Date: January 21th, 2013
We are LIVE in: San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
A video plays supporting Martin Luther King Day.
Vickie: EXCUSE ME!
Vickie Guerrero comes down to the ring with Paul Heyman.
Vickie: My name is Vickie Guerrero, and I am the managing supervisor for Monday Night Raw. It is my job to make sure you are entertained by my show. You may not like me personally, but I am always a professional and I always do the right thing. But doing the right thing is not the same as the popular thing especially when it comes to The Rock.
Heyman: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. Now whether you like it or not I am here in a show of unity, of solidarity with Ms. Vickie Guerrero. Last week right here on Monday Night Raw one man took it upon himself to defame not only my character, but that man also defamed the character of the best General Manager, and dare I say the sexiest General Manager in the history of this or any television show, and that man is The Rock.
Vickie: The Rock did defame you. The people should see. Take a look.
A video shows of Rock's Rock Concert last week when he made fun of Heyman,
Heyman: You know...it's one thing to pick a fight with me because in 6 days The Rock has to answer to the WWE Champion CM Punk. But to pick a fight with you Vickie, a poor defenseless widow like you, it's vile, it's contemptible. The Rock said things about you that I wouldn't even repeat here in San Jose of all places, and I think the footage shows itself, doesn't it?
Another video plays. This time Rock is making fun of Vickie.
Vickie: I am SO mad that all of you enjoyed how The Rock maliciously our appearances last week. But tonight that's not going to happen. Because while The Rock is in San Jose, I have officially banned him from entering my arena. And if he thinks he can enter my arena, he will be arrested by the San Jose police department. What do you think about that, huh?
A ring official whispers something to Vickie.
Vickie: He's here? HA! This is gonna be great! I have a camera outside right now. The "People's Champion" just found out he can't enter the arena.
A video cuts to backstage. Rock is stopped by police.
Rock: Of course! Of course! Barring The Rock from getting into the people's ring. She's probably in the ring right now looking like she ate a bunch of stink pickles! The Rock knows you have a job to do, but let The Rock be clear. There's no force in the world that's gonna stop The Rock from getting in the people's ring.
Officer: I'm sorry, but if you try anything we'll have to put you under arrest.
Rock: Arrest The Rock? How about you arrest CM Punk for impersonating a champion. How about this? How about you go arrest Paul Heyman for not wearing a bra in public. His slinky breasts are scaring the kids! And how about this. How about you go arrest Vickie Guerrero-as a matter of ask, don't arrest her. Ask her what her intestines look like. Because if she thinks The Rock's not gonna get in that ring tonight, then clearly Vickie has her head shoved straight up her ass! Officers, we've never met, but you know me. You know The Rock is relentless. With all due way, there's not way, AND THE ROCK MEANS NO WAY, that The Rock isn't getting in that ring tonight. It's not a matter of if, but when.
Vickie: Rock man talk and sing, but the only song he's going to sing is Jailhouse Rock!
Heyman: Come on, that was clever.
Vickie: That you. IF YOU SMEEEEELL...WHAT THE VICK IS COOKING!
Vickie and Heyman leave the ring.
A Beat the Clock series of matches will take place tonight. The one with the shortest match time will get to pick his entry number in the Royal Rumble. First up, Randy Orton takes on Antonio Cesaro.
United States Champion Antonio Cesaro is already in the ring.
His opponent, Randy Orton, comes down to the ring.
Bell sounds. They grapple and Cesaro with a quick roll up for one. Another grapple. Orton with a side head lock. He gets shoved in the corner and Orton with a roll up of his own for two. Orton reapplies a headlock. Cesaro counters with a side headlock into a snapmare for a quick two count. Cesaro maintains the headlock. Orton gets back up and shoves him into the ropes. Cesaro shoulder bumps him and applies a headlock again. Orton counters with a headlock of his own. Cesaro shoves Orton into the corner and lands a few punches. Cesaro off the ropes and Orton with a Lou Thez press followed by a volley of punches. Orton drives a knee into Cesaro's head. He goes for a suplex, but Cesaro counters with an inside cradle for two. Orton gets up and dropkicks Cesaro. Cesaro rolls out of the ring. Orton exits the ring and kicks him in the head before tossing him back in the ring and covering for two.
