WWE Heat Report-8th January 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators: Todd Grisham & Jonathan Coachman
Welcome back everyone. I really should call these reports Friday Night Heat and Saturday Velocity as that's when they're shown on the web irregardless of both being on TV Sundays in the UK. Anyways The Coach is back in the saddle this week so we get no Tommy Dreamer. Velocity is the far superior show these days but let's see if Heat can at least be an improvement on last week's show. Uh oh we get off to a bad start as look who's first out of the chute. It's Snitsky.
Snitsky vs Val Venis
Let's see how much mileage Val can get out of the ugly one this week. Val opts to towel a granny rather than a hottie. Snitsky tries to blindside Val who ducks and hammers away on Snitsky with punches and a chop. Val goes for a mounted assault but Snitsky shoves Val off after three punches. Val drives Snitsky's head into the corner, chops again then mounts again and gets four punches in this time before getting shoved off again. Snitsky charges into a chop from Val who chops again then sends Snitsky off the ropes and follows through with two running kneelifts. Snitsky blocks a side russian legsweep and sends Val down but misses an elbowdrop allowing Val to send Snitsky's head into the corner. Val drives his head into Snitsky's gut a couple of times but Snitsky reverses Val off the ropes and catches him in a powerslam and Snitsky is all blown up. Snitsky stomps on Val's back before picking him up then lifting and ramming him into the corner then hitting him with a punch. Snitsky follows up with a slam before dropping a few elbows across Val's back and covering for a nearfall. At this point the commentators talk about Val being a veteran and how his back has taken so much punishment over the years and how the back is the first thing to go before making reference to Shawn Michaels. Val gets picked up and trapped in a bearhug but refuses to quit and elbows and forearms free. Snitsky and Val exchange punches until Val ducks and gains the upper hand by unloading on Snitsky with right hands. Snitsky reverses off the ropes but Val comes back with a clothesline, backelbow and a second clothesline. Val ducks a Snitsky lunge but Snitsky blocks a half nelson suplex attempt and elbows Val away. Snitsky boots Val in the gut and sets Val up on the second rope and goes for a superplex after taking some shots at Val. Val fights back and shoves Snitsky to the mat but he misses with the Money Shot. Val dodges a Snitsky big boot attempt and rolls him up 1-2-no. Val turns but gets levelled with the big boot and Snitsky covers. 1-2-3. A passable match thanks to Val's carry job. Here is Your Winner: SNITSKY.
The Heart Throbs vs Fred Sampson & Scotty Charisma
Here come the party boys who I take it are back as faces after being fed to Kane last week as slaughter heels. I have a friend that looks like Romeo lol. Hey it's the two dudes that just got dicked on Velocity. The Throbs get some mic time before the bout. Antonio says some of the most beautiful girls in the world reside in New Jersey which gets a pop. Romeo adds tonight the Throbs want to find two hot Jersey Girls that can dance and then be made to say oh, oh, oh. Antonio adds they want to find two that can make their Hearts Throb. Antonio tells Romeo to get out the Throb-O-Meter and The Throbs add sound effects as they wiggle round in a circle and find their two girls. Antonio goes to collect the winners as Romeo remarks they happened to be sitting in the front row. The girls turn out to be Trinity from TNA fame and Talia who has jobbed on Heat before to Victoria. The girls start to dance with Romeo to the Throbs music until Antonio says whoa, whoa, whoa and cuts them off. He's fine for dancing with the two honeys but he suggests the crowd want to see the two girls dance and get down with each other. Now you're talking Antonio. The girls oblige as do the crowd and the Throbs make them do it Jersey style which is dirty, dirty. The girls start to dance then the jobbers decide to start the match there and then for no apparent reason other than they're gay and they blindside the Throbs and the girls beat a hasty retreat from the ring. The Throbs get sent off the ropes but they hang on and wiggle before booting the jobbers and sending them through the ropes. The Throbs nail pescados then put Charisma back in, Romeo grabs an arm then the Throbs wind up the arm and chop Charisma down and Antonio covers for a nearfall. Coach takes shots at the name Charisma and I can't help but think it's hidden bitterness aimed towards Christian Cage. Antonio with a wristlock tags in Romeo and the Throbs send Charisma off the ropes and into a double backelbow. The Throbs drop a double elbow, Romeo gets a nearfall then sends Charisma off the ropes but puts his head down allowing Charisma to boot and tag out. Sampson charges into a hiptoss, Romeo applies a wristlock and tags Antonio who hits a double axe from the top rope. Antonio tags in Romeo and Sampson gets whipped off the ropes into a double hiptoss before the Throbs roll forward and knock Charisma off the apron. Romeo punches Sampson then Irish whips but misses a charge. Charisma tags in and he walks along the apron and brings Romeo down across the top rope snapping him onto the canvas for a one count. Charisma applies a front facelock, Romeo gets up so Charisma clubs him then hits Antonio on the apron as a slight boring chant is heard which is harsh. Charisma turns round into a backbodydrop from Romeo who tags out and Antonio leaps in and knocks Sampson off the apron before firing up and booting Charisma in the gut before delivering a suplex. Antonio with an Irish whip to Charisma nails a corner clothesline then delivers a second Irish whip after winding up the arm and nails a bulldog off the ropes. Romeo tags in and Antonio boots Sampson and whips him into Romeo who backdodydrops him out of the ring before the Throbs nail a double STO on Charisma and Romeo covers for the 1-2-3. Here Are Your Winners: THE HEART THROBS. Good solid teamwork by the Throbs. I said a while ago give them some female attention and people will start to care. A good showing by the Throbs but Raw needs a few more tag teams for teams like the Throbs to work with. Post match the girls are back in the front row and dance with joy as the Throbs go out and dance and pose with them.
