The John Report: The Raw Deal for 06/07/10 (Viewer's Choice)

I wrote this live this week. Figured it would be easier since I want to go to sleep at a decent time. Off we go.

Live from Miami, Florida this is the Raw Deal...

We start off with Raw GM Bret Hart and Smackdown GM Teddy Long coming out to the ring. Announcers are Cole & Lawler, so no Striker joining in even though the Smackdown guys are there. Bret welcomes us to the first ever viewer's choice edition of Raw while plugging the voting on wwe.com. We'll decide who the opponents will be for the people in the WWE championship match. Teddy says let's talk about Randy Orton. And here comes Orton in a sling on his right arm.

Nice pop for Orton as usual. Orton wants Edge tonight. Edge comes out to say he should get the match so he can finish what he started. The GMs announce since it's viewers choice they're going to let everybody in the arena decide. It will be either A) a debate, B) a situp contest or C) a one arm match with Edge's arm tied behind his back. Everybody except Edge loves it. Of course one arm match wins, so that's what we get later.

Jericho vs. Big Show match coming up. Choices are:
1) Over the Top Rope Challenge
2) Submission Match
3) Body Slam Challenge

Results and the match coming up next.

(Commercial)

They had Matt Striker announce the results. Winner with 48% is the Body Slam Challenge.

Body Slam Challenge: Big Show vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho worked on Big Show's right arm to make it harder for Big Show to lift him, I guess. Have to give Miami some props. They're a hot crowd. Jericho went into the ropes, he caught Jericho in his arms and gave him a bodyslam for a win after 4 minutes.
Winner: Big Show (*)

Post match, Big Show put him in a rear chinlock submission and he was announced as the winner via submission. Then he threw Jericho over the top and won the over the top rope challenge as well. That's how you use Jericho on a three hour show? Give that man a storyline, please.

Tag Title match, fan vote. Hart Dynasty vs.
A) John and Jey Uso
B) The Dudebusters
C) The Great Khali & Hornswoggle

All three teams cut a promo. I think C's going to win, sadly. This is Vince McMahon's dream team. The third team just groaned. I had the same exact reaction.

(Commercial)

They plugged WWE.com where they have high school memories. Thrilling.

Results of the poll: 54% for Khali/Hornswoggle for the win. Usos were second.

The Hart Dynasty vs. The Great Khali & Hornswoggle
Nice new t-shirts for the Hart Dynasty although Natalya fans might be upset since she's not showing as much cleavage as before. Sorry fellas. Jerry Lawler loves this team of course. Khali did some chops. Tagged in Hornswoggle like a dumbass. Horny missed a splash. DH Smith dropkicked Khali and they pinned Hornswoggle. A one minute special.
Winners: The Hart Dynasty (DUD)

Post match, the Usos came out. Hart's cleared them out of the ring.

For some reason, Jerry Lawler left ringside. Is he quitting? Please. Put Regal in that seat.

And now Michael Cole busted out the SERIOUS VOICES~! for the Undertaker vegetative state video package.

After the break, the cast of the A-Team is going to join us.

(Commercial)

Here's the cast of the A-Team. It's Bradley Cooper, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Sharlto Copley (you may know him from District 9) I didn't get. Only Cooper was there. Cooper said the movie comes out on Friday and it would be a great show. Not so far.

Lawler is backstage with BA Barracus (Rampage) and Murdoch (Copley) doing a skit where they are the A-Team. It's a "comedy" segment. Anyway, somebody stole King's crown. So off they go to look at it. And there's the Bella Twins in bikinis. They are talking to them as the actors, but they act like they are the characters from the movie. Bad segment.

Santino vs. Kozlov in a match, arm wrestling contest or dance off.

Hopefully the second and third hours aren't this bad. This could be a LONG night.

(Commercial)

A friend on twitter, reefer9403, created a twitition on twitter for me to join the Raw creative team. I've plugged things like this in the past, so why not now? Here's the link: http://twitition.com/ys75a Sign it or not. Doesn't matter. Not like it's going to lead to anything. And I like my current job for the record!

Santino vs. Kozlov will be a dance off with 84%. Cole loves it. Santino celebrates.

Santino tells us that before the release of their first album, Santino was Backstreet Boy #6. And there he goes with a ridiculous dance. Ha, he busted out the Carlton from the Fresh Prince. Santino is fantastic. It ended with his Cobra pose. Crowd loved it. "I am more stronger, faster" says Kozlov. Some moonwalk action from Kozlov and some robot. I can't believe I'm writing about this. Haha. You wouldn't think Kozlov would be this flexible. "Vintage Kozlov" says Cole. Crowd liked Santino, but they liked Kozlov more. He wins.
Dance Off Winner: Kozlov

Then they do a silly routine together. I guess this is character development to pair these two together since they are in that potential sitcom WWE is trying to pitch.

