RAW this week starts with a limo pulling up out back. Out climbs the Bella Twins and then Cedric The Entertainer and his entourage and a coach and then a football team, then an old lady, then a rabbi performing a Bris on a doll, and then a farmer and his goat, - Cedric The Entertainer said he didn’t know they were there and they had to be drinking all the booze in the limo. The Bella Twins, one on each side, walk off with Cedric The Entertainer.
Music and pyro.
DX’s music! Out comes HBK and HHH. HBK’s in jeans, HHH in ring gear. HHH is in a match as Lilian gives his announcement all she has. They chop to their in ring pyro and then pose on the corners. The fans are hot! They grab mics and circle the ring waiting for the music to stop. Lilian in the corner waits. ‘Are you ready? No, I said, are you ready?’ In two weeks is HIAC. HHH asks HBK who was in the very first HIAC ever? HBK says, “ME!” And who won the very first HIAC? “ME!” HBK asks HHH who’s won more HIAC? HHH says, “ME!” HBK asks how many? “Five!” HBK asks who’s never been in a HIAC and have no clue what a body must endure? HHH says that would be their opponents, Cody and Ted. Heat for their names. HHH says Cody and Ted have never competed in HIAC, they have no clue. Last time DX was in HIAC, their opponents left beaten, battered and destroyed. HHH asked who that was? HBK says it was Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and they actually like him! HHH says they don’t like Cody and Ted. Cody’s about to come out and catch a beating. In two weeks he’ll get everything HIAC promises to be. They will get the beatings of their life. In HIAC the DX and Legacy thing comes to an end! Legacy out to the ring for Cody to wrestle. Cody and Ted into the ring posing while the ref keeps DX back.
The bell rings and HBK and Ted leave the ring. Ted distracts HHH and Cody with the upper hand. Cody on HHH in a corner. The ref pulls him off and HHH tries to gain control, but can’t! Cody really puts it to HHH! Cody chokes HHH in a corner. More punches to HHH but HHH sends Cody shoulder first into the post, and then a second time! Cody gets sent into the ring post for the third time. HHH locks on a crossface in the center of the ring. Cody manages to get to the ropes. HHH lets go and Cody flees. Ted with Cody outside and HBK walking toward them. HHH hits a baseball slide on Cody and into Ted. Both slam into the barrier.
- Commercial
Chinlock on HHH. HHH to his feet and free. Swinging neck breaker to HHH. Cody pins HHH for two. Cody stomps HHH and an elbow to the back of HHH’s head. Punch drops HHH. Cody chokes HHH in the ropes. Cheap shot on HHH by Ted as Cody distracts. HBK runs after Ted. Cody pins for two. HHH starts fighting back, but a Russian leg sweep to HHH for two. Chinlock on HHH in the center of the ring. Cody lets go and stomps HHH. Cody flies with a beautiful moonsault off the top for two! HHH with punches but Cody comes back. HHH sends Cody flying over the top. Cody bitch slaps HBK outside. HBK gives chase then ducks Ted’s clothesline. Then Ted sends HBK onto the announce table and they double team HBK. HBK down and not moving. Into the ring Ted with a chair. The ref calls for the bell.
- Winner: HHH via DQ
Ted slams the chair into HHH’s head. Cody pulls HHH up and hits his finisher on a HHH who doesn’t help with the move at all. Ted pulls HHH up and hits his finisher on him. Both of DX are down and out. Cody grabs the chair and hands it to Ted. Ted sets the chair up on HHH’s head/neck. HBK grabs the sledge and wabbles into the ring. Legacy flees. HBK is limping around and Legacy grinning as they back up the ramp. Video of the double team on HBK. Then the DQ on HHH in the ring and the continued attack. HBK pulls HHH to his knees. HHH is not there and leaning against HBK drooling. HBK glares and still holds the sledge. They get to their feet but hurting.
- Commercial
HIAC promo.
