Submitted by Rajah on April 18, 2002 at 22:30:22

-We're here in the Tuscon Convention Center in Tuscon, Arizona with Tazz and Michael Cole for Smackdown! Tonight, there'll be two huge main events- Chris Jericho vs. Edge and Triple H vs. Kurt Angle!

-Speaking of Angle, out comes Kurt. Last week, in a move that was "good for business", McMahon said Triple H will defend at Backlash against Hogan. Puh, and might he add, lease! Doeas he think people want to see that? That they'd rather see Hogan than our Olympic Hero? He beat Russians tougher than the Iron freakin' Sheik in the Olympics. And Flair made a match between Austin and the Undertaker for the #1 Contendership, insuring Angle won't have a title shot for awhile. That's just not right. Angle's better than anyone on RAW or Smackdown! And tonight, Angle's going to prove it in his match with Triple H. He'll prove to the world what would have happened if Vince hadn't gone "mental". The fans will chant "what", as in "what an unbelieveable Triple H is going to take". He didn't hear "What?" when he won a gold medal. Those people had respect for their heroes, unlike the losers in Tuscon. How about he says a sentence, and they say "It's True" instead of "What?". "What?" It's true! "What?" It's true! "What?" It's true it's true it's true...Edge comes out in some leather pants and wild shirt (appearantly, he's trying to be Chris Jericho from a year ago). How can Edge say this- Angle's gold medal win was inspiring. But it was six years ago. He needs to get over the past. Edge can help him. Since Angle won't be getting a title shot at Backlash, maybe they'd like to settle some unfinished business. Angle says that snot-nosed punk wants a shot at him? It's going to be his pleasure to kick Edge's ass. Edge says something Angle doesn't hear often- it's a date. Angle does have a point. The fans shouldn't chant "What?". Austin's on RAW now. Kurt is an Olympic Gold Medalist, he's special. They should chant something special, something very Angle. They should chant "You Suck". Hold on, people, says Angle. "You Suck". Cut it out! "You Suck". This conversation is over. Play his music! They music plays, and the fans chant "You Suck" along with it. Angle just can't win.

Commercial break.

-Angle is pacing in his room when Jericho comes in. Edge is a snot-nosed punk. Jericho would have beaten Rock if Edge didn't interfere. Jericho's going to beat the hell out of Edge before Angle beats him at Backlash. If there's anything Angle can't stand, it's a long-haired, loudmouth Canadian who dresses like a rock star. Other than Jericho, that is (proving my theory that Edge is essentially Chris Jericho Jr.). Jericho's cool. Jericho says he is cool, but Triple H and Hulk Hogan aren't. Jericho proposes that they form a pact to watch each other's backs. Angle accepts.

-We see clips from last week where Kidman beat Tajiri for the Cruiserweight Title.

Tajiri vs. the Hurricane
-Tajiri comes out, dragging Torrie out in a geisha outfit (Torrie's in the geisha outfit, not Tajiri). As Michael Cole completely butchers pronunciation of "geisha", it's time to stand back, because there's a Hurricane comin' through. We learn that Tajiri gets a Cruiserweight title rematch against Kidman at Backlash. Hurricane extends a hand, but Tajiri kicks it away. Armdrag by Hurricane knocks Tajiri out of the ring. Suicide dive by Hurricane. Off the top rope, Hurricane hits a sunset flip, 1-2-kickout. Tajiri counters the suplex and hits a kick. Scoop slam and knee drop by Tajiri. Springboard elbow by Tajiri, but Hurricane catches him and goes for a back suplex. Tajiri counters and hits a kick to the back of the head. Tajiri misses the Suicide dive, but lands on his feet. Hurricanrana by Tajiri. Tajiri goes up top, but Hurricane gets up and hits a hurricanrana off the top rope! Fisherman's suplex by Hurricane. Hurricane counters the Tarantula and hits the Eye of the Hurricane, 1-2-Tajiri gets his foot on the ropes. Tajiri catches Hurricane's foot when he goes for a Superkick and hits a kick of his own. Kick of Death by Tajiri, 1-2-3!
Here is your winner- Tajiri
-After the match, Tajiri orders Torrie into the ring and rants in Japanese again. Tajiri looks back and sees Kidman standing on the top rope! Missile dropkick by Kidman!

-Stacy comes into Vince's office. Seeing he isn't there, she sits down on his couch.

Commercial break.

-Clips from last week where Albert turns on Scotty.

