RAW this week starts with a picture of the Rock on mic. Rock's voice talking to the president(?). He jokes about Cena's final Knockout punch to the Rock. Did he see it? Did he laugh? No, no one laughed because it stunk. He tried to talk to Cena like a man, but he acts like a child. Cena's music hits and Rock gets off the phone. Rock says Cena has a lot of nerve to come to Cena's house to talk. Final chance for Cena to talk like a man! A little boy walks in in Cena gears, waves his hand and says he can't see it.
He tells Cena not to do that. Don't throw gang signs, don't think about rapping. You're not gangsta, you're not from the hood! He wants to talk to Rock, talk like an adult. The kid raps - "My name is John Cena, I'm puttin' on the hurt. I'm the tough guy with the bright purple shirt." The kid flips his shirt like Cena. "You want some, come gets some!"
Rock sits down and says he should have done this before. It's time for Cena to have a talk with the People's Champion. Seven years ago when Rock left, Cena took the ball and ran with it. Not far, but he tried to run his little legs off, running for years. Became the man in the WWE. Not only did he try, but he succeeded. Think about it like this, Kermit The Frog (frog noises), Barney The Dinosaur (Barney's voice) now Cena! Think about the demographic he has, he owns the 2-5 year olds, they love you. The truth is, does he know why he'll never be as good as the Rock? The kid says, "Because I'm not that talented?" Rock agrees that he's not that talented. It's took such a big man to admit it. The big elephant in the room, bye bye. Now Cena let that go, load off his shoulders. How does it make you feel? It doesn't matter how you feel!
The kid 'cries' and the Rock tells him not too. We've all seen Cena's movies and we're not crying! He doesn't have any toilet paper, but he has the next best thing - a Cena shirt - the kid blows his nose in it. \everyone's proud of him. He's not that talented, but he admitted it. He has a gift for Cena, something he'd like. Rock grabs something and says, "Abracadabra and yabba dabba!" Out come s a box of Fruity Pebbles. Little Cena says, "Loyalty, respect and Fruity Pebbles? YES!" Yes, all that hot garbage Cena says. There's his idol, Fred Flintstones. Someday he'll have muscles. Not like Rock, but he will. Little Cena asks if he can have them now? Rock told him to go eat them you untalented little fruit loop.
Then Rock tries to remember where his is. He turns to the camera and addresses the Miz. He's right, they have not been properly introduced. He's the Miz, the WWE Champion, the so called must see Champion of all time. Well, he's the Rock, the most electrifying man in all of entertainment. The people's Champion. Last Monday night on RAW Miz made a few statements. Miz knocked out Cena like a block of ice. He hit the people's elbow. But Miz, whether you know it or not, you made another statement. He clearly wants the Rock to give him the single biggest ass whooping of his lifetime. Cena, Miz, they can all agree, the time for talk is over. It's time for WM. As he promised, gave his word, before WM he'll bring it live to RAW. Cena, don't worry about when or where. Cena, satellite or not, shut you're mouth. The only thing Cena should be concerned, the Miz should be concerned with is how badly he layeth the smacketh down on both their candy asses! If you can smell what the Rock is cookin'!
King is on announce, all happy. Josh is with him.
Trish and Snooki are backstage talking.
Out by announce, Cole is in his broadcast palace, otherwise known as 'The Cole Mine!' He's in a plexiglass box, open top so he won't suffocate, with his own announce set up. His monitor has his face plastered all over it. I can't tell you how funny this looks if you don't see it. Go, go look online! It's hysterical!!!
Miz's music hits and he comes out to Cole spazzing for him. Cole continues to rant. Video of three weeks ago, Cena and Miz winning the Tag Team Championships, but them Miz cost them the straps. Two weeks go Cena beat A-Ri, but Miz attacked outside. Last week Miz ambushed Cena in the ring, hitting the People's Elbow. Miz is in the ring, all smiles as he listens to the heat for himself.
