By John Canton
Follow me on Twitter @johnreport
I'll get to Raw in a minute. I feel like I have to address this 40 man Royal Rumble thing first. In case you haven't heard yet they have announced that the Rumble will have 40 competitors instead of the usual 30 to make it the "biggest Royal Rumble match ever!" Does that make it better? I'm not sure. The way I see it you're only adding 10 more jobbers to the match. Is the match more fun because you get to see the likes of Ryder, Primo, Tatsu and Young in there? To me that makes it worse. Of course the other point is that in every Rumble there's only about 5 guys that have a chance to win anyway, so what's the big deal? I see both sides. I'm not hating on it. I'll wait and see. I just think the 30 man Rumble worked so well for over 20 years, so why change it? I could change my tune after I see it in two weeks. Let's hope for the best. I'm not one of those negative fans that hates on things.
Live from Little Rock, Arkansas this is the Raw Deal…
They did the Martin Luther King Jr. video package that they do every year. I like that. He's an important person in history and it's good to see him recognized for his impact on society.
The show starts with the purple man John Cena bouncing out to his music while the announcers talked about all that's been going on. It's Cena's first time on Raw in person since the beatdown by Punk and the new Nexus three weeks ago. Cena said his goal was to take out Punk, win the Rumble and win the WWE title at WrestleMania. He wants CM Punk, but instead we see The Miz. The Miz went on to say that he doesn't think Cena's going to win because the odds are tougher with 40 participants now (this was their official announcement) although I don't think more than 1% of fans actually believe that. Cena then made fun of Miz, Riley and Cole with some decent lines and actually said "it's PG, I'm trying to do the best I can." I'm a little surprised that he'd say a line like that. Cena congratulated Lawler for the win last week and the crowd started up the "Jerry!" chant that was pretty cool. Miz said Cena is so corny, which was the most truthful thing said on Raw in years. Miz goes on to say his must see catchphrase and his new thing about being a hardcore & technical wrestler. He said he'd finish his awesome catchphrase when he destroys Randy Orton. Cena said Miz isn't going to WrestleMania because Orton will beat him and that a match like Cena vs. Orton is made for WrestleMania. NO! We've seen it too many times. We even saw it in a triple threat at Mania that was pretty forgettable.
CM Punk showed up on the stage with the new Nexus of Otunga, McGillicutty and Harris just as Cena was about to fight Miz. He mentioned that things would be tough on Cena with 40 guys in the Rumble, plus all of the new Nexus there to ensure that he wins. The Nexus guys attacked Cena, but Kozlov & Santino ran in for the save, which was nice storyline continuity. I'm stunned by continuity! Thank you WWE or "double double e" as Kozlov might say. The GM chimed in to say that if any Nexus guys interfere in Cena vs. Punk later in the show then they'd be out of the Rumble. As soon as I heard that I thought that meant Skip Sheffield would return as the enforcer of the group. I was close.
This was a pretty good opening. I think they're going with Cena vs. Miz for the title at WrestleMania, so this was their way of testing that out. I'm not sure where that leaves Punk for WrestleMania. It might lead to something with Daniel Bryan or John Morrison. At this point it's just a guess on my part. I really think it's going to Miz defending against Cena, though.
Santino & Kozlov d. The Usos (1/4*)
They had the hot tag about 45 seconds in. Santino got beat up, made it to Kozlov, he destroyed everybody and then Santino got tagged in so he can do the Cobra spot everybody loves. That's a finisher. The tag titles are terrible in WWE. It's a shame. I love tag wrestling. At least that's one of the few things TNA does right, so I can get my fix from there.
The Nexus guys were all concerned when Punk showed up, stared at them all and simply said "faith" in a creepy way. He's got the cult-leader thing down pat, doesn't he?
The camera showed Morrison walking backstage where he bumped into Daniel Bryan with the Bellas, who had slutty versions of Bryan's shirt.
Back from break, they showed a video package showcasing John Morrison as a way to put over his awesome offensive maneuvers. I have no problem with spending 60 seconds on that. They could also give midcarders a chance to talk, though.
John Morrison d. Daniel Bryan (**1/4)
On paper this is one of those matches that you wish could get 15 minutes because you know that if they did they'd have a match of the year contender. Instead they went to commercial about one minute into it and then we saw another four minutes or so. That's it? I want more! Their chemistry was good, but not great all the time as they seemed out of place once or twice. Neither guy was able to get their finisher, which is fine because it was a shorter match. It ended with Morrison hitting his running knee to the face for the pin. That's the second week in a row where they ended a match with that. The commercial really hurt the momentum match. Otherwise it was very solid wrestling by two of WWE's best. I'm guessing Morrison gets an early spot in the Rumble and lasts near the very end.
