WWE Velocity Report-12th February 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators Steve Romero & Josh Mathews
Welcome aboard one and all. Hope you are all well. I tip my hat off to Matt Cappotelli for showing great courage this past week as he fights a brain tumour. Matt we all hope you beat this thing. You truly are an inspiration. What I don't get though is why WWE would post a Tim White suicide angle next to this story. I can tell you that no-one is interested in this angle and the same goes for the cheap heat ploy WWE are placing on Randy Orton. These are sick and very very offensive for obvious reasons. Both of these have come directly from Vince's mind as he continues to sink to new lows and further alienate the dwindling WWE fanbase. WrestleMania is looking like one big suckfest this year also. Vince needs to start listening to the fans and present us with non-offensive storylines and top notch Wrestling. Anyway I'll stop ranting and present this week's Velocity which begins with...........
Gymini w/Simon Dean vs Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki
Simon comes out first on his Dean machine and cuts a promo. After introducing himself Simon says he has a vision and a wiseman told him that when a man has a vision that's different from everyone else he is either insane or a genius. Is Simon insane to think that his boys are going to be the next WWE Tag Team Champions? Or is he a genius because he believes in them. Either way you look at it as far as he's concerned these two men are the first two members of the church of Simonology. Simon then presents the Gymini Yeeeeeaaaahhh. Funaki dodges and frustrates Gymini to begin before using a schoolboy for a one count. Funaki and Scotty try side headlocks before Scotty crawls under Gymini and taunts them with a dance. Scotty with some dropkicks counters a slam attempt by slipping behind one Gymini but gets clubbed by the other when coming off the ropes and Gymini drop a series of elbows onto Scotty. Gymini then use a lot of punch, kick offense and Simon gets a slap in before Gymini throw Scotty to the corner then toss him to the mat. After a nearfall and some more kicking and punching Gymini snapmare Scotty and apply a rear naked choke. Scotty elbows out but runs into a high knee to the gut then Gymini gets three nearfalls before delivering knees to Scotty's gut. Gymini drop an elbow for another nearfall before going back to the rear naked choke. Scotty fights out again and boots Gymini's head coming off the ropes. Scotty crawls under Gymini and makes the tag. Funaki hits some flying forearms and finally takes a Gymini down after an enziguiri. Funaki knocks the other off the apron and sidesteps a charge as one Gymini crashes into the corner. Funaki with a cross body from the top rope and a cover is broken up by a Gymini. Scotty comes in and dropkicks a Gymini through the ropes but he turns round and gets levelled with a clothesline. Funaki hammers away on a Gymini but gets reversed into the corner. Funaki boots a charging Gymini and readies for a Tornado DDT from the second rope but Gymini thwarts and place Funaki down. Funaki makes a slow charge and unconvincingly hits the corner then Gymini deliver the Cross Trainer to mercifully end this shitty opener. 1-2-3. Boooooring. Here Are Your Winners: THE GYMINI. I'm sick of all four of these wrestlers. Gymini are really shit. Post match Gymini raise Simon up on their shoulders. I don't mind Simon as he is entertaining and can actually wrestle.
Tatanka vs Jacques Blitzken
Oh no it's getting worse as here comes Fatanka. He wasn't over in 1995/96 and he won't be now. He has the Native American gimmick again and is still fat. Steve reminds us of his near two year unbeaten streak in the early 90s and Josh is glad to have him back. I'm not. Blitzken begins with a side headlock but Tatanka comes back with an armdrag and hiptoss (sloppily). Tatanka chops Blitzken down a few times before taking him to the corner and booting and chopping. Tatanka with an Irish whip and boot delivers a suplex then applies an armwringer and punches at the arm. Tatanka takes Blitzken down and drops a leg across the arm. Tatanka with an armbar, armwringer, and fireman carry takedown with an armbar applied again (he's blown up already). Blitzken gets up takes Tatanka to the corner and there's no clean break as Blitzken sucker punches. Blitzken gets some shots in before Irish whipping Tatanka and hitting a flying forearm in the corner. Blitzken with some choking in the corner clotheslines Tatanka down off the ropes for a nearfall before applying a reverse chinlock. Tatanka wakes up elbows free ducks Blitzken off the ropes then clotheslines. Blitzken charges into a backbodydrop then Tatanka breaks into his little dance and after chopping Blitzken down a few times Tatanka clotheslines then delivers a samoan drop which Josh calls the Trail's End and that's enough for the 1-2-3. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Here is Your Winner: TATANKA.
