WWE Heat Report-9th April 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators: Todd Grisham & Jonathan Coachman
Welcome back. Firstly it's farewell to Tyson Tomko. Heat has lost one of its own and what with Val Venis on the shelf for a bit and Chavo Guerrero 'quitting' Heat is looking for some new regulars. In the words of Vince McMahon it's time to shake things up again. At least we've got Lance Cade (who's underutilized in my opinion) and the Con-Man (see Cade) so they'll have to do for now. Anyway I degress, on this week's edition Viscera returns to his show, the Movie critic is in the house along with our teacher and a new tag team debuts: SnitskyDust is born and they're the first to see action this week so let's throw it straight to our first match.
Goldust & Snitsky vs Brad Jay & Colt Cabana
Well after their atrocity of a match last week and based on the backstage skit from WrsetleMania it looks like WWE have done the only viable thing apart from fire these two and that's team them up. Goldust looks intimidated by Snitsky to start and they settle on Goldust starting off with Jay. Jay charges into a lockup and side headlock by Goldust. Goldust with a shoulder tackle off the ropes and a step over then spanks away on Jay's ass and shudders prompting Jay to step onto the apron and yell at him. Jay gets in, Goldust grabs an arm and yanks him to his corner where Snitsky tags in. Snitsky clubs Jay down then slams and drops an elbow. Snitsky drives Jay into the corner then boots him in the chest. Snitsky throws Jay back into the corner, Goldust tags in, Snitsky beats Jay down then Goldust gets Jay between his legs and jumps up and down sending Jay to the mat. Jay puts Goldust in his corner, Cabana tags in and unleashes a series of punches. Cabana sends off the ropes, Goldust telegraphs a backbodydrop by dropping down and hitting a shot to the throat. Cabana staggers into an inverted atomic drop, Goldust mocks then pushes into the corner where Goldust mounts and performs a mounted ten punch assault with a stop, pose and spit in-between the ninth and tenth punch. Cabana reverses an Irish whip and charges into a powerslam 1-2-broken up by Jay. Snitsky tags in and SnitskyDust hit a Hart Attack on Cabana. Well that was out of the blue and should be enough for the win. Snitsky finds it more rewarding though to stick his tongue out with a menacing pose to the fans. Snitsky Irish whips Cabana, Snitsky charges and catches a Cabana boot. Snitsky smiling punches Cabana down by the leg then teases a single leg boston crab but instead Snitsky goes into his own world and starts to undo Cabana's boot. Snitsky removes Cabana's boot then sock and takes in the aroma of his foot bringing his foot fetish into the public eye and no doubt giving many Heat viewers of all ages future nightmares. Goldust begs Snitsky not to do it from the apron and motions hurling up as Snitsky takes in the smell and gets ready to get a taste. Suddenly Goldust runs in and decks Jay with a punch as the referee tries to restore some order and usher Goldust outside. Goldust reprimands Snitsky who switches his attentions to Jay and starts to undo his shoe as Goldust sets Cabana up in the corner and hits Shattered Dreams as the referee is busy with Snitsky. Snitsky finally remembers he's in a match instead of a Trevor Murdoch movie and stomps Jay before clubbing Cabana from behind and getting Cabana in a wheelbarrow position. Snitsky yells at Goldust to get in. Goldust obliges and throws Cabana up as Snitsky viciously german suplexes Cabana and covers for the 1-2-3. The freak show wins. Here Are Your Winners: GOLDUST & SNITSKY. Post match Goldust rejects a hug, Snitsky poses, Goldust slaps Snitsky's ass then acts intimidated and gets out of the ring. Goldust tries to talk with Snitsky who looks at Goldust's feet then chases Goldust to the back apparently wanting a taste of his feet.
Lance Cade vs Viscera
Viscera has new black pyjamas. Apparently he's all business according to Grisham. Coach notes Viscera won the pre-WrestleMania Battle Royal which will be on the WrestleMania DVD and be shown on the next special edition of Heat no doubt when the next WWE Supershow rolls around. Viscera shoves Cade in the corner to begin. Cade tries a headlock but gets floored by a shoulder tackle. Cade backs up to the corner and Viscera gyrates from afar. Cade steps outside, back inside Viscera backs to the corner and Cade slaps him in the face. Cade dodges a grab attempt and pokes Viscera in the eye before nailing a chopblock off the ropes. Cade with a bulldog for a nearfall then works over Viscera's leg by dropping two elbows and a knee onto it. Cade stays on the leg by driving it into the mat. Cade wrenches at the leg then goes for a figure four leglock but Viscera kicks him off into the corner. Viscera limps back up, Cade forearms, Viscera forearms back then hits Cade with a clothesline and backelbow. Viscera with a hiptoss, Cade walks into a slam. Viscera sends Cade off the ropes, Cade ducks a clothesline but then gets caught in a samoan drop. Cade rolls outside, Viscera follows and greets Cade with a headbutt. Viscera puts Cade back in, Viscera gets back in using the steps but as he steps through the ropes Cade punches the leg. Viscera falls back in and Cade rolls up Viscera with his feet on the ropes for the 1-2-3. Viscera's Heat streak is over and a new feud looks to be born. Here is Your Winner: LANCE CADE. Post match Cade gets out of dodge as Viscera goes after him. The commentators play this up as being Cade's big win that he was looking for.
