RAW this week starts with a small video of Martin Luther King Jr.
Cena's music and he comes out to start the show. He grabs a mic and waits for the music and video package. Video of Cena being disassembled by the New Nexus three weeks ago. Cena's hot! He says that was three weeks ago, last year! This is his first time in the ring in 2011 and he's ready. He has his list of resolutions -
1 - Take care of that deranged psychopath CM Punk!
2 - Find a copy of Reggie's Prayer for later on in the show.
3 - Win the Royal Rumble!
4 - Go onto WM to become the new WWE Champ.
He's not wasting time. Punk's first on the list. You want some, come get some.
It's Miz's music. He and Riley, in dapper suits and ties. Miz asks, really, he's going to win back the WWE Championship at WM? Really? Really? Really? He thinks it's safe to say, nobody wants that. Cena's played out. Miz is the must see Champ in WWE, more so than Cena. Since Miz won, RAW's been more exciting than it's been in years. And he hates to break it to Cena - as Miz and Riley climb into the ring - but the odds are against Cena winning the Royal Rumble. "Cena!" chants. Miz says for the first time ever the Royal Rumble has 40 participants. It's the biggest Rumble ever in the WWE. The winner gets to decide who they'll face in the main event at WM. He suggests to whoever wins the Royal Rumble, don't go after Miz.
HUGE "Cena" chants. If Cena does come after him, he'll have the same fate as Orton in two weeks, Cena will lose! Cena mocks Miz and says if Cena can change, Miz can change and everybody can change. That Title he has, it should have changed twice already. If not for Cole, Lawler should be Champion! The fans love this. And if not for Riley, Orton should be Champ! Cena says they're must see? They look like a more feminine version of the Kardashian sisters. Riley is a chicken McNugget who carries a choo-choo train in a briefcase. Cole has the street cred of the JoBros. Miz, the only challenge bout he's had in six months is with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). That means Miz's body makes poopie noises. It's PG, he's doing the best that he can! The only thing he must see about the WWE Champ is him actually have a match! Miz fled leaving Riley to get pinned by King! Big props to Jerry, the only person in this group who actually wants to fight somebody! "Jerry!" chants fill the arena.
Miz tells Cena he's corny! He's so sick of the label that Miz is afraid to fight. It's lame and generic, just like Cena. There's no doubt that he can fight with the best brawlers in WWE history. Miz knows it, Cena knows it and the whole WWE Universe knows it! There is no doubt that Miz can out wrestle the so-called greatest technicians in WWE history. The entire WWE Universe knows it. Because he's the Miz and he's - he will finish that sentence when he beats Orton.
Cena says that's the first thing that makes sense. When he thinks of Orton facing Cena at WM, that sounds like a Championship Match. Feels like WM, Championship-worthy Match. It is WM! Miz will not make it past the Royal Rumble. Miz will not make it to WM. Is the corny guy getting under his skin yet. They have a difference of opinion? He 'must see' Miz do something about it. "Cena" chants.
Out comes Punk. He's leading Otunga, McGillicutty and Husky. Punk has a bit of a shiner! It's his right eye. Looks like he has a couple of big scratches or something over the eye and down on his cheek. Punk says Miz doesn't have to explain or prove himself to the jerk known as Cena. Mix, you're the WWE champ, Cena is not. Cena, you will not be WWE Champ. As Miz has already stated, there's 40 participants in the Royal Rumble making the odds even greater that Cena won't win. If you take into consideration that Punk's in the Royal Rumble, along with Nexus. Couple that with how tough Nexus proved themselves to be last week. Compound that with the sole purpose of each and every member of the New Nexus has in the Royal Rumble is to see that Punk walks out the winner. Then Cena's odds go from slim to a big, fat zero. Punk cannot and will not wait to see Cena take on those odds.
Husky, Otunga and McGillicutty to the ring. They attack Cena in the ring, but then Santino and Kozlov are out there fighting back from being attacked last week! Nexus ends up fleeing the ring. Punk looks ill. Punk huddled up, then asked Cena that he wants to play games, then take on these odds. Punk joins his boys as they head for the ring, but -
Ding-Ding! Heat for Cole. And I quote, "I wonder what the odd are of Punk beating Cena one on one tonight if the Nexus members are barred from ringside. In fact, if any Nexus member is involved in the Cena Vs. Punk Match later tonight, they will be officially out of the Royal Rumble Match." Nexus really didn't like that, but Cena's very happy.
- Commercial
WWE Tag Team Championship Match Kozlov & Santino w/ Tamina Vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso
They are all in the ring, Tamina in a sexy black dress on the apron.
