Submitted by Rajah on September 15, 2003 at 23:08:11

Hello again everyone and WELcome to the official kickoff of the Journalistically Excellent era of the rajah.com RAW report. I am your host, the inimitable Jason. Here we go!

The opening music rolls, the pyros blaze and we are LIVE from Huntsville, Alabama as a steel cage descends over the ring. Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler will have the call as our opening contest is about to get under way.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam in a Steel Cage Match
-This is an escape or pinfall match, never a favorite of mine. We see footage from last week of Kane attempting to make lamb fries out of Shane McMahon's testicles. Kane attacks as RVD is getting into the cage and we're off. Kane batters Van Dam in the corner and tries to javelin him into the cage, but Van Dam escapes. RVD with a somersault splash off the second rope, but Kane sits up. Kane manages to lawn dart RVD into the cage on the second try and then taunts the crowd. Kane flings Van Dam into the cage wall a few more times and RVD is busted already. Kane boot chokes Van Dam against the cage wall and referee Earl Hebner tries to warn him off. Kane pulls RVD out of the corner and delivers a side slam. Kane drives Van Dam into the cage wall again and the crowd boos their disapproval. Van Dam tries to fight up but it's a no go. Kane turns the step over heel kick into a powerslam. Kane looks for the powerbomb, but Van Dam grabs the cage and escapes. Undaunted, Kane delivers the big boot and goes to the top. RVD gets to his feet and crotches Kane on the top. Kane falls between the cage and the ropes and RVD sandwiches him there with a cross body block. RVD to the top and he scores with a kick. Rolling Thunder! RVD tries to climb the cage, but Kane sits up and pulls him back in. They both end up standing on the top rope and RVD manages to kick Kane back to the mat. Rather than go out over the top, Van Dam goes for the Five Star, but Kane sits up and avoids the contact. Kane uses a powerbomb to catapult Van Dam into the cage and then drives him spine first into the adjacent wall a pair of times. Kane mocks RVD's mannerisms and then throws RVD into the cage wall, which promptly gives way (ala Austin/McMahon) and Van Dam spills to the arena floor at 8:35. Referee Hebner calls for the bell and Van Dam's music plays, but RAW Co-General Manager ERIC BISCHOFF appears on the stage. Bischoff correctly points out that the match ends when someone goes over the cage and to the floor, not through it. Bischoff orders Van Dam back into the ring, the cage repaired and the match continued. Kane likes the sound of that. RVD, not so much...
Commercial

...During the commercial Kane continued to brutalize RVD and now drives Van Dam's head into the interior of the cage repeatedly. Van Dam crawls toward the open cage door and Kane promptly slams his head in it. Kane stalks Van Dam as RVD stumbles and staggers about. Van Dam tries to climb out, but Kane catches hold of his leg and brings him back in. Kane cinches in around Van Dam's throat and chokeslams him off the top for the 1-2-3 at a total of 10:44 for the victory. Wow, that was a near total squash. That's what Van Dam continues to get for making his name outside WWE, I guess. Anyway...
-HERE is YOUR Winner: Kane

Kane leaves the arena as EMTs and referees see to what's left of Rob Van Dam.

Later tonight, RAW Co-General Manager Stone Cold Steve Austin will deliver the State of RAW Address.

Commercial

During the break, Rob Van Dam was carted out of the arena on a gurney.

Ross and Lawler narrate highlights of Goldberg steamrolling two thirds of Evolution in a Six Man Tag Team Match last week.

Eric Bischoff Interview
The RAW Co-GM returns to the stage and cuts the highlights short. Easy E has some RAW issues he wants to address. The first is booking Kane in a match at Unforgiven against Shane McMahon. Bischoff then turns his attention to JR. He changes the Ross/Coachman match at Unforgiven to a tag match. It'll be The Coach & Al Snow versus Jim Ross & The King with the winners getting the RAW announce desk. Bischoff then books Goldberg in a tag match with a mystery partner versus Triple H and a mystery partner, both partners to be determined by Bischoff himself.

Commercial

Rico w/Miss Jackie vs. Lance Storm w/Goldust
-Footage from earlier today shows us Goldust's latest Lance Storm pep rally. How ironic that the "Lance Storm is boring" angle is itself very boring? Actually, is that ironic or is that just a foregone conclusion. I report, you decide. Rico gets on the stick before the match and calls Lance boring, but Goldust gets a "Rico Sucks!" chant going instead. The match officially starts and Rico gets a quick near fall from referee Jack Doan. Rico hammers away on Storm on the corner and gets two after a short clothesline. Rico works a neck vise and drives an elbow into the bridge of Storm's nose. Nice hi toss into a suplex by Rico. 1-2-Storm kicks out. Rico cinches in the reverse chinlock, but Lance elbows out and takes over with clotheslines and a backdrop. Storm with a leg lariat for a near fall. Storm goes to the top, but Miss Jackie grabs him from behind. Storm comes down, grabs Jackie and plants a big kiss on her. Jackie reels off the apron as Storm goes to the top and drills Rico with a missile dropkick for the 1-2-3 at 2:46.
-HERE is YOUR Winner: Lance Storm

Surprised he's actually been booked to win a match, Lance dances and gyrates after the bell much to the delight of Goldust. Crowd still seems pretty indifferent.

