RAW starts with a video recap of the McMahon / HBK feud.
Music and pyro.
Edge and Lita come out. Lita is actually covering most of herself! She’s wearing a black and white animal print corset. Her tatas look like they’re about to fall out, but they’re covered.
Edge says he’s in a triple threat match at Backlash. One of the men in the match is HHH. Video of Edge pinning HHH last week. Edge is laughing about it. The other is Cena - boos from the crowd. Video of Edge pinning Cena to win the title.
He asks if we are sensing the pattern. It should be easy for even us to figure out. Whether we’re British or American we should be able to figure it out that the superior Canadian will be the new WWE champion after Backlash.
HHH’s music cuts off Edge. HHH slowly comes out in black pants and a t-shirt to HHH chants.
He tells Edge he’s come a long way. He looks like a star. He walks, talks and acts like a champion. Hell, he was a champion - for three weeks. It mean he can go, just not very long. Nothing to be ashamed of - lots of guys have that problem. things get going and when it starts to get interesting - it’s over. ‘HHH’ chants.
He says it must be frustrating for Lita. ‘Ho’ chants. He calls Edge the ‘Premature Superstar’. But until he can do it 10 times in a row he isn’t in HHH’s league.
Edge says he can go 10 times a night. It only took 3 seconds last week to beat HHH.
HHH agreed, but last week he had on his mind to give Cena a message - and he hammered it home. At Backlash he will make it #11. At Backlash the King of Kings will be back on his throne.
Edge asks why HHH is in the match. Because he lost at WM and hasn’t beat Edge. Is he running on his back accomplishments? Or is he in there because he like to get on his knees for the old man.
HHH says only one person in that ring who’s known for getting on her knees. But Lita isn’t even in the match. He’s the Cerebral Assassin. If being on Vince’s good side helps, he’ll do it. If it means bashing Vince in the head with a sledge, he will. If he has to bash his own grandmother in the head with a sledge he’ll do it.
Cena’s music cuts him off.
Edge pushes HHH into Cena’s fist. HHH leaves the ring and Edge goes at it with Cena. Edge quickly ducks from the ring.
HHH is about to get back in the ring when the Spirit Squad’s music hits. They come out and say they just spoke to Vince. They do a shitty cheer. The crowd is laughing at them - not with them. Later in the night it will be a handicap match. HHH, Cena and Edge against all 5 of the SQ.
- Commercial
WWE Rewind is Carlito beating down Striker last week. Masters then attacks Carlito.
Chris Masters music hits and he comes out - taking way too long. When he did his posing on the ramp he seemed to jiggle in spots he didn’t jiggle in when he first showed up in the WWE - his thighs and bum. Striker comes out wearing an argyle sweater vest. Shelton comes out looking too cool in his sunglasses, a chain and a silk shirt with his wrestling gear. Carlito comes out yelling at Masters. Charlie Haas comes out wearing a black leather vest with his red trunks. RVD is the last out - to the biggest pop, air brushed briefcase in hand.
Carlito yells at his partners saying he will start with Shelton. As soon as the match starts Shelton quickly gets the best of him so he crawls over and tags in RVD.
Shelton throws punches at RVD but gets head scissors and a heel kick. Striker rushes in and gets tossed out by RVD. Chris also gets clotheslined out of the ring. Haas comes in to help RVD get momentum so he can fly over the top and take out the heels.
- Commercial
RVD gets slammed to the mat by his hair by Chris. Chris applies a bear hug after Shelton attacks RVD from the outside. RVD fights out but gets slammed for two. Shelton tags in and suplexes RVD. Shelton applies a necklock on RVD. RVD throws elbows to gets out and then a kick to Shelton.
RVD crawls to tag in Haas. Haas knocks the heels from the corner and then tosses Shelton around. Haas nails a standing drop kick and then an inverted DDT for two. Chris breaks it up. Everyone rushes the ring and Carlito attacks Chris. Carlito nails a back cracker on Shelton. Chris rushes in and applies the masterlock. Haas breaks it up and Striker attacks him. Carlito takes down Chris but gets t-boned by Shelton. RVD nails a flying dropkick and then rolling thunder. RVD nails a 5 star frog splash. Chris tries to break it up but can’t. RVD covers for three.
- Winners: RVD, Carlito & Haas
- Commercial
Outback Vince is being interviewed by Todd. He asks about what happened last week. Vince says it was all pyro problems. He said he talked to the pyro guy, got an apology and then fired him. But that won’t happen at BL. At BL HBK will go down.
He says he hears God isn’t hear tonight - he’s on holiday. So tonight it’s HBK and Shane 1 on 1.
Shane says he’s getting payback on HBK for WM. HBK will not be walking out under his own power.
