Submitted by Rajah on November 08, 2003 at 22:07:03

a everyone. I am your host, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah, the Highlight of the Night, and most importantly, the King of Bling Bling, xpacnumber1fan. I am the newest member of the Rajah staff as your new Smackdown reporter. Feedback always appreciated. :) Well let's get started.

We start off with video package of last week. Heyman offering Taker the handicap match, Taker winning the match, and Taker choosing a Buried Alive match at Survivor Series against Vinny Mac.

Smackdown intro. Cut directly to Kurt Angle's entrance. Michael Cole and Tazz in Atlanta, Georgia. During Kurt's entrance, we learn that in a traditional Survivor Series style match, a team of five led by Kurt Angle will face a team of five lead by Brock Lesnar. The both must choose four partners. After Benoit's entrance, Cena and A-Train come out to Cena's music. Cena has one of the coolest Trons ever. And I quote...

"Chris, Kurt, you used to get along so great. And last week I guess you lover boys just ran into a bad date. After what I saw, I was sure you were gonna break up. That fight was kinda weird, but then I saw you kiss and make up. This is the real winning team. You wanna bet? Call your bookie. I'm smooth like Hans Solo, A-Train is like my wookie."A-Train gets angry and in Cena's face but Cena backs off saying... "Yo, yo, it's cool dawg. Cause you look like a wookie dude chicks dig that. It's O, Kay. *hand wavy motion thing he does* They can't see you. And believe me, none of y'all can see me. Halloween is coming up, why don't you just bite my Halloweenie."

Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. John Cena/A-Train
Bell rings, Cena and Benoit start. Lock up, headlock, shoulderblock by Benoit. Benoit gets shot to the ropes, ducks a clothesline and backslides Cena for the 2 count. Arm drag by Benoit, but Cena kicks him in the gut. Benoit again gets shot to the ropes but reverses with a hip toss. Angle in. Punches in corner, snap suplex gets 2. Back elbow gets 2. Rake to the eyes by Cena, front face lock and Train is in. German suplex to Train, back body drop to Cena. Cena gets clotheslined over the top rope but Train knocks Angle's head off with a clothesline of his own. Back breaker by the corner and corner splash gets 2. Knees to the face. Cena in. Polish hammer (!) to Angle gets 2. Cena motions Benoit can't see him and this distracts the ref, but Angle gets Cena in the Ankle Lock. Train tries to break it but receives right hands for his effort. And when Angle turns around he gets drilled again by a hardcore clothesline. No wonder his neck is screwed up. Suplex reverse into DDT and Benoit is ON FIRE! Gets 2 on Train. German and headbutt attempt misses. Train with a bicycle kick to Benoit, Angle Slam to Train, and F-U to Cena. Benoit counters the F-U and chops Cena to the corner. Train charges but catches his partner instead. Triple German to Train. Flying headbutt and 1, 2, 3. Wow, first time in a LONG time I've seen Benoit win with the headbutt.
Winners: Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit

Show of respect betweem Angle and Benoit but Train confronts Cena. Train shoves Cena, then pushes his face. Cena, in one of the coolest maneuvers I've ever seen, simply kicks him in the nuts. One F-U and "you can't see me wavy hand thingy™" later, we cut to Vince pacing backstage. He sounds like he is really, really constipated. Anyway, Heyman is sitting down and Vince is yelling at him for allowing Taker to get that match. He wants Taker taken out tonight, but due to what Taker is capable of, Heyman says that he gave Taker off til Survivor Series. At this point Vince pretty much goes crazy, whimpers and all. And I quote: "You see, this is what is gonna happen. Terrorists are gonna burn down the Undertaker's house. His children are gonna be kidnapped! His wife, she is gonna be raped by a motorcycle gang right in front of the Undertaker." This deeply offends me because I myself was raped by a motorcycle gang in front of Undertaker. Anway, he wants Heyman to do these things in 15 minutes or he is gonna choke the life out of him. Cut to commercial. Vince needs some Prozac STAT!