Really? Really? The Rock's t-shirt says 'I bring it'. Miz agrees. He brings out of date catch phrases, bad tattoos cruddy movies and 20 minute diatribes that only a has-been can bring! Rock has a problem with Miz insulting his family. Rock's father and grandfather were both good. HUGE "You suck!" chants. He asks if they're done, they all yell back, "NO!" They were both good, but never WWE Champion. That means he's better than the both of them and can say whatever he wants. Rock likes to make 6 year olds cry. Step into the ring and Miz will make Rock cry. Make him scream like a little girl. Unlike Rock, instead of talking about beating up Cena, Miz has done it. Three weeks in a row to be exactly. Rock doesn't own Cena, Miz does!
"You suck!" chants again. Miz says nothing they say phases him. So, Rock, week after week via TV screen Rock says he's going to bring it. Miz hopes he brings it. He might bring it to St. Louis. But if Rock does bring it there, or when he does bring it, know he'll be overshadowed by the most must see Champion of this company. Because he's the Miz, and he's - awesome!
Ding-Ding! Cole, from his little plastic box, has an email from the GM. He leaves his box to go to the podium. King gets up, walks over to the podium ahead of Cole and takes his spot with a smirk as Cole screeches at him. King tells Cole to go back home, his cage is cleaned out now. Miz, tonight the RAW GM has arranged two first time ever matches for Miz and Cena. Later Cena will face a man he's never faced before, the #1 contender for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, Alberto Del Rio. Miz asks about him. There's no one for him to beat, he's beaten everyone there is to beat. King says that's not true. Apparently Miz hasn't faced this man -
Out comes Khali with Singh in tow. Cole screams at King for reading this email. King and everyone should be fired!
- Commercial
Great Khali w/ Singh Vs. Miz
The bell rings and Miz kicks at Khali's legs and head. Khali with blows to Miz's head lands Miz on the mat. Chop to Miz's chest in a corner. A big chop to the top of Miz's head. Khali grabs Miz's head as Cole about freaks out. Miz makes it to the ropes, but then A-Ri attacks Khali and the ref calls for the bell.
Winner - Khali via DQ
A-Ri is slammed to the mat hard by Khali. Miz back in with a chair. Khali has to bend over to get in the right spot for Miz to hit him. Miz knocks Khali to the mat and beats on Khali with the chair. Miz actually breaks the chair on Khali. Chunks fly off, but there's still a big red hand print on Miz's chest. Khali has some welts from the chair. Miz hits a DDT onto the chair that Khali actually sells. The part of the chair that's hanging off as Miz shows it off up the ramp actually cut Khali's back. He's bleeding on the mat as the ref and Singh check on him.
Cole rants about exposing King, having special guest to set the record straight about who King really is, will set the record straight.
- Commercial
King and Josh run through the matches already slated for WMXXVII.
Video promo for Triple H, the same showed on the last SD.
Backstage JoMo is talking to Snooki. Then Vickie and Dolph come up and rips on JoMo. Vickie tells her to stay away from Dolph. Snooki thinks she's all that being on the cover of Rolling Stone? Vickie was offered Playboy. Snooki says it had to be a centerfold to show all that. Vickie pulls back to slap Snooki, but Snooki blocks it and slaps Vickie!
- Commercial
US Title Match - Daniel Bryan © Vs. Sheamus
Sheamus out to the ring. He's on the cover of Muscle & Fitness Magazine this month. King and Cole verbally abuse each other, then go on to talk about Sheamus saying he's out of there if he doesn't win. Justin announces this, but Sheamus over to yell at him. Sheamus appears to have an open sore of some sort on his nose, at the bridge. Bryan out with Gail Kim on his arm. She's in leather boy shorts and a lilac elasticized corset!
Side headlock take over on Bryan. Shoulder block to Bryan for one. Josh asks about the curse of the KOTR. Bryan runs up a corner and flips over Sheamus. Drop toe hold on Sheamus. Bryan tries to lock on his hold, but Sheamus gets to the ropes. Sheamus rolls out, Bryan with a suicide dive on Sheamus. Bryan rolls Sheamus back in and climbs. Missile drop kick to Sheamus for one.
