Well, here’s another Impact Report. You would have had one last week if the internet in these back woods of Maine hadn’t been on the fritz. But things are back to semi normal - so here we go.
The show starts outback with Gain and Jackie verbally fighting. Gain is told to get Jackie in check by one of AMW - James Storm.
Opening music and pyro.
AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels come out of one tube together to go after the tag titles. AMW come out of the other tube with both Gail and Jackie. The girls are arguing their way down the ramp. Gail is in a small red pleather top and matching boy shorts and boots. Jackie is in a dress that is of very 60's looking fabric, but is cut to her naval in the front.
Storm attacks Daniels outside and then goes in the ring to help Harris beat on AJ. They try to double team AJ until Daniels climbs and nails them with a double flying clothesline. The heels scatter.
- Commercial
AJ dropkicks Storm and tags in Daniels. Daniels kicks Storm in the gut over and over. Daniels ducks a clothesline and nails a neckbreaker for two. Harris drags Storm to his corner for the tag. Harris gains control of Daniels and tags in Storm. Storm flies over Harris to land on Daniels’ kidneys.
Daniels ducks a clothesline but runs into an inverted atomic drop for two. AJ breaks up the count. AMW keeps tagging in and out quickly. Storm rips at Daniels’ face and then drives a knee into Daniels’ gut. Harris tags in and delivers a double axe handle to Daniels’ head. Harris nails another inverted atomic drop but runs into a punch. AJ finally tags in. He takes down Storm and then splashes Harris. AJ gets Storm into a torture rack and slams for two. Harris pulls the ref out to stop the count.
Daniels flies out to take down Harris, but Gail climbs. AJ runs into a super kick from Storm and Gail nails a beautiful snap head scissors on AJ. She quickly crawls from the ring so Storm can cover AJ for the three.
- Winners: AMW
- Commercial
Promo for Senshi.
Scott D’Amore comes out with Johnny Devine and Eric Young for team Canada. Through the other tube comes Shocker and Magno for team Mexico.
Eric and Shocker are starting the match. The crowd is loud and twitchy Eric leaves the ring. So Magno and Devine start. Devine gets arn dragged and then flipped across the ring by Magno. Devine spits in Magno’s face and quickly attacks him. Eric tags in and nails a back elbow. Devine tags in and suplexes Magno. Magno gets out of the next suplex and tags in Shocker. Shocker nails a flipping headbutt to Devine’s gut. Shocker nails a hurricanrana and a twisting elbow drop. Magno and Eric rush in. Shocker and Magno both drop kick the Canadians and then toss them both from the ring. Shocker gets in Alex Shelly’s face outside over the video camera.
Shocker whips Devine into Shelly who’s on the apron. Shocker quickly rolls Devine up for three. D’Amore is pissed at Shelly. The Mexicans are celebrating in the ring.
- Winners: Shocker and Magno
Zbyszko joins the announce table - he has laryngitis (not storyline - he sounds like crap). He says there will be a rematch at Sacrifice between AMW and AJ and Daniels for the tag titles. Jackie and Gail are to be banned from ringside.
Raven comes through the crowd and over the barrier he goes after Zbyszko. Zbyszko runs. He rolls into the ring and back out the other side with Raven hot on his tail. They exit through a tube.
- Commercial
Video recap of Sting playing Deal Or No Deal with Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner last week. Luger and Bagwell each came out of separate tubes escorted by Christy Hemme in an amazing red dress.
JJ and SS comes out to the ring and motions for Sting to come out and join them. Sting says JJ knows the drill now. But this week he only gets one choice. Sting asks if he wants this person - yes or no.
JJ says this is not a game show. He’s sick of Sting’s mind games. He tells Sting to bring his partner. JJ says he has the best partner there is - SS.
Sting tells him he has 30 seconds to make a decision.
SS tells him to take it!
Sting says the music is almost as annoying as JJ. The music ends and Sting asks Deal Or No Deal.
JJ asks the crowd if he should accept the deal. The crowd thinks he should. JJ says he’s not stupid enough to listen to the crowd or take the offer.
