The show starts with HHH outback. Shane walks in and says he knows the sledge wa an accident - they’ve always been friends. It’s Vince who’s having a problem.
HHH says he doesn’t like the whole idea of what Vince wants.
Shane agrees he doesn’t like it either. He doesn’t want to see his father’s alabaster, doughy keister. It’s even worse when you’re actually a member. Vince likes him. Has always said HHH is like a member of the family. Shane tells HHH he has to go talk to Vince or it will only get worse.
Music and pyro.
RVD comes out to sign the contract. Coach starts to introduce RVD and Heyman interrupt. Heyman introduces RVD as the man who will beat Cena this Sunday. Coach then introduces Cena to mixed pop. Hard to tell how much is negative, but sounds like most of it.
RVD talks smack at Cena when he enters the ring. RVD sits at the desk and Cena sits across from him. Coach says he has the money in the bank contract that RVD won at WM. Coach says both lawyers have looked it over and approved it. Because RVD is the challenger he signs first. Huge ‘Cena’ chants start.
RVD tells Cena it’s six days until that title is around HIS waist and renamed the ECW World Title. RVD says he hopes Cena is ready for the fight in a hardcore environment with a crowd ready to boo him out the door. The Chain Gang won’t be present at ONS.
Heyman says it’s going to be about hardcore action. It’s a totally different group of fan. They will be more than willing into rub those three letters in Cena’s face, ECW. Small ‘ECW’ chant.
Cena asks about passionate fans. Cena says damn right because Cena was an ECW fan. He watched an respected everything Heyman did. He tells RVd that because he’s going to his house and having 2500 of RVD’s friends boo him, he’s not going to lay down. Cena says he’s fought and bled to keep the strap. Mixed pop from the crowd. Cena says he’s been in the ring with pit bulls and been booed out of buildings. He tells RVD to get his mind straight. This could be RVD’s one chance. ‘Cena sucks’ chant. Cena signs and tells RVD good luck in six days.
Heyman stops Cena who’s leaving. He says Cena’s first taste of ECW will actually be in two days at WWE VS ECW. Or as Heyman likes to think of it as ECW VS WWE. He’s also thought he’d bring a couple of the guys with him tonight.
Balls Mahoney, Sandman, Dreamer and Funk come down to the ring.
Cena asks Heyman if they’re there to get his autograph.
Heyman laughs.
Cena says if he’s going out he might as well do it swinging. Cena nails the closest ECW wrestler with a hard punch, happened to be Sandman. Sandman nails Cena over the head with a kendo stick. The rest of the ECW guys jump Cena and they beat him down and stomp him. Sabu shows up with a chair in hand, climbs and flies. The rest of the ECW stars had Cena on the table so Sabu can drive the chair into him.
The RAW superstars come flying out of the back being led by Big Show. Just about everyone from the locker room is there. Gene Snitsky helps Cena to his feet with a concerned look on his face.
The ECW stars pose in the crowd with fans around them chanting ‘ECW’. Sandman holds his kendo stick up high.
- Commercial
JR and King talk about what just happened in the ring. They show video of what just happened to Cena.
Carlito comes down to the ring. Shelton then comes down trying to look all spiffy, but just looking silly.
Shelton kicks Carlito a couple times in the gut and then backs him into a corner. Carlito throws some punches back and then nails a standing drop kick. Carlito nails a back elbow. Shelton kicks Carlito in the back of the head and then stomps him while he’s down. Shelton gets Carlito on his shoulder and drops him snake eyes in a corner. Shelton nails a snap mare and then locks on a headlock.
Shelton rakes Carlito’s eye to a four count. Shelton then dumps Carlito over the top rope. On the apron Carlito drives his shoulder into Shelton’s gut a couple times but can’t gain control. They both nail each other with clotheslines at the same time.
Carlito nails a couple punches, a knee and a clothesline. Carlito nails a springboard back elbow for two. Shelton nails a samoan drop and then tries to splash in a corner but misses. Carlito gets tossed into a corner but back flips out over Shelton. Carlito then hits his back cracker on Shelton for three.
- Winner: Carlito
JR says he’s seen ‘See No Evil’ twice. Video of and about the movie. JR says Kane is scary in this movie.
HHH is outside Vince’s office. He steels himself and then walks in. Coach is there. He says he’ll go get Vince, and he shouldn’t have to wait too long. HHH looks around after Coach leaves. He stares closely at a picture on the wall of Shane holding HBK when he joined Vince’s Club.
- Commercial
The camera is focused on 4 Superbowl rings. 19 Steelers are there.
Outback Vince walks in to see HHH. He says tonight’s the night. He then asks HHH what with the ‘boo-boo look’. Tonight’s the night. Vince says when he goes to New York he gets a facial, manicure and pedicure. But this time he got an ass-ial. He says they shaved it and waxed it and buffed it - all for HHH.
HHH says there’s no way he’s going to kiss Vince’s ass.
