Submitted by Rajah on January 24, 2004 at 08:58:23

King of Bling Bling, signing in. Your host xpacnumber1fan here to Smack Your TV. If last week I didn't have a lot of time, this week I have NO time. That explains why it's kinda late. And to make thigns even more negative, this won't be your daddy's Smackdown report. This is basically gonna be a brief summary of Smackdown. Sorry guys. : ( Let's get crackin.

Intro. Pyro. Cazz. We are welcomed to Huntsville, Alabammer. Angle comes down talking about family values. He says it's none of his business but there is no way that he will let one of the best tag teams of all times break up. He calls Chavo to the ring. They chatter back and forth. Chavo says that is Eddie was there he would slap him again. Cue Eddie. Angle breaks them up and then talks some crap about values. In the end, he gets them to less than enthusiastically shake hands and then holds up their hands. Cut to the back where Big Show says that he asked for the No DQ match so he could use the chair on Holly.

Come back from commercial. Benoit's music hits and he comes down to the ring. But instead of his opponent's music playing, we get Heyman. Heyman, with a splint on his forefinger (the one Benoit screwed up), says that Benoit's match will be a Royal Rumble type match, where a new opponent will come every 2 minutes. Three other people were chosen. They just so happen to be the F.B.I. Enjoy.

Chris Benoit vs. The F.B.I.
Stamboli comes down first. Boring as hell. Basically, punches and kicks and trying to throw each other over the top rope. Benoit holds Stamboli in the Sharpshooter when Palumbo comes down. Benoit gets double teamed for a bit until he takes over. He drapes Stamboli over the top rope with a font suplex. Palumbo then shoots Benoit into the ropes, Benoit ducks a clothesline and baseball slides Stamboli's feet from under him. More punches and kicks. Benoit holds Palumbo in the Crossface as Nunzio comes down. Benoit gets double teamed. Finish comes when Nunzio holds down the top rope and Palumbo shoots Benoit into it, but Benoit reverses. Palumbo goes over the top rope but lands on the apron. Nunzio is holding on to Palumbo trying to make sure he doesn't fall when Benoit sends Nunzio over the top. Palumbo comes back in and they fight for a bit until Benoit ducks a Whack, grabs Palumbo from behind and sends Palumbo over the top.
Winner: Chris Benoit

Benoit celebrates up the ramp. Up next will be the Bashams vs. Too Cool. Commercial. We come back from commercial and Too Cool's music hits. The Bashams music now hits. Shaniqua is at the end the ramp holding the tag belts when the Bashams attack Kish and S2H from behind. They get taken out. Front kick from Shaniqua to Scotty. Ball and Gag to Kish. Title belts to the head. It appears we are going to have no match when Angle's music hits. Angle says that hell has official frozen over because he just talked to Heyman and they made an agreement. He says that when a tag title match is advertised, it's a good idea to actually have a title match. He and Heyman have foind suitable replacements, Los Guerreros. Break. Los Gurreros come down in a hoopty. We have...

Los Guerreros vs. The Basham Brothers (Tag Title Match)
Damn good match. The crowd was into it and we even got a Chavo chant. Finish comes when Chavo tries a sunset flip over the top rope to Doug but Doug sits down and holds the middle rope, with Shaniqua holding on to his hands. After the match, Eddie gets beat down. Chavo goes outside to get a chair, but instead just sits on it. Eddie gets mangled in a double single leg Boston Crab. After it, Chavo gets in the ring and helps Eddie up, then punches him down. He mounts Eddie starts beating him with punches, Eddie starts to bleed. After that, Chavo goes to leave but he comes back in and KICKS THE HELL out of Eddie's head. Man, that whole thing looked so messed up and real. The break up has been a looooooooong time coming, but it couldn't have been better than this. Anyway, Chavo then steals the Lowrider. Commercial.

We come back with Cazz all melancholy and A-Train in the ring. John Cena now comes down. Due to time constraints, I can't type out the rap. : ( It sucked anyway.

