Submitted by Rajah on November 23, 2003 at 11:59:04

Welcome. I, the King of Bling Bling xpacnumber1fan, will be your gracious host again. Now onwards with the Smackdown report.

Intro. Pyro. Cazz welcome us to the Continental Airlines Arena. Vs. screen of Bashams vs. Los Guerreros for the titles later on tonight. Also, Brock and Show will team up against Benoit and the fifth member of Team Angle, yet to be named. Now, the music of the leader of latter team come out. Now the Colossus of Boga Road comes out, along with Matt Morgan. Damn I love his music. Morgan is sent to the back by Nick Patrick. Bell rings and we got...

Kurt Angle vs. Nathan Jones
Lock up, corner, break up. Lock up, go behind and school boy by Angle gets 2. Lock up, hammerlock, headlock by Angle. Jones powers out and throws Angle down. Lock up, double leg takedown, headlock by Angle. They both get up, Angle still holding on to that headlock and Jones tries to power out but Angle reverses into a hammerlock and goes back into a headlock. Jones pushes him into the ropes and charges him. Angle holds on to the ropes though and ducks out of the way of a big boot by Jones, which leaves him hung up on the rope. Angle kicks Jones a couple of times, runs back into the ropes and knocks Jones off the apron. Angle goes outside and catches Jones a couple of rights but Jones cracks his jaw with a punch. Military press into the barricade and Jones rolls in to break the count. Now he flings Angle back inside Angle tries to fight back but Jones stops him. He sends him to the corner and charges but receives an elbow for his efforts. Angle with a second rope dropkick. 2 count. Angle runs to the ropes tries a crossbody block but Jones catches him with a powerslam. Jones grabs Angle's head and twists it. It's supposed to be a submission maneuver but Angle's head is practically in an upright position. Meh. At least he learned another move even though he doesn't do it correctly. Angle fights out but receives a knee to the gut. Powerslam and elbow gets 2. Military press but Angle escapes and dropkick to the knee. Angle tries to clothesline Jones but he won't go down. Tries again same result. He then kicks Jones in the knee, runs to the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and knocks him down with a jumping double fist to the head (I have lots of wrestling move knowledge. It shows doesn't it?) Anyway, German x 3. Jones escapes an Angle Slam and Angle literally runs into a Big Boot. Funny stuff. Jones goes for a powerslam but Angle escapes and catches an Angle Slam. Ankle lock. Jones is in pain but then Matt Morgan runs in and catches Angle with a big boot. DQ.
Winner: Kurt Angle

Headbutt. Headbutt. Morgan is ramming shoulders into Angle's midsection in the corner until Hardcore Holly comes in with a steel chair and knocks his head off. Holly then goes BUCK WILD with the steel chair hitting anything that moves. Holly acts all crazy in the ring and calls for a microphone. Crowd chants for Holly. First time I've heard that. Anyway, Holly calls out Brock. Commercial.

Come back to Holly in the back looking for Brock. Heyman stops him. Heyman says he is going Holly Lesnar but Holly says if it's not right now he doesn't wanna hear it and walks off. Heyman then says that he will suspend Holly. He is giving him no other choice. Holly is not medically cleared until Survivor Series. Heyman says if Holly leaves now, he can have Brock at SS. Holly says that even though he is not medically cleared right now, at SS he will do to Brock what Brock did to him. Then security escorts Holly out. Now we see Vince *ugh* McMahon looking like he is suffering from a migraine. Sable is next to him looking at the WWE Unscripted book. They talk about some dog in there and Vince flips a few pages back and finds a pic of the Undertaker. Sable apologizes for that. Vince says that deep down in his soul he knows he is protected by a higher power but last night he had a nightmare that he was dead but his brain was alive. it was like he was buried. He then talks about maggots eating him inside out. He says he was able to excrete those maggots but the stench was unbearable. Then the maggots started to eat his feces and started to come back in to invade his brain (I'm not making this up folks). Meanwhile, Sable looks like she wants to puke. Anyway, it was going on over and over again until he woke up and realized it was a nightmare. But there was the stench and when he looked down in bed he saw he had soiled himself. He doesn't know what it means. Commercial.