Albert vs. Scotty 2 Hotty
-Albert comes out in some much smaller tights in all his hairy glory (someone PLEASE give this man some CLOTHES). Scotty comes out. Albert pushes Scotty down and takes it to him. Back elbow to Scotty. Clothesline to the back of the head by Albert. Guillotine by Albert, 1-2-kickout. Choke toss by Albert. Missile dropkick, 1-2-kickout. Clothesline by Albert, who misses a body splash in the corner. Dropkick to the knees by Scotty. Bulldog by Scotty, who goes for the W-O-R-M, but Albert hits a Scissors Kick to the face. Baldo Bomb by Albert, 1-2-3! Here is your winner- Albert (who desperately needs a shirt and some pants) -After the match, Albet hits a scoop slam (cue Rikishi to make the save). Another scoop slam by Albert. Body splash off the second rope. Out comes (SHOCK!) Rikishi, who scares Albert off. When Rikishi checks on Scotty, Albert tries to sneak up on him. Rikishi takes it to Albert and hits a Superkick. Rikishi mouths "Your ass is mine" (are you sure you really want that, Rikishi? You got plenty of ass already). -Vince comes in. He wants to know if he can help Stacy. She is curious if she thought about her offer to be his personal assistant.He has, but there are a few more candidates. He's holding interviews in the ring tonight, if she's still interested. She says she is, and she'll make him and offer he can't refuse.
Commercial break.

-Sharmell is waiting for Hogan.

-Rico comes into Maven's room with Chuck and Billy. Rico makes fun of Maven's appearance. Snow comes in, calls Rico Wolverine (responding to his sideburns) and asks where the rest of the X-Men are. Billy smacks Maven's drink out of his hand. Chuck says Al has a date, and tells him not to be late, as he blows him a kiss (okay, the WWF needs to brush up on their "subtle innuendo").

-Sharmell asks for Hogan's thoughts, ten days away from Backlash. Hogan had plenty of time to think and talk to some Hulkamaniacs. He wants one more chance to prove Hulkamania is alive. One more time to hold the title. But, Triple H came back from a career threatening injury, won the Royal Rumble, and won the title. Triple H can come back from anything. At Backlash...Jericho comes in. ericho Hogan should be wary of the match at Backlash. Hogan has nothing to lose. If he loses the match, he's still got the Hulkamaniacs. Triple H has everything to lose. If he loses, all the months of hard work go down the drain. He's desperate. He'll go to any dpth to beat Hogan. Triple H doesn't have the respect the Rock did. The match at Backlash won't end with a handshake. What's Hulk gonna do when that comes down on his head?

Commercial break.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge
-Jericho comes out. Edge soon follows. Lock up. Choke on the ropes by Jericho. Spinning heel kick and flapjack by Edge. Jericho goes over the top. Baseball slide to the face of Edge. Back in the ring, Edge hits a cross body off the top rope, 1-2-kickout. Clothesline by Jericho. Dropkick to the back of the head by Jericho, who chokes Edge on the ropes again. Knee to the head by Jericho. Stall suplex by Jericho, 1-2-kickout. Rollup by Edge, 1-2-kickout. Shot by Jericho, 1-2-kickout. Jericho misses a spear in the corner. Flying forearm and clothesline by Edge. Edge goes for a sunset flip off the top rope, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho, but Edge counters into a cover, 1-2-kickout. Facebuster by Edge. Angle gets in the ring, but Edge spears him. Bulldog to Edge. Edge gets his knees up as Jericho goes for the Lionsault. Edge-O-Matic to Jericho, 1-2-kickout. Standing Dropkick by Jericho, but Edge counters into a slingshot, knocking out the ref. Edge locks in the Edge-Ucator, but lets go when he realizes the ref is out. Clotehsline by Jericho, who gets a chair. Spear to Jericho, 1-2-kickout. Guillotine by Angle, 1-2-3!
Here is your winner- Chris Jericho
-After the match, Edge chases Angle. They battle in the back, but Jericho knocks Edge down and throws him into some pipes. Angle Slam on the concrete. Angle locks in the Anglelock, but Hogan comes in and takes Jericho and Angle out. They run away.

Commercial break.

-Vince comes down to the ring, which has a very classy red carpet, desk, and two chairs. Vince says everyone knows he's been looking for a personal assisstant. He's not just looking for any PA, but one with great qualifications. He's holding auditions in front of the public since his PA needs to be able to speak in public. He calls for applicant number one. A random lady comes out and gets booed (awww, come on, she's wearing skups! You know, those little chains of beads that connect to the ends of glasses, so they don't fall of people's heads). Vince asks for her name, which is Sylvia Johnson. Her qualifications are that she types 95 WPM and speaks three languages fluently. She can work overtime and do personal taks. She's not his type. He calls for number two. A guy in a suit comes out. "Look, it's that guy from American Pie" says Tazz, as the guy does look a little like Jason Biggs. He gets an "Asshole" chant. When he gets in the ring, Vince yells at him to get the hell out. Number three comes out. A good-looking girl comes out. Vince says she's more his type. Her name is Sue Atchison and she also types 95 words per minute. She takes great dictation, which Vince loves. She can do personal favors. Vince says that unless someone makes him an offer he can't refuse, she's got the job. Out comes Stacy. She tells applicant number three to take a hike. She leaves. Stacy then tells Vince to take a seat. She's not going to tell him her qualifications, she's going to show them (this is like a porno). She throws everything off the desk (very classy), lets down her hair, and crawls on the desk (even classier). She starts dancing for Vince, who pulls a classic pratfall and falls out of his chair. She ends her routine by spreading her legs, putting her feet on Vince's shoulders (this is ALOT like a porno). Vince says she's got the job!