Sting says this contestant is now null and void. He says this person was a college football player and sells real estate in Georgia. Sting goes on and on but the crowd is already making noise because the know who he’s talking about. Sting tells Hemme to bring the contestant out. SS is pissed off that JJ didn’t take the deal.
The Dog Faced Gremlin comes out looking like his old self from WCW. He runs around the ring barking. He then gets on his hands and knees between Stings legs and say his old lines. “If you want some... Come get some. If you don’t like me... Bite me!” The crowd is going crazy over Rick Steiner.
JJ is standing outside the ring with guitar in hand looking totally pissed, but not half as pissed as SS.
- Commercial
Paparazzi Productions presents - Nash is talking about SS being back, Sting being back, but he hasn’t gotten a phone call. He says he can talk about it all day, but he will show us a graph. The graph is very sharp peaks and valleys on a small piece of paper in blue marker.
The peaks on the graph - from 1993 - are all when Nash was performing. The lows are Austin, Hart, Rock, etc.
Nash says he took the peak from WWF (yes he said WWF) and moved it to TNA when he made the jump. He says he’s a great wrestler, great physique, great guy but hasn’t heard anything. He says the ‘X’ Division has some great little guys, but they are just filler.
The announcers are laughing at Nash and his childlike magic marker graph and are pissed about what Nash said about the ’X’ Division. They don’t like that Nash called such great wrestlers ‘filler’.
Alex Shelly comes out, video camera in hand. He hands it to a red headed hottie and shows her how to use it. She shrugs and smiles. Christian Cage comes out in his horrible black satin and sequins to face Shelly. The announcers talk about how Abyss has Cage’s belt even though he didn’t earn it.
Shelly tries to reason with Cage. Cage bitch slaps Shelly and takes him to the may with punches. Cage nails a back elbow and then chops Shelly in a corner. Shelly gets whipped into a corner and then punched over and over. Cage goes for a suplex and Shelly lands on his feet, but runs into Cage’s clothesline. Cage hangs Shelly up on the top rope. Cage then nails an inverted DDT on the apron. Cage drives Shelly into the barrier. Cage punches Shelly so he’s sitting in an announce chair.
Cage takes a head set and says he’s making a movie of his own.
They ask him what it is.
Cage says it’s called ‘Boot To The Head’. Cage then kicks Shelly in the head. Cage then says they need to earn money so they have to go to commercial and will be right back. (I know Rock did this type of thing way back, but Cage is a natural on the mic and doing little things like that - it’s nice to see his sense of humor and mic talent utilized.)
- Commercial
Shelly ducks one clothesline but runs into the other. Cage covers for two. Cage then drives Shelly’s face into the may for two. Shelly thumbs Cage’s eye and drops his face into the turnbuckle. Cage rolls out. Shelly dives through the ropes and takes Cage down. Cage rolls back in and Shelly follows to kick Cage in the side. Shelly locks on a neck lock but Cage gets out. Shelly reapplies the hold. The crowd duels verbally over the wrestlers.
Cage gets out of the hold dropping Shelly to the mat, but Shelly kicks Cage back down. Shelly tries to suplex Cage over the ropes - Cage lands on his feet and slams the back of Shelly’s neck into the top rope. Cage climbs and nails a cross body for two. Cage then slams Shelly to the mat for another two.
Shelly comes back with a drop kick to the side of Cage’s head. Cage climbs and nails a flying uppercut elbow for two. Cage goes for and nails the unprettier for three.
- Winner: Christian Cage
When Cage celebrates he motions that he wants his belt back. Cage calls for a mic. He tells Abyss he runs pretty fast for a monster. It’s 10 days from the next PPV. It’s 10 days until Cage gives Abyss a complete ass beating. It’s 10 days until Cage gets his belt back.
Outback James Mitchell and Abyss are sitting in amongst what looks like scaffolding. Mitchell says Abyss has the belt. If Cage wants it he should show up next week and try to take it. He then laughs maniacally.