Lilian announces Cedric The Entertainer, giving his history. He comes out dancing with the Bella Twins. They leave him on stage. The fans seem luke warm for him. He says it’s going to be of the chain tonight. People have been asking why he’ll be a good guest host. He says he’s the real deal, a true fan. He said he saw Big Show drive up in a Prius, took him three minutes to get one leg out! Crazy going on back there. New trend of second and third generation of superstars. Son of Cowboy Bob Orton - pictures of father and son side by side. Then there’s Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Then the illegitimate son of Andre The Giant and King Kong Bundy - Big Show. Illegitimate son of the Cool Aid Man - Mark Henry. The son of a jackass - The Miz! He asks if we’re ready to Rock the house and Santino’s music cuts in. He’s thrilled to be there with Fredrick The Entertainment! Cedric The Entertainer corrects him, but it doesn’t help. Santino calls him Fred. Santino says he’s seen all of his movies and DVD’s. Santino now wants to do stand up comedy. Cedric The Entertainer sets Santino up for stand up - beautifully! Santino says he hopes Fred’s wearing a bullet proof vest, because he’s going to kill. Santino goes off on fast food and fat people. Cedric The Entertainer cuts Santino off yelling that Beyonce has the best video of all times! Dte says to not do comedy and Santino should stick to wrestling. Then Chavo’s music and Santino isn’t thrilled. Cedric The Entertainer says he knows this guy and he’s really funny. Any guy who lets a leprechaun beat him up week after week has to be funny. Santino whispers in Cedric The Entertainer’s ear that Chavo is really losing. Cedric The Entertainer is shocked at this. Santino says it’s unfortunate. Cedric The Entertainer asks about Chavo losing to a leprechaun as a grown man. Chavo says Hornswoggle not the problem. It’s punk guest host like him that’s the problem. Chavo’s sick and tired of the guest hosts, it’s pathetic. Cedric The Entertainer says what’s pathetic is Chavo being chopped by Bob Barker last week (Ooops, wrong week)! Chavo asks if Cedric The Entertainer is a tough guy now. Chavo says he’s out there to challenge Cedric The Entertainer to a match. Cedric The Entertainer doesn’t wrestle, he’s in his own battle with the new movie he directed. He and Kel are arguing about what to name the movie. Chavo says to not change the subject. Santino says he accepts. Later will be Fredrick The Entertainment versus Chavo the leprechaun loser. Cedric The Entertainer doesn’t seem happy about this. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to wear the little tight pants. Santino says he has a tailor.
Video of Miz stealing the US Title last week and caused Kofi to lose.
Josh backstage with Miz. He asks why Miz stole the championship. Miz says he only took what he’s going to have anyways. He’s shocking and unpredictable. Miz says he’s from the USA. He was born and raised in Cleveland. He didn’t float up with a Bob Marley CD. Kofi attacked Miz from behind and took the title. Josh looked a bit nervous about this.
- Commercial
Evan Bourne out to the ring. Miz out to face him.
Miz backs Evan into a corner. They struggle for control in another corner. Miz punches Evan down. Evan explodes out with a dropkick! Evan hung up top in that painful way. Boot to Evan’s face for two. Chinlock on Evan in the center of the ring. Then to a chicken wing hold. Evan out and kicks the heck out of Miz who easily gains control and stomps Evan. Evan whips but ducks a clothesline and pins for two. Neckbreaker to Evan for two. Miz chokes Evan in the ropes. Stomping Evan. Slow suplex to Evan and then another pin attempt. Chinlock on Evan and the center of the ring. Again to a chicken wing hold. Forearm to the back of Evan’s head to let go. Miz slides out and attacks Evan on the apron. High knee to Evan’s face as he hangs off the apron. Miz in and pins for two. Chicken wing hold again on Evan! Miz wrenches back on Evan but Evan up and slams Miz’s face into a corner. Miz reverses a whip and clotheslines Evan hard in a corner. Miz up but Evan drops him to sitting in a painful boy way up top. Evan hits a hurricanrana from up top. Evan climbs and goes for the SSP, but Miz moves and Evan lands on his feet. Miz hits his skull crushing finale for three.
- Winner: The Miz
Miz leaves Evan lolling in the ring. He has a smile as he limps up the ramp. Video of the hurricanrana and then the finisher. Miz poses on the stage.
Backstage Cody and Ted are talking. Orton comes in to talk to him. Orton says he knows they’re on the cusp of ending DX, so he gives them the rest of the night off and they don’t have to be there for the contract signing with Cena. Legacy leaves Orton alone.