Vince says he needs to lead by example. Once HHH does it then everyone wants to do it.
Vince says if HHH wins against Big Show tonight he won’t have to join the club.
HHH clarifies that he won’t have to do it if he beats Show.
Vince says that’s correct, but the match is now - right now. HHH’s music starts playing. HHH glared at Vince in shock and walks out to head to the ring.
HHH comes down to the ring in his wrestling gear. He must have dropped his pant’s shirt and hat as he walked to the curtain.
- Commercial
Slam Of The Week - Show losing to Edge in the #! Contender Match due to Lita’s low blow.
HHH’s music is still playing and he’s pacing the ring. Big Show’s music plays and he comes down to the ring looking less humorous than usual.
HHH looks nervous. He ducks Show’s hand and gets off a few punches before getting a knee to the gut. Show the nails a couple of huge chops. Show telegraphs and gets kicked. Show gorilla presses HHH and slams him. HHH dumps Show out over the top. The Spirit Squad rushes down to the ring and attacks Show. HHH tries to keep the ref from seeing it, but he does and calls for the bell.
- Winner: Big Show via DQ
HHH stomps off pissed.
- Commercial
Vince is in his office on his cell phone.
HHH stomps in and asks what the hell was that.
Vince acts confused.
HHH says that he knew Vince sent the SQ out to attack Show.
Vince says he’s been on the phone the whole time. Vince then realizes that HHH lost the match. Vince says HHH has to kiss his ass now. If he doesn’t do it he will never wrestle for a championship again - ever.
Eugene comes out to the ring. Matt Striker is in the ring. Striker says last time they wrested he destroyed Eugene. Why does Eugene think he can win now?
Eugene says he had a tutor.
Striker says no one could teach Eugene anything. Who’s stupid enough to try?
Music hits and out comes Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Striker get’s Eugene’s through the ropes and then nails a hard DDT for two. Striker then locks on a headlock. Hacksaw starts a ‘Eugene’ chant.
Striker slams Eugene’s head into the turnbuckle a couple times and Eugene gets pissed. He airplane spins Striker but get’s caught in a neck breaker. ‘USA’ chants started by Hacksaw. Eugene hits a clothesline and covers for three.
- Winner: Eugene
Striker is pissed and slams Eugene into the stairs. Hacksaw comes around the ring with his 2X4. Striker runs away up the ramp.
As Hacksaw is checking on Eugene, Umaga splashes them both. Umaga nails a flying headbutt off the apron into the chest of Hacksaw. Umaga then nails the samoan spike on Hacksaw.
Estrada introduces himself and tells Hacksaw he’s the newest victim of Umaga.
- Commercial
Angle’s music hits and he comes down to the ring with huge pyro and huge ‘You suck’ chants. His mouthpiece says victory.
He takes a mic to talk to his hometown who chant his name loudly. He says he knows he’s part of ECW, not RAW, but nothing was going to keep him from coming to his hometown - cheap pop.
Foley’s music hits and he comes out telling Angle that it’s one thing for him to be in ECW, but to get a cheap pop. Foley gets booed on his cheap pop. Foley says ECW is a group of second rate Foley wannabes.
Angle says a sellout is person who takes the most money flashed in his face. He then calls Foley a glorified stuntman. Angle says Mrs. Foley’s baby boy has grown up to be a giant hairy prostitute. He tells Foley to take his challenge.
Lita comes out and whispers in Foley’s ear.
Angle says speaking of cheap hairy prostitutes, he asks how Lita is doing.
Foley says there’s one person who holds more victories over Angle, so why doesn’t he come out here.
Edge comes out and tells Angle he looks nervous. There are beads of sweat on his noggin. The same noggin Edge shaved bald. Edge then make s Shot at the Steelers and the Pirates - especially Willie Stargell. Not the old Willie, but the corpse who’s been rotting for 5 years.
Angle tells him to get to the point before he breaks Edge’s ankle and calls him a blond haired bitch.
Edge, Foley and Lita walk to the ring. Edge tells Pittsburgh to say goodbye to Angle. When he signed with ECW his career was over. When Angle first saw ECW he turned his nose up in disgust.
‘Asshole’ chant. Angle says he agrees with them
edge says Angle has gone from the penthouse to the outhouse. If he thinks he’ll last more then 2 weeks in ECW he’s full of crap.
Angle says growing up in Pittsburgh he was always told he couldn’t do things. Well, Angle’s going to change the face of ECW. Angle then attacks Edge. Foley goes at Angle but gets Angle slammed. Edge goes after Angle and gets caught in the ankle lock. Edge gets to the ropes and Lita pulls him out of the hold and the ring.
Angle’s music starts to play. Angle turns around in the ring - right into the RKO. Orton stands over Angle grinning down at him.
- Commercial
During the commercial Orton says he’s back to get Angle because Angle fractured Orton’s ankle. It took 60 days for Orton to get better from what Angle did. (60 days is mighty specific - gee, wonder why!) Orton says what we just saw was just the beginning. Orton’s going after Angle at ONS.