Santino and Jey start with a hip toss on Jey, then a distraction to Santino and Jey flies on Santino. Jimmy tags in and they double team. Jimmy pins for two, then pounds on Santino. Jey tags in and stomps Santino and pins for one. Chinlock on Santino on the mat. Santino hits an arm drag, but Jey keeps him from tagging Kozlov. Monkey flip to Jey and they both tag out.
Kozlov slams Jimmy around, then head butts. Kozlov slams Jimmy down for two. Jey in to break it up, then he takes Santino down. Kozlov sends Jey flying from the ring. Back elbows to Kozlov's head, but he came back with a battering ram to drop Jimmy to the mat. Santino tags in as Kozlov plants Jey outside. Santino sets up and hits the cobra on Jimmy for three.
Winners - Santino & Kozlov
Tamina in with hugs to Santino. Video of Kozlov's battering ram, then Santino's cobra. Jimmy and Jey are pissed as they back up the ramp.
Backstage McGillicutty, Otunga and Husky are unhappy. They have to do something, but what? Punk comes in, Husky's cap comes off. Punk smiles at McGillicutty, then at Husky, then at Otunga. He said faith. More smiles and a nod, the other three look very confused.
JoMo backstage, stops to see Bryan and his Bellas. They Bellas are wearing barely there butchered versions of Bryan's shirt. They grab Bryan and the three head for the ring. JoMo's glasses comes off and he shakes his head. They're facing off next.
- Commercial
WWE Rewind - Sheamus and JoMo faced off. They fought hard, but in the end JoMo used part of the ring as a weapon and got the three.
JoMo Vs. Bryan w/ Bellas
JoMo out to the ring first. Video promo for JoMo. Bryan out with lipstick kisses on his face. The Bellas hold the ropes as Bryan rolls in.
They lock up. Holds, reversals, arm bars, JoMo in control, then Bryan rolls through, then JoMo taken down, hammer lock on JoMo, but he elbows out. They run the ropes, JoMo takes a drop kick to the chin. Bryan about to fly, JoMo moves. Bryan out, they slide back into the ring at the same time. Stalemate.
- Commercial
Headlock on Bryan. He gets up and elbows out but runs into a kick. Side Russian leg sweep to Bryan, then he tries for starship pain, but Bryan moves out of the way. Kick to JoMo's face and Bryan pins for two. Arm bar on JoMo. JoMo pushes out, they both run the ropes and both try for cross body blocks, both hit the mat hard. The ref counts, but they get up.
They exchange blows, back and forth with punches and kicks. Bryan tries for a belly to back, but JoMo somehow lands on his feet! Head scissors to Bryan, but Bryan rolls through and gets two. They roll around on the mat, holds, submissions, each getting one, but never more. Bryan tries for the La Bell lock, but couldn't get it. JoMo launches Bryan into a corner, face first. Flash kick to Bryan's head. Running knee to Bryan's temple and JoMo gets three!
Winner - JoMo
The Bellas look shocked at Bryan's loss. JoMo poses on the corners while Bryan is still holding his chin. JoMo down and offers Bryan a hand up. They shake hands and nod, but then Sheamus' music hits. He comes to the stage with a mic. Sheamus says that JoMo must think a lot of himself. Before he got to Sheamus, he was drowning in a pool of mediocrity. He forced JoMo to take his game to another level. In essence, Sheamus made him and can destroy him. JoMo, you're not in Sheamus' league. Bryan can take that look of his face because he's not in Sheamus' league either. No one is! In two weeks when he conquers 39 other superstars to win the biggest Royal Rumble in WWE history, the whole world will know it too. Think about it the Royal Rumble. It's a match designed for a King. He vows to not only win the Royal Rumble, but to eliminate the two of them. In essence, long live the King!
WWE Slam Of The Week - Orton and King versus Miz and Riley. Riley ate an RKO, King flew and got the three. Miz refused to rescue his lackey.
- Commercial
WWE has won two Mashable Awards for their Stand Up For WWE campaign.
Backstage the Bellas are talking about how great JoMo looks out there, and his body! Anyone can kiss the pretty ones. They're both trying to be Bryan's "first". They both claim to be the most aggressive. They make a bet to see who will be Bryan's first.
Justin announces Vickie. She comes out and Cole about wets himself. She comes out without any music in a black skirt and an elegant white blouse. Of course she kills it all with - EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! She's out there to introduce the mat who will beat Edge at the Royal Rumble. Vickie has to scream to be heard over the heat. She announces her boyfriend, Dolph. He comes out to the ring and talk a bit between them. Orton's music hits and he comes out. He stares through Dolph as he heads for the ring. Orton poses and drives the women wild.