WWE Rewind shows Tajiri hitting Nidia with the black mist. Man, that needs an adjective. Blind green mist, burning red mist, mysterious black mist? Meh. Back to the ring. Noble comes out calling out Tajiri. Of note, Noble has on a black arm band. At least SOMEONE acknowledges Crash in SOME way. Out comes Kyo Dai (according to WWE.com, the name of the stable). Tajiri comes out first and Noble runs up the ramp to attack Tajiri but then Akio (Jimmy Yang) and Sakoda (Ryan Sakoda) attack Noble. Tajiri grabs the mic and starts screaming in Japanese at the guys as the beat down Noble. They hit a pretty cool move on Noble. Sakoda nails Noble in the back with a front kick and Akio his Noble in the chest with a jumping front kick at the same time. Tajiri is about to hit Noble with the Kick of Death but Mysterio makes the save. He attacks both Akio and Sakoda. DEJA VU! DEJA F'N VU! WHOO! Lemme explain. Basically, this is a cool ass move invented by Dragon Kid me thinks. It's hard to explain. Basically, it's the tilt-a-whirl headscissors you've seen countless Mexican wrestlers do, except that instead of taking down the receiver in the headscissors part, the attacker goes around the attacker again and THEN takes them down with the headscissors. Mysterio didn't hit it to perfection but it's a cool move nonetheless. Anyway, Deja Vu (by the way, to Cazz it's "what the hell was that") to Akio and he ends up on the outside. Mysterio then whips Sakoda to Noble who throws him to the outside. Commercial.

Come back to see Akio and Noble fighting in the ring. Heyman said during the break that he is going to make a tag match. So now are subjected to...

Rey Mysterio/Jamie Noble vs. Kyo Dai (Akio/Sakoda)
Akio sends Noble into the corner and charges but Noble catches him with a drop toe hold right into the corner. Scoop slam x 2 and legdrop gets 2. Akio reverses an Irish Whip into a cool looking dropkick and tag to Sakoda. Damn Sakoda is buff. Stomps. Noble reverses a tilt-a-whirl and catches a jawbreaker. Tag to Mysterio. Springboard cross body block, spinning leg lariat, and wheelbarrow rollup gets 2. Sakoda reverses an irish whip but Mysterio springboards off the second rope and dropkicks Akio off the apron. Ducks a clothesline by Sakoda but then receives a hot shot for his trouble. Also Akio clotheslines him from the apron. Tag to Akio. Stomps. Akio then carries Mysterio to the corner. Akio sits on the top turnbuckle with Mysterio facing forward. He wraps his legs around Mysterio's throat and leans to the outside. This is an illegal maneuver which gets a 5 count. Front facelock. Mysterio fights out but Akio stops him with a dropkick. Tag to Sakoda. He knocks Noble off the apron and double team in the corner. Elbow by Sakoda and neck wring. Mysterio fights out but Sakoda knocks him down. Irish whip and Mysterio slides under and tries to go for a tag but Sakoda grabs his foot, drags him to his corner and tags to Akio. Akio then does another one of his crazy submissions. Mysterio is kneeling down. Akio crosses Mysterio's arms in front of his throat. Akio then sits with his knee against Mysterio's back, grabs his arms and pulls back. This goes on for a few seconds but he gets up and irish whips Mysterio to the corner. He runs after Mysterio and does a kick backflip off of Mysterio's chest but Mysterio then runs after Akio and reverses a tilt-a-whirl into an inverted DDT. Sick ass move. Both down. Hot tag to Noble and Noble is ON FIRE! Knocks Sakoda off the apron and knee to the gut to Akio. Noble kicks Sakoda in the head keeping him out of the ring. Irish whip reversal by Akio but when Noble comes back he grabs his head, jumps and falls to the mat while holding his knee up to Akio's face. 2 count for this innovative maneuver. Whip to corner, charges gets a kick to the face but Akio charges out of the corner right into a powerslam. Sakoda breaks up the count. Swinging neckbreaker by Noble to Sakoda. Springboard sit down by Mysterio to Akio. Mysterio then droptoe holds Akio into the ropes, 619 baby. He calls for the West Coast Pop but just as he is about to spring on the ropes Sakoda grabs his foot and pulls him down. Tiger Bomb to Akio. Sakoda comes in and distracts the ref and Tajiri kicks Noble in the back of the head. Akio then pins for the 1, 2, 3.
Winners: Akio and Sakoda

Los Guerreros are in the back looking at the WWE Unscripted book when a "cop" comes up to them and asks to speak to Eddie privately. Eddie says that anything he has to say he can say in front of Chavito. The cop says that the El Paso police called and that his sister-in-law has been in a terrible accident. Eddie says that he has to leave to be with his wife. Chavo reminds him about the match but then says to forget it. Just go and he will deal with Heyman. That "cop" needs acting lessons. Commercial.

