E-mail any comments, questions, or random thoughts about this column to Trophar@Lycos.com and I will post some of your letters in the mailbag section of the next column. Don’t be shy. I appreciate any and all intelligent critiques whether positive or negative.
Read the archives of Beauty in Wrestling from 2003 - 2005 at LeonThomas.Net The website will be updated in full soon.
My apologies for my absense over the past month and a half. I spilled hot sauce on my computer. That's not the real reason, but wouldn't that be funny?
--THE CLOSET--
"Get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!" - Matt LeBlanc
I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. You're kidding me. You love professional wrestling, and you don't want anyone else besides other wrestling fans to know that?
That is how it usually goes. My conversations with wrestling fans who, for reasons I can understand but with which I can no longer abide, refuse to let anyone else besides other fans of the product know their secret. In this day and age? Years after wrestling blew up big in the 90's? Years after it become more socially acceptable? Really? It is not only confusing but it has also become a bit sad. Not just because I myself am a huge wrestling fan and take great pride in being published on a very popular website. It is also sad on a more human level. You love something, it isn't shameful in the slightest, but you won't allow anyone to know about it.
As I said, I understand. I fully comprehend the reasons for "staying in the closet." I simply do not agree with them, and more to the point, I aim to convince any and all so-called "closet fans" to come out. You don't have to shout your love of wrestling from the rooftops, but when the subject comes up or if someone simply says "So, what kind of stuff do you like?" just be honest. Both with yourself and your friends and family. Is this a remarkable concept? No. I don't think so. It is simple. It is very, very simple. Now, I know some are skeptical. I know some are about to say "But I can't tell my friends about wrestling because..." and then give me a common argument for keeping it secret. Well, I have heard them all, and in the course of this piece, I will go through most of them, and hopefully, some good will come of it.
So, stick around, look over your shoulder to see if your roommate is about to learn the awful truth, and read on.
MOST COMMON REASON: "MY FRIENDS WON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE."
If you are a grown adult, this is absurd. Do you actually believe your friends won't like you anymore or, to a lesser extent, will give you a hard time from now on because you like professional wrestling? First, and most importantly, if your friends are the type of people who would sincerely be all over you and never let it go that you like wrestling, they are not good friends in the first place. There is no good reason for you to be hanging out with them, is there? That is an extreme case, though. Most friends will not actually give you anything more than a joke or two here and there.
Second, if your friends do just give you a joke or two, you can always fire back. Think about it. There is always something "questionable" that someone likes. If one of your pals says "You watch wrestling? That's lame" or something along those lines, you can always give it to them right back. In fact, pull the biggest trump card you can. "Oh, yeah? You like country music." Not that there is anything wrong with country. It is just good for a cheap crack much like wrestling. If your friend defends country music as a worthwhile interest, you can do the same for wrestling. At the end of the conversation, just say "Hey, we all like crazy stuff. So what?" That is the finisher.
Third, there is a good chance that your friends will not care. That is, if you have open-minded buddies. Fourth, you may actually have another closet wrestling fan in your circle of friends. It might not be probable, but there is a shot at it. Go for it. The fear, much like a lot of phobias, is not so much based on reality as it is based on an irrational thought. What is the worst that could happen? Consider the worst case scenario of your friends sincerely looking down on you. How likely is that? Unless your friends are all jerks (in which case, why spend much time with them anyway?), the odds aren't that good that you will be in any trouble.
Fifth, the case might be different if you are not an adult. Children and teenagers can be cruel. If that is your case, take the advice from above but tread more carefully. Also, there is a trick. It is a little dishonest, but in extreme cases, you can be forgiven. It is the ol' building process. Say you're walking down the road with your closest friends. In a break in the conversation, say "Hey, you know what I just watched for the first time last night? Wrestling." Then laugh. See your friends' reaction. Depending on what they say, you can follow it up with "Actually, it was kind of funny. I sorta liked it. Crazy, huh?" Eventually, just drop the building process after the subject has come up more than a couple times and just say that you now like it. A little weak? Indeed it is. So, I would recommend coming clean about enjoying wrestling for a while and just dealing with the oh-so-scary "consequences."
In the end, you might actually interest one of your friends in wrestling. Most who bash professional wrestling have not seen all that much of it. They know it only as a punchline. By the way, the above procedure also works with family members.
