WWE Velocity Report-16th April 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators Steve Romero & Josh Mathews
Happy Easter everyone. Hope you all got plenty of Easter Eggs? Velocity begins this week with........
Simon Dean vs Gunner Scott
Simon comes out alone on his Dean machine but doesn't cut a promo. Instead he opts to mock the ill Tony Chimel by teasing a high five then pulling away. Yeeeeaahhh. Gunner Scott is Brent Albright from OVW. I don't get why WWE changed his name. Scott now has music and a titantron. Simon sucks chants to start which Simon brushes off. Waistlock by Simon, drop toehold, front facelock and waistlock reversal by Scott. Simon gets to the ropes and yells at the referee to back Scott up. Simon reverses a hammerlock but Scott sends Simon through the ropes. Simon talks trash to the fans, Scott pulls him up onto the apron by the hair, Simon drives his head into Scott's gut, gets back in and Irish whips. Simon charges, catches Scott's boot saying no way you idiot prompting Scott to shove Simon down with his other foot. Scott counters a Simon hiptoss with a fireman carry takedown then drop toeholds and la mahistrol cradles Simon for a nearfall. Scott with a backslide for a one count, Simon crawls to the corner, Scott grabs a leg but the referee intervenes sending Scott away. Scott advances again and Simon boots the gut then whips Scott face first into the corner. Simon drops an elbow from the second rope for a nearfall. Simon with some kicks stomps on Scott's hand and after a few more shots Simon tries an abdominal stretch which Scott counters into a schoolboy for a nearfall. Simon drops an axehandle across Scott's back and applies a modified chinlock letting out a customary Yeeeaaahhh mid move. Scott gets to his feet, backelbows free and tries a sunset flip off the ropes but Simon drops down punching Scott in the face. Simon surfboards Scott before dropping a knee into his back. Kind of a modified Curbstomp there. Simon rolls Scott over into a cover 1-2-no. Simon misses an elbowdrop allowing Scott to recover, get up and punch away at Simon. Scott takes down Simon with a backelbow, clothesline and forearm before firing up. Simon goes to the corner, Scott advances and punches. Irish whip by Scott who follows in with a corner clothesline. Simon cuts off a second Irish whip and boots the gut. Simon runs the ropes but Scott catches him with a belly-to-belly overthrow. Scott covers and gets the 1-2-3. Pretty good opener with Simon giving Scott plenty of offense and making him look good in the process. Here is Your Winner: GUNNER SCOTT.
Orlando Jordan vs Adrian Lynch
Jordan gets no reaction at all as he comes out. Is he a heel or face nowadays? He sucks in either role. Jordan mounts the corner motioning he's number 1 but as soon as the match starts so do the OJ sucks chants prompting Jordan to work heel and pause before locking up to take in the chants. Jordan reverses an armwringer into a hammerlock then goes to a side headlock into a waistlock takedown. Lynch gets to the ropes then turns into a slap to the face by Jordan. Lynch applies a headlock, Jordan sends off the ropes, Lynch steps over blocks a hiptoss, hits one of his own then a couple of armdrags. Lynch covers for a 0 count before Jordan levels him with a clothesline. Jordan with some stomps rams Lynch's head into the corner before delivering a swinging neckbreaker. Jordan stomps the back drops a hand across Lynch's head and applies a rear naked choke. Lynch backelbows free but charges into a knee to the gut. Jordan stomps, punches the back of the neck a few times then goes back to the resthold. OJ sucks starts again and quite rightfully so. Lynch backelbows out again, Jordan boots the gut whips Lynch off the ropes and puts his head down way too early and Lynch slowly telegraphs a backbodydrop with a small package which gets no count. Jordan boots Lynch down then pounds on his face. Jordan sends Lynch off the ropes into a spinebuster. Lynch gets up, Jordan boots the gut and picks up the win after a fameasser. 1-2-3. Here is Your Winner: ORLANDO JORDAN. Crap match. Nuff said really.