Matt Striker's Classroom
Striker comes out to the ramp where there's a blackboard with Striker on it and a desk with a chair and a USA flag folded up on a pole but Striker opts to stand. Striker demands hush and tells us children to settle down as he knows we're excited to see him. He needs the attention of the class. Striker introduces himself and poses a question which is what is he? This gets a mixed response. Striker says he is our teacher and this evenings lesson is a very, very serious one about a very important topic...... about himself. He encourages everyone to take notes as there will be a quiz. Coach doesn't want to do it. Striker says he grew up across the river in NYC which gets boos. It was where Striker was gainfully employed as a high school social studies teacher where every day he used his 186 IQ to enrich young minds. Chants of 'You Suck' and 'You Got Fired' are heard as Striker is cut off and he says he'll wait before saying typical and we're not paying attention. Striker asks if we are aware that he scored a 1600 on his SAT which is the highest score possible? He also achieved a graduates degree in educational psychology and did we know he enjoys Classical Music? Are we enlightened to the fact he speaks over 17 different languages including ebonics which Coach says isn't a language it's a way of life. Striker says he does not smoke the pot oh no so we may ask ourselves why is it so important that we know about Striker? It's because he is going to educate and reprogramme us. All of us need him as he is Matt Striker and he is our teacher. Striker signs off as usual by saying thanks a bunch.
Viscera vs Tyson Tomko
Yet another main event birth for Viscera. This will be short or at least I'm hoping so. Grisham and Coach speculate on how lucky Viscera was in the holidays. I'm predicting not very. Tomko squares up to Viscera and begins punching and booting but he can't whip Viscera who reverses Tomko into the corner before slamming him to the mat then pushing him through the ropes to the outside. Tomko gets on the apron, Viscera advances and Tomko brings him down across the top rope then gets back in where he lands more punches but he still can't whip Viscera. Viscera again whips Tomko to the corner but misses a charge allowing Tomko to run the ropes and take Viscera down with a flying shoulder tackle and score a nearfall. Tomko works on Viscera's neck with punches, Viscera slaps Tomko away, Tomko punches back and hits a DDT for another nearfall. Tomko presses on Viscera's neck, Viscera gets Tomko on his shoulders and hits a samoan drop. Viscera gyrates and looks to soften Tomko up for Visagra but he misses a splash off the ropes. Tomko with some punches runs the ropes but runs into a rolling heel kick. Viscera grabs Tomko who fights free and goes for a big boot but Viscera ducks and Tomko gets crotched on the top rope. Viscera gyrates as Tomko staggers back then Viscera catches him with the Sex Drive (sitdown powerbomb) for the 1-2-3. Here is Your Winner: VISCERA. Post match Viscera struts and pumps it up a bit. A meeting of Val and Viscera vs Tomko and Snitsky looks ominous. Perhaps on Pre-PPV Heat tonight or Raw tomorrow?
Coachman shills for New Year's Revolution then Grisham signs off and thanks us for watching to end the show. Well a slightly better show than last week but that's because of the Heart Throbs and Val Venis' efforts. My New Year's Revolution picks with my logics are: KURT ANGLE (the rejection of Cena by the fans can surely get no worse), TRIPLE H, GREGORY HELMS, MICKIE JAMES, RIC FLAIR and everybody especially us the fans as there are no losers in a bra and panties gauntlet match. I think Flair should go over Edge tonight on the basis that he loses the belt tomorrow to someone like Gregory Helms/Rob Conway who can then feud with either Shelton Benjamin/Chavo Guerrero. Push Edge hard for the Royal Rumble along with a returning RVD and Triple H as when was the last time a heel won the Royal Rumble? Yes 1999 Mr McMahon. Wherever you are enjoy New Year's Revolution and I'll be back tomorrow to cover Heat if it's loaded onto the website this time as it wasn't for Armageddon last month. If not then I'll be back Wednesday with the results of the Heat and Velocity awards for 2005. Voting is still open so feel free to vote on them if you've not already done so. They are archived in the Columns section on this site. Catch you later, Shaun.
Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.