- Commercial
Randy Orton Vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie
They circle each other in the ring as the bell sounds. They lock up. Orton's backed into a corner. Dolph beats Orton down until the ref pulls Dolph off. Orton to his feet, but dazed. Dolph runs the ropes, but a fez press drops Dolph. Orton whipped but comes out with a huge clothesline! Dolph tries to roll out, but Orton grabs him. Video of that big clothesline. Orton stomps Dolph, then a slingshot up into the bottom rope. Orton gets two for that. Chinlock on Dolph in the center of the mat.
Dolph works to his feet, then slams down with a jawbreaker. Drop kick to Orton's knee for two. Dolph stomps that knee over and over as if possessed. Orton's foot on the bottom rope, so Dolph slams down on it. Dolph slides out then slams Orton's knee down on the apron. Dolph sets Orton up, then slams his knee into the ringpost from outside. Orton up, but limping. Orton kicks and punches on Dolph. Dolph face first into the top buckle padding. Punching on Dolph, but the ref pulls Orton off, when he returns Dolph goes after that knee with a drop kick. Dolph pins for two.
Dolph puts a hold on Orton's knee as the fans chant "RKO". Blows from Orton got him free. They exchange blows until a 'vintage' (according to Cole) Orton backbreaker. Vickie screeches at Dolph to finish him. Dolph flies at Orton in a corner, but Orton side steps Dolph who eats the corner.
Clotheslines to Dolph and Orton's pumped. That sick scoop slam and Orton's wild eyed. Orton grabs Dolph who had rolled to the apron. Before Orton could hit the DDT, Dolph hit Orton's knee again. Dolph kicks the knee again, then a Zig-Zag, but only two. Vickie screeches at the ref as the fans chant, "Randy!"
Upper cut to Dolph. Orton tries for an Angle slam, but Dolph reverses into a sleeper. Orton tries to get to the ropes, but Dolph has it really locked in. Orton to his feet and finally gets to the ropes. Dolph holds on for almost the entire five. Dolph tries to grab Orton, but Orton holds the ropes. Dolph grabs at Orton, but eats an RKO! Orton easily pins for three.
Winner - Orton
The bell has barely rung and Miz is there with Riley, stomping away at Orton. "Cena" chants. They end up outside. Orton tries to fight back by taking Riley down, but Miz sends Orton into the stairs knee first. Miz removes the shielding on the announce table. King to his feet, punches Riley, but then Miz sends King over the barrier. Orton tries to fight back, but ends up back first into announce. Miz taunts Orton, then gets Orton to his feet. Orton spine first into a ring post. Huge heat for Miz. Riley holds Orton so Miz can stomp him in the chest. Miz tells Riley to pick Orton up. The two of them send Orton head first through a corner of the barrier. Lots of talking was picked up by the mic that sounded like technical orders. Miz grabs a mic, holds Orton's head up a few inches and says, "I'm the Miz and I'm awesome!"
- Commercial
Did You Know? WWE Magazine is the #1 sports title sold in Wal-Mart, even beating out Sports Illustrated.
Video of Orton hitting his RKO to win his match, but then Miz and Riley attacked in a big way.
Backstage Punk says faith. Faith. Faith. One must have humility to truly posses faith. One must be willing to sacrifice their all, to bow before the temptations of the bloodthirsty. To truly sacrifice the soul must be sanctified. Millions of voices of the undead will ring out in the hearts and soul of the man beast. Such are but a few qualities of loyalty. Punk lowers his head, the rest follow suit. Somewhere in there I could still hear voices that most likely shouldn't have been heard. I couldn't understand what was being said, but as far as I can tell, they are coming from RAW.
Maryse Vs. Natalya
Maryse out in black and silver with her bad attitude palatable. Cole is thrilled on announce as he's been joined by Eve on one side and Melina on the other. Eve in a pretty pink, one shoulder mini dress. Melina in a spangled white strapless top and what appears to be a black miniskirt. Natalya comes out all smiles and wearing pink. Melina isn't much for talking about Natalya.
Maryse pushes Natalya's face, Natalya tries to lock on the sharpshooter, but Maryse grabs the bottom rope. Maryse kicks Natalya in the knee, then slams her to the mat for two. Chinlock on Natalya. Eve talks up Natalya as Melina won't talks. Natalya ot her feet and slams Maryse back into a corner. Bitch slap to Natalya and she fights back hard. Natalya again tries for the sharpshooter and is able to lock it in. Maryse tries to get to the ropes, can't and taps out.