Come back to Chavo looking for Heyman. He finds Heyman on his cell phone but Heyman says he will call the person back. Chavo then starts telling Heyman about the cop and what happened. Heyman says that on Smackdown family comes first. He will postpone the title shot until SS. Then the Bashams and Shaniqua come in and interrupt. The Bashams balk about the postponement and they challenge Chavo to a handicap match. Shaniqua then steps up and says "Unless Chavito here doesn't have any cojonas". Chavo, then with an extremely funny line (at least to me) says "Oh you don't think I have any huevos huh? You wanna see my huevos huh?" And they start arguing until Heyman breaks it up. Heyman then makes the match and Heyman says the match is next. Cazz are reading the WWE Unscripted book and are shilling it to holy hell, as well as WWE.com. SS matchup screen for the Buried Alive match. Then we fade into graveyard shots. Taker says that it's been a long time since he's been there. It's a part of him, thought he never would come back to again. A part of him he never wanted to come back to again. And it's all on Vince. Since Vince brought him there, Vince is gonna have to pay. SS is Vince's day of reckoning. He looks around and sees souls he has laid to rest. But all have one thing in common. None have threatened his family, wanted his wife raped or his kids kidnapped (apparently he hasn't laid DDP to rest and forgot all about kidnapping and trying to sacrifice Stephanie). Anyway, Taker says it's almost a shame to desecrate that land with his carcass. But he will do it. He says that Vince is in for the most brutal evening of his life. It's only gonna stop when Vince is lying in that grave looking for forgiveness and mercy. But all he will have for Vince is shovels of dirt. Then only thing that he is going to leave out is his head. He wants him to realize that he is about to suffocate. Suffocate on all the stuff he has done. People has used and abused (we see flashbacks of his make out with Trish, Torrie, his mess with Hogan, kicking out Zach Gowen's leg, the screwing of Bret Hart, bloodying Ric Flair, and slapping Stone Cold). He wants him to think about his family because those are the ones he has hurt most. He wants him to come to the realization that Vincent Kennedy McMahon is being buried alive. Fade out. Now THAT was a badass vignette.

Come back to matchup screen for the main event. Basham's music hits and they come down. I swear, if you knock out a couple of teeth, add some stubble and camouflage pants, you could call em Bushwhackers 2000. Pre-match ritual whipping. Chavito now comes down. Bell rings and now we have...

Chavo Guerrero vs. Basham Brothers w/ Shaniqua
HEY! I can finally tell the difference between the Basham Bros. Anyway, we start off with Doug. Lock up and go behind by Chavo. Reversal by Doug and Chavo reverses into a pinfall attempt. Lock up and go behind by Chavo. Reversal. Another standing switch. Snapmare and armlock by Chavo. Couple of arms drags followed by a hiptoss and dropkick. Doug bails. Danny comes in and get receives a hiptoss and dropkick as well. Shaniqua whips their asses and that pumps them up. Doug goes right back in and Chavo ducks a right, gives one of his own and knocks Danny off the apron. Kick to the midsection and right hand. Chavo sent to the corner but he catches Doug in headscissor position. Doug sends his feet flying up and Chavo lands on the apron and then runs and splashes Danny. Chavo back inside and quick roll up gets two. Double leg takedown and Boston Crab (!) by Chavo. Danny tries to break up the move but gets knocked down. Chavo charges Doug in the corner but Doug reverses and Chavo lands headfirst on the top turnbuckle. Kick to the head that knocks Chavo outside. Danny beats him outside. Pinfall attempt gets 2. Tag to Danny. Beatdown in corner. Danny with some nice rights. Cover gets 2. Tag to Doug. Double flapjack and double kip up. Doug covers and gets 2. Rear chinlock. Chavo fights out. Irish whip to corner and charges gets an elbow. Doug goes up but Chavo puts his foot up and Doug receives a boot to the face for his trouble. Danny tries to come in but Chavo moves he gets hung up on the ropes. Atomic drop to Doug and monkey flip. Clothesline and irish whip. Backbody drop. Chavo goes up top but Doug charges to the corner. Chavo sees this and right as Doug is about to hit him Chavo front flips off the turnbuckle and lands on his feet. Very cool. He then grabs Doug's head and goes for a tornado DDT dropkicking Danny off the corner at the same time. Chavo goes for the pin and Danny tries to break it up but Chavo moves and Danny elbows Doug. Chavo flings Danny to the outside. Dropkick Doug knocks him outside. Shaniqua climbs up on the apron but Chavo baseball slides and knocks her off. Doug and Danny switch outside. Danny comes in and rolls up Chavo for the three.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero

Chavo is yelling to the Bashams outside saying that he knows they switched. But Shaniqua is behind him and when Chavo turns he receives a boot to the face. Danny with a spinning back suplex. Then a double uranage (Rock Bottom). Then in a pretty cool move, Doug goes up on the top rope. Danny then grabs Chavo and holds him in back suplex position. He carries Chavo to the corner where Doug is and puts him on Doug lap facing forward. Doug then jumps off the turnbuckle and squashes Chavo. Replay and commercial.

Come back to the WWE talking about their tour of different cities. Chavo is in the back with a trainer in pain with the Bashams looking on in another screen. Then the bad-acting cop walks in and we learn that the Bashams set that up. Bradshaw's music hits now and now A-Train's. Now we watch...

Bradshaw vs. A-Train
Lock up, break up in corner. Lock up again, Train with a right hand and beatdown to Bradshaw. Bradshaw starts fighting back. Irish whip and Bradshaw clubs Train in the back when he went down for a backbody drop but it doesn't phase Train. Bradshaw then runs to the ropes but instead of the standard shoulder block try again, Bradshaw just big boots Train in the face and that knocks him down good. Elbow drop gets 2. Train comes back with a clothesline and that knocked him out good. I love it when A-Train wrestles. Basically all I have to say is beatdown and it covers the whole match. Anyway, they are on the outside and Train is guess what? Beating down Bradshaw. Bradshaw reverses a ram to the steel steps and rams Train's head into the steel steps. Shouldertackle. Bradshaw goes for a suplex but Train reverses. Train then does that move he does. You know, person's head is under the bottom rope and then Train does the fulcrum thing and shoots up the person right into the bottom rope. That gets 2. It is now christened the Decapitator. Train stands over Bradshaw and talks crap until Bradshaw kicks him in the back. Right hands. Bradshaw sends Train to the ropes but Train reverses and sleeper applied. Bradshaw fights out and does one of his own. Back suplex by Train. Fist fight. Bradshaw with a dropkick that reaches to A-Train's waist then a swinging neckbreaker. Corner charge and another. Bradshaw goes for a third but an elbow stops that. Train with a Vader Bomb (corner splash). Train charges Bradshaw in the corner but he moves and goes for the Clothesline from Hell. Train ducks and hits the Derailer. 2 count. Train goes for a bicycle kick but Bradshaw ducks and Clothesline from Hell finishes off the match.
Winner: Bradshaw

In the back we see Benoit getting ready. Angle comes in and starts talking to Benoit but Benoit cuts him off and starts yelling at Angle about the fifth partner. He says that the fifth partner has made a career out of trying to take them out and he can't trust him. Angle says that he could say the exact same thing about Benoit. But Benoit knows that in this business, sometimes you have to team up with people you don't like to reach a common goal. Then the camera pans back and we see John Cena is standing behind Benoit. Cena says that he doesn't like Benoit either. The only reason he is teaming with him and Kojak is to get a shot at Team Sasquatch. And if that is what he has to do to get at team Lesnar, so be it. But to just remember one thing. That when they are out there, Benoit can't see him (you can't see me wavy hand thingy™) and Cena leaves. Benoit says that if Cena does anything out there to screw him over, he is going to take him out. Then he is going to come back for Angle.

Come back to McMahon in his room when he hears a knock. Sable comes in with Father Frank. She is worried about him and wants Vince to talk to the priest. Blah. Blah. Blah. Basically Vince asks him to pray, he keeps interrupting, then at the end he just gives up and says that Taker is the one that is going to need him. I'm really tired of Vince and this sacrilegious crap. Anyway...

SS Raw package. Damn Lita is hot. Now we see the Smackdown matchup screens. Matchup screen for main event, Lesnar/Show vs. Benoit/Cena. Commercial.