In the back, Triple H tries to find out who the mystery partners in his tag match will be through the use of thinly veiled threats, but Bischoff won't give up any names.

Commercial

WWE Boot of the Week: Last week on RAW, Molly Holly & Gail Kim buried Trish Stratus in a tag match.

Trish Stratus & Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly & Gail Kim
-Looks like Trish traded up this week. It'll be Molly and Jackie starting us off. Molly shoulders Jackie to the mat and a series of basics leads to a roll-up by Jackie for two from referee Chad Patton. Gail tags in and gets hammered on by Jacqueline. 1-2-broken up by Molly. Trish comes in and the heels DDT Jackie as the ref runs Stratus from the ring. Kim covers Jackie. 1-2-Gail pulls her up. That's almost always a mistake. Kim tosses Jackie into the corner and makes her tag Trish. Stratus comes in on fire and cleans up on both opponents. Backdrop to Kim. Trish takes both heels over with a headlock/headscissors combo, but they dump her over the top and to the floor on the fly on an attempted cross body. Molly goes out and flips Trish back into the ring where Gail makes the cover for the easy 1-2-3 at 3:09.
-HERE are YOUR Winners: Gail Kim & Molly Holly

Molly and Gail seize Trish up after the bell and drill her with a double DDT. Ouch.

Commercial

State of RAW Address
-The glass breaks and RAW Co-GM Stone Cold Steve Austin makes his way to the ring. Austin hits the corners and then takes the mic off the podium that's set up in the middle of the ring. Austin tosses the podium over the top and begins his address. But first there are a few small things on his mind. Stone Cold sees an inequity in the title-versus-career stipulation in the Unforgiven World Heavyweight Championship Match between Goldberg and Triple H. Therefore, if Triple H gets counted out of disqualified, he WILL lose the title. Moving on, Austin addresses the Kane issue. Austin would like to beat Kane's ass for all the things he's done lately, but the rules of his contract as Co-GM don't allow for that. So Austin drank beer all weekend and decided that the fact that he can't whip anybody's ass completely sucks. Austin gets some "Hell Yeah!"s from the crowd and here comes CHRISTIAN. Your Intercontinental Champion gets into the ring and demands attention. Austin thinks not being able to beat people up at will sucks? No, what sucks is being the IC champ and not getting any respect from the Co-GM, that's what sucks. Austin thinks Christian is a complete asshole (which is no longer bleeped on Spike TV it seems). Christian doesn't even want an apology from Austin anymore; he wants his own talk show. Forget Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel, Christian is what's hot now. Let's replace the Highlight Reel with The Peep Show. Needless to say, here comes CHRIS JERICHO. Christian tries to talk to Jericho, but Y2J just steamrolls him and beats him out of the ring as Austin bails. Stone Cold returns to the ring as Christian retreats up the ramp and addresses Jericho. Y2J doesn't want Austin's accolades though and calls Austin's State of RAW address crap. Jericho says Austin can't touch anyone unless provoked because he's a bully. Jericho calls Austin a failure as a GM, a failure as a human being and he prays everyday that Austin gets fired. Y2J says Stone Cold can't cancel the Highlight Reel, but Austin says he never had any intention of canceling the show. Austin doesn't want to listen to Jericho complain, he wants to drink beer with Y2J. Jericho is wise to the fact that everyone who drinks with Austin gets a Stunner, but he's not falling for it. But, since Austin can't touch him unless physically provoked, Jericho agrees to the drink. Austin gets the cans and tosses them gingerly after Jericho fails to make the catch on the first one. They toast and Jericho of course makes the mistake of slapping Austin on the shoulder in appreciation. One Stunner later, end of address. Of course what Jericho did was in no way physical provocation, but that doesn't seem to matter to anyone.

Commercial

La Resistance, Rob Conway, Rodney Mack & Mark Henry w/Theodore Long vs. The Hurricane, Rosey, The Dudley Boyz & Spike Dudley in a Ten Man Tag Team Match
-I have no idea why this is happening and it's complete chaos for quite while until the Dudleys score Whazzzup on Conway. All the faces go for tables but Henry puts a stop to it on the outside. Back in the ring it finally settles into an actual tag match with Rosey and Conway in the ring. Tag to Spike, who comes in with both feet to Conway's gut off the top. Conway gains control and tags Henry. Big beal out of the corner, but Spike dodges the corner charge and Henry spills to the outside. Tag to Hurricane, who cleans house on everyone. Bubba tags in and he and Hurricane jab Rene Dupree to the mat. More chaos ensues as Spike chases Sylvan Grenier to the back and Hurricane and Rosey double-team Conway. The Dudleys follow with 3-D, but Mack comes in and drives D-Von out of the ring. Henry (who was actually legal the whole time) returns to the ring and corrals Bubba for a huge, impressive powerslam for the 1-2-3 from referee Nick Patrick at 4:49.
-HERE are YOUR Winners: Mark Henry, Rodney Mack, La Resistance & Rob Conway

Grenier returns to the arena after the bell and waffles the Dudleys with a tag belt. La Résistance grab Spike and go to use their finisher to drive him through a ringside table, but they miss the table completely and Spike is driven directly to the arena floor on the back of his head. Very, very scary looking, folks. Nick Patrick and The Hurricane are over immediately to check on Spike and it seems he's saying he's ok, which is completely unbelievable. Meanwhile, La Resistance grab Hurricane and drive him through the table meant for Spike. The carnage finally ends with the Dudleys down and the heels gloating on the ramp.