Sheamus rolls out again and looks freaked out!
- Commercial
Chinlock on Bryan on the mat. During the break Sheamus hit a huge back breaker on Bryan, then a huge clothesline. Bryan up and elbows out, but into a shoulder block. Bryan into the ropes, forearms to Bryan over his shoulder. The ref makes him stop, then he's back on with more forearms. Sheamus to the apron and a knee lift to Bryan's face. In the ring Sheamus pins for two. He's frustrated.
Sheamus telegraphs and is kicked for it. Bryan spins out of the back breaker. Bryan elevates Sheamus over the top and out. Sheamus sells an ankle injury as he lands. The ref counts, Sheamus in on five, but the ref keeps Bryan away. Sheamus up with a brogue kick, but Bryan ducks. Bryan locks on the la belle lock. Sheamus gets to the ropes, Bryan has to break.
A blow to Bryan's gut, then shipped into a corner. Bryan up for the Celtic cross, but Bryan rolls down his back and pins Sheamus for two. They exchange blows and Bryan gets the best of him. More kicks to a kneeling Sheamus' chest, then one to the head. Bryan pins, but Sheamus somehow kicks out. Bryan climbs, but runs into a brogue kick. Sheamus pins Bryan for three.
Winner & new US Champion - Sheamus
Sheamus celebrates in the ring, kisses the belt, then down in Bryan's face to gloat. Sheamus over, pounds on Cole's cage in victory, then over to yell at King and Josh. Video of Sheamus finishing Bryan as he flies. Sheamus back in the ring posing over Bryan, gloating. Sheamus rubs his foot in Bryan's face.
Cole stands on his desk and says he's going to commit regicide. That's destruction of a King. He's bringing back someone who will show what King's really about. That person will be out next.
- Commercial
WWE Slam Of The Week - Cole in the ring with his clipboard last week. He ranted about the man who will ref for him. Out came JBL to rant. Before he could sign Stone Cold Steve Austin came out to the ring and stunned JBL. He signed the contract, then poured beer over Cole. A lot more beer and the fans were wild.
Cole, in the ring, looks very unhappily at the tron. He says the fans enjoyed that? Yes! They love that Stone Cold could come in and become the ref at WM? Yes! He can tell that Stone Cold will have minimal effect WM when he beats King. He knows how defensive King gets when people talk about his family, living or dead. He's not going to talk about his family, as his family will talk about him. The biological son of Jerry Lawler, Brian Christopher. Brian comes out dancing as if no time had passed, it's 2000 and he's still part of Too Cool. Brian poses on a corner and looks down at his father. Then more dancing. Cole gives Brian a mic. Cole says Brian's never used the name Brian Lawler. Brian says all his life, growing up, he never ever felt like he had a father. See Cole, while King was off traveling the world, he neglected one thing, Brian. Lawler never really wanted a child.
Brian leaves the ring, breathing hard, over to announce said King never wanted anybody or anything to get in King's spotlight. That's why when Brian made it on his own to the WWE, King wouldn't acknowledge Brian as his son.
King grabs a mic, tells Brian that he doesn't know what to say. He's no the only one who's glad Brian didn't use the Lawler name. Brian, you're a bigger screw up that Charlie Sheen. Just the fact he'd associate himself with Cole show everyone the type of person he is. Brian asks how does it make King feel to know Brian competed at WM before King did. As part of Too Cool, he was one of the biggest Superstars in the WWE at one time. Josh very quietly says, "This is uncomfortable." Not sure if that was to be heard by the fans. Brian says that's right. He asks King one more time, how'd that make him feel, Daddy? Brian pushes his father and asks again. Is King going to answer him. Brian slaps his father in his face as King glares. Brian keeps taunting King, calling him Daddy and pushing him. Brian says the reason he's never used his name is because Brian's ashamed of King.
