Report by: Kendra Bunyon, rajah.com reporter
The show opened with a long clip of Cena and Bischoff
and last week’s lumberjack match.
After the opening music and pyro Angle’s music hits
and he enters with security/police carrying his gold
metal. Angle take a Mic. and talks about Striker and
how he made a liar tap out the past two weeks. He
asks for the hometown hero. Christy Hemme’s music
hits and she enters the ring wearing a very revealing
white dress. Angle is all excited about wrestling
Christy - he wants to start in the referee’s position
(So she can be on top, or on the bottom). But she’s
out the to introduce his opponent - Eugene! Eugene
comes to the ring to huge pop. He tries to hug Angle
who wants nothing of it.
Angle wants to know what Eugene is doing out there as
he’s not even from Cleveland. Eugene pulls of his
jacket to show a Cleveland Browns jersey - the crowd
goes wild. Angle says Eugene isn’t from Cleveland,
Eugene says he is. They go back and forth with “yes,
I am”, “no, your not” until Angle stops saying he’s
becoming retarded just talking to Eugene. Angle
decides to wrestle him.
He attacks Eugene ripping off the jersey and blowing
his nose in it - the crowd is pissed. Angle takes
immediate control of the match beating down Eugene.
Eugene doesn’t have a chance to fight back. The crowd
starts chanting “Angle sucks”. Angle keeps kicking
Eugene until Eugene finally gets pissed and takes
control. Eugene starts punching Angle in the face.
Eugene goes for a “Stunner” but it’s reversed by
Angle. Angle goes for the Ankle lock but Eugene
counters throwing Angle out of the ring at 7 seconds
left. Time runs out with Angle on the outside -
Eugene wins!
Christy comes in the ring and puts the metal around
Eugene’s neck. Angle returns to the ring to go after
them, but they roll out. Eugene and Christy do a
victory lap as Angle screams at them. Christy and
Eugene go up the ramp together as Angle continues to
scream.
- Winner: Eugene
In the back showed Big Vis walking along. The camera
pans down to show a midget walking along with Vis.
- Commercial
When the show returns they recap the Eugene vs Angle
match.
Outback shows Cena coming up behind Bischoff watching
Eugene on a monitor. Cena told Bischoff he should be
happy, “there’s a winner in the family”. Bischoff
tells Cena he doesn’t want Cena’s “type” being
champion. He calls Cana “white trash”, “a wanna be”
and “a thug”. Bischoff turns so he isn’t looking at
Cena and keeps talking. He tells Cena to have fun
embarrassing himself in the battle of the bands later.
That Cena’s reign will be up soon and Bischoff going
to make his life a “living hell”. Well, he turned
around and Cena was gone.
The Heartthrobs are in the ring with a midget, Pocket
Rocket. Lillian announces Viscera and Cloacas. Guess
it’s going to be an interesting “mixed tag” match.
The match starts off midget on midget until a
Heartthrob (Antonio) gets tagged in. Antonio is
beating up the midget. Cloacas somehow holds off
Antonio for a while until he’s able to tag in Big Vis
for a Samoan Drop. Pocket Rocket comes in and tries
to punch Vis in the stomach over and over, but nothing
happens. Vis picks him up and tosses Pocket Rocket
out over the top onto the other Heartthrob (Romeo).
Vis beats up on Antonio for a half minute. Then Vis
gets on his hands and knees and Cloacas climbs up on
his back and splashes Antonio. Vis gets the pin for
the win.
- Winner: Big Vis & Cloacas
After the match was over Vis and Cloacas do Big Vis’s
gyrating dance in the ring - quite humorous, and a
little creepy with the size difference.
JR announces the death of Lord Alfred Hayes. They
show a wonderful video of his career and life.
1928-2005
- Commercial
A short recap against Shelton vs Carlito when Carlito
gave Shelton a crotch shot to get DQ’d and retain the
title.
Outback showed Shelton talking to Bischoff about
getting a no DQ title match against Carlito. Bisch
rants about how he hates Shelton as much as he hates
Cena. Bisch says Shelton WILL get a handicap match
against Snitsky and Chris Masters. Bischoff walks off
and Shelton mutters about how thrilled he is to be
facing a “muscle head and a toe bitting psycho, sounds
about as good as Bischoff’s breaths smells.”
Maria is interviewing Y2J. She is in typical ditz
mode talking about Fozzy. She asked Y2J if any of the
other muppets will be there, such as Miss Piggy and
Kermit. She starts talking about Kermit singing “It’s
Not Easy Being Green”. They are pushing her ditz role
quite hard, but it seems to be working. Y2J rips her
apart, as well as the city of Cleveland. He whined
about how mean all of Cleveland had been to him since
he arrived - the crowd booed. He gets riled up and
talks about how he’s going to beat Cena in the battle
of the bands. Which is up next, yippy.
- Commercial
When the show returns Lillian announces the battle of
the bands, starting with Cena.
Cena comes out singing “Bad Man”. I doesn’t sound
too bad, and we aren’t stuck watching the video again!