In the back, Jonathan Coachman and Al Snow gloat with Eric Bischoff about what just happened and Bischoff books all three Dudleys versus La Résistance & Rob Conway in a Six Man Table Match for Unforgiven. Snow and The Coach say they have a surprise for Jim Ross in store for later tonight as Gail Kim enters and sidles up to Bischoff. Easy E dismisses his announcers as Kim pushes Uncle Eric into a locker and straddles his lap.

Commercial

In the back, Terri gets the word from Triple H, who does a blatant commercial for that drink he's been pushing and says he's going to prove that Goldberg is all hype at Unforgiven.

Ross and Lawler recap the Kane/Van Dam Steel Cage Match from earlier tonight. They preview the Unforgiven card so far before...

Shane McMahon Interview
Shane is joining the broadcast "via satellite from Greenwich." Ross gets one question out before Eric Bischoff interrupts the interview and taunts Shane about having no testicles to fry. Bischoff then changes Shane's match with Kane at Unforgiven to a Last Man Standing Match. Well, you knew that was coming.

Commercial

In the back, Gail Kim tells Molly Holly that Bishoff "went for it." Next week will be the week they end Trish Stratus's career.

Meanwhile in the ring...

Steven Richards w/Victoria, Test and Stacy Keibler vs. Scott Steiner
-Steiner wastes no time battering Richards in the corner. Victoria hooks Steiner's leg from the outside and Richards gets a near fall from referee Charles Robinson. Steven tries a recliner of his own, but Steiner powers out easily and scores a belly-to-belly suplex. Chops in the corner by Steiner followed by another belly-to-belly. Steiner drops the elbow and does some push-ups after one. Steiner brings the screeching Victoria into the ring and Test seizes the opportunity to score a full nelson slam behind the ref's back. Richards is over for the cover. 1-2-Steiner gets the shoulder up. Richards tries to follow up as Test drags Stacy up the ramp, but Steiner scores his flatliner type move and Scotty gets the 1-2-3 at 2:33.
-HERE is YOUR Winner: Scott Steiner

After the bell, Steiner grabs the stick and challenges Test for Unforgiven with Stacy on the line. Test accepts, but adds a wrinkle of his own. If Test beats Steiner, Scotty has to become Test's "little bitch." I shudder to think what that means...

Commercial

WWE Slam of the Week: Last week on RAW, Al Snow helped The Coach get past Jerry Lawler in a match.

Jonathan Coachman w/Al Snow Interview
-The Coach addresses JR from the ring, saying that there are several jobs that Ross will be qualified for when he and Lawler lose to him and Snow at Unforgiven. Coachman shows several slides on the TitanTron of JR's head superimposed on various bodies such a sumo wrestler and Jabba The Hutt. The Coach then dares Ross to get in the ring. JR stands and heads for the ring despite The King's warning him to stay where he is. Ross gets to the ring with Lawler in pursuit. All four announcers are in there with Coachman taunting JR all the way. Coach calls Ross a redneck and slaps the hat off his head. Coachman then calls JR a coward and is promptly decked for it to the surprise of no one. Lawler keeps Snow from interfering and Ross boots Al from the ring when Snow tries to see to The Coach.

In the back, Terri gets the word from Goldberg, who doesn't care who his partner is tonight as long as he gets his hands on Triple H. Terri asks about Triple H's "nothing but hype" comment. Goldberg looks into the camera and says, "Triple H...believe the hype."

Commercial

In the arena, Goldberg and Triple H make their entrances alone. Eric Bischoff appears on the stage as Hunter gets to the ring and announces Ric Flair as Triple H's partner. Easy E then announces Randy Orton as Goldberg's partner and the set-up is complete.

Goldberg & Randy Orton vs. Triple H & Ric Flair
-Realizing he's been screwed, Goldberg attacks Hunter and Flair before Orton can even get to the ring. Once Orton arrives however, the three-on-one beat down is on. Referee Earl Hebner doesn't even bother to call for the bell to start the match. Triple H calls for the steel cage to be lowered as the mugging continues. Goldberg momentarily gets the upper hand on Orton and Flair as the cage hits the floor, but Triple H tattoos Goldberg with a wicked steel chair shot. Hunter knocks Hebner down and the beating continues on the now bloody Goldberg. Triple H has Orton and Flair drag Goldberg to the middle of the ring, where Hunter gives him two Pedigrees, finally ending the massacre. Triple H climbs atop the cage and plays to the crowd as the show goes off the air.

END OF SHOW

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