The Cat is on The Prowl. We see a limo riding down a street with Lamont, the annoying butler, with his head out of the top of the limp praising Cat. Cat makes him sit down and Cat is surrounded by beautiful women. It seems like Cat is going to put on a performance somewhere. Cat just talk how Cat talks. Praising himself and such. Cut to Cena coming out. I would kill to see his tron in entirety. We see Method Man in the audience. Cena asks for a mic and I quote...

"Yo, yo, yo. It's true. It's damn true. John Cena's the fifth member. I would've joined Team Lesnar but they're all the wrong gender. That's why I told them hell na when they gave me an invitation. Ain't no way I'm going to join the Nation of Masturbation. And Brock's just a lil bitch, hiding behind them tattoos. But wait *digs in pocket and pulls out a bra*, I brought him out a bra so he can cover his man boobs. And Big Show gained like 500 pounds since last week. It's like them three giant partners is squeezed between his ass cheeks. The whole team is fairies flying off to Neverland. They ain't gonna beat us dawg, because they don't know the Method Man. *cut to a shot of Meth wilding out* Yo, yo, yo, their whole team is full of chicks man I'm sick of all of this. I'm the doctor of thuganomics, they need a gynecologist. Now that Cena's on the roster Team Angle is legit, Team Lesnar is 5 oversized pieces of *audience* shit." Benoit now comes out. Now U.S. Champion (ugh) Big Show. And finally, Brock Lesnar. We get...

John Cena/Chris Benoit vs. Brock Lesnar/Big Show
Start off with Cena and Lesnar. Lock up, corner, break up. Lock up, Cena is thrown down. Go behind by Lesnar but takes an elbow to the face. Brock reverses an irish whip and shoulder rams in the corner. Cena whipped into the other corner but Cena catches Lesnar with an elbow. Cena knocks down Lesnar and tag to Benoit. Benoit with a snap suplex that gets 2. Chops in corner. Tag to Cena. Cena tries to irish whip Lesnar to the corner but Lesnar reverses into an overhead belly-to-belly. Tag to Show. Show with a club to the back. Manhandling ensues. Chokeslam to Cena but Benoit pulls him out. Commercial break. Come back to Show holding Cena in an abdominal stretch and scoop slam. Tag to Lesnar. German suplex. Elbow drop. Fisherman suplex gets 2. Irish whip to corner but Cena gets his feet up to stop Lesnar's charge and hits a DDT. Hot tag to Benoit. And Benoit LUKEWARM! Not quite on fire. He beats down Lesnar and catches him with a sick release German suplex. Benoit hits the headbutt and Show breaks up the count. Benoit knocks Show off the apron. Hot shot to Benoit by Lesnar. Clothesline. Tag to Show. Hard whip to corner and huge chop to chest. Hip toss and Show beats down Benoit. Pretty innovative move by Show. He holds Benoit and leans him back as is he were going to give him a Test Drive (that neckbreaker move Test did). But what Show does is that he brings swings his leg around and legdrops Benoit to the ground. Pretty cool. Cena breaks up the count. Tag to Lesnar. Stomps. Front facelock and now a rear naked choke. Benoit works his way up to a vertical base and chops his way out. Release German suplex. Hot tag to Cena and Cena is ON FIRE! But the ref doesn't see so he is forced back out. Lesnar kicks Benoit in the gut and DDT. Show and Cena are taunting each other from the aprons. Show is talking crap and Cena with the you can't see me wavy hand thingy™. Benoit tries to get the tag but Lesnar holds his foot. Benoit takes care of that with an enziguiri. Hot tag to Cena and he again is ON FIRE! Cena knocks Show down with a flying clothesline and flying headbutt by Benoit. Cena pins but only gets a 2 count when it is broken up by Lesnar. That looked cool as hell. Lesnar wasn't on screen and Lesnar just basically flew over them and while hitting Cena with a club to the back. Lesnar and Benoit are fighting in the corner when UPN does a dumbass move and starts showing a commercial. By the time they finally realize their mistake we see Cena pinning Big Show for the 1, 2, 3.
Winners: John Cena and Chris Benoit

For once, I'm grateful for replays. What happened was that while the ref was distracted with Benoit crossfacing Lesnar, Cena lowblowed Show and used the chain to knock out Show. Smackdown! ends with Cena backing up the ramp, you can't see me wavy hand thingy™).

You know the feedback address. thecruzanhurricane@hotmail.com . Like a prostitute, I'm always open. I'll catch you later. This is your King of Bling Bling signing off.

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