WWE Velocity Report-12th March 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators: Steve Romero & Josh Mathews
Welcome aboard fellow Velociters. After a one week hiatus let's get rolling with some weekend WWE action. We begin this week with...................
Simon Dean vs Super Crazy
Both men come out alone, Simon on his Dean machine and Crazy on his lawnmower. Simon gets Crazy's music cut off to cut a promo on him. Simon asks if Crazy's for real and calls him Super Lazy saying he's so out of shape he has to ride to the ring on a lawnmower. (Pot calling the kettle black there Simon) Simon calls Crazy compadre and thinks with all the running, jumping and swimming that Crazy did to sneak into the country he would be in way better shape. Simon guesses with all the tacos, fritos and afrejoles Crazy's been eating he's got a little slow. Why doesn't Crazy plop down some pacos, dial Simon up, order some patented Simon System and er make a run....for the border. Yeeeeaaahhhhh. Crazy charges in and Simon ducks outside. Back inside, lockup, Simon tries to work the arm, Crazy rolls into a reversal, Simon reverses into a side headlock. Crazy sends off the ropes, Simon steps over, Crazy nips up and Simon puts the brakes on to avoid a punch and backs up. Simon extends his hand and aims a kick but Crazy catches the leg spins Simon round ducks a lunge sends off the ropes, Simon steps over but runs into a hiptoss. Crazy with a springboard armdrag and springboard dropkick from the second rope for a nearfall. Simon rolls outside and goes to telegraph a pescado but Crazy puts the brakes on and flips back into the ring but Simon grabs the feet then the hair and hits a kick on Crazy. Simon gets back in and drops an elbow for a nearfall. Simon drives Crazy's head into the canvas a couple of times then drives his boot into Crazy's face. Simon with an Irish whip and corner kick then droptoeholds Crazy and applies a rolling single leg grapevine while driving elbows into Crazy's neck area. Simon yanks the hair before breaking the hold. Crazy punches back and goes for a move off the ropes but Simon catches and turns it into a faceplant before delivering the Curbstomp to Crazy for a nearfall. Simon ties up Crazy's arm around his neck, Crazy punches out, Simon throws him to the mat, Crazy gets his feet up to send Simon away. Crazy in the corner, Simon walks into a backelbow then a boot to the throat. Crazy hits a series of punches, Simon off the ropes into a dropkick. Crazy hits a spinning heel kick and fires up. Crazy tries a sunset flip, Simon keeps his balance but Crazy avoids a sitdown attack nips up and dropkicks a seated Simon in the face 1-2-no. Crazy sets Simon up for a moonsault, Simon hooks the legs and gets the better of an exchange as both men battle on the top and second ropes. Simon with some headbutts, Crazy with punches tries a sunset flip from the second ropes but Simon hangs on so Crazy turns it into a sunset bomb as Josh puts it and gets the three count. Here is Your Winner: SUPER CRAZY.
Kane & Big Show will face Carlito & "Masterpiece" Chris Masters for the World Tag Team Titles at the Birmingham NEC Arena on 20th April as part of the WrestleMania Revenge Tour.
Kid Kash & Jamie Noble vs Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki
Nice to see Noble back on TV after a few weeks absence. Scotty and Funaki are so stale. Kash reverses a Funaki hammerlock into a side headlock. Funaki sends off the ropes, Kash hits a shouldertackle, Funaki trips Kash up and a cover gets one. Funaki ducks a clothesline and counters a hiptoss with one of his own before hitting a dropkick. Noble runs in and receives a dropkick before Funaki applies a wristlock on Kash and tags in Scotty. Scotty tries to carry on working Kash's arm but Kash forearms and sends Scotty to the heel corner. Noble tags in and Scotty receives a series of double boots before Noble takes over with a few shots of his own. Noble Irish whips then charges into an elbow. Scotty dodges and knocks Kash off the apron then boots Noble down but Kash from outside trips Scotty and Noble drops a knee as the referee prevents Funaki from getting in. Noble puts the boots to Scotty before twisting Scotty into a neckbreaker for a nearfall. Noble with a knee to Scotty knocks Funaki off the apron before driving Scotty's head into Kash's boot. Funaki is prevented from getting in again. Kash tags in and kicks Scotty's back and chest. Noble tags in, double Irish whip to Scotty. Noble whips Kash into Scotty who moves, Scotty tries a sunset flip on Noble but Kash kicks Scotty in the back and goes for a cover but he's not the legal man. Noble drops a leg on Scotty for a nearfall and traps in a front facelock as Kash tags in and aims more kicks at Scotty. Kash punches Scotty down before Scotty reverses an Irish whip. Kash puts the brakes on and steps onto the second rope, Kash kicks Scotty down and goes for a moonsault off the top rope but Scotty gets his knees up. Noble tags in and prevents Scotty from tagging out by hooking his leg. After a few outstretched attempts in vain Scotty breaks Noble's grip and makes the tag. Funaki springs in with a cross body to Noble before punching Kash in the gut and backbodydropping Noble. Funaki dodges a Kash clothesline and nails him with an enziguiri. Funaki slams Noble fires up and hits Noble with a top rope cross body 1-2-broken up by a Kash axehandle. Scotty bulldogs Kash and sets up for the you know what. W-O-R-M no Noble gets Scotty's attention before impact but Scotty ducks a clothesline and nails a crescent kick on Noble. Scotty advances towards Kash who throws Scotty through the ropes. Funaki dropkicks Kash through the ropes but Noble counters a clothesline by getting Funaki onto his shoulders and dropping him with a gutbuster for the 1-2-3. Here Are Your Winners: KID KASH & JAMIE NOBLE. Noble looked good but Kash is just average after being watered down so badly.