Divas next. 6 on 6 tag, diva battle royal or champion vs. champion.

(Commercial)

All 12 divas came out on the stage. And the winner is: Diva Battle Royal at 73%.

Diva Battle Royal
I'd say Kelly looks the best of the bunch. No more skirt for Tiffany. That's a shame. There goes Rosa first and Tiffany is next. Michelle eliminates Kelly. Nice hurricanrana by Gail that the cameras don't even catch and she gets eliminated along with Alicia. Both Bellas get eliminated at the same time by Laycool. We're down to Eve, Michelle, Layla, Maryse and Jillian. Eve chucked Layla into Michelle and both members of Laycool are gone. Wow, Maryse missed a kick on Eve by like a foot. Maryse & Jillian are doubling Eve…I mean in the match you perverts. There goes Eve. Jillian thinks they win together, but Maryse kicks her and chucks her out for the win. Match was about 3 minutes.
Winner: Maryse (1/2*)

We’re one hour into the show. It was very bad first hour. Obviously they didn't want to load up on the first hour because the second and third hour is the typical time slot.

The announcers recapped hour one. They loved it. I did not.

Backstage, Kane accused Sheamus of taking out Undertaker because he took out HHH. Sheamus said he doesn't do sneak attacks; he makes sure everybody is watching. And Kane doesn't take kindly to liars. Kane hopes to see him real soon.

Sheamus vs. A) Kane, B) Henry, C) Bourne. Up next.

(Commercial)

I would hope that Bourne gets the vote after last week's performance, but who knows? People like Kane. Hopefully they rig it for Bourne. Kane stares, Henry stares and Bourne smiles like a 12 year old kid. Wow, 88% for Kane. That's disappointing. Hopefully Bourne is on later.

Sheamus vs. Kane
It's the albino wonder vs. the big red monster that likes to investigate things. Nice powerslam by Sheamus early. And we get a commercial two minutes into the match.

(Commercial)

And we're back with Kane hitting the big boot. Seated dropkick by Kane gets two. The announcers can't think of anybody leaving Undertaker in that physical condition. I remember it happening all the time through the 90s before the Attitude Era. I also remember Kane lighting a casket on fire that had the Undertaker in it. But that's my fault for remembering. Anyway, Sheamus fought out of a chokeslam with a knee to the spine. Kane chucked him out to the floor. Back in the ring, chokeslam by Kane. Sheamus rolls out to the floor. And there's the countout finish. Not a surprise. This is how WWE books a lot of matches lately especially on Smackdown. Don't want to book a loss, so they book the heel to walk out. Match was 8 minutes, which is like an Ironman on this show.
Winner via Countout: Kane (*)

They summed up the Edge/Orton match that will see Edge with his arm tied behind his back.

Cena match for later: A) Swagger, B) Mysterio, C) CM Punk. Not yet. Coming up later. I imagine Mysterio will win that.

Time check sees us at 9:22pm ET, so nearly halfway through. It has not been a good show.

(Commercial)

I miss Shawn Michaels.

They plugged the season 2 premiere of NXT and recapped the results of season 1 with the winner Wade Barrett. Savannah, another gorgeous Canadian diva, interviews him. Hey, he's wearing a jacket normally. He says next week he'll accomplish something that's never been accomplished in the history of WWE. Then he leaves. Okay.

Backstage, Rampage and Copley do a skit with Dibiase/Virgil accusing them of stealing the clown. Ha, it's IRS walking into the skit. "Uncle Irwin" as Ted told him. He says Lawler never paid his taxes on the crown, so it's his now. Then a gas attack happens randomly and Copley gets knocked. Wow, that was brutal. This is supposed to help a movie? Dear God.

Raw was good the last three weeks. What the fuck happened this week? These A-Team skits have been so bad. As bad as any guest host skits they've had. And that includes ZZ Top.

Next up is a tag match. It's Truth and Christian, MVP or Morrison going up against Miz and Ziggler, Regal or Ryder

(Commercial)

What's Up time with R-Truth. He raps his way out to the ring. He wants to know who his partner is. The partner is John Morrison with 54% of the vote. Hey, they referenced them teaming together a few months ago. I guess we're allowed to remember that far back. Good to know. Miz comes out to say he's going to win tonight and take back his US Title soon. Who is his partner? It's Ryder with 45%. Ziggler got 38%, so it was close.