Cesaro puts Orton on top of the turnbuckle. He climbs up and goes for a superplex, but Orton fights out of it and Cesaro drops back down. Orton tries to get off but Cesaro shoves Orton out of the ring. Cesaro picks Orton up and tosses him back in the ring. He covers and gets a two count. Cesaro picks Orton up and hits a gutwrench suplex for two. Cesaro covers again and gets two. Cesaro drives a knee into Orton's back and then applies a chin lock. Orton punches Cesaro back. Cesaro whips him into the ropes and catches Orton with a powerslam for two. Cesaro runs the ropes and hits a double foot stomp for two. Back to the chin lock. Orton gets up and whips him into the turnbuckle. Cesaro kicks Orton back and runs at him. Orton catches Cesaro with two clotheslines followed by a powerslam. Orton tosses Cesaro onto the apron and goes for a DDT, but Cesaro counters with a bridging pin for two. Orton runs at him and Cesaro with a flapjack into a European uppercut for a very close two. Cesaro hooks the leg and gets another two count. Cesaro picks Orton up and and shoves him shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Orton falls out of the ring. Cesaro exits the ring and throws him back in. Cesaro gets in the ring and Orton catches him with the RKO for the three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Randy Orton]
The current time to beat is 11:36
A video package plays officially announcing Mick Foley's induction into the WWE Hall of Fame.
The next video shows parts of the promo The Shield gave last week on Smackdown along with footage of the various wrestlers they laid out.
The Big Show comes down to the ring for a match.
Zack Ryder comes down as his opponent.
Brad Maddox jumps out through the crowd and joins Cole and Lawler at commentary.
Big Show shoves Ryder into the corner and delivers headbutts followed by a scoop slam. Show picks Ryder up and delivers a knock out punch. He places a knee on Ryder's chest and gets the three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Big Show]
Show: Let me give all of you a preview of what's going to happen at the Royal Rumble in my Last Man Standing match with Alberto Del Rio.
He places his foot on Ryder's chest.
The fans shout "What"
Show: ARE YOU GONNA WHAT ME?! YOU THINK I'M PLAYING AROUND?!
Show leaves the ring.
Up next, Ryback takes on Heath Slater.
Heyman is on the phone backstage.
Heyman: There's no way The Rock is getting inside the arena.
Meanwhile, Maddox is filming his show.
Maddox: Welcome to the Brad Maddox experience. Just like Heyman all I ever wanted was to be famous. And just like Heyman, there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep my dreams alive. Nothing.
Heyman: You know what? I admire your ambition. And I respect your initiative. And i'm a big enough man to know when i'm wrong. You stick with me kid, and i'll make you famous.
Thank you, Paul. I can't thank you enough. Ladies and gentlemen the Brad Maddox experience rolls on live with Mr. Paul E. Heyman!
Back at ringside, 3MB is playing air guitar while waiting for Slater's opponent.
Ryback comes out and heads to the ring.
Bell sounds. Ryback and Slater grapple. Ryback shoves Slater in the corner. Ryback jumps out and catches Slater with an arm drop. He tries to punch him, but Ryback gets right back up and drops Slater with a spinebuster. He waits for Slater to get up and hits the meat-hook clothesline. Drew and Mahal get on the apron and Ryback throws them off. Ryback picks Slater up and drops him with shellshock for the three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Ryback]
Ryback has a mic.
Ryback: DAMN my job is fun! This Sunday is my first Royal Rumble match. It is a match I was made for. It is a match I will thrive on. It is a match, the match, that will lead me to the main event of Wrestlemania. FEED. ME. MORE. FEED. ME. MORE.
Meanwhile, Rock is still backstage.
Rock: Guys, it's been an hour. The Rock needs to get in the ring. The Rock's gonna tell you something. I know you understand. Protect and serve. You're not here to protect and serve Vickie Guerrero. You're here, wearing your badges, to protect and serve the people. The people. It's about the people. It's always been about the people. We work hard for what we've earned. They worked hard for their hard earned dollar to see The Rock move and shake this city. You know when The Rock's music hits the roof BLOWS off the arena. It's an experience. If you listen right now you're going to hear 15,000 strong representing the world when they're chanting The Rock's name.