Winner - Natalya
Natalya poses as Cole thanks the Divas for being there. Cole invites Eve to stay for the rest of the show and she likes that idea. Melina has already fled. Maryse out of the ring, screaming and pointing at Cole. Eve pushes her off. Then Maryse back on Cole to talk about her right now. Ted out to calm her. She yells that he lost to a NXT Rookie last week and he's supposed to win the Royal Rumble Match. Ted's a loser!
Ted grabs a mic and asks Maryse if she doesn't think he can with the Royal Rumble? She yells no. He says no one thinks he can't win the Royal Rumble. The fans agree. Ted says he can throw anyone over the top and will do so right now! Ted puts out an open challenge out for anyone. He'll throw anyone over the top!
- Commercial
Ted's Top Rope Challenge - Mark Henry Vs. Ted DiBiase
Henry out to the ring. Ted on Henry with punches. Henry easily pulls Ted into a corner, then slams him. Ted works over Henry's knees, a drop kick, but an elbow and Ted is sent flying out of the ring.
Winner - Henry
Suddenly Kidd and Yoshi are in the ring as Regal runs down the ramp. Yoshi and Kidd are attacking Henry. Yoshi sent out.
Eliminated - Yoshi
Ryder to the ring and on Henry. Primo, Smith, Darren Young and R-Truth are in the ring. The fight spread out through them all. Darren on Regal hard. Smith on Ryder. R-Truth with blows on Regal. R-Truth throws Regal out.
Eliminated - Regal
Primo clotheslines Kidd and eliminates them both.
Eliminated - Kidd & Primo
Henry gets Ryder up over his head, but Sheamus from nowhere with a chop block to Henry. Sheamus then eliminates Smith, Darren and R-Truth in one big push.
Eliminated - Ryder & R-Truth & Darren Young & Smith
Sheamus and Henry are left. Sheamus rushes Henry, over the top, but to the apron. Sheamus back in and Henry throws Sheamus out to the floor in front of announce.
Eliminated - Sheamus
Cole and the newly returned King wonder who could eliminate Henry, then Alberto Del Rio rolls in. Alberto stands up in his car and he introduces himself. He says it's his destiny to win the biggest Royal Rumble in history. It is his destiny to be a Champion in WM. It is his destiny to be the greatest of the great! Henry points to Alberto, then to the ring. Of course Alberto laughs and taunts Henry from his car. Henry leaves the ring. Alberto winks at Henry.
- Commercial
Video of Derek Bateman in a lab coat talking about wanting to be strong, powerful, physically impressive. Of course you have and so has he! So here, at the Derek Bateman Institute have created this cologne - World's Strongest Man. He's been told it was derived from the sweat glands of Henry. Bateman sprays it as Henry's voice comes over with a warning about "excessive sexual behavior if used within 50 feet of a hippopotamus." Bateman sniffs his pits and looks a bit deranged. Henry says, "It may cause dizziness in pot bellied pigs. This product might cause hypertension in mosquitoes, wasps or bumble bees." Bateman sniffs his shoe, then his socks! Bateman asks if we're strong enough?
Cole says King's back, but that's what he gets for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong! King asks about shoving his fist in Cole's face. Cole very happily says King will be fired. They set up for the Royal Rumble video, all about the numbers!
- 40 Superstars, one winner. The prize, main event Title shot at WM.
- 24 winners are the who's who of WWE Superstars.
- 656, since 1988, these 656 Superstars have tried to win the Royal Rumble, only to be eliminated.
- 39, 2011 HOF Inductee HBK has eliminated 39 Superstars, the most of any wrestler.
- 26, the total number of HOFer's have competed. These legends have combined to win 16 WM's.
- 183,932lbs, the mass of humanity that has competed since its inception. That's 92 tons, or 409 Big Show's!
- 2, the number of women who competed in the Royal Rumble Match. Chyna and Beth. (Video of Beth eliminating Khali.)
- 11, the record number of victims eliminated in one Royal Rumble Match, by Kane! This will be his 13th Royal Rumble Match!
- 62:12, this is the longest anyone has appeared in a Royal Rumble. This is Rey who went on to win that Royal Rumble.
- 2 seconds, the shortest time anyone lasted in a Royal Rumble Match. The warlord held this Title, until the 2009 Royal Rumble when Santino didn't even last that long!
- 3, the most Royal Rumble wins, held by Austin.
- #1 is the greatest disadvantage, but also has the same number of winners as the #30 slot.
- 70% of the winners have gone on to win the big one at WM!
King and Cole run through the other matches slated for the Royal Rumble. Cole says the GM sent him an email via Blackberry and the main event from next week's RAW has been decided. Miz will face Edge!