OTHER REASONS AND VARIANTS OF THE COMMON ONE
For women, I think it might be a little more difficult coming out as a wrestling fan. It is seen as a predominantly male fixation. Three things to say to female wrestling fans: One, you're not alone. Not by a long shot. I attend a lot of wrestling shows, and I always see lots of women. Two, your female friends, if they are worth anything, will probably not give you a hard time. If they look like they don't understand and are about to say it is "dykey" or some such nonsense, you can always give them the line "Hey, I like seeing muscular dudes in little tights." Believe me. It works. I have seen that line in action. Third, your male friends will think it is cool. Even the ones who don't like wrestling! There is just something about a woman who loves violent athletics. I swear it.
There are some wrestling fans who are heavily involved in "legitimate" sports. Maybe even amatuer wrestling. Some of these athletes look down on wrestling because of its predetermined nature. What you need to tell these people is that wrestling is a show. It isn't trying to make people believe it is as legitimate as baseball. It hasn't for a very long time. It is meant to be a show. Is it a sport at all? That is up for debate, but that is not the point. The point is that your sports teammates may be ignorant as to what professional wrestling is. It is an art. It is creative. It is a show.
One of the more extreme cases of being in the closet is that of a highly intelligent individual who is seen as such by his peers and/or students. Professional wrestling, unfortunately, is not seen as the thinking man's game. A crying shame because it actually can be. People do not take it seriously because they only see it at the surface. Men bashing into each other and "pretending" to fight. What they do not realize, and what you need to let them know, is that it is far more than that. An intelligent person should not see a book only for its cover anyway. Wrestling is an art. Art is a creative expression. That's wrestling. It is two men/women or more telling a story through athletics. It is writers creating storylines for the wrestlers/actors. Wrestling is a unique art all its own. Wrestling is not just violent. There is beauty in it. That is why I named my column so about two years ago this month. Your intellectual comrades need to know this, and you need to be the one to tell them.
The final one is that of the child's parents not allowing him or her to watch wrestling because it is seen as vulgar. The child is forced to watch in secret and keep it hidden from everyone because of it. In fact, that can lead to why the wrestling fan keeps it quiet into his adulthood. Let's stop this now before it becomes an adult closet case issue. Some parents might have good reason to think that wrestling is a bad influence, and at the end of the day, they are in charge. So, it is their call. However, if you are a pre-teen whose parents have forbade wrestling without knowing enough about it, ask them to sit down with you one night and watch it. Let them decide then or at least see what is it they are forbidding. They will probably be impressed with your maturity to deal with the situation and not just complaining about it. Ask them. Be polite about it. It can't hurt.
CONCLUSION: COMING OUT
I mentioned ideas on coming out based on various situations. Here are some more general ideas. For one, bringing up your wrestling love out of the blue might be seen as odd. It does not always work to be hanging outside a bar with your buddies and suddenly say "Guys, I just wanted you all to know I love pro wrestling." It should not be dramatic. This isn't like going to Thanksgiving dinner and telling your family that you're queer. It's just wrestling.
Bring it up in casual conversation or better yet, have someone else bring it up. Find a way. This idea might be a bit much, but I will throw it out there anyway. Wear a wrestling t-shirt like it is no big deal and then your friend can be the one to ask. "Hey, what is that?" they'll say. So, you say "Oh, it's the British union jack. It's a wrestling thing. It's the symbol for Nigel McGuinness." They respond "You like wrestling?" and you say "Yeah, I really do."
I wear that shirt, by the way. I wear it with pride. I literally wear my love of wrestling on my sleeve. You can't go through your life denying what you love. That is no way to live. You can either keep it inside and worry about it coming out for years or you can just get it over with and have it finished within a day. Will it be hard to do at first? For some people, it might. However, once it is over, you'll be relieved. You're out. It's over. It'll come up again when you meet new people, but in the feeling out process of getting to know other people, these things aren't that big of a deal. It's only an issue with people you have known for a long time and for some reason are unaware of your interests.
That's all. It is as simple as that. These ideas may not work for everyone, but largely, they are the way to go. Let me know how it goes. E-mail me at Trophar@Lycos.com and I'll post a few in the mailbag section of the next column. Don't worry, closet fans. You can ask to be anonymous. You just....shouldn't.