Sheamus showed up on that stage. You know what I think of him? He's the guy that won King of the Ring and then most of his matches after that. He says he's going to win the Rumble and beat Morrison in the process. Get ready for Triple H, fella.
By the way, I love how they have a strike finisher such as Morrison's running knee coming immediately after a joke finish like The Cobra. It kind of hurts the credibility of the move that looks real.
They're doing Orton vs. Ziggler later in a battle of the number one contenders.
They recapped WWE winning a Mashable Award. Don't really care or know much about it except they flooded my twitter feed asking people to vote. I guess peer pressure works, kids!
Backstage, The Bellas made a competition to be Bryan's "first." Yes, they are in a whoring competition. That's vintage Bellas! And we're supposed to assume that Bryan won't have any friends that watch Raw to tell him about this, or that he DVRs Raw himself. We'll have to play stupid along with him. I always do my secret bets on TV too.
Randy Orton d. Dolph Ziggler (**)
This was a 8 minute match like Morrison/Bryan was, but in this case we saw the whole thing. The commercial came before the match. Why not do it for the other one? You can time these things, ya know. I think Ziggler's been on fire of late, but did you ever think he was going to win? Of course not. Orton never loses and if he does it's only because of some very obvious interference. The babyfaces on Raw are way too strong. It's the biggest problem the show has. Dolph got control late, put the sleeper on and Orton fought out of it. Dolph went for the Zig Zag, Orton blocked it and hit the RKO for the win. It was a good match although nothing out of the ordinary.
Immediately after the match ended, The Miz and Alex Riley attacked Orton. They threw him outside the ring. Lawler tried to interfere, but Miz threw him over the barricade where he landed in the crowd. They continued to beat on Orton, throwing him into the announce table, the ring post and then ended it by throwing him into the barricade that ended up breaking. I guess that's safer than breaking the announce table, huh? This was well done. It did a good job of making Miz look tougher, which is what he needed. I assume Orton gets his heat back next week as they build to the Rumble match where Miz is likely to retain.
Since I mentioned table breaking, check out this youtube video that shows tables being broken from when WWE first started doing it about 15 years ago. It's good stuff. Tell 'em The John Report sent you too!
They recapped the Orton beating. Hopefully he can at least sell it a bit next week on Raw. That'd be a nice change of pace.
They had Punk talking to his crew again, speaking like a cult leader. For some reason you could hear a director or producer in the background. It also happened during the Orton/Miz beating and the main event angle. That's a WCW or TNA thing to be that sloppy. It's not like WWE to be that way.
Natalya d. Maryse (1/2*)
This was just weird. With Lawler out for a bit they had Eve and Melina announcing for one reason. Melina didn't talk once while Eve spoke and was awful at it, so I give Melina credit for not talking. Natalya beat Maryse in about two minutes clean with the Sharpshooter. They have yet to announce a date for the Natalya-Melina title match. Did Melina piss somebody off? Not sure why she's been booked so weird lately.
Post match, Maryse yells at Cole for some reason. Then Ted Dibiase shows up. She blames him for her losing. He says he's going to prove he can win the Rumble by asking for an over the top challenge.
We came back with the answer to the over the top challenge: KOOL-AID~! man Mark Henry! At this point I got dozens (and dozens) of Twitter messages laughing because they made Mark out to be a huge THREAT TO WIN the Rumble. I told you it's not a joke. It's reality! Henry threw Dibiase out.
Mark Henry won a Jobber Battle Royal
More jobbers came out and Mark won that too. Sheamus showed up, so I thought maybe they'd book him strong for once and have him win something. Could it be? Nope. He got thrown out by Henry too. Why is Sheamus being booked like he sucks? I don’t understand.
For some reason, Alberto Del Rio drove his car into the arena to cut a 30 second promo saying it's his destiny to win the Rumble. That's all he did. I love the guy, but what's the point of such a brief appearance?
A lot of people have been giving me heat for this THREAT TO WIN thing being a joke. What joke? They book him like this every year before the Rumble. He's eliminated only two people from Rumble matches in his entire career, yet every year they tell you how much of a threat he is. It's the year of the KOOL-AID~! fella. Deal with it.
