Better late than never...
WWE house show in Poughkeepsie, New York, 2.19.06
Written by Erik Carlson, rajah.com reader
The tradition continues. yeah, I know. It's a cheesy way to begin this. But hey,
they loaded the card to further WrestleMania prep work, and this time of year, you
gotta expect a lot of the big names to be working the shows.
One name that didn't was the Big Show. Before the first match, Justin Roberts
announced that he had a personal matter to tend to, so he was an absentee.
Predictably, everybody booed, but remember the fine print: "Card subject to change."
With that, we get started.
Rob Van Dam d. Carlito Caribbean Cool
With his actions, Carlito made it no secret that he wanted none of RVD. Of course,
he couldn't keep his distance from him forever. Basically, they kept it simple. With
these guys, though, simple means sticking to their signatures and getting the feel
for each other. No sense risking injury before 'Mania by doing something crazy,
especially this early. It was a hot match once Carlito decided to do some fighting,
that's for sure. RVD would finish it with the Five-Star, but he had to take a second
try; the first one Carlito stopped.
Spirit Squad d. Val Venis, Viscera & Goldust
I can't tell those fags apart, and all of them wearing the same designed outfit
doesn't help. I know their names: Nicky (Nick Nemeth), Johnny (Johnny Jeter), Kenny
(Ken Doane), Mikey (Mike Brenley/Mondo), and Mitch (Nick Mitchell). I just can't
tell who's who. Frankly, though, I really don't care. I'd be satisfied dubbing them
Fag #1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 however I see fit. What I'm saying is I don't know which
three were involved in the match, and who were involved on the floor. But again,
don't care, either. Before the match, one of them was talking about their
intentions: raising spirit. Whatever. They say that New York is different, though.
They start cutting on the Jets (4 wins all season). Okay, not a Jets fan myself, but
I'll go with it. Most of Po-town is. They then cut on the Yanks (choking to the
White Sox). Instant heat. They then cut on the Buffalo Bills (losing 4 Super Bowls).
No reaction from anyone. First off, the Bills are yesterday's news, and you're
probably better off saving that for when you're IN Buffalo, not in a city that's 5
hours away. Dumbasses. I do have to hand it to those fairies: they work well
together. They gave Val and Goldust trouble by the bagful. Viscera doesn't enter the
match until it was time for the hot tag. I'd call that trouble by the 18-wheeler.
lol Vis gets one down and he does his dry humping thing on him. I shout "I don't
know if that'll work. He's used to that." He tags Val in to get him to do the Money
Shot. One of the non-participating fags levels him with his megaphone. Man, it
sounded like a gunshot, too. Val ends up staring at the lights.
Chris Masters d. Eugene Dinsmore
Both were their usual selves. Yeah, that means that before the first lock-up, Eugene
would take Masters' cape and does his opening mannerisms. He then puts the cape on
Mickey Henson and tries to get him to do the same. lol Gotta love the comedy value.
Masters goes to work on him, but once he slams Eugene's head into the turnbuckles.
(singing) There's something about Mary. Eugene decided that he was gonna put Masters
away with his own Full Nelson. He couldn't quite get it locked in, though, so
Masters was able to reverse it into the Master Lock. Call it an end there.
Candice Michelle & Victoria d. Trish Stratus & Mickie James
Pre-match, during the ring entrance, Candice and Victoria give each other a little
kiss. While they were waiting for Mickie to come on down, they started stretching
together. in the most seductive ways possible. Oh, those little devils. (splashes
some cold water on my face) Okay, I'm better now. other than the fact that I feel
like I'm in a fish bowl. (cleans off my glasses) Okay, enough clowning for a moment.
Mickie went from the opening bell to the hot tag. Yeah, that means she was in
isolation from Trish for a long time. Even longer when the ref didn't see her tag
Trish the first time. One girl sitting behind me even shouted "They tagged! They
tagged!" I reminded her of one of the Top Ten (rules, that is) of professional
wrestling: if the ref didn't see it, it didn't happen. Anyway, once Trish was in,
she was tearing the house down. She had Candice lined up for a Chick Kick, but what
does Mickie do? She spears Candice down. A befuddled Trish then falls victim to a
Victoria schoolgirl. Post-match comes something that I've been keeping a lid on the
entire match for a moment such as this: a "she's a psycho" chant. Mickie tries
covering her ears and basically denying it. Yeah, the truth hurts, doesn't it?
Kane d. Gene Snitsky
This follows a common match script: Kane takes control early, but loses it when
Snitsky catches him with a sharp shot to a body part, and he works on that part
until it's time for Kane's comeback. The body part in question is Kane's left arm,
which Snitsky wrenches with help from the top rope as he dropped down from the apron
to the floor. Kane's right-handed, though, so it wouldn't effect a chokeslam later.
It would effect what he can do during the comeback, but it didn't bother him much.
Sure, in the beginning of it, he was shaking it out, but that's about it. Kane goes
up thinking clothesline, but Tyson Tomko comes out and knocks him off. Snitsky then
grabs him to set him up for Tomko's Chainsaw Kick. Kane ducks it, though, and
Snitsky takes the blow instead. Kane then takes Tomko out of the picture with a
chokeslam, followed by putting Snitsky to bed with one of his own. Post-match,
Snitsky and Tomko exchanged a few words over what happened. Everybody wanted to see
them fight, but it didn't happen.
