdown because I'm not allowed to be happy. I'd be happy if Edge & Christian were on the same show.

(Commercial)

Miss Extreme Rules? I did too! My buddy Andrew Johnson did not, so he wrote a recap of it on my blog. It's a good read.

And we're back from break with Christian controlling Jericho. Why isn't Wade Barrett out there with Jericho if Slater's out there with Christian? Ah, what am I talking about? It's Jericho vs. Christian. That's what matters. I can take this every week. Cole called Jericho "pugnacious" here. That's a Jericho word, Cole. Stop trying to sound smart. You're a douchenozzle. Killswitch countered into a rollup, into the Walls, but that's fought off and Christian gets a nice two. Now it's Walls of Jericho time. Christian gets to the ropes. Oh man. Christian off the top, Jericho with a Codebreaker! Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! That was fantastic. I'm not sure about match time, but it was about 8 minutes I think.
Winner: Chris Jericho

Post match, Jericho assaulted Slater. Codebreaker. Good. I don't like him. I love seeing Jericho happy. By far my favorite person still in the company now.

Analysis: ** Good match from these two. Wish it was longer. Loved the finisher.

To Smackdown: Kofi Kingston. Not a shock. I called that one too. He was buried so far on Raw that a move to Smackdown was inevitable. He ran down to the ring and gave the Trouble in Paradise to Jericho.

To sum up draft picks so far…
To Raw: Edge, Morrison, R-Truth
To Smackdown: Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Kelly Kelly

Swagger vs. Morrison for a draft pick. Are we allowed to remember that Morrison pinned him clean on Smackdown? I guess we'll know that after the break.

(Commercial)

I just realized I'm 5 for 6 on the draft predictions. Only one I didn't get was Big Show.

They came back from break showing the tag title change. We're minutes away from the two hour mark, so just over an hour left.

Draft Lottery Match: Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison
Morrison is now representing Raw. This is a rubber match since they're 1-1. I love how they're trying to put over how smart Jack is as that being his knew gimmick. What was he before then? Stupid? Or was that just how he was booked on Raw. I'm not complaining. I like how Swagger's booked now. I just hated how he was booked before. Morrison was on the attack with a plancha on the floor, but Swagger slowed it down with a nice shoulderblock in the ribs. I love how Cole says he can't wait to see Morrison in action every week like he hasn't been on Raw before. It's like he's a rookie or something. Commercial as Morrison is feeling the pain.

(Commercial)

MacGruber commercial. Good luck. You need it.

I'm seeing on Twitter from people that the audio guys messed with the "We Want Mickie" chants and that it was very loud during the divas match. We couldn't hear it that well. They also apparently took away any sign with her name on it. Not a surprise.

Back from the break, King's busting out some semi SERIOUS VOICES~! to talk about Morrison's ribs. Cole said it's Morrison's first match on Raw…if you don't count the YEARS he was on Raw. Hey, an abdominal stretch through the ropes by Swagger. Morrison comes back with the high knee. Standing shooting star by Morrison gets two. He's not winning the match. The crowd wasn't reacting to Morrison's near falls at all. I'm a huge fan of the Flying Chuck followed by the running knee combo that Morrison does. "If you've never seen Starship Pain before, get ready!" That's what Striker says. Like Morrison's a rookie again. Anyway, Morrison blocked it and finished with the Gutwrench Powerbomb that still needs a name. It went about 12 minutes.
Jack Swagger

Analysis: **1/4 It was okay, but it was better on Friday. The announcers put over how we'll see this action from Morrison every week. No we won't. There aren't matches this long on Raw most weeks.

To Smackdown: Christian - I fucking called that too! My God. Why can't WWE keep Edge & Christian on the same fucking show? They don't like me. They really don't. This angers me even though I called this one too.

To sum up draft picks so far…
To Raw: Edge, Morrison, R-Truth
To Smackdown: Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Kelly Kelly, Christian

This is what I wrote in the draft preview: "I'd really like to see Edge & Christian on the same show. I've come to learn that WWE hates me, though, so that's not going to happen. I'm forecasting that the former 'brothers' remain apart."

I fucking hate being right sometimes.

(Commercial)

Next week's guest host: Wayne Brady. What a gangster.

They recapped the draft picks. Raw loves their picks. Smackdown loves theirs.

Backstage, Ted Dibiase with his $10 belt from Wal-Mart asked Carlito to be his friend. He walked off saying he'd rather barely be on the show than be with Ted. He actually said this. Then he asked R-Truth. Truth asked him if he wanted a Virgil. Ted says he wants him to be his lackey, basically. Truth said no. It was actually pretty funny, but I wasn't paying close attention. In case you don't know, the rumor is Dibiase will have his own stable soon with his brother Brett and Curt Hennig's son Joe. They will be called The Fortunate Sons, reportedly. Cole actually called Dibiase that during the battle royal.

Now we get a video package putting over John Cena's love for the military.

Still to come, Orton vs. Sheamus.

(Commercial)

Draft Lottery Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Hornswoggle
Not a misprint. It's a Horny match. He's wearing DX gear. Hornswoggle won via countout in about thirty seconds. Yes, that actually happened. He kept kicking him from getting in the ring. And Dolph puts the sleeper on post match as the announcers cue up the SERIOUS VOICES~! because it's fun when Hornswoggle wins, but if he gets beat up it's real sad.
Winner: Hornswoggle

Analysis: Yawn.