The people chant.
Rock: It's about the people. You know what The Rock is talking about.
Officer: Hey, I actually had tickets tonight. My wife and kids are out there.
Rock: You guys have tickets?
Vickie Guerrero walks over to them.
Vickie: Excuse me! This guys is trespassing. Arrest him.
Officer #2: I'm sorry, but he's not breaking any laws.
Vickie: Your superior officer said to do what I say!
She looks at Rock.
Vickie: Just so you know, while you're outside the ring, CM Punk will be inside the ring talking to the people. I can lift the banishment if you apologize to me right now.
Rock: There's two problems with that. One, The Rock is going to get in the ring by his terms. Problem number two? Biatch, you STILL look horrible tonight.
Vickie walks off mad. Rock looks at the officers.
Rock: Come here. Who do we serve? Rock's got an idea.
WWE Champion CM Punk comes out with Heyman. He enters the ring and addresses the fans. He holds the title in his hands.
Punk: What I have here, I hold more dear to my heart than most men hold their families. This...is my life's work and for 428 days I have proven that I am the man. But 428 is just a fraction of the time its taken me to get to this point. I worked half my life to obtain this. The most prestigious title the WWE has to offer. And I will not allow The Rock or any man to take this from me. The Rock is here to entertain. The Rock is here to electrify. The Rock is here to sing songs and tell jokes. I am here to hurt people and be the champion. I will not allow The Rock to leave the Royal Rumble WWE champion because this is why I am here. This is important because I made it important. It's prestigious because I have made it prestigious. What's prestigious to The Rock is the most insignificant thing imaginable. It's you...the people. The people. The cheers. The chants. The signs. The adjurations. The Rock is proud to be the People's Champion almost as proud as I am of being a REAL champion. I will not allow The Rock to become WWE champion because i've been in the ring with him. I've looked him square in the eye. I've look in his soul and seen why he's so proud of being the people's champion. It's because he cannot be this.
Punk points at his title.
Punk: A long time ago, I was forced to make a choice between hypocritical humility and honest arrogance, and I choose arrogance while The Rock foolishly chose all of you. You can call him electrifying. You can call him the Brahma Bull. You can call him The Great One. But you can't call him the champion. This belongs to me. This you earn with blood, sweaty and tears. For 428 days I have earned this. I have earned the right to be the man. In six days Rock, this is what you're on a collision course with. For six days please, by all means, enjoy being the people's champion. Enjoy the people. The cheers. The chants. The signs. I want you to slap every hand, wink at every hopeful look your sheep like fans give you. I realized something a long time ago. The people do not matter. THIS is all that matters, and in six days the Royal Rumble, it doesn't matter if I smell what The Rock is cooking. What matters is what these people cannot give you will be rightfully around the waist of your undisputed WWE Champion. Best in the world. C.M. Punk.
Punk raises the title over his head.
Tonight, John Cena addresses the WWE Universe about his opponents in the Royal Rumble match.
The second Beat The Clock challenge match is about to take place.
Dolph Ziggler comes out along with AJ Lee and Big E Langston.
His opponent, The Miz, comes out next.
Bell sounds. Miz dropkicks Ziggler and gets a two count. Ziggler gets to the ropes and Miz with a roll up from behind for another two count. Ziggler grabs Miz's leg and goes for a takedown but Miz catches him with a side headlock followed by a shoulder knockdown for a one count. Ziggler drives an elbow into Miz and rolls him up for a two count. Ziggler with a headlock. Miz shoves him into the ropes. Ziggler fights out and Miz counters with a roll up for two. Ziggler with a dropkick of his own for the count of two. Ziggler grabs Miz and hits a neckbreaker for two. Miz with a headlock. Ziggler then gets on Miz's back and applies a sleeper hold submission. Miz gets to his feet and rams Ziggler into the turnbuckle. He breaks free and Miz tackles Ziggler down throwing punches at his face. Miz gets up and catches him with a kick to the head followed by a clip of the leg. Miz drives an elbow into the leg. He goes for the figure four, but Ziggler pulls Miz out of the ring. Big E sees Miz and shoves him into the ring apron while the ref isn't looking. Ziggler rolls out of the ring and tosses Miz back inside. He covers and gets a two.