Backstage Cena heads for the ring. Cena hands a guy a book or a DVD and asks if he understands. The guys nods. Cena takes a guy's phone, tells the person on the other end that he'll call them back. Cena then drops the cell into the guy's food.
- Commercial
Cena Vs. Punk - any Nexus member gets involved, they will be out of the Royal Rumble Match
Punk and Nexus out to the stage. Punk speaks to each of them before heading for the ring. They all raise their arms on stage, then leave to the back. Punk climbs in the ring to huge heat. Video of McGillicutty's initiation via beat down, then Husky's initiation via belt, then Otunga's initiation via Big Show. Punk is ready to fight. Cena's music hits and he comes out in his normal over-the-top way.
They slowly walk into the center of the ring, talking smack. Punk throws the first blow, but then Cena backs Punk into a corner with blows. Punk whipped, then comes out to a signature Cena running bulldog. Cena on Punk with blows. Punk slammed face first into a corner, Cena still on him with blows - but the first blow missed Punk's gut by at least 6 inches and was very obvious from the camera angle. One last shot to Punk's ribs, then Punk whipped again, so hard that Cena landed on the mat, as well as Punk. More blows on Punk in the center of the ring. Cena covers but only gets one.
Cena telegraphs and gets kicked for it. Cena flies through the air from the kick. Punk then baseball slides Cena from the ring.
- Commercial
Punk's legs are wrapped around Cena's neck. Cena's shoulder down, but Punk only gets two from it. Cena fights to his knees, then feet with Punk still on Cena's shoulders. Punk's face over sold Cena's standing. Punk fights back with a DDT. Punk rolls Cena over, but only gets two for it. Kicks to a seated Cena's back - HARD! Then Punk hits a drop kick that doesn't touch Cena's head at all and was obvious in how much it missed! Punk pins for two.
Punk again locks his legs around Cena's neck on the mat. Cena muscles Punk's legs apart, then flips Punk over, but Punk kicks Cena off. Shoulder blocks from Super Cena, then that back slam and Cena's Hulking up! Five Knuckle Shuffle to Punk. Punk up for an AA, but Punk pushes off and Cena runs into a drop kick for two.
Both slowly to their feet. High knee to Cena in a corner, then a bulldog for two. Punk motions for GTS. Cena up, but somehow easily grabs Punk's leg on his way down to reverse into an STF! Punk gets to the ropes, but Cena holds the submission for almost the full five count. They're both slow to their feet. Double clothesline and both are down again! Both up at 7. Cena grabs Punk for the AA, but Punk grabs the upper rope to pull free. Punk kicks Cena in the head then flies off the top with a clothesline for a long two.
A knee, then blows to Cena's head. Cena gets Punk up for the AA, but Punk wiggles out. Punk slams Cena to the mat, then he swings his legs around for a very interesting submission hold! Punk holds on tightly as Cena tries to get to the ropes. Oh no, Cena's fading! Of course Cena makes it to the bottom rope, Punk finally lets go. On the apron Cena about coughs up a lung. Punk hits a drop kick to Cena's head, Cena drops to the floor. Dueling chants of, "Let's go Cena!" and "Cena sucks!"
Punk flies out onto Cena, but Cena catches him! Punk back first into the ring post. Cena then drops Punk on the apron. The ref is still counting for Cena. Cena to the apron, then climbs. Cena's sitting up top when Punk punches at him a couple times. Punk climbs. Punk grabs Cena, Cena muscles out and drops Punk with a head butt. Cena stands up top. Cena flies, leg drop to the back of Punk's head. Cena pins for a very long 2 count.
That guy who looks almost exactly like a young Batista is on the apron. Cena stops and stares. Punk kicks Cena in the back of the head. Punk looks up at this guy, then smiles. Punk stands, smiles some more, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes. This big guy kicks Punk in the face.
Winner - Punk via DQ
Side slam to Cena that landed Cena mostly on his right shoulder - not very flat. New Nexus into the ring to protect Punk, he makes them back off. They pull Punk to his feet and then he walks up to this Batista-clone. Eye to eye, then this boy drops to a knee in front of Punk. Punk removes a Nexus armband from beneath his knee pad. The boy puts his arm out, Punk puts the Nexus arm band on his arm. This boy raises Punk's arm in victory. All of Nexus raise their arms across the ring.
This boy is Mason Ryan. I knew I'd read about him being brought up because of how much he looks like Batista. Thanks to Richard for posting this info so quickly!
Biggest pop
Cena
Orton
Jerry 'the King' Lawler
JoMo
Biggest heat
Vickie
Punk/Nexus
Miz
Cole