Cole says, just what he thought. He doesn’t care about his father and never did. King's a coward, pathetic and a loser! At WM Cole will put him in his place. No one cares about -
Holy crap!!!!! JR's music and he comes out in a suit and hat! (Eeeeeek!) Cole says he was wondering when this moment would come. When he would do his John Wayne impersonation. Come in on his white horse! Slow day in BBQ? Slow day on Twitter?
JR asks if Cole doesn't think this has gone far enough? Talk about King's family, then brings Brian out. Cole, come to his senses, this has gone far enough. Cole tells JR to go away. This is his show now. Cole is the voice of the WWE, not Jim Ross. JR says he's been meaning to talk to him about that. About the voice of the WWE. You know, for many many years he had the privilege to sit next to King over there. He was lucky enough to be inducted into the WWE HOF. What he's learned that the voice of the WWE is in the arena here, watching around the world. Those are the voices of the WWE. King's been protecting and carry Cole for a long time. Carrying Cole, well, like Cole would understand, like a mother kangaroo carry Cole in his pouch, protecting him. Cole isn't a lovable, fury, huggable animal like a baby kangaroo. He's a different type of animal. He's a varmint. Cole is a rat bastard!
Cole says that's how it's going to be. It's how he always envisioned it. Cole in his ring, standing up for himself as JR walked out of the ring, walked out in the sunset, tail between his legs. JR back into the ring, hat comes off. Off comes the jacket as the fans get louder and wilder! JR loosens his tie, then raises his fist. Off comes Cole's jacket and tie. "JR!" chants fill the arena - LOUDLY!
Swagger is there with King, attacking him. Chokes King, then heads for the ring. JR holds up his hand. Cole yells to Swagger to teach JR some respect. Swagger kicks JR, kinda. Then he locks on an ankle lock. Cole down in JR's face. Then King is there attacking Swagger. Cole jumps on King's back at Swagger attacks King and locks on the ankle lock. Swagger then instructs Cole on how to lock on the ankle lock - on JR. JR over sells, but not as much as Cole does. Cole says this will teach JR to come out and disrespect him. This is his time, nobody else's. Swagger and Cole raise hands over the legends on the mat.
- Commercial
WWE Rewind - Orton punted McGillicutty's head off two weeks ago. Last week Orton punted Otunga's head off.
Randy Orton Vs. Mason Ryan
Orton's music and he comes out the ring. Cole says they're there for the Superstars. Josh asks if that's why Cole has security with him? The camera closes in on Orton's wife and his beautiful little girl! Ryan out to the ring.
They lock up, Orton backed into a corner. A little bit of a break and Orton turns it around, blows on Ryan in a corner. Orton fights back. Ryan whips Orton who comes out with clothesline, but doesn't drop Ryan. Orton tries for another, but runs into a big boot. Punk on the stage chews his nails. Ryan picks Orton up, holds him, then lands Orton's side on his leg. Orton's legs flail wildly. Ryan hit’s the move again, this time holding onto Orton and hitting it again for two.
Bear hug on Orton. Blows to Ryan through, "Let's go Randy!" chants. Orton whipped and comes out with a clothesline. Ryan grabs Orton and hit’s a side slam for a very long two on Orton. Ryan takes his time, looks up at the WM sign. Pulls Orton to his feet, tries to set Orton up, but he eats an RKO!
Winner - Orton
Punk, on stage looks green. Orton turns and looks at Punk on the stage. Orton poses and looks up at Punk. Punk stares back. Orton to the mat, starts stepping out of the ring, then stops. Then Orton does leave the ring, slowly heading for the ramp, then stops. Stare down, then Orton turns to the ring, to Ryan. Punk looks ill! Orton runs into the ring, backs into a corner, then runs and punts Ryan. This one caught Ryan more on the shoulder then the head. Punk is there, sliding into the ring. Orton drops down, punches the mat and stares Punk in the eye. Punk slowly slides out of the ring, watching Orton closely. "Randy!" chants. Video of Orton punting Ryan. Punk, back up on the top of the ramp as the stretcher comes to the ring. Ryan has rolled out of the ring. They're tending to Ryan there.