- Commercial
King is in the ring. He says in two weeks Orton will face Cena in HIAC. First out is Orton. Video of Orton and Batista last week. Orton wanted to leave but Cena threw Orton back into the ring for Batista to finish him off. King then announces Cena. King reminds them there’s a no physicality rule in effect. The fans don’t like that. King says last week Trish Stratus made this match... Cena sat back in his chair and something funky happened and he looked like he was going to fall over or something, he got very nervous. King says it wasn’t him - meaning Orton didn’t do anything. He was just covering for Cena acting strangely. Cena laughed. King says Orton has two choices. He either faces Cena in HIAC or give up his rematch right. King gives Orton the contract. A small “Cena” chant. Orton looks through it and signs. Orton tells King to get out of the ring. King complies. Cena looks at the contract. Orton says Cena thinks he has Orton all figured out, has Orton at his lowest point, his weakest. Cena’s all wrong. Orton’s more dangerous than he’s ever been. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to get his title back. Cena’s never been in a HIAC, he has no idea what to expect. Orton has and knows what to expect. He knows what it takes to win. After this match Cena will never be the same. Cena stands and whips his hat into the crowd. Cena asks if Orton was saying something, he wasn’t listening. He heard something about Breaking Point. Cena made a compilation and they should look at the footage. It’s of Orton saying, “I quit, I quit!” over and over. Cena says it was good times, good stuff. Orton’s not happy that Cena’s turning this into a joke. Cena said Orton’s making it a joke himself. Last week Cena told everyone that Orton would say all this and make his faces. Cena then mocks Orton’s facial expressions. Cena says he’s about to bring Orton up to speed on their feud. Orton’s put Cena through more pain than anyone and Cena’s still standing. So standing across from a table he should feel threatened because he’s never been in a HIAC and shouldn’t have a chance to win. Omg, he’s never been in a HIAC and doesn’t have a chance to win. Cena leaves his belt on the table for Orton. Then Cena laughs and says it’s ridiculous. That’s not the funniest part. The funniest part is... Huge “Cena” chants. This is the funny part. Cena singed. It’s official. This match will happen. And for some reason if Orton doesn’t win, it’s his last chance. No more rematches, no more championships, Orton gets nothing. Orton the once mighty leader of Legacy who once rules RAW with an iron fist, will just be a dude in his underwear who hangs out with two other dudes in their underwear. That’s the funny part. Then, we get serious. See, through all the punishment Orton put him through, the beatings, he’s looked in Orton’s eyes. He knows what Orton’s capable of. Orton should be worried because he doesn’t know what Cena’s capable of. At HIAC he’s not just going to fight the good fight and give it his best shot. At HIAC he will destroy Orton! The belt high and Orton says he’d like nothing more than to RKO Cena through the table right now, but legally he can’t do that. What’s so great about Cena is that his arrogance has caused people to despise him since he joined the WWE. HIAC might be in two weeks, but he’s found a few people who have no problem putting him through hell now. It’s Jeri-Show’s music and out they come with big smiles. Cena moves things out of the way and back up to watch them both. Big Show throws the table from the ring. Cena attacks, but has one on each side and is beaten down. Punches to Cena’s head from Jericho and stomps from Big Show, but the Cool Aid Crew run down to save him. Jeri-Show flee. On the tron is Cedric The Entertainer. He tells them to settle down. They couldn’t have made it easier for him. They’re all competing in a Six Man Tag team Match. Cena, Henry and MVP like this. The three heels glare.
- Commercial
WWE Slam Of The week - Fox and Kim faced off for number one contendership. Fox won and will face Mickie for the title.
Fox is ringside in a folding chair. She’s dressed in all black - tank top, pants and thigh high boots. Mickie bounces out to the ring in sliver gray with red trim. Beth out in a new red outfit! It’s a halter jumpsuit, but with a different cut to it.
They got right at it. Beth gets Mickie up on the top rope and Mickie kind of cart wheels off! Neck breaker to Beth then she’s dropkicked from the ring. Mickie climbs and flies out onto Beth! Mickie slams her hand on the announce table in excitement. Fox to her feet and Mickie swipes at her. Beth takes the distraction and slams Mickie back first into the ring post. In the ring Beth gets Mickie up into chicken wing and slams her face first for three.