Ziggler has Miz in a headlock with four minutes remaining on the clock. Miz gets up and Ziggler goes for a neckbreaker. Miz counters with a backslide for two. Miz with a boot to the face for two. They get up and trade kicks. Miz punches Ziggler in the corner until the ref forces him back. Miz runs and clotheslines Miz at the turnbuckle. Miz climbs up and hits a double axe handle for two. Miz goes for Skull Crushing Finale but Ziggler rolls up for two. Miz grabs the tights and rolls up for two. Ziggler grabs Miz and hits an implant DDT for two. Ziggler runs at him, but Miz counters with a backbreaker. He goes for the neckbreaker, but Ziggler shoves him into the ropes. Ziggler goes for another dropkick, but Miz grabs the legs and applies the figure four leg lock. AJ distracts the ref while Big E pulls Ziggler to the ropes for a rope break. Miz grabs Ziggler and rolls him up for two. Big E threatens to hit Miz from the apron. Miz stops himself but is distracted long enough to get hit from behind with the Zig Zag for the three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Dolph Ziggler]
The new time to beat is 10:56
Still to come, Daniel Bryan and Kane graduate from anger management class.
Dr. Shelby is in the ring dressed in a cap and gown standing at a podium.
Dr. Shelby: Good evening. For those who don't know me, i'm Dr. Marian Shelby. It's my pleasure to welcome you to the anger management graduation ceremony for Kane and Daniel Bryan. I'm so proud of these two. And now, without further ado, i'd like to introduce these graduates. The first two graduates of this course and your WWE Tag Team Champions, Team Hell No!
Kane and Bryan comes out and enter the ring. They are wearing gowns as well.
Shelby: Gentlemen, i'd just like to say let's look at how far you've come. Kane, when we first started you were a meniacal mask wearing monster who preferred hurting to hugging. And Daniel, you were a tightly wound little man child. And you would snap if anyone said anything about your goat face or about the fact that your beard looks like a hotel for rats. But look at you now. Calm. Peaceful. And ready to graduate.
Shelby gives Kane and Bryan their diplomas and caps. They put them on. Shelby moves the tassels.
Shelby: Now traditionally the top student is chosen as valedictorian. And that person gets to talk about their feelings. Now since I don't give grades, I thought as a final exercise I should ask you two who should be valedictorian.
Kane: Obviously that would be Daniel.
Bryan: NO! I mean...I think it should be Kane.
Kane: I'm pretty sure it's Daniel.
Bryan: I'm sure Kane would like to talk about his feelings.
Kane: YOU'RE THE VALEDICTORIAN!
Bryan: YOU'RE THE VALEDICTORIAN!
Shelby: GUYS! GUYS! Daniel, would you like a hug?
Shelby: Kane? Would a hug make you feel better?
Kane: I guess
Shelby: How about this? What if everyone everywhere hugged at the same time.
Kane: What about Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler?
Shelby: Oh they're gonna hug.
Cole gets up and offers a hug. Lawler gives him a hug.
Bryan: What about Dr. Sampson and Justin Roberts?!
Shelby: They're gonna hug!
The Doctor and Roberts hug.
Kane: What about these three guys right here?
Three guys in the crowd hug each other.
Daniel: What about this guy in the yes shirt and the mustache?! He should hug that other guy!
Shelby: They're gonna hug!
Kane: What about those guys with the Kane and Daniel Bryan sign!?
Shelby: They're gonna hug!
Bryan and Kane yell at people to hug each other. Then Bryan and Kane hug Dr. Shelby and jump around.
Still to come, John Cena addresses the WWE Universe.
Alicia Fox is in the ring for a match.
New Divas Champion Kaitlyn goes to the ring as her opponent.