To Raw (with SERIOUS VOICES~!): Chris Jericho. Fine with me. I didn't call that. I had Punk to Raw. I knew Jericho or Punk was going to Raw. At least Jericho will make Raw worth watching for me since he's my favorite performer in the company.

Orton vs. Sheamus next.

(Commercial)

So there are no more draft picks. We got eight total. The supplemental draft is supposedly Tuesday at 12pm.

To Raw: Edge, Jericho, Morrison, R-Truth
To Smackdown: Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Kelly Kelly, Christian

Raw gets two main eventers. Smackdown gets none although they'll try to tell us Big Show is one. Maybe Christian will get a push? No, I'm not allowed to be happy. I forgot. Why am I not drinking?

Back from break, Batista comes out to say he's the number one contender. He says nobody humiliates him like that with the duct tape. He says he's not leaving the ring until he gets a match. Didn't he lose to Cena twice? Here comes Sheamus to have a civilized conversation. "I didn't lose," yells Batista. Here comes Orton. I smell a triple threat match here. Maybe a tag with Cena. Orton says he'll beat Sheamus one on one and after that he'll beat Batista one on one. Cena makes it triple threat.

Number One Contender for WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Sheamus
If you're wondering about Batista, the rumor is he's going to stick around for another month before leaving WWE for "good" or for a hiatus of some kind. Early on they took turns taking a rest on the floor as the other guys fought in the ring. Typical triple threat booking. I love how Cole puts over Cena's duct tape finish as the greatest thing ever. It was such genius! Tape to the feet! Vintage brains. Sheamus has been on the floor for a few minutes while Orton and Batista went at it in the ring. Spinebuster by Batista. And they cut to commercial as he's doing the thumbs down. It's like they know the finish isn't coming or something. Amazing.

(Commercial)

Hey look, during the break Batista got knocked out on the floor leaving Orton and Sheamus in the ring. They have already done this. It's such predictable booking. It's why I hate triple threats. Same thing all the time no matter the competitors. And now Batista comes back in. It's one of those physical matches where the announcers are trying really hard to put them over. Fourteen minutes into the match, we finally see all three guys in the ring at the same time. Orton was going for his DDT on Sheamus, but then he took a backdrop to the floor. Hey, another clothesline. That's all this match has had. Orton pulled Batista out from a cover and got a two of his own. Off the ropes DDT by Orton on Batista. Why not call it the Viper Drop? Oh, running knee by Sheamus to Orton's head. "Sheamus slays the Viper." Man, I really hate Cole's commentary. Sheamus went for his finish, Orton slipped out and Batista destroyed Sheamus with a spear. Sheamus kick on Batista, Orton with a powerslam on Sheamus. Viper coils. RKO on Sheamus. Hey, it's Edge. Spear on Orton. He's part of Raw. Keep in mind so is Jericho. Cena's champion. Triple H is still on this show. Raw has by far more star power. Batista put his arm onto Orton for the win. Match was about 18 minutes or so.
Winner: Batista

Analysis: **1/2 It was an alright triple threat. The announcers really tried hard to put it over, but it wasn't any kind of epic match. They did okay with the finishing sequence although they really didn't do enough nearfall attempts to make it memorable at all.

Now we get Cena vs. Batista for the third straight PPV with Cena likely winning again. What the hell does the Over The Limit PPV mean? Who knows? I hope WWE knows.

Show is over at 11:02pm.

Three Stars of the Night
1. The Hart Dynasty - It's about damn time. Great moment. And the crowd reacted beautifully.
2. Chris Jericho - Please save Raw. Thanks.
3. No guest hosts. I didn't miss them.

Worst Moment of the Night
Hornswoggle over Dolph in about thirty seconds followed by the ridiculous SERIOUS VOICES~! I'm very tired of Hornswoggle.

7 out of 10
Last week: 4

The show was pretty good. I liked the opening tag a lot. It was really well booked and had tremendous pacing. Plus the crowd reacted to it perfectly. The good thing about a three hour show is that the matches were able to have some time and it made them better. On a typical Raw, we get four or five minute matches rather than 10 or 20 minute ones like we got on this show.

Did you notice the lack of signs in the crowd? They must have confiscated a lot of them. I don't remember a Raw with so few signs in the crowd and I tend to notice these things. Either they brought a lot of Mickie ones (since it's in her hometown of Richmond) or…well fuck it, that was the reason. Good for you, Richmond.

Here's a summary of the picks again:

To Raw: Edge, Jericho, Morrison, R-Truth
To Smackdown: Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Kelly Kelly, Christian

I got six of the eight with the only two that I didn't get being Big Show and Jericho. I think Raw made out great. They needed the help. I just wish the booking philosophy on Raw changed and they actually utilized the good wrestling talent they have. As for Smackdown, they are really light on the babyface side. That's why Big Show will be a face. They'll probably use him to put over Swagger soon. Hopefully it means a World Title run for Christian although like I said I'm not allowed to be happy. Raw's loaded at the top with Cena, Batista, Orton, Edge, Jericho, Sheamus and HHH. I feel bad for a guy like Miz, who deserves a push and will probably stick around the midcard for longer than he should. Smackdown's not nearly as deep although it's good in the sense that they can elevate the midcarders.

The good thing about Raw "randomly" getting top guys is it probably won't suck now. We'll see, though. The guest hosts usually tend to bring it down.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton - john@thejohnreport.net
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