I wanted to write this column immediately after I heard the news. I wanted to make sure that my emotions were at their highest height. But the truth is...I don't really feel anything. I feel nothing.
It's 11:53 in the morning as I'm typing this now. I just got on the computer. The first thing I see is an Instant Message from Oratory Forum Member and one of my good friends off the board, Todd, saying "Dude. Eddie. No." At first I thought he was reacting to me saying that I thought Randy Orton was going to win the World Title this week on Smackdown, and Toddy was telling me he thought Eddie was going to win. But something about the phrasing of how he put that message to me. I knew something was up. Sure enough, I check the Forums, and under the WWE section, there it was.
"Eddie Guerrero passed away."
Suddenly, I went numb. A wide variety of emotions crept over me. But surprisingly, I didn't cry. It's 10 minutes later and I'm still not crying. But my stomach aches, and my joints hurt. And I didn't even do anything last night to warrant this. I feel...just numb.
I've been fortunate (or blessed, however you want to put it) enough not to have to deal with the death of loved ones. All of my family is still here, and I wasn't really close with my grandparents who passed. The worst I've had to go through was having my dog put to sleep. But no, not since the announcement of Owen Hart's death have I felt this horrible inside.
Wrestler deaths feel to me like deaths in the family, because I grew up watching these guys. When Owen passed, I felt like my close uncle left me. I was almost raised by these people. I spent my entire childhood forming a connection to these guys. Eddie was no different. I started watching him in WCW when he was embroiled in a feud with Diamond Dalls Page over a Battlebowl ring. Throughout the years I followed him, I watched all the feuds. My favorite was his feud with his nephew Chavo, with the "Eddie Guerrero is my favorite wrestler" t-shirts.
I followed him all the way to WWE, when he jumped with Benoit, Malenko and Perry Saturn (I can only imagine what guys like Benoit, Malenko, Chavo and Rey are going through right now. This is probably affecting them the most). I really enjoyed the Latino Heat character, and that's when I really took a strong liking to Eddie. He was hilarious, and was good in the ring at the same time.
Of course, he had his history of drug problems, and those have been well-documented. Whatever they find out about the cause of Eddie's death, the history he had with drugs will most likely affect it, whether it be a relapse, or a problem with his heart. I'm hoping for the latter. I'd hate to see his legacy end on such a sour note. It's much more heroic to think that it was simply that the toll that was taken on him for being on the road was too much.
Hindsight is always a bitch. You could see the signs coming, but you didn't think anything was wrong. Eddie couldn't handle the stress of being WWE champion, and he was always tired on the road. The stress was getting to him, big time. But over the past few months, it looked like things were okay with Eddie. He was putting on great matches with Rey Mysterio and generally having a good time. News like this is shocking, and yet it isn't. You would expect to hear something like this for maybe Scott Hall or Jake Roberts. But Eddie just slips under the radar. He was clean. He was taking all the right steps in life.
You can go into "Why him?" and start to wonder about the cruelty of life, but the sad truth is that things like this happen. Out of the blue. You can never predict all of them. You just have to try and intervene the best you can to prevent the ones that are painfully obvious. Stories like Eddie's are just tragic.
Because of the fact that I have barely dealt with death so close, I always try to think fondly on the life rather than harp on the death. Eddie provided us with some wonderful memories. One of the greatest moments of my life as a professional wrestling fan was struggling to get an internet connection in Los Angeles so I could watch Eddie win the WWE title. I wrote about it here. Please read it.
I'll also always be thankful for the one opportunity I had to see Eddie Guerrero wrestle live. It was June 2003 in Madison Square Garden. He and Tajiri defended the tag team titles against Roddy Piper and Sean O'Haire. It wasn't a great match, but it was still entertaining, and it was a thrill to see him live.
I still haven't cried yet. Maybe that will change later today when I watch the documentary portion of his DVD which chronicles how he overcame his drug addictions to rise to the top of the WWE as champion. Maybe I'll cry then. Or maybe I'll smile.
Rest in Peace, Eddie Guerrero. It was truly an honor to watch you perform.