Sorry, I loved the A-Team, but WWE has played the
video to death. The guys from the video are there
singing with him. The crowd goes wild and the song
ends with a confetti shower.
Jericho comes out and sneers at Cena. Y2J tells Cena
that his song sucked, was rotten, that someone had
stepped in a steaming pile of Cena-roonie. He says
that Cleveland cheered Cena because they are a flock
of sheep. That the crowd is biased and he would be
getting cheered if he was on MTV. Cena tells him to
shut up and sing. Y2J says the crowd doesn’t deserve
to hear Fozzy play, so he’s pulling out of the
competition. So Cena wins by default. (We never even
see Jericho’s band. Wonder if they are even there.)
Y2J says he will perform at SummerSlam. Also he will
defeat Cena at SummerSlam because he is the true “Bad,
bad man”. Y2J leaves and Cena starts singing again.
He sings the “You Can’t See Me” song.
- Winner: Cena
In the back shows all the Diva hopefuls dancing to
Cena’s music.
- Commercial - Hogan Knows Best
HBK in the back looking in a mirror saying, “What is
that? Makeup!” Then back to commercials.
The final commercial was for SummerSlam - all the
Divas washing a car.
In the back was Bisch talking to Carlito. He tells
Carlito he will be facing Cena. If Carlito wins
tonight he will meet Cena next week for the WWE title.
If Carlito wins he will face Y2J at SummerSlam.
Bisch found a ref who will call the match down the
middle - Y2J!
HBK’s music hits and he enters the ring wearing a
suit. HBK takes a Mic. and is talking about Hogan and
how Hogan isn’t there because he’s out promoting his
show. The crowd doesn’t seem impressed with Hogan’s
show. HBK isn’t interested in being a singer, or an
actor - he wants to be known as the best damn in the
ring wrestler. He talks about how Hogan is living off
a reputation he established 20 years ago, while HBK
goes out every night and recreates himself for the
fans. How Hogan lives in a multimillion dollar house
paid for by the sweat of the fans, and what’s the best
Hogan can give the fans? His old tired matches, his
same tired pose down. He says it’s quiet in the arena
because everyone is in the back with head sets are
freaking out because people aren’t allowed to degrade
the Hulkster. (Kind of reminds me of the 80's when no
wrestlers were allowed to mention Hogan’s receding
hairline in a promo due to a provision in his
contract.) “What are you going to do about it? Fire
me? You’re looking at the main event for SummerSlam.”
At first it was all about HBK needing to know who was
the best, and it doesn’t matter what the fans think,
as long as Hogan knows the truth. HBK then uses
Hogan’s “What ya gonna do?” call line. “What ya gonna
do when HBK won’t lay down for you.” After that he
looks into the camera and mouthed the words, “Careful
what you wish for Vince, you might just get it.” It
was off Mic.
Recap of Eugene winning against Angle earlier in the
evening. Next week they are going to have “The Eugene
Invitational.” Interesting, quite interesting.
- Commercial
In the ring is Snitsky. Shelton’s music hits and he
cautiously enters the ring. Chris Master’s music is
next and he does his obligatory heel entrance.
Shelton attacks Masters before he can get in the ring.
He then flips Snitsky out of the ring. He Knocks
Masters out again and climbs to the top. Shelton
flips off the corner taking out both heels. Snitsky
takes control, then taps in Masters. Masters gets
Shelton in an unorthodox choke hold. Shelton finally
gets out and counters with a Samoan Drop. To regain
control Masters grabs the ref so Snitsky can attack
Shelton. At Snitsky’s urging Masters locks in the
Masterlock. The first time the ref does the arm drop
Shelton’s arm stays up. Shelton looks like he’s going
to break the hold. But, finally Shelton’s out and the
bell is rung.
Masters keeps the lock on Shelton well after the bell
is rung. Snitsky urges Masters to continue the hold.
Shelton “looks” quite out of it. Big Show’s music
hits and he comes down to rescue Shelton. Big Show
gives Snitsky a boot to the chin. Masters rolls out,
he wants nothing to do with Show. Snitsky rolls out
and the two heels walk backward up the ramp together.
Show picks up and holds a limp Shelton in his arms.
Do we see a build up to a “huge” tag match here?
- Winners: Snitsky & Masters
Backstage the Diva hopefuls are heading for the ring.
- Commercial
The Diva hopefuls are in the ring. Coach is in the
ring talking. Coach is going to announce the Diva to
be booted this week. Cameron is eliminated. The
challenge for the evening is a hot dog eating contest.
The have one minute to eat as many hot dogs as
possible. They were quite wimpy eating the dogs.
Can’t understand why, they’re just going puke it up
again after the cameras are off. It’s a tie between
Leyla and Summer. They have a thirty second eat-off -
no bun this time. Leyla wins, big surprise (don’t
worry, I’ll keep my dirty comments to myself.) Leyla
cannot be eliminated this week, oh well. Don’t forget
to vote for the bimbo of your choice!
- Eliminated: Cameron
- Winner: Leyla
In the back shows Edge and Lita walking along. They
stop to look at the stretcher and the “EMT’s” at the
back of the ambulance.
