Submitted by Rajah on December 13, 2003 at 10:12:18

King of Bling Bling here. Join me, xpacnumber1fan, as we examine this week's edition of Smackdown. Let's set it off shall we?

We start off with a video package of all the drama that went down last week. The battle royal, the tie, the decision, and the beatdown. Now we cut directly to the arena where Brock Lesnar is coming down, presumably for an interview. No pyro or intro this week. Cazz welcome us to San Jose, Cali. My assumption was correct. Lesnar starts us off by inciting a you tapped out chant. Tells them to get it out of their system because after tonight they won't be able to say a damn thing. Some crowd insults. Blah blah blah. He is the greatest WWE champ in history. Yada yada yada. Benoit and Cena are afraid of him. He can beat both Benoit and Cena. No matter who it is, he WILL make someone tap out tonight. You know how it is. Commercial break.

We come back to Rikishi and Scotty 2 Hotty in the ring. Now the Bashams. Both of them wearing those cool leather masks. Shaniqua now makes it a ritual to take off their masks. Pre-match ass whipping and bell rings. We have...

Too Cool vs. The Basham Brothers
This is a non-title affair. We start off with Danny attacking the Kish. Danny tries to beat Rikishi down with rights but Rikishi fights back. Irish whip and Kish tries for a belly-to-belly but Danny headbutts out. He runs back against the ropes but Kish catches him coming back in Samoan Drop position. Danny slithers out though and tries to sunset flip Rikishi. WHOA! RIKISHI JUST SAT ON HIS F*CKING HEAD! SICK! You know that spot where Rikishi just sits down on the person's chest as a counter to a sunset flip, well Rikishi went a bit too forward and Rikishi just sat down with all his weight on Danny's head. Danny is hurt here. Rikishi pretends he is hurt and tired as well buying some time and after about half a minute he makes a tag to Doug. That was sick man. Anyway, Doug comes in and starts attacking Kish. Rikishi knocks the hell out of Doug with a clothesline. Tag to S2H. Neat double team maneuver. S2H drop toe holds Doug and holds his leg while Rikishi hits a big legdrop. S2H pins but Danny comes in and breaks it up. Danny irish whips Scotty but Scotty catches him wih a flying forearm. He then pulls down the rope and sends Danny flying over the top. Doug tries to send Scotty outside he holds on the apron. Doug then distracts the ref and Shaniqua pulls down Scotty, him hitting his head against the apron in the process. Ref notices this and throws Shaniqua out of the ringside area. Doug whips Scotty into the corner and elbow drop gets two. Tag to Danny. Abdominal Stretch. Scotty fights out and counters with a hip toss. Danny holds Scotty's leg so he can't tag. Scotty tries for an enziguiri but misses. But Scotty pushes Danny off with his other leg and makes the hot tag to Rikishi. Rikishi is ON FIRE! DDT to Doug. Superkick to Danny. Kish squashes Doug in the corner and lands in Stink Face position. Shaniqua runs to the ring though, distracts the ref, and the Bashams switch. The ref sends Shaniqua back. Rikishi goes for the Stink Face but receives a low blow for his efforts. Scotty comes in though and hits the Worm. Rikishi throws Doug out of the ring, hits Danny with a Samoan Drop and gets the 1, 2, 3.
Winners: Too Cool

Shaniqua comes back into the ring and she is pissed as hell. She chews them out, saying that they are tag team champions and they lost to Scotty Too Hotty. They don't deserve her as her manager and she walks out. Yes people, the tag team champions cleanly jobbed to Rikishi and Scotty Too Hotty.

We come back to a video package showing Holly's history since he came back. Him getting disqualified at SS and getting indefinitely suspended at Smackdown. Then we see Paul Heyman with Dawn Marie in the back. Dawn Marie is his new assistant. Dawn Marie keeps on flirting with Heyman but Heyman won't have none of it. He says that he is all business and doesn't do the help. He does tell Dawn to take a memo though. It is to Hardcore Holly saying that due to his actions he is still indefinitely suspended. He also tells Dawn to do one more thing. To tell Shannon Moore to come out to the ring. And this segment is next.

Come back to find Paul Heyman in the ring, along with Nathan Jones and Matt Morgan. He calls out Shannon Moore. Wow, I finally get to see Moore's Tron and hear his music. Usually he is always in the ring already whenever he wrestles. Damn good Tron and music by the way. First of all, he does not hold Moore accountable for Matt Hardy jumping to Raw. Hey says that he was impressed by Shannon. How he took an ass beating but kept on coming back time after time. He wants to make him a part of Smackdown That's why tonight he is going to put him a big match. No, not a handicap match. But he will face...

The Big Show.