R-Truth & John Morrison vs. The Miz & Zach Ryder
The announcers think this show has been great and exciting. That's why they're sitting where they are sitting, people. The heels work on Truth, he gets the hot tag about two minutes in. Morrison's offense is great. Good to see him back in action after being injured. Miz ends up getting the pin on Morrison with the Skull Crushing Finale after some distraction. This was over at about what, four minutes? That's it? I love matches with hot tags two minutes in.
Winners: The Miz & Zach Ryder (*1/4)

The promos were longer than the match, yet Lawler talked about how there was so much action in the match. No there wasn't It was way too short. Who booked this show? Not the same people that booked the last couple of months.

Backstage, Bret told Edge that he will do the match.

Then, Kane walked up to Bret and accused him of attacking Undertaker because he's jealous of the legend that Undertaker became. And if he finds out that Bret did it he'll be in a vegetative state too.

Then, in a comical moment, they plugged a 3 DVD set of the Undertaker's 21 Deadliest matches. Shouldn't we be mounring his vegetative state? I'm so torn!

(Commercial)

Did You Know? Last Monday Raw was, once again, the #1 show on all of cable television. It was also a good show, unlike this one.

Edge vs. Randy Orton
Edge's arm is going to be tied behind his back. It's nearly 10pm, so this is the top of hour two on this show. About a minute in, Edge ripped the rope off and started putting the boots to Orton. And we have a DQ. About a minute.
Winner: Randy Orton (NR)

It's Orton's right arm that is in the sling, by the way. Edge sets him up for the spear. Orton kicks him out of the ring literally. He follows him out and Edge hits him in the shoulder with the top the chair. Conchairto onto the shoulder. Cue the SERIOUS VOICES~! by the announcers.

We got to vote for "so many great things" tonight. I haven't seen anything that was great all night. And we get a recap of the voting results, as well as match results. These recaps are almost longer than the actual matches.

Coming up later it's Cena vs. Swagger, Mysterio or Punk.

(Commercial)

We're two hours in. If I gave this show a rating it would be 3. And that might be generous. Let's see if hour three can save it.

Back from back, recap of the Orton/Edge angle. It was a good angle to get heat on Edge and make Orton more vulnerable, which is the classic way of booking a babyface.

Backstage, Cena thanked Bourne for being his partner last week. And Bourne smiled because that's all Bourne ever does. Cena said tonight his fate rests on the minds of the WWE Universe. He says he feels good because at least he knows he's not going to have to wait to hear his name being called. He feels DAMN GOOD ABOUT CENATION YADDA YADDA VOICE GETS LOUD and stuff, then he got quiet again.

Hey, Mean Gene talks to the A-Team guy! And "Agent Murdoch" wakes up from the gas crap. I wish I could wake up from it. Gene rips on Josh Matthews, calling him horrible. I love Mean Gene. He tells the actor that he's got a movie that can blow the TV show out of the water. And the guy thanks him. Ha, Gene called Matthews a loser. So far Mean Gene is the star of the night although the A-Team segments continue to suck.

Next up it's Drew McIntyre vs. Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu or a mystery person. It's Matt Hardy.

(Commercial)

Drew McIntyre's opponent is the mystery man. He got 88%. It's Matt Hardy. McIntyre says Hardy's suspended. Teddy comes out. He says Hardy was suspended from Smackdown, but not Raw. I guess that works.

Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre
Hardy attacks him on the floor. Back in the ring, Drew boots him in the face. He charges in, misses a shoulder tackle and Matt hits a Twist of Fate on him. Match over in 2 minutes.
Winner: Matt Hardy (1/2*)

Post match, Hardy pulled some of his hair. Finally Matt gets some vengeance. But does he really since it was Raw and not on Smackdown? Oh, see what I did there? Sorry.

Backstage, Dibiase, Virgil and IRS have Rampage locked to a chair backstage. They're headed to the ring.

(Commercial)

Cole says it's "Breaking News" that Rampage is being held hostage by Dibiase, IRS and Virgil. Maybe Ted is jealous that people will actually see this movie unlike his. And somebody needed a favor, which is why Dibiase did this. Who is that person? Roddy Piper. Get it? Because Piper feuded with Mr. T over 25 years ago.

See, we're supposed to think of him as Rampage Jackson, not Rampage Jackson. Now Piper's here to silence him just like he silenced Mr. T back in the day. Piper just said he's not seeing the A-Team. Maybe he watched the skits on this show? "Every time you think you've got all the answers, I change the questions." That’s a classic Piper line. Then he busts out "I pity the fool" like Mr. T. And here's the A-Team music with Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okurlund and Copley. He broke free from the handcuffs. Spinebuster on Dibiase. Rampage would make a great pro wrestler. Ha, Rhodes with the elbow on IRS. And there's a spinebuster on Virgil. Gene says congrats to the A-Team. The Copley dude says thanks to Gene, so he called the American Dream to help him live the dream. Wow. What a storyline. Somebody got paid to think of this angle that spanned the whole show.