Video of the altercation between Vickie and Snooki earlier.
- Commercial
Josh announces Drew Carey into the HOF this year. Video of his appearance at the Royal Rumble Match. Kane came out and Drew tried to pay (masked) Kane off, then eliminated himself. He's now the host of Price Is Right!
Josh is talking up the HOF Ceremony, but Cole cuts him off talking about the Cole Mine and introducing the Cole ankle lock. That's what he's going to use to beat King in three weeks. Cole then talks to JR, saying it was a slobber-knocker, Cole really stomped a mud hole in JR the size of Texas, kicking JR like a government mule! JR needs to stay out of Cole's business for good.
Trish and Snooki head for the ring. Ryder stops her and asks about this situation, woo, woo ,woo. She pokes his abs and tells him they're pretty solid. Then she and Trish head off to the ring.
- Commercial
Justin in the center of the ring announces the Special Guest Star, Snooki. She comes into the ring. Justin holds the ropes for her to get in under the second one. She bounces around the ring waving. She gets a mixed reaction from the fans. She's very excited, been waiting all week long. She's really excited about Trish shutting Vickie Guerrero's big fat mouth up.
Trish Stratus Vs. Vickie Guerrero - if Vickie loses, she loses her job!
EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! She won't only beat Trish, but she'll be hired on Monday night RAW. But first she has something for Snooki. Don't ever put her hands on her again. How dare Snooki come to RAW and take her spotlight. And third, she took something for Vickie. She shows Snooki's RS cover. That was Vickie's cover, you little thief! Vickie shows the original with her on it. The fans don't like it. She says by the end of the night she'll be the new media darling. She will prevail and overcome her obstacles tonight, but she knows deep down that she's a good person! Trish comes bouncing out in ring gear, looking great, getting some pop.
The bell rings, but Vickie stops it all so she can warm up. She has the ref hold Trish back. Trish runs up and rolls Vickie up, but Vickie rolls through. Vickie tries to kick Trish, but Trish grabs her leg and pushes Vickie down. Vickie tries to flee, but Trish grabs her foot, comes away with a shoe. Vickie out of the ring, Trish out, Vickie back in, Trish back in. Vickie, holding her shoe starts laughing. Then Vickie fences with her shoe. Vickie then throws her shoe at Trish who ducks, off comes the other shoe, and sock. Trish knocks Vickie down, shoe held high, then spanks Vickie with her shoe.
Dolph rushes into the ring to protect Vickie, but JoMo runs down to the ring, punches Dolph from the ring, then runs, flies over the top rope, spinning through the air, taking Dolph down. Lay-Cool to the ring. Trish takes them both down, but then Layla holds Trish's ankles while Michelle kicks Trish in the face. Vickie covers Trish, then Layla on top of her and Michelle sits atop the pile. Michelle takes a pic of Vickie pinning Trish.
Winner & now working on RAW - Vickie
They celebrate in the ring. Michelle goes over and talks smack to Snooki. The fans chant for Snooki! Michelle gets out of the ring and talks smack at Snooki. Snooki, barely up to Michelle's boobs. Michelle gets on the apron, Snooki pulls Michelle's foot out from under her and Michelle eats apron. Snooki into the ring with a Thesz press on Layla! Snooki slams Layla's head back onto the mat over and over (seems to be the Jersey Shore 'move'). Trish on Michelle as Snooki beats on Layla - Vickie in the corner screams her head off. Snooki holds onto Layla's foot until she gets the obvious cue to let go. The heels flee to Dolph. Dolph yells something into JoMo about him not even being a girl. Trish, Snooki and JoMo arms up across the ring. Vickie grabs a mic and asks if Snooki thinks this is a night club on the board walk, little girl. Vickie tells Snooki she's in way over her head! This is Vickie's show now! She can't wait to show all of them what they deserve. She can't wait to see them embarrassed on the biggest stage of them all. Vickie challenges Trish, Snooki and JoMo to face Lay-Cool and Dolph at WM! Trish, JoMo and Snooki converse, then Snooki takes a mic and says, "I'll see you there baby!"