Shannon Moore vs. The Big Show
Let me spoil the surprise now. Shannon cleanly wins this match. No really, he does. OK no he doesn't. Hey, Cole tells us that Moore has a new tattoo on the inside of his lip, says extinct. This is your basic beat down. Not as much innovative spots as the other matches. After a few clotheslines, his cool ass legdrop move, right hands, and chops, we end with a huge chokeslam.
Winner: The Big Show

We see the Tale of the Tape for Cena vs. Benoit later in the night. Commercial. Come back to the WWE Rewind, which shows Noble losing to Akio last week. In the back , we see Jamie Noble with Nidia. Jamie is trying to convince Nidia to stay in the back. He has two strikes already losing to Tajiri and Akio. If he loses to Sakoda he might not receive a shot at the Cruiser title again. Nidia says she was just trying to help but in the end says ok. Noble walks off but then comes back on screen and says that he has a plan, then walks off with Nidia. Back in the ring, Tajiri's music hits and he walks out with Sakoda. We see that our ring announcer is Justin Roberts. Noble's music now hits and he comes out with Nidia in tow. We now have...

Jamie Noble vs. Sakoda
Start with a lock up and Noble beats Sakoda down with some rights. Roll up and back slide by Noble get 2 counts. Sakoda now takes control until he gets a drop toe hold into the second turnbuckle. Noble then starts working on Sakoda's arm until Sakoda catches him with a hard leg sweep/clothesline combo. Hard irish whip into the turnbuckle. Sakoda then grabs him and rams him into the turnbuckle. Backbreaker held into backbreaker submission. Sakoda breaks it and goes for a pin. Sakoda whips Noble into the ropes but Noble grabs his head, drops to his back and rams Sakoda's head into his knee. Noble throws Sakoda to the outside and hits a missile to the outside. Noble then heelishly grabs Nidia and tosses her into the ring. Noble then grabs Nidia and pushes her into Sakoda, rolls him up and gets the 3 count. He then pushes her out of the ring in a not so gentle fashion.
Winner: Jamie Noble

Outside Nidia asks what happens and tells her that one of Tajiri's boys grabbed her and threw her into the ring, shoved him into the other guy and then kicked her out of the ring. Nidia asks why would they do that but Noble says that he won and he gets his title shot back baby, YEA! Cazz talk about how pathetic that was. Cole even goes as far as calling him a pathetic human being. So much for a subtle heel turn huh? Anyway, Cazz show us a replay of the ending of the battle royal last week.

Cut to Cena in the back with Josh Matthews. Cena calls Matthews Maculay Culkin's little brother. He starts talking smack when Benoit comes in laughing. Benoit says that Cena can talk a good talk, rhyme a good rhyme, but once the Crossface is on he will make him tap.

We come back to Cazz talking about a screen that says: "Smackdown Superstars will be visiting out troops in Iraq and Kuwait personally delivering USO packages. For more information go to troops.wwe.com." Cena now comes out. I still LOVE his Tron. And I quote...

"So, Paul Heyman said this match is for the best interest of Smackdown. He's just protecting that bitch Brock because all he does is back down. Thinks that he can beat us both, that's a dream he better snap out. I staright up whip his ass and Benoit's gonna make him tap out. So me and Chris fighting tonight, that's kinda awkward at first glance. That's like a third-grade dance over at Neverland Ranch. It just shouldn't happen. But if we gotta fight tonight, that's Ooooo Kay, I shake my shoulder off. I'm gonna kick his ass so hard I'll make his colon cough. Forget them three ways and replays, I don't care whose feet hit. I'll turn his gap tooth brown cause he's gonna make him eat *crowd* SHIT. Benoit now makes his way down.