- Winner: Beth
Fox into the ring with the belt. She puts it down and stands behind Mickie. Fox’s scissors kick (which is better looking that Booker’s these days) and she shakes the belt at Mickie.
- Commercial
Lilian announces the US Championship Match. She’s really putting her all into tonight. Her voice has a special lilt to it that she doesn’t always have. Kofi out to the ring. Swagger out to face him.
Swagger on Kofi hard. Forearm to Kofi’s back and then an arm hold. A couple ack elbows to Swagger but then Kofi set up top. Kofi gets out of the move but then runs into a big boot to the chest. Miz ringside and steals the US Championship again. Swagger hits a sick clothesline to the upper back of the Miz. Swagger grabs the belt and leaves with it. Kofi in the ring shaken and Miz on the apron shaken. Kofi confused about what he missed.
King and Cole talk about how Cedric The Entertainer showed up. Video of people coming out of the limo.
- Commercial
Chavo out to the ring to face Cedric The Entertainer. Santino out to the ring in zebra stripes, there to guest ref. Cedric The Entertainer is out in a red cape, all dolled up, a crown shirt, white tights with red ring shorts over them! Of course he has a black hat on his head. Chavo points and laughs as Cedric The Entertainer enters the ring. Cedric The Entertainer takes off the hat and pulls down a luchador mask and puts the hat back on.
Chavo drop rolls over to Cedric The Entertainer who moves back. Chavo pushes off Cedric The Entertainer’s lock up. Chavo gently removes Cedric The Entertainer’s hat. Chavo about puts it on then drops it stomps on it. Chavo kicks it off the ring. Cedric The Entertainer leaves the ring mad and then crawls under the ring. Chavo starts to climb out of the ring, then stops. Chavo tip-toes to the other side of the ring and then out. He’s trying to get everyone to be quiet. He grabs the head who comes out, but it’s obviously not Cedric The Entertainer, much too big and Chavo realizes this. Chavo shakes his hand then hits him. Chavo runs, but is caught and thrown over the second rope and in. Cole says, “Shazam!” King calls him on this. Chavo screams to Santino that that’s not Cedric The Entertainer. Chavo slammed to the mat. Huge back body drop to Chavo. “It’s not Cedric!” Chavo splashed in the ring and falls to the mat. The big guy leaves the ring and goes under. Hornswoggle comes out dressed like the other two Cedric The Entertainer’s. He hits his tadpole splash and then back under the ring. Santino looks confused. Cedric The Entertainer into the ring and pins Chavo for three.
- Winner: Cedric The Entertainer
Cedric The Entertainer and Santino dance in the ring. Off comes the mask. Hornswoggle into the ring. The big fake into the ring, but doesn’t remove the mask. He’s actually not that much bigger, yet a lot buffer, than Cedric The Entertainer. He doesn’t reveal who he is and I don’t know - sorry.
- Commercial
They announce that the Special Guest Host next week will be Reverend Al Sharpton.
King and Cole talk about how next week will e the last RAW before HIAC. They go through the matches slated for HIAC. A Triple Threat Match has been added for the US Title between Kofi, Swagger and Miz.
Backstage Cedric The Entertainer is talking up Kelly. She’s eating it up. He’s trying to get with her. Then Jericho is there, pissed. Jericho glares at Cedric The Entertainer and says they need to talk. Cedric The Entertainer says okay, but he’s talking to Kelly right now and Jericho needs a breath mint. He goes back to Kelly and then Big Show turns Cedric The Entertainer around. Big Show says they need to talk. Cedric The Entertainer says okay.
King, on his feet, says that tonight is the final night for one of their Divas in the WWE. He thanks Lilian for ten years of service. She’s in tears. She says ten years ago when she signed up for this she didn’t know what an adventure it was going to be. She’s got to travel all over the world, meet so many great people and sing the National Anthem every week which has been special and dear to her heart, especially since 9/11, and being able to perform it for the brave men and women in our military in Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s been a true privilege to work with such a great organization and the people in the organization, the crew, the announcers and the talented incredible athletes, the best athletes in the world. It’s been an honor to announce some of the greatest matches in all of the WWE, in all the WWE history. The biggest honor has been to entertain the fans and have them love and support her. She’s going to miss the fans so much, but her heart will always be in the ring. She loves and thanks everyone! She cried through the whole thing and it’s so nice that they didn’t screw her on her last night as they are want to do so often!