Come back to a match up screen advertising Torrie vs. Dawn Marie in a Trick or Treat costume contest later in the night. Then we see Torrie coming out of the shower looking for something to wear. Now we see Benoit walking when Angle runs up to him. Angle says that even though they don't always see eye to eye, when they are together they are unstoppable. That's why he is asking Benoit to be on his team for SS. Benoit says that on any given night they might be more than likely to rip each other's heads off. Angle says he is willing to take that. So he is asking him again. Benoit says consider him in, but he is not his friend. Angle says he does not want a friend, he wants to win.

Cut to Heyman walking into McMahon's dressing room. Vince is sitting down when he asks Heyman what he has for him. Heyman defiantly responds nothing. McMahons says he is gonna keep his word, then right after Heyman is dead he is gonna fire him. Blah blah blah. The stuff I go through for you guys. Basically, Heyman in many words, calls McMahon a pussy and says he wants to work for the ballsy McMahon. Vince then walks away. Commercial.

Cazz (my new name for Cole and Tazz) shill the WWE's tour of Georgia and we see a video package of it. We come back to see Tajiri and his Japanese friends joining Cazz at the announce table. Mysterio's music hits and he comes out in a nifty Hulk themed outfit. Ultimo now comes out and finally we are set for some good crusier action.

Rey Mysterio vs. Ultimo Dragon
Lock up and headlock. On commentary, Cole asks Tajiri why he spit the black mist on Nidia and Tajiri says it was an accident and he is sorry. Mysterio sent to the ropes and he counters with that turn around springboard splash of his, which gets a 2. Ultimo kicks the hell out of Mysterio and gets a two. On commentary, Cole says Noble is pissed at him. Tajiri asks why he is pissed. He said sorry. "He's not nice, I'm nice guy." Back in the ring, Mysterio kicks Ultimo and huricanrana's him. Dropkick to the leg and bulldog gets two. Mysterio reverses a suplex and sends Ultimo to the ropes for the 619. Ultimo counters and sends Mysterio over the top rope but Rey hangs on. Neck snap to Ultimo. He springboards, presumably for the West Coast Pop but receives a kick to the gut. Ultimo goes for the Asai DDT but Rey pushes Ultimo and he hits up against the ref. During all this, Tajiri leaves the commentary booth and kicks Rey in the back of the head. Ultimo then covers for the 3 count. Tajiri and his cronies enter the ring and Tajiri bows to Ultimo. Ultimo just shakes his head and leaves.

Backstage we see Lesnar and Show sitting down. Lesnar is telling Show how he told him to be on the top of his game against Taker but Show says he was. Lesnar says is Show wasn't such a big frickin clutsy giant they would have won. Show says he was chokeslammed off the top rope. Lesnar says it's not his fault. Then Shows counters with a pretty funny line saying that Lesnar was the one that told him to get up on the top rope like he was some kind of damn cruiserweight. Then some guys comes in and tells Lesnar that Heyman wants him in the ring. Cut to commercial.

We come back with Heyman coming down to the ring with two huge guys on his side. One is Nathan Jones, the other we don't know yet. Heyman says Jones is back (of course with a lot more words than that). Heyman at least acknowledges his past saying that he was given lame ass advice by Take. The other guy is Matt Morgan. The number 1 draft pick for Smackdown, beating Eric Bischoff and Stone Cold Steve Austin. He shills him for a minute. Then he calls out Lesnar. Cazz enlighten us on their history. Lesnar says he is too smart to fall for Heyman's trap. He will not go into the ring to get his ass beat by those two monsters. Heyman says he only wants to talk business. Lesnar says if they want to talk business, then he is going to call on a friend to even the odds a bit inside the ring. Cue Big Show. They get into the ring and Lesnar says, and I quote: "Although I am a little nervous standing in the ring because I have a lot of history in here all right. I have a lot of history with you (Jones) and I have a ton of history with you (Heyman) and I sure as hell can make history out of you two guys tonight." Well no one called Lesnar a grammar god. He hates Paul. Blah blah blah. Basically, Heyman says Show, Morgan,and Jones are on his team. Then he says that two men have been ringing his phone off the hook saying Lesnar makes a lousy World Champion and that Show is lousiest U.S. Champion of all time. He will give them an opportunity against those two men tonight, because the main event will be Lesnar and Show against........... the A.P.A. Blah blah blah. Heyman finishes telling the audience to meet 4 of the 5 members of Lesnar's SS team.