(The preceding message has been paid for by the "Mark Henry: THREAT TO WIN" committee. They will be here every week on the road to the Royal Rumble. They love you because you love Mark.)
Back from break, they had Daniel Bryan's NXT rookie Derrick Bateman do this infomercial type thing advertising a Mark Henry "World's Strongest Man" cologne. Henry did the voiceover. This was silly, which was the point of it. They clearly want Bateman to win NXT if they're giving him precious time on Raw.
Here's the great video package about the stats relating to the Royal Rumble. This was great. I feel sorry for the person that had to tabulate the pounds of all the wrestlers. By the way, no remembering the 2004 Rumble. It's not allowed. Thanks, WWE.
They announced WWE Champ The Miz vs. World Champion Edge on next week's Raw. I'd imagine that Orton interferes to cost Miz the victory or they do the DQ finish. It won't be clean.
They showed Cena walking backstage, ready for the main event.
Before we got to the main event I have to plug my Royal Rumble recaps that are exclusive to thejohnreport.net. I'll be writing about every Rumble from 1988 to 2010 through the month of January. It's just the Rumble match. No other matches. Here's a listing of what I have done so far:
1998 Rumble won by Steve Austin.
1997 Rumble won by Steve Austin.
1996 Rumble won by Shawn Michaels.
1995 Rumble won by Shawn Michaels.
1994 Rumble won by Bret Hart & Lex Luger.
1993 Rumble won by Yokozuna.
1992 Rumble won by Ric Flair.
1991 Rumble won by Hulk Hogan.
1990 Rumble won by Hulk Hogan.
1989 Rumble won by Big John Studd.
1988 Rumble won by Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Now we are ready for the main event.
CM Punk d. John Cena via DQ (**3/4)
A very good match that I'm surprised got 15 minutes of action. I thought it would be much shorter with them not giving much away. Instead they worked a full match that really benefitted CM Punk because it showed he could compete on Cena's level. I thought Cena did a good job of showing frustrating at not being able to put Punk away. I really liked the submission spot by Punk, who had Cena locked into a modified version of the Anaconda Vice and it almost looked like Cena might tap. Of course he didn't tap because we all know John Cena could never lose a match clean. Cena hit his top rope legdrop. Suddenly a random, big dude showed up on the apron. He kicked away at a security guy. He walked into the ring, Punk stretched his arms out and the big guy kicked Punk in the head. That earned Punk the DQ win. Then he picked up Cena and gave him a one armed slam, similar to a Rock Bottom, but not exactly.
The big guy, who is named Mason Ryan in WWE's Florida Championship Wrestling promotion, kneeled down before Punk as he was given a Nexus arm band. He looks very similar to Batista although he's probably an inch or two shorter. The funny name given to him by Chris Jericho on Twitter was Batistwo.
To end the show they showed Cena on the floor and you could hear a production person saying "stay on me, stay on me," as the camera focused on the Nexus group in the ring. I'm not sure why they had the production issues. I assume that cue meant to focus on the guys in the ring.
Three Stars of the Show
1. CM Punk - Great promos and led Cena to a very strong main event.
2. The Miz - I thought he did an excellent job on the microphone and beating down Orton.
3. John Cena - He was tolerable here. People give him crap about his matches, but he's pretty solid when he gets time and a good opponent.
6.5 out of 10
Last week: 4
2011 High Score: 9 (Jan. 3)
2011 Low Score: 4 (Jan. 10)
2011 Average: 6.5
I thought it was a pretty good show with nice action in the ring. I can take two 8 minute matches and a 15 minute main event. I would like more of that every week.
As for Mason Ryan he's somebody that we knew was going to be called up soon because he'd been working dark matches for a while, but we didn't know how or when. Personally, I liked it a lot. I thought Punk's Nexus needed one more person, which is why I thought it would be Sheffield as the enforcer. Now it can work with Mason Ryan in the group that can serve as Punk's bodyguard. It could work really well for him. If you're wondering he's originally from Wales, so it'll be interesting to see if he's got that accent or if they just let Punk talk for him.
The rest of the show was mostly hype for the Rumble. Everybody thinks they're going to win even though we know there are maybe two or three guys on Raw that have a shot with Cena and Punk being the big two. Maybe Morrison, but I really doubt that.
I didn't like last week's show very much, but they took a step in the right direction with this one. Two weeks until the 40 man Rumble. Does bigger mean better in this case? I'm undecided on that one.
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John Canton - john@thejohnreport.net
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