Bell sounds. They circle each other and grapple. Alicia shoves Kaitlyn head first into the ropes. Kaitlyn trips up Alicia and shoves her out of the ring.
Tamina Snooka is watching the match on a television backstage.
Kaitlyn jumps out of the ring and punches down Alicia before throwing her back in. Fox kicks her as she enters the ring and tosses her across the ring a couple times. She runs the ropes and goes for a scissors kick. Kaitlyn avoids it but gets hit by a clothesline for two. Fox applies a headlock. Kaitlyn fights out of it, but Alicia kicks her back. She goes for a clothesline, but Kaitlyn ducks it, runs the ropes and hits Alicia with a spear for the three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Kaitlyn]
Backstage, Heyman and Punk are talking.
Heyman: You've been working too hard. I bought you a luxury box because I want you to witness what happens in the ring tonight. I have a surprise for Rock tonight. It's not a "pimp bomb", but it is...a Paul bomb. Come on, let me show you to your box.
Heyman is in the ring. CM Punk is watching from his luxury box.
Heyman: Hey champ. This one is for you. Ladies and gentlemen, a lot of you may not know this about me, but i'm not only the voice of the voice of the voiceless, but I serve as WWE Champion CM Punk's friend, advocate, strategist, and adviser. Now I noticed that what the champ said before went over the heads of all of you because it's hard to catch up with the most articulate champion of all time. So I will serve his interest by being his interpreter. That means I will keep it simple for you. You see ladies and gentlemen you think it's a forgone conclusion that The Rock is leaving the Royal Rumble as WWE Champion, but I assure you he is now. You see Vince McMahon is tyrant, and he's desperate for anyone to defeat CM Punk. It just so happens that January's flavor of the month is The Rock. Let me spell this out for you. The Rock may be concerned about what I don't have going on down there, but if The Rock's concentrating on me he's not concentrating on CM Punk. On Sunday The Rock's not fighting me. He's facing CM Punk, the greats champion of the past 25 years. Just like the people, The Rock is stupid.
The Rock comes out on stage. He holds up a ticket and walks down to the ring.
Rock: To the San Jose police department, THe Rock says thank you for the ticket.
Heyman: That ticket does not entitle you-
Rock: Shut your mouth, Twinkie tits! You get out of this ring or The Rock will slap the taste out of your mouth!
Rock: CM Punk. 428 days you've been WWE Champion. You've been king of the mountain. It's incredible. It's historic. The Rock knows how dangerous you are. You have the right to call yourself the best in the world. It does not change the fact that here on Raw is your very last night on Raw as WWE Champion.
Rock: You're obsessed with how The Rock entertains them. You're obsessed with how proud I am to the the people's champ. You bet your ass I am. But it doesn't change the fact that when it's all taken away you've got a man who will stand before you and will rip your face off! The Rock has waited 10 long years for this shot. I've worked my ass off for ten long years. Blood and sweat. The first shot i've earned over the past ten years. Just like Martin Luther King had a dream I have a dream to go to the promise land one more time and become WWE Champion. Punk, if you looked into The Rock's soul like you said you did then you know deep down that I promise to beat you at the Royal Rumble for the WWE title. And Punk, when that's done every man, woman and child from Bangkok to Brazil and right here in San Jose, Sunday night when The Rock is WWE Champion they'll be saying free at last, free at last thank God almighty we are free at last. If you smell what The Rock is cooking!
The lights go out. When they come back on The Shield are attacking Rock in the corner. Rock fights them off, but the numbers game is too much as Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns beat Rock down and lay him out. They pick him up and deliver the triple powerbomb. They leave the ring with Rock down and out on the mat.
Punk: Bad news, Rock. On top of that mountain? There's only room for one man. And free at last? You gotta pay a price for your freedom. It's cute you have a dream though. The thing about dreams is that you have to wake up from them. And when you wake up you'll realize that The Great One just wasn't great enough to beat the best in the world.
Punk raises his title over his head while Rock is spitting blood.
Cole states that during commercial Rock was able to walk out of the arena under his own power.
Sheamus comes out and heads to the ring for the third and final Beat the Clock challenge match.
His opponent, Wade Barrett, comes down to the ring.