A-Train vs. John Cena
Basic power match. Cena takes it with the F.U.
Winner: John Cena

In the back, a bloodied Eddie is being checked by an attendant, Eddie is almost to the point of tears. Angle is next to Eddie's ear apologizing. He said that he was wrong in sticking his nose in their business. Eddie is shaking, almost crying. He looks kinda stupid, but it adds realism. Angle says that he never should have stopped him from tearing Chavo apart in the first place. He is sorry. Commercial. Ya know, I've always been a proponent of pushing Chavo. I think Chavo is a very talented guy. But I don't like this because I guess don't want him going over at the expense of Eddie. I like Eddie too much. Bah.

Anyway, back from commercial. Who's dat jumping out the sky? Why it's Rey Mysterio. You know, people complain about the stereotypical Japanese music Japanese wrestlers usually receive. But music of generic techno drum machine genre doesn't really work for Akio and Sakoda.

Rey Mysterio vs. Akio Pretty slow for a Cruiser match, still good. Botched inteference by Sakoda, and a double 619 to Akio and Sakoda. Mysterio then wins it with the West Coast Pop.
Winner: Rey Mysterio

Best of Billy Gunn. Billy Gunn is in the Afterburn/Bottom Line studio, hosting the best of Billy Gunn countdown. In the three weeks leading up to the Royal Rumble, he will show the three best moments of his career. Number 3 is the Smoking Gunns beating 1-2-3 Kid and Bob "Spark Plug" Holly for his first tag team championship. Damn, the SGs were pretty good. Be sure to join next week when we see number 2. Break.

Come back to Josh Matthews talking to Bob Holly. Basically, a street fight is right up his alley, and you don't play Bob's game in his own backyard. Then cut to Nidia who has a security person call Jamie. She only gets a voice message. She is worried because Jamie has a match next. Heyman then walks in. Heyman isn't feeling too good because Jamie was supposed to be in a number 1 contenders match against Tajiri next but he is nowhere to be found. If Jamie doesn't show up, he will have to find a suitable replacement. And that replacement, will be Nidia. Commercial.

Come back to Tajiri coming down to the ring. Then Jamie Noble's music hits and no one comes out. After a half a minute or so, Heyman leads Nidia down to the center of the ring, takes away her walking stick, and tells the time keeper to ring the bell. We now have...

Nidia vs. Tajiri
This is a pretty funny match. Tajiri is beating on a blind girl. Her shades don't even come off. I'm surprised her boobs didn't pop out either. Match ends when Tajiri hits her with a hard Russian Leg Sweep. After the match, Nidia is kneeling and Tajiri preps for the Kick of Death but Rey Mysterio makes the save. Mysterio and the ref are leading Nidia up the ramp when Noble comes running down in street clothes. Jamie then goes with Nidia, but not before clocking Mysterio with a hard right hand. Commercial.

Come back to see Lesnar's music hit. He will be joining us on commentary, what a pleasant surprise. I was missing Brock. By the way, Tazz mentions that Brock will be on the cover of Flex magazine. Big ups to Rena who also e-mailed me with that tidbit of information. See, I do read my e-mails. : D Anyway, Show comes down then Holly.

Hardcore Holly vs. Big Show
Yea you know how it is. Weapon, weapon, weapon. Holly knocks down Brock on the outside. More weapons, yada yada. Finish comes when Holly takes a steel chair, wraps it around Show's neck and starts cranking on it. Big Show taps out.
Winner: Hardcore Bob Holly

After the bell rings, Lesnar taunts Holly. Holly grabs a chair and Brock jumps the rail faster than an illegal Mexican running from border cops. Holly then poses on top of the announce table. fade to black.

Hey, I have a question for all my readers out there. I don't quite remember, but has Big Show ever defended the U.S. belt on T.V. since winning it from Eddie Guerrero? I can't think of even one time where he has. Way to debut a new belt on Smackdown guys.

Again, I'm sorry for the abbreviated report today, as well as for the lateness, but hopefully I'll be on track next week. Til' then, your King of Bling Bling signing out.

P.S. All money and loveletters sent here: thecruzanhurricane@hotmail.com

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