Torrie is getting ready for the bikini contest outback.
Kane is pacing outback talking to himself. Show walks up. He says they are friends, even partners. They have a match at BL. Show asks what’s going on with Kane as they are friends.
Kane says Show said that date.
Show says the date. He then says it’s only a date.
Kane tells him not to say it again - or else.
Show slowly says, “May 19th.”
Kane bitch slaps Show, slams him into a garage door and gouges his left eye. There’s blood down the side of Show’s face as he screams about his eye.
- Commercial
Coach is in the ring. He says he always delivers. He’ll deliver again with the RAW Diva bikini contest.
Candice Michelle comes out first wearing one of her signature coats. Maria comes out next in a hot pink robe. Victoria comes out in a short trench coat and white thigh high boots. Torrie comes out in a floral wrap dress.
Coach says they each have 30 second to show off and the crowd will pick the winner.
Torrie unwraps her dress to reveal a black string bikini with white trim.
Victoria takes off her trench to show a grey patterned string bikini and chain belt.
Maria has on an electric blue boy shorts and string bikini top, with her bum hanging out.
Candice has on a hot pink embroidered bikini and doesn’t seem to get much pop.
Torrie gets good pop when Coach asks. Victoria gets less with some boos. Maria gets huge pop. Candice gets less and some boos.
Coach says he calls the shots and picks Candice. King is pissed saying Maria should be the winner as that’s what the crowd wanted.
Candice prances around. Coach says the prize, because he makes the rules, so she gets to make out with the Coach. She doesn’t look happy. He tries to push himself on her when Big Vis’ music hits.
Vis comes out in periwinkle satin pajamas. Coach introduces him as he gets in the ring. Coach says they have a lot in common.
Vis takes the mic and starts singing. He says he what Coach was thinking about doing to Candice, Vis should do to Coach. Vis picks Coach up across his shoulders and slams him to the mat. Vis then splashes Coach and gets his hand raised by Candice. Vis twirls Candice into his arms and plants one on her. She grins and smacks him on the ass. They leave the ring together.
- Commercial
Video recap of the Vince and HBK match at WM.
Lillian is about to announce the next match, but Vince’s music cuts her off. He comes strutting out with a huge grin on his face. He climbs into the ring and enjoys Lillian’s announcing him. He then takes a mic and introduces Shane - having to speak about his semen in the process.
Shane comes out doing his goofy little dance.
Vince then hands the mic back to Lillian so she can announce HBK. Vince’s face falls to a sneer when HBK’s music hits. HBK comes out huge pop and is not as bouncy as usual.
HBK goes after Vince and Shane attacks from behind. In the ring shane throws a bunch of punches but HBK comes back. Vince grabs HBK’s ankle from the outside, but HBK throws Shane out over the top. HBK comes out and goes after Vince again. Shane throws HBK into the ring post head first.
Back in the ring Shane drives his knee into HBK’s back over and over. Shane covers for two. Shane nails a neck breaker, than another and another. Shane covers for two. Shane throws a couple punches and covers for two. Shane locks on a necklock. HBK fights to his feet and throws some chops. HBK gets tossed into a corner and then Shane gets him up in the rack. Shane slams HBK to the mat for two.
Shane climbs and goes for a moonsault but HBK moves. They exchange punches. HBK gets the upper hand. HBK nails a flying forearm and nips up. HBK drops Shane over and over with clotheslines. HBK goes to climb but Vince rushes him. HBK attacks Vince and then climbs. HBK nails a flying elbow and then starts to tune up the band.
Vince goes after HBK. HBK leaves the ring and attacks Vince. Vince’s head gets bounced off the announce table. HBK climbs but Shane nails a low blow knocking HBK to the mat. Shane gets his father off the announce table. Shane and Vince clear the announce table. Vince nails HBK with the ring bell. Shane lays HBk on the announce table and Vince holds him there.
Shane climbs and flies. Shane drops an elbow on HBK.
Vince grabs a mic and says God isn’t there tonight. God has abandoned HBK. God is a chicken. God will not be there at BL. HBk doesn’t have a chance in hell.
Praise be the name of Shane Brandon McMahon. Praise be the name of Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
- Commercial
During the commercial HBK was helped to the back by a couple refs. Video recap of Shane flying at HBK and through the table. King and Joey are sitting behind a collapsed table.
Video recap of Kane attacking Show outback earlier.
Joey says what we are about to see is very graphic. They show more bits of and people talking about Kane’s new movie. Kane says he finds the gory scenes comforting. They say it’s going to be a very graphic film - have to wait and see.
King and Joey go through the matches scheduled for BL.
Cena is outback getting ready and Edge shows up. He says he’s going to do all he can to get the title back. But tonight if out tries to be a hero tonight they will all suffer. He asks if Cena understands.