- Commercial
Promo for Sin Cara.
Cole talks up sin Cara. Josh then talks about what HBK has to say about Triple H versus Taker.
HBK says that to say Taker's not intimidating us untrue. There's a mystery a darkness. 6'10", 300lbs, but Taker's best asset is the streak. There's something about the streak that plays to Taker's advantage. There's smoke and mirrors and distractions if you allow yourself to get sucked in. you have to stay focused on the task at hand and sometimes that's hard with Taker. Taker at WM takes on a life of its own. There's Taker in front of you, then this legendary streak. Taker has never been beaten at WM and HBK isn't sure it will be broken. He has everything on the line, everything to fight for. Beating Taker at WM is the hardest thing you're every going to do.
Alberto Del Rio Vs. John Cena
Ricardo announces Alberto who comes out in a white Bentley convertible. Brodus comes out from backstage to join Alberto on the ramp. Alberto poses as Cena's music hits. Cena out to the ring.
They lock up. Alberto with a knee to Cena's gut. Alberto uses his hands, moving Cena around, keeping hold, working over Cena, keeping control of Cena. Shoulder block drops Cena. Hip toss then drop kick to Alberto. Cole says he has it on good authority that Rock's here in St. Louis. No one's told him this, but he has it on good authority that Rock is here, tonight!
- Commercial
Alberto pins Cena for two. Dropkick to Cena for another two. Chinlock on Cena in the center of the ring. Josh demands to know how Cole knows Rock's there. Cole told Josh to wait and see. Back drop to Alberto. Brodus slaps the mat, watching closely. Both men are down and are up at eight. Alberto sells well as he gets up. They both clothesline at the same time, both are down again! Blows to Cena at seven. They're on their feet exchanging blows. Cena got control, wild punch from Alberto, then shoulder blocks to Alberto. Cena slams Alberto, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena struggles to get Alberto up, but Brodus into the ring attacks Cena from behind. The ref calls for the bell.
Winner - Cena via DQ
Blows from Brodus on Cena. Alberto then on Cena with blows. Rock's music hits, Alberto and Brodus stop on Cena.
The 'Rock' comes out. It's Miz, head shaved, in Rock garb. He moves just like the Rock! Off comes the sunglasses and he stomps to the ring.
Cena tries to fight off Brodus and Alberto. Clothesline to Miz, then head butt from Brodus and Miz sets up and hit’s a Rock Bottom! Miz, still moving like the Rock, but his skull cap is showing. Cena, in a corner, gets a kick to the back of the head from Alberto. Brodus pulls Cena up and hits a fall away slam. Miz poses on a corner, one fist in the air like the Rock does. Cena outside, Miz looks down and pulls of the skull cap. Cole talks about this being the best thing he's ever seen. This ruse Miz pulled on everyone. Miz grabs Cena and runs him back first into a ring post. Miz grabs a mic, asks Cena how is his road to WM? He hits Cena over the head with the mic. Miza says he's own Cena for the past three weeks and will own him for the next three, all the way to WM. Again the mic to Cena's head. Off comes Rock's shirt. Miz pulls Cena up and hits a suplex onto the metal ramp. It obviously hurt Miz's back too, but Cena over sold it. Miz stalks Cena up the ramp, as Cena crawls. Cena to his feet, goes after Miz, but then eats a SCF on the stage. Miz leans down and tells Cena he can get up. They're all for him. Miz pulls Cena to his feet, looks around, then runs Cena head first into the big standing logo on the stage (the one JoMo climbed and dove from a while back). Cena pulls a small logo off the front of the base of the big logo. Miz stalks Cena, arms back in a very Rock-like pose. Miz then hits another SCF on Cena, this time onto the base of the logo, right where Cena pulled the little logo off from. Video of Miz's attack on Cena. Miz stares down at Cena, then around at the fans.
Biggest pop
Rock
JR
King
JoMo/Trish
Biggest heat
Vickie
Miz
Cole
Most mixed
Cena
Snooki