It will be Shelton Benjamin vs Rob Van Dam vs Ric Flair for the Intercontinental Title when the WrestleMania Revenge Tour hits Cardiff, Wales on Monday 24th April.
Tatanka vs Frankie Ciatso
Ciatso attacks from behind to begin but that fires Tatanka up into his Native American wardance. Ciatso turns to mock and turns back into some chops. Ciatso reverses off the ropes, Tatanka hits two shouldertackles reverses a hiptoss attempt and chops Ciatso back down. Tatanka lets out his warcry before chopping Ciatso down then slamming and dropping an elbow off the ropes. Tatanka delivers a suplex before sending Ciatso off the ropes into a dropkick. Tatanka slams Ciatso again drops a leg and warcries again. Tatanka drives Ciatso's head into the corner. Tatanka with a series of boots to the gut and some chops then hits two Irish whips. Tatanka charges into a boot Ciatso gets some punches in which Tatanka no-sells as he dances and counters with chops before sending Ciatso off the ropes into a clothesline. Tatanka with a second clothesline and yet another slam ducks a Ciatso lunge and atomic drops him. Tatanka chops Ciatso before sending him off the ropes into a backbodydrop. One more warcry, dance and tomahawk chop later and Tatanka ends things with the Trail's End (Samoan drop). 1-2-3. A Tatanka showcase that was a bit long with repetitive offense. Nothing spectacular here. Here is Your Winner: TATANKA. Tatanka remains unbeaten but I doubt he'll repeat his two year streak from the early 90s.
MNM w/Melina vs Paul London & Brian Kendrick (Non Title)
Melina's looking hot as always. Melina has a camera with her and snaps shots of her boys in the ring. London and Kendrick come out wearing hoods this week instead of the clay masks. Nitro begins by kicking London and applying a side headlock. Nitro off the ropes, shouldertackle puts London down, Nitro goes for a stepover but London trips him by lifting his back up. London with an armdrag into an armbar tags in Kendrick. Nitro off the ropes into a double hiptoss. London and Kendrick drop double elbows and nip up in stereo (shades of the Rockers man what a dream feud that would be) then double dropkick Mercury. Nitro reverses Kendrick off the ropes, Melina hooks the leg and distracts Kendrick who thwarts a slap but Mercury charges on the apron and boots Kendrick in the head. Melina chastises Kendrick, Mercury puts him back in where Nitro covers for a one count. Mercury tags in, MNM whip Kendrick to the corner before Mercury hits a northern lights suplex with a bridge for a nearfall. Mercury punches Kendrick down then hits some mounted mat punches as Melina screams in delight. Nitro tags and MNM wind up the arm and flip Kendrick upside down into the corner. Nitro with a boot then chokes Kendrick in the second rope as Melina takes a picture. Nitro boots again before tagging in Mercury and MNM hit a double suplex. Nitro poses in the corner and Melina screams again as Mercury gets three nearfalls. Mercury traps Kendrick in a front facelock as Nitro tags in and takes an open shot before Mercury throws Kendrick down. Nitro lands some boots then a breakdance legdrop and after a pose he covers for yet another two count which London breaks up. Nitro clamps a sleeper on Kendrick who tries to elbow out, Nitro switches to a facelock, Kendrick inches to his corner and backbodydrops free and tags London but Mercury has the referee distracted who doesn't see the tag and promptly orders London out allowing MNM to drag and boot Kendrick back into their corner. MNM go for a double back suplex but Kendrick rolls back then rolls under a double clothesline and makes the hot tag. London forearms MNM down, dropkicks Mercury and backbodydrops Nitro off the ropes. London fires up boots Mercury in the corner before sending him off the ropes into a headscissors takedown. London forearms Nitro and hits him with a dropsault landing on top of Mercury for a cover. (sweet) 1-2-kickout. London goes to slam Mercury who slips behind, London reverses a waistlock, Mercury with an elbow goes for a rollup off the ropes but London thwarts him by hanging onto the top rope. Nitro brings London's throat down across the top rope allowing Mercury to schoolboy London 1-2-no. MNM go for the snapshot on London but Kendrick comes in with a dropkick to Nitro sending him outside and London gets Mercury in a small package. Referee turn around. Kendrick gets onto the apron and yells at the referee to turn around as London has Mercury for a count of five but too late as Mercury has now gotten free. London boots Mercury before getting him up. Mercury forearms, London ducks a clothesline and gets Mercury in a pinning combination again but this time Melina distracts the referee by getting on the apron. Nitro dropkicks Kendrick to stop him getting in and the referee has missed a second London pinfall attempt. London argues with the referee and manages to avoid a Mercury charge who in turn narrowly stops himself from decking Melina who's still on the apron. Mercury turns into a belly-to-belly throw from London and London sets up for the London calling. London goes up top as the referee blocks Nitro's interference but Melina pushes London off. London lands on his feet but walks into a Nitro crescent kick and a groggy London is finished off with the snapshot for the 1-2-3. Great main event match between two evenly matched teams. I'd love to see these four go at it for the Tag Titles at WrestleMania. Here Are Your Winners: MNM.
End of Show. That's all for now folks. Heat is being screened later tonight here in the UK so I'll post a report from that early tomorrow morning. Enjoy the rest of the weekend people and I'll catch you later. Shaun.
Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.