Vito w/Nunzio vs Chris Guy
Is Nunzio injured or something as he appears with Vito a lot but is largely inactive. He's not even getting involved in the matches. Chris Guy (who's acting all serious) is really our ROH friend Colt Cabana using Ace Steele's real name. Guy pats himself on the back, very much like the old Barry Horowitz (for new school fans he was an old Jobber from the late 80s-mid 90s notorious for doing that before his matches). Vito with some rare mic time before the bout. Vito tells us to shut our mouths. Things are going to change here in 2006 for the fly Italian guy and the paisan who's got it going on. (Vito said something else which rhymed with Pavarotti but I couldn't make out what he said-sorry). He's the king of the five burros and will always be the neighbourhood champ. He sets his goals here in the WWE and in 2006 they're higher than ever and he's coming after the top and the best they've got so they can bring it on. Vito turns to Guy saying he has some news for him and asks him to step a little closer as he wants him to hear what he says. (Guy does so foolishly). The Statan Island express is going to run all over his face (Vito turns to pass the mic to Nunzio) before quickly turning back and decking Guy with a clothesline. Vito removes his ring garb quickly and pounds on Guy with punches and clubs to the back of his neck. Vito wrenches away on Guy with a vicious rear naked choke and drops Guy to the mat with it. Guy struggles back up but Vito throws him back down to the mat. Vito drops a leg for a nearfall before re-applying the choke. Guy finally gets up and backelbows and punches his way free. Guy ducks a clothesline comes off the ropes and surprises Vito with a schoolboy for a nearfall. Vito drops Guy with a mafia kick then finishes him off with an implant DDT. 1-2-3. Here is Your Winner: VITO. Post match Vito throws Guy over the top rope.
Kid Kash & Jamie Noble vs Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki
Rematch from last week's show. I'm predicting the same outcome. Kash and Noble have a combined titantron so it looks like them teaming is a long term plan which is fine by me as long as they're still involved in the Cruiserweight Division. Scotty is still over despite having the same act for coming up to 7 years now. Noble goads Scotty at the start saying he isn't in his league. A Scotty chant starts. Noble schools Scotty to start getting one counts after a waistlock into a snapmare then a hammerlock takedown into a cover. Noble celebrates his one upsmanship then shoves Scotty into the corner. Noble knees the gut, Scotty counters a corner ram by driving Noble's head into the corner ten times. The faces in turn punch down Noble who tags in Kash. Kash charges into a hiptoss. Funaki tags in and drops a double axehandle onto Kash's arm from the top rope. Kash tries an armdrag but Funaki rolls through with an armbar applied. Kash knees the gut and pounds Funaki into the corner. Noble tags in and Funaki gets his chest slapped. Noble sends Funaki off the ropes who boots Noble in the head. Funaki tags in Scotty who clotheslines and punches Noble down then dropkicks Kash to the outside. Noble boots and Irish whips Scotty who sidesteps a charge and goes for a bulldog but Noble ducks. The momentum makes Scotty knock Kash off the apron but rebound back into Noble who clubs the back and sends Scotty through the ropes where Kash throws Scotty's arm into the ringsteps before tossing him back inside. Noble stomps and punches Scotty's arm before throwing Scotty shoulderfirst into the corner. Kash tags in and after knees to the gut armwringers Scotty to the mat where he presses down on Scotty's arm with his weight. Scotty tries to punch free, Kash knees then Irish whips but misses a charge allowing Scotty to tag out. Funaki leaps in with a cross body to Kash before punching both heels down. Noble gets an inverted atomic drop, Kash an enziguiri. Funaki bulldogs Noble then hits a charge attack at Kash in the corner. Funaki goes for a tornado DDT from the second rope on Kash who throws him off into a Noble shove down. Scotty takes down Noble with a flying forearm. Kash hits a double axehandle to Scotty. Funaki rolls up Kash off the ropes 1-2-Noble breaks it up with a leg lariat to Funaki. Scotty connects with a crescent kick to Noble. Kash throws Scotty through the ropes and picks up Funaki who uses a backslide for a one count. Kash picks Funaki up a second time and delivers the dead level brainbuster for the 1-2-3. This match picked up towards the end and was better than last week's effort. Here Are Your Winners: KID KASH & JAMIE NOBLE. I'll give this show a thumbs up for the first and last matches. I won't let Orlando Jordan spoil things for me.
Steve shills for King of the Ring which continues this week on SmackDown! with Matt Hardy vs Booker T before signing off to end the show. Keep it here for Heat. Shaun.
Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.