Matt Striker vs Chandler McClure
Striker comes off WWE.Com Unlimited but stays on the internet (in the case of the majority of fans) for a Heat appearance and cuts a customary promo on his way to the ring. Striker says he is Matt Striker, our teacher. After spending a considerable amount of time here (Chicago) it has become painfullly apparent that he is of a superior intellect. Striker asks if the young man (McClure) is a native of the area and is instiginous to the region. Striker says just like everyone in the crowd McClure is inferior both in mind and in body. So there is a lesson tonight and McClure will be his example and will learn his golden rules because he is Matt Striker and he is our teacher. Striker's trunks have 'Smarter Than You' on them. Striker begins with his sweater on too. Striker with a quick go-behind turns McClure around into a slap to the face. Striker with some clubs, McClure reverses an Irish whip, Striker avoids a charge by pulling himself onto the apron and McClure hits the corner face first. Striker clotheslines McClure from the apron. Striker drops to the floor and punches on McClure from the outside. Striker gets in and covers for a nearfall then takes off his sweater. Striker chokes McClure with his hands as the referee disposes of the sweater. McClure goes to the corner and tries to boot Striker away. Striker beats McClure down and gives him some facewashes finishing with a running facewash. Striiker pulls McClure away from the corner and covers for a nearfall before applying a front neck wrench. McClure ecapes via a jawbreaker. McClure hits two clotheslines, Striker blocks a third and counters into a neckbreaker drop onto his shoulder before hitting a reverse Rocker Dropper move which Grisham calls the Golden Rule for the 1-2-3. Here is Your Winner: MATT STRIKER.
Trevor Murdoch vs Eugene
Main Event time. Not seen Murdoch in a while. I hope he's improved his in-ring work. Eugene receives a nice pop and nearly falls over the top rope while waving to the fans. Eugene chastises the top rope LOL. Eugene mocks Murdoch who starts by working over Eugene's arm and applying a wristlock. A let's go Eugene chant starts and Eugene turns the tables on Murdoch by wrenching his arm then applying a headlock. Murdoch sends off the ropes, Eugene jumps over Murdoch, switches sides and waves to him. Eugene mocks Murdoch who charges allowing Eugene to drop him with a single leg takedown then ride him around the ring a little. Murdoch boots the gut and pounds on Eugene before sending him off the ropes where after a Eugene stepover we get the crossover running which culminates with Eugene sliding outside to put on Murdoch's ring garb. Eugene runs round the ring then poses on the ropes and gets out Murdoch's tobacco case. Eugene takes a whiff and doesn't like what he smells (there's a lesson here children) prompting Murdoch to beat him down and drop an elbow. Murdoch pulls his shirt off of Eugene and chokes him with it after he passes his cap to the referee to dispose of. Murdoch drops two knees into Eugene's back as the let's go Eugene chant starts up again. Murdoch tells the fans to shut up. Murdoch punches on Eugene before applying a rear naked choke. Eugene gets to his feet so Murdoch delivers a twisting neckbreaker and mocks Eugene drawing some heat from the crowd. Murdoch perches Eugene on the top rope then in a tree of woe position where he stomps away on Eugene's gut. Murdoch with a snapmare goes back to the rear naked choke, Eugene gets up, axehandles his way free and fights Murdoch into the corner. Murdoch shoves Eugene down then drives his head into the turnbuckles three times but Eugene Eugene's up. Murdoch boots the gut to cut off Eugene and plays to the crowd before Irish whipping Eugene. Eugene dodges a charge, Murdoch hits the corner face first and Eugene catches Murdoch in an airplane spin. Eugene kneels down behind Murdoch who trips over and Eugene covers 1-2-no. Half the arena think Eugene has won but the other half respond with a resounding two chant. Eugene sends Murdoch off the ropes, Murdoch goes to counter a hiptoss which Eugene turns into a bulldog for another nearfall. Eugene gives a ho to the crowd as he sets up for Hacksaw Jim Duggan's three-point stance clothesline. Murdoch pulls the referee in the way, Eugene puts the brakes on, Murdoch boots the gut executes a DDT and covers. 1-2-3. Here is Your Winner: TREVOR MURDOCH.
Grisham signs off and thanks us for watching as Heat goes off the air. I'll be back same time next weekend with the usual drill. Until then take care. Shaun.
Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.