Chris Benoit vs. John Cena
Lock up in the corner. Benoit takes control and sends Cena into the ropes and knocks Cena down with a blow to the chest. Quick snap suplex gets 2. Let's go Cena chants. Benoit chops Cena to hell but Cena starts pounding down Benoit. Irish whip and clohesline gets 2. Powerslam and the Five Knuckle Shuffle gets 2. That being his "shake my shoulder off" fist drop. Pounding down ensues by Cena but Benoit starts chopping Benoit. Benoit goes for the snap suplex again but Cena counters with a suplex of his own that gets 2. Cena then holds Benoit in some sort of submission hold. Like a modified full nelson. Benoit tries to fight out but Cena hits him down hard with a spinebuster. Benoit with a small package that gets 2. Clothesline by Cena gets 2. Hard irish whip to the corner. Cena with a delayed vertical suplex. That gets 2 as well. Right hands by Cena but Benoit counters with Germans x3. Benoit taunts Cena with his own "you can't see me wavy hand thingy™" and then signals for the headbutt. Cena rolls out of the way of the headbutt. Both men struggling to get to their feet. Cena gets up and then does his own pinky signal. He then freakin pumps up his sneakers man. Like Tazz said, that's old school. Cena goes after Benoit but Benoit catches some chops. Cena counters an irish whips and nails an F.U. 1, 2, 3. BUT WAIT! Benoit had his foot up on the ropes. Referee Nick Patrick looks a bit puzzled and Benoit starts complaining that his foot was on the ropes. Patrick says that he didn't see it. Referee Brian Hebner comes down though and tells Patrick this. Patrick also sees the replay on the Tron. Cena tells the ref that he made the call already. He won. But Patrick tells the announcer that following the replay he has to restart the match. Commercial. Come back to Benoit on the floor writhing in pain. Cena then charges but Benoit does his Crossface counter but he didn't actually catch the Crossface and the only thing it did was slam Cena elbow EXTREMELY hard against the mat. Cena looks a bit hurt. Benoit then dropkicks his shoulder. Benoit attacks the arm. Nothern Lights. Hammerlock Northern Lights. Chops. I feel so sorry for Cena's chest. He must have received 367 chops already. Shorthand clothesline gets 2. Cena tries to catch Benoit with a forearm but hurts his arm. Bodyslam and Benoit with an elbow drop. Body slam and another elbow gets 2. John Cena reverses an irish whip but hits Benoit with his bad arm. Benoit pushes Cena out of the ring. He throws him back inside and gets a 2 count. Benoit with a submission that torques Cena's arm. Like a high armbar. Cena breaks it with some guts to the midsection. Benoit sends Cena into the corner but Cena counters with a knee to the gut. The Throwback gets 2. Benoit knocks down Cena though and catches the Sharpshooter. Cena gets to the ropes and breaks it. Benoit sends Cena into the corner and they struggles a bit. Cena then catches a quick desperate F.U. Big Show runs down and Cena hits him with a right. Cena goes back to Benoit but Benoit catches the Crossface on that injured arm and Cena taps out. Show backs up the aisle with a smile on his face. Benoit goes celebrating down the aisle.
Winner: Chris Benoit

Come back to moments ago (read final sentences of above paragraph). We see the official match up screen. Brock Lesnar vs. Chris Benoit for the WWE title. In the back, Eddie meets up with Chavo. Eddie says that he is going to go out there and help out Chavo but Chavo doesn't want Eddie out there. Chavo says that for just once it's not about Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie... Eddie says it's not abotu him, it's about them. Chavo disagrees and says tonight is about Chavo. He is going to face Shelton Benjamin out there alone and Eddie is going to stay in the back. Eddie doesn't like that too much. Back in the ring we see the guys with one of the best intros to a Tron, T.W.G.T.T. Chavo comes out with his cool ass music, not Eddie's. Also unlike Eddie, he gets some piped in cheers. We see a replay of what happens last week. After Chavo gets to the ring Eddie's music hits and Eddie comes out in a lowrider. Chavo is obviously not very happy but Benjamin attacks Chavito from behind. Bell rings and we now have...

Shelton Benjamin vs. Chavo Guerrero
Benjamin kicks down Chavo in the corner. Chavo battles back though. Benjamin reverses and irish whip to the ropes but Chavo catches him with a tilt-a-whirl hurricanrana. We then see that Eddie is setting up a lawn chair in front of his lowrider. Chavo starts beating down Benjamin in the ring. We then see Eddie sitting down in his lawn chair with one of those beer hats, some fast food bag from a taco join and a Smackdown magazine. But instead of a beer hat we should actually call it a YJ Stinger hat. Interestingly enough though Eddie doesn't have any of the straws in his mouth. Hmmm... Back in the ring, Benjamin superkicks Chavo's injured knee and starts working it over. Benjamin drops his knee on Chavo's knee. Kneebreaker by Benjamin and Benjamin with a submission. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Benjamin then rams Chavo's knee into the mat. Benjamin sends Chavo into the corner and Chavo puts up his foot. Benjamin grabs it though and says "Thank you very much" but when he moves forward Chavo hits him with his other foot. Couple of clothesline and inverted atomic drop. Standing dropkick gets 2. Eddie is cheering Chavo from the outside. Eddie is finally drinking some of that YJ Stinger. Benjamin reverses an irish whip but Chavito catches him with a tornado DDT. Haas gets up on the apron and distracts Chavo and the ref but Eddie climbs up on the top rope for a quick frog splash. Chavo then quickly gets the pin.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero

After the match, Chavo is mad at Eddie for trying to steal the spotlight. Eddie tries to get a Chavo chant started but Chavo says Eddie doesn't care about him. Chavo doesn't know that Eddie helped him though because Chavo is yelling out he did it all by himself and raising his hands into the air. Pretty funny moment. Chavo tells Eddie he doesn't wanna ride with him and he could take it and shine up his car real nice. Chavo is then backing up the ramp and yells out "You don't even let me drive it!" Eddie then replies off camera "You can drive man." OK, might not have been too funny to you guys but hearing it is much better.