Commercial break.

-D-Von comes into Vince's office, wearing a suit. Vince wanted him to find himself. Testify. D-Von says he found himself, and he found the Big Man. The Man has a mission for D-Von. He has to save sinners. He needs one thing- a benefactor. D-Von rants for awhile. Vince says he's a rich man, and he wants D-Von to save the sinners. They've got a deal, in what is almost assuredly going to be RTC part II.

-Mark Henry is going to perform a feat of strength. A bunch of guys from the WWF lockerroom place bets on a limo. Mark leans up against the wall and puts his feet up against the front of the car. Test starts up the limo, and pulls on the accelleration! Mark is pushing the car back with his feet (and the car isn't in neutral, you can see the wheels spinning). Mark holds the car for 30 seconds. Farooq tells Test to stop, but Test floors it! Farooq stops the car and yells at Test, who just walks away.

Commercial break.

Chuck vs. Al Snow
-Chuck comes out with Billy and Rico. Al Snow then comes out with Maven. Chuck takes it to Al. Cross body by Al. Right hands by Al. Clothesline to the back of the head by Al. Rico distracts Al, and Chuck hits a clothesline. Two Belly to Belly suplexes by Chuck, 1-2-kickout. Chuck goes for another Belly to Belly, but Al hits a bunch of Headbutts and then hits two clotheslines. Back body drop by Al. Al goes for the Snowplow, but Billy hits a single leg takedown, as Chuck falls on him, 1-2-kickout. Snow hits a Spinebuster, 1-2-Rico distracts the ref. Maven chases Rico. Clothesline by Billy, 1-2-kickout. Superkick by Chuck, 1-2-kickout. Snowplow by Al, 1-2-3!
Here is your winner- Al Snow
Commercial break.

-Hogan comes into Triple H's lockerroom. Hogan says Triple H must know about Jericho and Angle's pact. If Triple H wants, Hogan will watch his back. Triple H says that in ten days, he and Hogan will fight. It won't be a Clash of Egoes, like between Hogan and Rock. It'll be a fight for everything Trips has. For the next ten days, if Hogan bursts into Triple H's lockerroom, he'll take it as a act of aggression, and he'll respond accordingly. As for his offer, thanks but no thanks. He fights his own battles. That's how he got to be champ, and that's how he'll stay champ. Triple H says Hogan knows what the belt means. It means that in a dog-eat-dog world, Triple H is the top dog. After spewing of some more hackneyed metaphors, he says he is the Game and he is that damn good. Hogan says that he plays the Game.

Commercial break.

Kurt Angle vs. Triple H
-Angle comes out, soon followed by Triple H. Side headlock by Triple H, which Kurt reverses into a wristlock. Side headlock by Triple H. Shoulderblock by Triple H. Another side headlock and another shoulderblock by Triple H. Big right hand by Trips. Side headlock by Angle. Shoulderblock by Angle. Another big right hand by Trips. Trips goes for the Pedigree, but Angle goes for the back body drop, which Trips reverses into a sunset flip. Trips pulls Kurt's tights down, revealing his skimpy thong underwear! Kurt goes outside. Trips tosses Angle into the announce table and slaps his ass. Triple H goes into the steps. Back in the ring, Kurt pulls up his tights and hits three German suplexes on Triple H, 1-2-kickout. Belly to belly by Angle, 1-2-kickout. Sleeper by Angle. Back suplex by Triple H. DDT by Trips. Running knee strike and Neckbreaker by Trips. Clothsline and choke by Triple H. Spinebuster by HHH, 1-2-Jericho pulls the ref out. Trips tosses Jericho out of the ring. Trips goes for a Pedigree, but Jericho hits a bulldog and a Lionsault. Angle covers, 1-2-kickout. Elbow drop by Jericho to the ref. Double team on Triple H. Hogan comes out and they double team him. Hogan HULKS UP! He smashes their heads together. Right hands to both guys. Big boot to Angle. Jericho goes outside and into the barricade. Pedigree to Angle, 1-2-3!
Here is your winner- Triple H
-Trips gets on the mic and calls out Hogan. Maybe Hogan didn't hear him earlier. Hogan gets in the ring. He respects Hogan, but until Backlash, stay out of his business. Hogan says that until Backlash, Triple H is his business. Angle knocks Triple H into Hogan and runs out of the ring. Hogan thinks Triple H hit him, and he HULKS UP AGAIN! He hits Triple H. Big Boot and Legdrop to Triple H! Jericho knocks Hogan down. Belt shots to the back of Hogan's head by Angle. Belt shot to the face by Jericho. Belt shot to Triple H by Angle!

End show.

Man of the Night- Chris Jericho. He had a great match and a few good interviews. His interview with Hogan was great.

Match of the Night- Angle vs. Triple H. There were some great matches tonight, but the winner goes to the second main event. The beginning, especially, was great. Excellent exchange between the two.

Quotation of the Night- "Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way...oh right, we don't have doors on a ring." -Vince McMahon, to applicant number one.

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