They go to intermission here. I've been saying it for 3 years now: 15 minutes in the
MHCC is too short for an intermission. Because I was waiting on line to get
something to drink, I missed part of Matt Striker's berating of Ashley once the show
resumed. Couldn't get any pictures, nothing, and I like Ashley, too. At least I
returned in time to see her hit him where it counts. Yeah, that's what he gets for
saying that she got her job giving head. Yeah, never heard that one before, ya
unoriginal bastard.
Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels d. Triple H & Shelton Benjamin
Save for New Year's Revolution, this is the first time I've seen both Michaels and
Flair live. Yeah, first time at a house show, I'm implying. And they saved that
moment for this show. Gotta love it. Conspicuous by her absence is Momma Benjamin,
and the fans were all over Shelton for that. "Where's Momma?" She probably had
another heart attack. Flair finally got on the mic and said that she had a fat ass.
lol That got me going with the fat jokes. You know the kind. "Ya momma's so fat, her
belt size is the Equator." Or "Her blood type is rocky road." Or "This is how she
plays hopscotch: LA, Chicago, New York..." The wrestling itself was what you'd
expect it to be with these four. Besides the momma crack from Flair, which was
pretty eventful in and of itself, about half-way through, Michaels was in a
precarious position at Trip's hands. He gives him one good shot, then pulls down the
back side of his trunks. I couldn't get a good shot of his ass hanging out on camera
(Only for the ladies. If we guys can get all crazy when we see a woman half-naked,
then the ladies should be allowed to do the same at the sight of this, ya know?)
because he was running around like a headless chicken for at least a minute.
Normalcy returns when he pulls them back up. Just before the hot tag, I forget what
Michaels hit Trip with. Actually, I think Trip hit Michaels, so he was on his back,
but anyway, Trip was posing for a good minute like he was gonna fall backwards.
Hell, he could have done a Grandpa Carlson special and touch his heels with the back
of his head if he wanted to. (I've heard stories of my grandfather doing that when
he got really drunk from my brothers and sisters. Never seen it. Wasn't old enough
to be able to see that.) Trip then straightens up, says something to Shelton, but
then takes a Flairesque nose dive. lol Flair gets in, does his thing, then looks to
put the Figure Four on Shelton. He almost falls victim to the Pedigree, though, but
thanks to a little Music, that crisis is averted. Resume the submission then.
Post-match, Shelton and Trip exchange words themselves. Shelton was the more vocal
of the two. He was almost having a conniption. How so? He was flipping out at Trip
first. He then goes to the corner and takes a water bottle. He takes a swig, then
does Trip's mannerisms. He then spikes the bottle to the mat, and spits the water
out in the other direction, and I think he shouted "Bullshit!" Trip then makes him
pay for getting in his face before leaving. Before Shelton leaves, he grabs the mic.
"Triple H, I'm gonna tell my momma." Yeah, he sounded like Dee from What's
Happening, too. Hey HEY hey.
World Title Match: John Cena d. Edge
Pre-match, Edge discloses that Lita wasn't here tonight, that she's too classy a
lady to be in a town that sounds like an STD. STD, huh? Yeah, he'd know all about
that now, wouldn't he? He also continued to blame Foley for him not being the World
champ right now, plus something else about being the rightful champ. Once the bell
rang, Edge made it a point to use a lot of stalling tactics. It got the crowd riled
up, that's for sure. So much, that once they voiced their displeasure towards him,
twice he attempts to head back to the dressing room. Yeah, not once has the "Oh, the
hell with it" approach worked, and it didn't start here, either, as Cena catches up
to Edge and brought the fight to him. They both spent a lot of time fighting on the
floor in the opening few minutes, come to think of it, only going back in to break
the count. I think it was this point that Edge ripped off the turnbuckle pad. Awful
early. Hmm. Just bear that in mind for later. The rest of the match just has Edge
targeting Cena's head until it was time for his comeback. Twice during the comeback,
Edge managed to avoid getting the F-You, with one of them being from the top rope.
So as you can see, it wasn't a free-flow of the Five Moves Of Death from Cena. I
forget how Edge got him loopy, but he did to set up for a spear. Cena sidesteps it
anyway, but Edge slams the brakes and comes back for another try. Cena sidesteps it
again, and Mike Chioda gets gutted to start off the Dusty finish variation. From
there, Cena drops Edge down with a toe hold, then puts on the STFU. Edge taps to it,
but remember one of the Top Ten that I mentioned earlier. Cena breaks it to give
Chioda a little nudge. Edge sneaks up behind him and gives him a low blow. Edge then
gets a hold of the legs and slingshots Cena into the exposed turnbuckle. Don't
remember seeing the second ref come out, so I don't know when exactly he showed. It
might have been him that made this 2 count here. The only thing I remember about the
second ref: the first I remember seeing him was face down at the end. (That's
because I was too busy playing around with my camera.) Last ditch effort from Edge
sees him getting the belt, but Cena ducks that shot and hits the F-You with Chioda
counting Edge down. Post-match, Cena delivers a message to Poughkeepsie on behalf of
the entire Raw roster, with all the WWE history the Civic Center has seen over the
years. Yeah, the message was based on that.
Now you see why I chose to start off by saying "The tradition continues." As cheesy
as it was, it's most certainly true.
Three Stars
Third Star: Triple H (shining the moon does have to merit something) and Rob Van Dam
Second Star: Ric Flair
First Star: John Cena
E.C.
(Carlson 3:16 Wrestling: www.carlson316wrestling.net)