Bell sounds. They grapple. Sheamus with a headlock takedown. Wade gets up and shoves Sheamus into the ropes. Sheamus with a shoulder bump. Sheamus grabs him for another grapple and Barrett with a takedown into a cover for one. They get up.
Ziggler is watching the match backstage.
Barrett shoves Sheamus in the corner and kicks him. Sheamus retaliates with shoulder tackles in another corner. Barrett whips Sheamus into the turnbuckle and Sheamus with a clothesline and a rolling fireman's carry slam for two. He puts Barrett on the apron, and Barrett drops Sheamus' arm on the ropes. Sheamus stumbles back and Barrett hits Sheamus with a clothesline that sends him out of the ring.
Barrett with a powerful kidney punch in the corner. He then hits a suplex and gets a two count. Barrett applies an arm bar submission. Sheamus gets up and punches Wade back. Wade shoves him into the ropes and whips him. Sheamus with double axe handles to the face followed by a high knee and a clothesline at the turnbuckle. Barrett runs at him and Sheamus back body drops him on the apron. Sheamus with ten clubbing blows to the chest. Sheamus suplexes Wade back in the ring and covers for two. Sheamus goes for White Noise, but Barrett shoves Sheamus into the turnbuckle. He goes for a pump handle slam, but Sheamus counters. Sheamus goes for Brogue Kick, but Wade with a side kick to the gut followed by a kick to the head for a close two count. Barrett climbs on the turnbuckle and delivers an elbow drop for two. Barrett puts Sheamus on his shoulders and goes for wasteland, but Sheamus slips out and counters with White Noise. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick.
Suddenly AJ Lee runs into the ring and distracts Sheamus. As the ref gets AJ out of the ring Barrett grabs Sheamus and hits the black hole slam for two. Ziggler and Langston are at ringside as well. They both get up and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick, but the clock runs out.
[Time Limit Ended]
Dolph Ziggler wins the Beat The Clock challenge and will get to pick his entry in the Rumble.
Cena will address the WWE Universe before the night is over.
Vickie is backstage in her office. Ziggler goes over to her along with AJ and Langston.
Ziggler: I won! I beat the clock. I get to pick my entrance in the Rumble.
AJ: Congrats, babe!
Dolph: Congrats, Dolph...
Ziggler: AJ, you look wonderful tonight.
He looks at Vickie.
Ziggler: I might pick number 30, or number 24 for luck, not that I need luck.
Vickie: You know what? The number you get to decide...is between number one or number two.
Dolph: ...what? What?!
Meanwhile, Heyman and Punk are walking around backstage.
Heyman: It's time for The Rock to know his role and shut his mouth.
Vince McMahon walks over to them.
Vince: You guys think you're pretty clever, right?
Punk: Well he's clever. I'm clever. With what happened with The Shield? We had nothing to do with that. But yes, we're clever.
Vince: If you've clever enough that somehow The Shield gets involved in your match at the Royal Rumble, i'll be clever enough to give severe consequences.
Heyman: Please, Mr. Chairman. We've had a rough day. Perhaps cooler heads could prevail. The Shield has attacked Randy Orton, Team Hell No, Ryback, Sheamus, there's no evidence that they're working with CM Punk.
Vince: There is no evidence, but if they do interfere in Punk's match on Sunday, the severe consequence...is stripping you of the championship.
Vince leaves while Punk and Heyman talk.
Ricardo Rodriguez comes out and introduces World Champion Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio comes out and walks down to the ring with him for a match.
His opponent, Tensai, is already in the ring.
Bell sounds. Tensai kicks Del Rio and delivers a shoulder breaker. He shoves Del Rio in the corner and headbutts the left shoulder before whipping Del Rio into the corner. Tensai climbs the turnbuckle and delivers two splashes off the top for a two count. Tensai runs at him and Del Rio counters with a kick to the head followed by a hurricarana off the top. Del Rio grabs Tensai from behind and hits a German suplex. Tensai at the corner and Del Rio runs hitting an inzigiri kick. Tensai falls to the mat. Del Rio climbs the turnbuckle and hits a moonsault on him for the three count.