Cena says he understands Edge is a snake. At BL he’s going down - quicker than his girlfriend.
- Commercial
Edge and Lita are outback talking quietly in a hallway.
Estrada comes out with Umanga. Steve Lewington is in the ring. Waiting to get squished.
Umanga attacks Steve and slams him to the mat. Steve tries to throw some punches but is kicked from the ring. Umanga comes out, and slams Steve head first into the stairs.
Back in the ring Umanga hangs Steve up-side-down in a corner and nails him with a flying headbutt. Steve falls to the mat and Umanga nails him with a butt splat. Umanga covers for three.
- Winner: Umanga
Estrada gets in the ring but Flair rushes in and attacks Umanga. Flair gouges Umanga’s eye and tosses him from the ring. Estrada keeps Umanga from rushing back to the ring. Flair struts around and screams at Umanga from the ring.
Lita walks up to HHH outback and says he’s probably upset about last week, but they’re all on the same page for tonight as Edge has talked to Cena already - for the sake of BL.
HHH says that’s great that she’s being so nice and hopes she’s that way when he’s beating her boyfriend for the title at BL.
She walks off and HHH yells after her. He wants advice about the match later as he knows she has experience taking on 5 guys at once.
- Commercial
At BL Flair will be facing Umanga.
Mickie comes out looking like herself again. She’s wearing Mickie clothes and has her hair dyed back to it’s normal color. It’s still obvious that she cut it some, but it’s not styled like Trish’s any longer. She’s also acting like herself bouncing around the ring. She grabs a mic and says she got a bit carried away. She did become the Woman’s Champ at WM from her former idol Trish. She looked and acted like Trish, even tried to be Trish. But after last week she knows who she is - Mickie James our new WWe Woman’s Champ. She doesn’t have to look like or be Trish as she’s even better than Trish. At BL...
Trish cuts her off. She comes out looking like Mickie.
Mickie says she doesn’t know what Trish is trying to prove. Then every time Mickie tries to say something Trish says the same thing at the same time.
Mickie gets pissed and attacks Trish. They throw punches back and forth and Trish nails a chick kick knocking Mickie from the ring. Trish bounces up the ramp as Mickie leans on the stairs rubbing the back of her head.
- Commercial
Spirit Squad come out to the ring bouncing and kicking. In their ring entrance they actually sound as one - must be done with computers as I have never heard them even come close to being in unison. Edge and Lita comes down to the ring. SQ go out on the apron when Edge and Lita get in the ring. HHH is out next to big pop. Cena is out last to mixed - mostly negative. Cena glares at HHH and Edge. They glare back. None of them look happy.
SQ get in the ring and introduce themselves to Cena. They get ring in his face and scream their names one by one. They bounce around and dance in front of all three of the bigger name wrestlers. Finally they get pissed and HHH, Cena and Edge attack the SQ. Nicky (I think) is sent air born and lands in front of the announce table. Kenny comes back in the ring.
- Commercial
Edge gets tagged in by HHH. Edge kicks Johnny in the gut then whips him. Mikey tags in and gets nailed in the back. Edge nails a suplex. Another member flies in but nails Mikey. Then Edge loses his upper hand and gets splashed in a corner. Kenny tags in and gets two. Most of the SQ is in and attacking Edge, but Edge tags HHH.
HHH chokes Johnny in a corner. HHH suplexes Johnny and uses the DX crotch chop before dropping a knee for two. Cena gets a blind tag and beats on Kenny. Kenny gets whipped and then suplexed. Cena throws 10 punches but gets attacked by Mikey from the trampoline. Cena gets covered for two then tossed from the ring. All the SQ attacks Cena outside. Cena gets rolled in for two by Kenny. Cena gets suplexed and then Mikey gets flipped onto Cena for two. A headlock is applied on Cena who fights out. Cena attacks Kenny on the apron and runs into a back elbow into a lateral press for two. A snap mare on Cena but Cena fights back. Johnny tags in and they exchange punches.
Cena goes for the tag but gets dragged back. Another SQ tag but Cena nails a suplex. The SQ comes in one by one for clotheslines and haymakers.
HHH gets a blind tag and takes down all the SQ with punches and spine busters. HHH nails a face buster and goes fort he pedigree but gets attacked from behind by Kenny.
Cena comes in and throws clotheslines. Cena gets one up for the FU while HHH lines up another for the pedigree. They execute the moves at the same time. HHH and Cena then attack each other while Edge and Lita stand there and watch. The show fades out with HHH and Cena rolling around on the mat beating on each other.
Biggest pop
HHH
Flair
RVD
HBK
Divas
Biggest heat
Cena
Edge & Lita
Vince & Shane
Biggest joke
Spirit Squad