- Commercial
Recap of last week’s cage match between Edge & Kane.
Edge enters first with Lita. They hadn’t made it a
third of the way down the ramp before Kane attacks
Edge from behind. Kane brings Edge into the ring and
starts to beat him down. The crowd chants “Hardy,
Hardy”. Kane has band-aids on his head from last
week. Kane drops Edge out of the ring and slams him
into the barricade twice, then into the “steel
stairs”. Kane puts Edge on the stretcher (got to be
too soon). Kane gets the stretcher ½ way up the ramp
when Edge starts fighting back. Kane hits Edge full
force in the chest a couple times, then lets the
stretcher go. Edge on stretcher rolls down the ramp
into the side of the ring. Kane stood on the ramp and
laughed.
- Commercial
When the show returns Edge is in control. During the
break Edge DDT’d Kane on the steps. Back in the ring
Edge went for another DDT, but was counter by Kane and
Edge was thrown across the ring. Kane climbs and
nails Edge with a Clothesline from the top rope. Lita
climbs in the ring with a chair. Kane tosses her from
the ring with the chair. Kane turns to go after Edge
with the chair, but gets Speared. Edge rolls Kane
onto the stretcher, but Kane wraps his hand around
Edge’s throat. They are standing on the apron and
Lita nails Kane across the legs with a Kendo stick.
The men climb into the ring and Edge nails Kane across
the head with the Kendo stick.
Kane gets up and Chokeslams Edge onto the stretcher.
It breaks on impact. Kane pulls the stretcher with
Edge up the ramp until Lita nails Kane in the back
with the briefcase. It does nothing other than pissed
off Kane. Kane grabbed Lita by the throat and was
going to choke slam her off the stage, but Edge hit
him in the back with the briefcase.
Lita and Edge get the stretcher and get Kane on the
stretcher. Kane reached up and grabbed Lita by the
neck, but Edge nailed him again, in the head, with the
briefcase. They push Kane up the ramp to win the
match.
Edge and Lita are celebrating when Kane sits up and
goes after them with a forearm to the back of both
their necks. Kane throws Edge into the metal of the
back of the stage. Kane then grabs Lita and Tombstone
Piledrives her onto the ramp. The refs call for
another stretcher for Lita. They get her on a
backboard and make Edge move away.
At that point Matt Hardy comes out of nowhere and
attacks Edge. Edge screams f—k you. Matt is dragged
off by security and “police”. Matt tells Edge he’s “A
dead man.”
- Winner: Edge
- Commercial
When the show returns Lita is in the back of the
ambulance. Kane shows up and hits the EMT’s and asks
Lita if she’s “ever taken a ride on the highway to
hell. Kane knocks out a “cop” and climbs into the
drivers seat of the ambulance and drives off with the
door open.
A video recap of Hogan’s career. Many wrestlers
speaking about how wonderful Hogan is both in and out
of the ring. Quite a well done video montage, though
long.
In the back is Y2J in ref stripes heading for the
ring.
- Commercial
Y2J comes out to his music and much heat from the
crowd, I’m surprised he took his ‘too cool for
Cleveland’ sunglasses off.
Carlito enters next showing off his newest WWE shirt.
Cena’s music hits and the crowd goes wild for him
again. Cena looks pissed. Bischoff comes out and
stands at the top of the stage. At least Cena knows
to be wary of both men in the ring. Cena takes quick
control with a huge Back Body Drop. Carlito gets a
back elbow and Cena rolls from the ring. Carlito
exits the ring to go after Cena and Y2J actually
starts a count out. Carlito grabbed a chair, but
Jericho wouldn’t let him use it. Carlito gains
control, and Jericho actually seems to be calling the
match well (at this point). Bisch is quite happy that
Carlito is keeping control.
Cena gets nailed in the face with a Standing
Dropkick. Carlito goes for the cover, but is unable
to get the three. Carlito goes for a Suplex, but it’s
countered by Cena who pulls off a Suplex himself.
Carlito drops Cena on his face and goes for another
cover without any luck. After a knee to the gut of
Cena, Carlito goes for another cover, but doesn’t get
the three. It turns into an even slug match until
Cena nails three clotheslines in a row. He follows it
with a Sidewalk Slam. Cena continues with a 5 Knuckle
Shuffle and a fake spit of an apple at Carlito. Cena
goes for the FU, but Jericho kicked Cena down low.
Y2J follows up with a Lionsault. Carlito pins Cena
and gets the win. Bischoff applauds on the ramp,
happy with the win.
Jericho takes off his ref’s shirt and climbs out of
the ring to hold and drool on Cena’s WWE title belt.
Cena is still on the mat in the ring looking
completely pissed. Jericho joins Carlito and Bischoff
on the ramp laughing at Cena. Show ends.
- Winner: Carlito
Most pop:
Cena
Hogan (whenever his name is mentioned of his face is
on the screen)
Matt Hardy
Kane
Most heat:
HBK
Jericho
Edge & Lita
Carlito