[Winner via Pinfall: Alberto Del Rio]
Del Rio: Hey Big Show! Yes, there's going to be a count of ten at the end of our Last Man Standing match. But it won't be you doing the counting. It will be me. And it will be in Spanish! Come on, San Jose! UNO! DOS! TRES! CUATRO! CINCO! SEIS! SIETE! OCHO! NUEVE! DIEZ! SI SI SI SI SI!
Del Rio and Ricardo leave.
The second induction into the WWE Hall of Fame is announced, and it's none other than Bob Backlund!
Backstage, John Cena is heading to the ring to talk to the WWE Universe.
John Cena comes out and heads to the ring. He grabs a microphone.
Cena: Lively bunch here tonight, huh? Lively because you had a restful weekend I imagine. Because you see on the 7th day there was rest. Traditionally Sundays have been days for us to rest, recover. And it doesn't matter what you do on your Sundays, you enjoy them. You, right there. Yeah you. I bet you when Sunday rolls around this guy's having a ball. No school. Your homework's done early, right? You probably ask your friends and go out and play-wait a second, kids don't go out anymore. Wait a minute, you're the 10th level prestige that's making me a noob on Black Ops 2 right? If you wanna play the game with me my username is...my username is skidmarks187. Don't laugh! This is a judgement free zone! I'm a grown man, I eat fruity pebbles and play video games!
And you, lady in the hat. You're repeating your Saturday. Get with the girls, dress nice, have a few appletinis, post pictures online, go to the gym with an ice coffee, do some yoga, perhaps the downward dog, then go on YouTube and listen to Taylor Swift and message how you met a guy you might wanna be with. But the guy you met last night...is right there!
He points at a guy in the audience.
And you sir I have lived your Sunday a thousand times. Wake up at 1 or 2 pm surrounded by bodily fluids. Maybe yours, maybe not. There's a receipt for jager bombs and blow up dolls. There's a tattoo of judge Joe brown on your shoulder and you have no idea how it got there.
Here's the point. We all do different stuff on Sundays except for this Sunday. Because everybody in the building tonight knows this Sunday is the Royal Rumble match. And this Sunday if you win the Rumble you got a golden ticket to the main event match at WrestleMania. And everyone is picking who is going to win or not win. This Sunday history can be made. This Sunday will be an all out war! The video games will be on pause, the yoga will be done at home, and the hangovers will have to wait because all eyes will be on the Royal Rumble. And the world will find out what I already know. This Sunday I WILL WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!
Cena goes to leave, but Sheamus comes out.
Sheamus: John, I have to say that was a very bizarre but passionate speech. You got it all wrong, fella. The man who's going to win the Rumble this year is the man who won last year. It's going to be deja vu when I-
A whistle blows and the Prime Time Players come out.
O'Neil: What are you talking about. Talk about you gonna win the Royal Rumble?
Young: Ain't nobody got time for that!
Randy Orton comes out.
Orton: I didn't come out here to dance. I didn't come out here to talk about deja vu, though I could. You're here looking at the man who's going to win the Royal Rumble.
The Miz comes out.
Miz: Really? Really? Really? Really? I'm gonna make this short and sweet. I'm going to win the Royal Rumble and i'm going to main event WrestleMania again because i'm the Miz and i'm-
Kane and Daniel Bryan come out.
Bryan: Kane! Can you believe that they're all arguing over who's going to win?
Kane: I was just thinking the same thing myself. How childish because I'm going to win the Rumble match.
Bryan: No I am!
Kane: I AM
Bryan: I AM
Antonio Cesaro come out.
Cesaro: You are all wrong. The greatest US champion of all time Antonio Cesaro is going to win. And i'm dedicating my win to my home away from home, the United States of America!
3MB comes out.
Slater; You guys really think you're gonna win the Royal Rumble match.
Drew: I've heard of delusional, but this takes the cake!
Mahal: One member of 3MB will record his name into history.
Damien Sandow, Cody Rhodes, The Usos, Wade Barrett, and more all run into the ring and the entire locker room starts brawling in the ring. Wrestlers get tossed left and right as the show comes to an end.