Backstage, we see Orlando Jones and Paul London playing Smackdown when Dawn Marie comes in and asks them what they think of her costume. The look on their face says that they think it rocks. TOTCC next. Commercial.

Come back to another Holly promo saying he is coming back for Brock. Cut to Funaki in the ring, dressed in a funky 70's costume, afro included. He introduces Torrie in a bunny costume then Dawn Marie in a Wonder Woman costume, complete with golden lasso. She is freakin hot.

Trick or Treat Costume Contest: Torrie vs. Dawn Marie
Funaki says audience decides the winner. Gee, I wonder who is gonna win. They both dance and Funaki goes into the voting phase. Then surprisingly, DAWN MARIE WINS! Oh wait, no she didn't. Torrie won again. Funaki then says they have to do the second part of the match. Bobbing for apples in chocolate. Torrie is going to go first but Dawn Marie stops her. Dawn Marie doesn't do as much bobbing as she does dipping in the chocolate. She takes off her top in the chocolate tub and come out. Very, very cool. Tazz then leaves the announce table and gets in the ring. He says they they have seen the treat. But he tells Torrie that maybe they should Funaki the trick (wink, wink). Torrie feeds Funaki a carrot and brings him next to the chocolate filled tub. She asks if Funaki wants a trick or a treat. Funaki, like any warm blooded male would, says treat (unless you swing the other way). Then in a twisted turn of events, she pushes Tazz in. Shades and all. Instead of his usally mean self, though, he looks strangely turned on. Anyway, commercial.

Come back to see vignette featuring a mysterious dancer dancing in front of a blue backlight to James Brown. Gee, I wonder who this is. After a couple of seconds, we see the mysterious dancer do a split, and the dancer turns out to be, as I predicted, The Cat. By the way, he wants someone to call his momma. Now we see John Cena walking out of the arena when Lesnar catches up to him. Lesnar tells Cena that he doesn't know for a fact, but he thinks Heyman is going to name him the fifth member of his team at SS then walks away. Cena face shows a combination of bewilderment and indifference. Survivor Series promo. Coming in three weeks. Commercial.

Come back to Slam of the Week: Tazz getting dunked in chocolate. Now we see Cazz. Then Tazz hugs Cole. And now both members of Cazz and covered in chocolate goodness. Backstage, Chavo is berating Eddie. He says that Eddie is sinking. Sinking low just like he did back when he was on drugs and alcohol. He owes him, the familia, and the public, a public apology. Replay showing Los Guerreros losing the tag titles last week. Eddie's music hits and he comes down to the ring all melachonly. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. He addresses Chavo, and says he does have a lot to be sorry for. He lost two titles in one week and he let Chavo, the raza, and la familia down. He apologizes to everyone. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. But Eddie says that Chavo said something that hurt him. Because if anyone knows what Eddie went through back when he was battling alcohol and drugs it was Chavo. This is not a game or a match for him, it's life. Some asshole fan yells out "You suck Eddie" and Eddie replies by saying that right now he does suck. He deserves that. But he can't bring himself to understand why Chavo would say something like that to him. Maybe it's because he is in a weak state, two title one week. But he says that maybe it's ok that he brought that up. It brings back what he did when he was in that hell. He didn't get out of it by feeling sorry for himself. All he has is hope, but he holds on to it. He abides by the words of his father, "The character of a man is not defined when he is on top, but when is knocked down". And Eddie, now getting riled up, says that he is not giving up, that's not Latino style. He is going to fight baby. He has faith that they will be champions again. He is going to do it for Chavo, for himself, for la familia, and for la raza. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Now Shaniqua comes out to the ramp holding the tag belts. He calls her a mamacita wannabe. He tells her to wait up because when she gets into the ring she better be ready to take on his (pointing to crotch) Latino Heat baby. Bashams then attack from behind. Eddie is taking them out. He goes for the Frog Splash but Danny knocks him off. They attack him on the outside then enter the ring to check on Shaniqua. While they check on Shaniqua, Chavo comes out and checks on Eddie. Commericial.