And where was Bradley Cooper the rest of the night? He came out, talked for like 30 seconds and was never seen again. The promotion of this movie was not good. I'll probably see it eventually, but what they did on this show did more harm than good.

Can we just end the guest hosts please?

Vote for the Cena match right now: Swagger, Mysterio or Punk.

(Commercial)

Actor Mark Feuerestein is the host next week. He's got some show on USA that Big Show is going to guest on. Lawler & Cole think the show has been fantastic tonight. And I thought I was a kiss ass to people.

Backstage, Josh interviews Rey, Swagger and Punk. Rey says he's the man on Smackdown. Swagger says it would be champ vs. champ. Punk says he can make Cena a better person.

The voting results sees Punk with 45%, Mysterio was second and Swagger was third. That's pretty surprising that it wasn't Rey. Not that I'm complaining. I like Punk, of course.

John Cena vs. CM Punk
If you don't watch Smackdown (shame on you), CM Punk's been wearing a black mask on his face to hide his shaved head. Ugh, now the announcers are saying CeNation a bunch. What an annoying term. There's a small "you can't wrestle" chant for Cena that we never seem to hear anymore. Lawler suggests that Punk looks ugly under the mask. So having a shaved head is ugly apparently? I guess if you're a heel. Cena's in control, but then he runs the ropes right in front of Gallows, which of course leads to him getting tripped up. And off we go for the last commercial.

(Commercial)

Cena comes back from the break in control hitting a vintage move according to Cole. And here are the rookies of NXT just as Cena's about to finish Punk off. I guess the match is done since the NXT guys beat up Punk & Gallows. Match ended at about 12 minutes.
Winner: No Winner Due to Interference (**)

The 8 NXT guys start beating on Cena. At first it was Barrett alone on the ramp, which made me think he was gonna challenge Cena. Ha, they beat up the announcers including Lawler, Striker and Cole. This is awesome. They even beat up the timekeeper and Justin Roberts. Ha, Daniel Bryan choked him out with his own tie. The NXT boys started beating up everything around the ring. Destroying the set basically. I love how nobody in WWE comes out to help Cena. Even the ring ropes took a beating here. Otunga with a spinebuster on Cena. Punk got back up and fought back, but they beat him down too. Danielson vs. Punk please. It was great in ROH. Still no sign of any other wrestlers trying to help. That's how beloved Cena is I guess. Hard clothesline by Sheffield. Bryan yelling at Cena: "You are not better than me." And a stiff kick to the head. That's great. The crowd's "You Suck" now. It's going a bit long, but the crowd is hating these guys big time. Barrett hit his shoulder slam. Then Gabriel hit his awesome looking 450 Splash. Cena is so beat p he might actually limp for 3 seconds next week to sell the beating. Nah, he probably won't.

The show ends with all the NXT guys walking out of the ring while Cena lays face down in a broken down ring. Then we get shots of all the announcers laid out around ringside. They brought out a stretcher for Cena as they showed the faces of concerned fans around ringside. Again, nobody on the roster cares to help the guy? I know, I ask questions that are logical and I shouldn't, but they should have brought somebody like Rey out to take a beating just to prove how dominant the NXT guys were.

How many times has Cena done the stretcher job? Doesn't happen much. They really put over the NXT guys with that. It's not enough to save the show, but it makes you curious as to what's coming next week. And that's a good way to end it. Too bad the other 2 hours and 45 minutes were painful for a lot of the time.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Daniel Bryan: "You are not better than me" to Cena
2. Mean Gene
3. Kozlov's dancing

3.5 out of 10
Last week: 8

My scores for the last three Raw's were 7.5, 7 and 8. Big step back this week. Usually three hour shows mean longer matches that make it a better show. This week? They wanted to get as many people on the show as they possibly could and they didn't care to put on decent matches. The result was a show full of bad skits, no matches that were memorable (the main event was pretty good) and they still haven't promoted much for the Fatal Fourway PPV aside from the main event.

What I liked was how they furthered the Edge/Orton storyline by making Orton more of a sympathetic figure, which will help his face run. Edge is a great dirtbag, so he's the right guy for Orton to be against. That was the best angle progression on the show. It felt like the only angle progression on the show, really.

It was a different ending to the show. I'm not sure where it's headed, but it looks as though the NXT guys will be making a strong impact going forward. That's a good thing. As long as it means more Daniel Bryan, of course. I think I liked the announcers getting beat up the best of anything.

If I never see the Viewer's Choice concept again I'd be happy. Or if it happens again, maybe they'd book it in a better way. This show was a mess, though.

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