- Commercial
Orton Jericho and Big Show are in the ring. Jericho has a mic and says to Orton that they dislike Cena as much as he does. And they went to Cedric The Entertainer to up the ante for this match. Cedric The Entertainer was forced to aqueous. So if they lose this match, then next week Orton has to face Henry, MVP and Cena in a Gauntlet Match. Orton about freaks out. Big Show tells him to relax. This is what they’re good at. If they win, Cena will be in his own Gauntlet Match against Orton, Jericho and Big Show. So all they have to do is win tonight. Cena comes out to the ring, but doesn’t get in.
- Commercial
Henry and MVP are in the ring with Cena.
Jericho and Cena start off the match. “Cena” chants. They lock up and Jericho backed into a corner. Cheap shot on Cena. Orton gets a blind tag and Cena gets Orton up but he wiggles out. Cena chases Orton form the ring but stops when he’s about to run into Big Show. Jericho attacks Cena sending him into the barrier. Cole screws up and can’t pronounce the name of the show he’s announcing and has to correct himself. Cena back in the ring taking punches to the head from Orton I the heel corner. Kick to Cena’s ribs. Another punch to Cena but he’s suddenly able to fight back. An awkward scoop slam to Cena and then Orton drops a knee on Cena’s face. Big Show in and Big Show works Cena hard with rights. Jericho tags in and takes punches in the heel corner. Back elbow to Cena who’s sent to run the ropes. Orton tags in and stalks Cena. Cena fights back with a belly to belly. Both are down. Jericho and MVP tag in. Belly to belly from MVP. MVP in charge. Jericho reverses a whip, but MVP up and over Jericho who slams into the corner hard. Flying clothesline takes Jericho down. Face buster to Jericho and MVP is pumped. MVP hits ballin’ for two. Orton in and distracts the ref. Big Show grabs MVP and hits a headbutt to the back of his head. Big Show tags in and slams MVP to the mat. Another headbutt to MVP. MVP tries to fight back but runs into a clothesline. Orton tags in and works on MVP with punches. Headlock on MVP in the center of the ring. “MVP” chants. MVP to his feet and elbows out. Drop toe hold keeps MVP from his corner and Orton drags him to the heel corner. Jericho tags in and lightly pushes MVP’s head with his foot. Jericho chokes MVP in the ropes. Jericho tries to land on MVP who moves. Jericho lands on the ropes and both are down. MVP is trying to get to his corner and the camera is shaking because the place is irrupting so hard (and possibly the camera isn’t mounted tight enough). I have never seen the camera shot shake like that! King and Cole talk about how the arena is rocking so hard. MVP reaches but Orton gets the tag and stops him from tagging out. Orton stomps his way around MVP. Multiple stomps to MVP’s gut. “You suck” chants. MVP blocks a punch and tries to fight back. Orton telegraphs and gets kicked for it. MVP turns to tag out but Orton pushes him. Henry tags MVP’s back as he flies out through the ropes. King and Cole don’t know if a tag has been made. Henry grabs Orton by the head and headbutts him. Henry in and headbutts again. Cheap shot on Big Show and Jericho dragged in. Big Show make sit in but Cena also rushes in Cena gets Big Show up for the AA and actually just kind of drops Big Show out of the ring rather than truly hitting the AA on him. Big Show got dumped badly from the ring and hopefully didn’t land wrong. Henry gets Orton up but Jericho hits a chop block and Henry had to put Orton down. Jericho rushes over to knock Cena from the ring. RKO on Henry for three.
- Winners: Jericho, Big Show & Orton
The heels celebrate on the ramp. Big Show looks thrilled, laughing out loud. Orton yells over to Cena. Cena looks upset and mad. Video of Cena dumping Big Show from the ring and Jericho’s chop block on Henry before the RKO and the three. Cena looks nervous. Big Show is still laughing and yelling.
Biggest pop
Cena
MVP/Henry
Lilian
Biggest heat
Orton
Jericho/Big Show