Eddie is in the back getting checked from a trainer and Paul Heyman walks up. Eddie says he wants the Bashams next week or right now. Paul says that as a new GM, it's new rules. Everybody has to earn their way. Eddie says he and Chavo have already earned their way. Paul says next week they get to earn their way again so he says he gets to face the Bashams next week. If he wins, he gets a tag title shot. Eddie says that's great, he and Chavo will beeat the Bashams when Paul interrupts. He says it will be a handicap match and Eddie goes nuts. Cut to Josh in the back interviewing Angle. Angle says Lesnar has an impressive team. Not only does he have himself and Chris Benoit, but he just got off the phone with the newest member. Someone who has wanted to take out Brock for over a year. Hardcore Holly. The last two members of his team are the toughest guys in WWE history. He tells the camera guy they are right over there. The cameraman goes left and it shows some WWE official checking his shoe and another one scratching his ass. Angle then says no not those guys, these guys. And out walk the APA from behind a wall. Very funny line form Bradshaw. "That was very instructive you can leave now fruit booty." in reference to Josh. They tell Kurt they are gonna take out Show and Lesnar, and we finish with a Faarooq "Damn" looking over at the two officials.

Come back to Cazz talking about Survivor Series. Now Undertaker with a sit down interview. Blah blah blah. Gist of it, he wants to be the World Champion more than anything in life right now. In order to do that, he has to take out Vince because Vince said as long as he is breathing in and out Taker won't be a champion. He will make Vince stop breathing in and out.

World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar comes out followed by US Champion (UGH!) Big Show. Commercial. Come bakc to APA coming out.

Brock Lesnar and The Big Show vs. The APA
Lesnar and Bradshaw start. Lesnar dominates Bradshaw and now Bradshaw takes over. Soulder block and elbow by Bradshaw until Lesnar forces Bradshaw to his corner. Tag to Show and hits some headbutts. Sidewalk slam gets two. Huge ass chop. Bradshaw slides out of a powerslam and tags Faarooq. He runs in right past Show and hits Lesna off the apron. Faarooq tries to take down Show but can't, he tries again but receives a boot in the face for his efforts. Show holds Faarooq for a chokeslam but Bradshaw runs in and hits the Clothesline from Hell. Lesnar tries to run in but gets sgoulderblocked. Cover by Faarooq on SHow gets two. Bradshaw gets rammed into the steel steps outside. Lesnar then grabs a steel chair and drills Faarooq in the back. Then a chokeslam by Show to Faarooq. Lesnar hits Faarooq'a left leg with the chair. Then he places the chair on his leg, Show goes up to the second rope and legdrops the chair. Bradshaw takes a steel chair to the head like a MAN. They are about to do the same thing to Bradshaw when Angle and Benoit come out. Angle Slam to Show and German Suplex to Lesnar. Then Ankle Lock to Show and Crossface to Angle. Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones come out. Morgan kicks Angle in the face and Jones does the same to Benoit. Morgan hits a sitout powerbomb to Angle and Jones hit what could best be described as a release Doctor Bomb. Smackdown ends with Lesnar, Show, Jones, and Morgan with their hands raised.

Well I hope you enjoyed the Smackdown report. It's huge but pretty detailed. Tell me, should it be shorter or should I keep it this long? Send feedback to thecruzanhurricane@hotmail.com. I'll see you guys next week.

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