Come back from commercial seeing a lil package saying that the Cat and Sable will be performing next week. We now see a pretty nice video package about the history of Brock Lesnar (on Smackdown anyway, except for HIAC). In the back, Josh Matthews is interviewing Benoit. Benoit says that the package left out one thing. They show Lesnar tapping out at SS. Benoit then comes back and says that a picture is worth a thousand words and that he will become the WWE Champion. Commercial. Come back to replay of Benoit winning over Cena.

We see the Smackdown superstars backstage gathered in front of the F.B.I. The F.B.I. are taking bets. Nunzio says the odds are 3:2 in favor of Lesnar. He explains that although Benoit made Lesnar tap out, Benoit has wrestled already. All the wrestlers start making bets again when A-Train pushes through. He asks Nunzio is he is the guy taking bets. Nunzio says yes and A-Train puts down $10,000. Nunzio calls out to place 10 grand on Lesnar but Train stops him and says 10 grand on Benoit. Lesnar's music hits and he comes out. Benoit's turn now. Brock attacks. Bell rings and we have...

Chris Benoit vs. Brock Lesnar
Quick suplex by Lesnar and stomp out. Lesnar beats down Benoit. Benoit starts to fight back but gets a knee to the gut. Irish whip to the corner but Benoit counters with a kick, ducks a clothesline and takes Brock down with an arm drag. Two more and Lesnar gets knocked over the top rope. Smash to the announce table and chops. Lesnar fights back though and breaks the count. Lesnar tries an irish whip but Benoit reverses and Lesnar hits the steel post. Benoit tries a Crossface but Lesnar squrims out and runs around the ring. Lesnar gets in the ring and catches Benoit with a hotshot. Kicks by Lesnar and a delayed fisherman's cradle suplex. 2 count. Knee to the gut and Lesnar throws Benoit outside. Lesnar military presses Benoit and drops him on the announce table. Breaks the count and throws Benoit back inside. Lesnar goes for a pin but gets only 2. Snap suplex by Lesnar. Rear naked choke by lesnar. Benoit fights out but a tilt-a-whirl slam gets him down. Lesnar's been busted open. Commercial. *wait 4 minutes* Come back to Benoit in another sleeper like submission. Benoit fights out with chops. Benoit charges but Lesnar pulls down the top rope. Lesnar goes outside and kicks Benoit. Breaks the count then rams him into the steel steps. Lesnar then goes inside hoping for a count out. Benoit starts to get in so Lesnar goes for him but Bnoit pulls him out and sends him into the steps. Benoit sends Lesnar inside but Lesnar goes outside and tries to escape. Back inside Benoit catches him and stomps him. Benoit irish whips Lesnar to the corner but Lesnar elbows him on the charge. German suplex by Lesnar. Both men get up at 9. Back and forth until Lesnar reverses an irish whip attempt into the corner. Lesnar then rushes Benoit with a shoulder charge but Benoit moves. Germans x3. Benoit with a shoulder tackle and he signals for the headbutt. He hits that baby. Benoit goes for the cover but Lesnar kicks out at 2 and a half. Benoit tries to lock in the Crossface but Lesnar is fighting. Lesnar pushes him off. Benoit goes for it again but Lesnar picks him up in a sidewalk slam position and swings him, knocking down the ref in the process. Benoit holds on though and finally locks in the Crossface and LESNAR TAPS OUT!!! BENOIT IS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!! No ref though. Bwahaha. Benoit goes to revive the ref but then he turns right into an F5. Lesnar revives the ref and goes for the pin but Benoit kicks out of the F5. The ref is still down and dragging himself though so Lesnar grabs a chair and smashes Benoit's knee. Lesnar then catches Benoit with a unique submission. He holds Benoit's leg around his neck and squashes down Benoit's body, then eventually sits on it like in Boston Crab position. Pretty sick submission. After a while, Benoit loses consciousness and the ref stops the match. The announcer states that Lesnar is still the WWE champ.
Winner: Brock Lesnar

Lesnar then applies a Crossface to an unconscious Benoit and grabs Benoit's and starts tapping it. Lesnar starts bragging that he made Benoit tap out. Fade to black.

Remember, feedback always appreciated. thecruzanhurricane@hotmail.com. Til' next week, this is K.O.B.B. signing out.

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