Bobby Lashley vs James Dick w/Chad Dick
I guess James is trying to avenge Chad's loss from SmackDown! two weeks ago. The Dicks come out looking all business. Lockup leads to Lashley shoving James away. James tries to kick at Lashley's legs but Lashley grabs James' leg and shoves him down. James gets whipped off the ropes into a backbodydrop. Lashley runs the ropes, Chad hooks a leg then looks away into his mirror. Lashley comes outside and hits a big clothesline to Chad to take him out of the equation. Lashley catches a James pescado attempt and slams him onto the floor. Lashley puts James back inside where Lashley tosses James to the mat. Lashley picks up James and delivers a long delayed vertical suplex and after a spear Lashley finishes him off with the Dominator. 1-2-3. Great intensity shown by Lashley as he readies for JBL at No Way Out and a good squash match. Here is Your Winner: BOBBY LASHLEY.
Kid Kash vs Psicosis
During Kash's entrance we are reminded that it will be Gregory Helms vs Kid Kash for the Cruiserweight Title this week on SmackDown!. Maybe WWE is starting to care about the Cruisers. We cut back and Kash has a mic. Kash says it seems obvious that the people don't know who he is because if we did we would be on our feet giving him the ovation he deserves. One more time for those who didn't hear the introduction. He's the notorious K.I.D Kid Kash and he is the greatest Cruiserweight of all time. Not one of us deserves to be loking in his direction. Get it...Kash is cut off by Psicosis who comes out all alone this week on his Juan Deere. Kash shoves Psicosis and talks trash to begin as Psicosis smiles. Kash begins with a go-behind takedown into a hammerlock. Psicosis elbows and flip snapmares Kash away. Both men exchange armdrags and armbars then Kash shoves Psicosis who responds with a slap to the face. Kash knees the gut and gets some shots in, Psicosis cuts off a rope whip and applies a side headlock. Kash sends off the ropes, Psicosis counters a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by landing on his feet. Kash tries a cross body, Psicosis catches and faceplants him onto the mat for a nearfall. Psicosis with an Irish whip and clothesline in the corner. Psicosis charges again but Kash sends him shoulderfirst into the ringpost. Kash goes to work and focuses his attack on the shoulder with stomps followed by an armwringer along with plenty of shots to Psicosis' armsocket. Kash forces Psicosis down by placing a knee onto his arm and twists away putting further pressure on the shoulder. Kash with elbows and stomps to the shoulder then drives it into the corner before raking the back snapmaring Psicosis and tying him up in an armbar. Kash breaks and stays on the attack cutting off a Psicosis fight back attempt with a kick before bringing Psicosis' shoulder across his knee for a nearfall. Kash with a shoulderbreaker for a second nearfall kicks at the shoulder and gets yet another nearfall. Both men exchange shots and Psicosis gains the upper hand. Kash cuts off a rope whip Psicosis ducks a lunge and takes down Kash with a series of clotheslines and a spinning heel kick. Psicosis favours his shoulder as he heads up top and connects with an aerial spinning heel kick and both men are down but Psicosis reaches into a cover 1-2-no. Psicosis chops Kash who reverses an Irish whip, Psicosis steps off the rope and vaults over a charging Kash but he favours his shoulder again. Kash picks up Psicosis and delivers a modified backbreaker for a nearfall. Kash goes for the dead level brainbuster but Psicosis counters into a hangmans neckbreaker 1-2-no. Psicosis in pain signals for the end and heads up top but misses a corkscrew moonsault and Kash takes advantge by nailing the dead level brainbuster at the second attempt. 1-2-3. Kash tunes up for Gregory Helms this week. Good, Solid Main Event. Here is Your Winner: KID KASH.
Steve shills for the Cruiserweight title match on SmackDown! before signing off to end the show. Keep it here for Heat. Shaun.
Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.