Murdoch is in the ring yelling for Kane. He and Cade are back together and Cade is going to take Kane apart. They don’t need masks or scary music.
Kane’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. Murdoch distracts Kane and Cade attacks from behind. Doesn’t help as Kane gets control with punches. He slams Cade face first into the turnbuckle. He splashes Cade and then nails a sidewalk slam.
Murdoch distracts again and gets dropped from the apron. Kane climbs and slams Cade. Kane then nails a chokeslam on Cade. Before he can cover Cade the lights change and a voice starts. Over and over are two phrases - “Come on back.” And “I’m waiting.”
Kane leaves the ring and heads up the ramp.
The ref counts Kane out and calls for the bell. Murdoch grabs a mic and starts celebrating.
- Winner: Cade via count out
Kane is outback and screams for him to come out. He’s back there, so come out. The lights go out. Kane says he wants to play mind games?
Fake Kane shows up down the hall.
Well Kane says he wants to play come out so I can kick your ass.
Fake Kane is then behind Kane.
Kane gets tossed into a steel door and then kicked. Fake Kane picks up a trash can and tosses it in Kane’s face. Kane drops to the cement. Fake Kane walks away looking over his shoulder.
- Commercial
Two brothers from the McAlister Clan are here to join the WWE - promo. They are in kilts and furs. They show snapshots of them being tourists. They are ‘The Highlanders’.
Nitro and Melina come down to the ring. Nitro dips Melina on the stage so the camera can get a damn fine tata shot. Melina enters the ring as she usually does - King is drooling. Charlie Haas runs down to the ring and slides in. He runs across the ring and bounces off the ropes on the opposite side. It took me a minute to figure out what happened, but he slammed into Lillian and knocked her from the apron very hard.
They lock up and Haas hits a couple of scoop slams. Nitro slides on his bum into a corner to get away from Haas. They lock up, then break. Nitro pokes Haas in the eye and drops Haas from the ring. Melina gouges Haas’ eyes while Nitro distracts the ref.
Nitro tosses Haas back in and hits a neckbreaker for two. Haas gets whipped into a corner and then a couple of forearm shots to the back. Nitro locks on a necklock and Haas gets out with punches. Haas suplexes Nitro and then clotheslines him. Nitro gets in a corner and Haas somehow rolls backward and uses his legs to send Nitro flying across the ring. Haas gets Nitro in a corner and throws ten punches.
King says something about trainers being ringside helping Lillian who is still down. Guess Haas hit her pretty hard when he ran the ropes before the match.
Melina climbs in the ring and fakes a trip. She holds her ankle and screams. While the ref and Haas check on her Nitro rolls Haas up for the three.
- Winner: Nitro
- Commercial
WWE Rewind - Torrie and Beth took on Candice and Victoria. Beth makes the cover.
Video of Lillian being helped from the ring area by two men. She is moving very slowly and looks like she’s in a lot of pain and quite shaken up. JR says Lillian was trying to get out of the ring when Haas accidentally ran into her and slammed her from the apron to the floor. If they have any updates on her they will let us know.
Victoria is in the ring wearing black boy shorts and a little red tank. A male announcer is there. Mickie James comes down in a tiny black miniskirt and black and white halter. Her hair is curly tonight. Beth comes out in a plum colored one piece jumper with a halter neck and mostly bare back. Trish is with Beth wearing blue jeans and a black tank.
Vic attacks Beth but doesn’t gain control until slamming Beth’s face into her knee. Vic covers for two. Vic gets Beth through the ropes and chokes her. Beth gets turned around and chokes again. Beth falls from the ropes and is covered for two. Trish slaps the apron to get support for Beth.
Beth is up in a delayed vertical suplex but wiggles her way out and counters with her own. Beth fights back with punches an a bitch slap. Beth nails a dropkick for two. Beth chops Vic and covers for two. Beth side slams Vic. Mickie gets up on the apron and Trish pulls her down.
Vic rolls Beth up and holds her tights. The ref sees it and doesn’t count. Beth nails a scoop slam and covers for three.
- Winner: Beth
Video of the special effects from See No Evil. The actors talk about how cool it was. Kane wears very little makeup in the movie.
Vince and Shane are looking at the picture on the wall. Vince says it was a very special night. Vince says HBK looked like he liked having his face shoved in Vince’s ass. Shane is suppose to go off and do something. Vince then asks Shane if he wants to see it.
Shane says he doesn’t.
Vince says it’s great, Shane should have it done. It’s called an ass-ial.
Shane walks out.
- Commercial
JR says the contract signing earlier was explosive. King says whenever you’re dealing with ECW wrestlers there will be trouble. Video of Cena asking Heyman if they are there for his autograph, and then punching Sandman. Sandman hits him with the kendo stick and Sabu flies. Then the RAW superstars rush out.
JR says Tazz put out a challenge to King.
King says that he talks about bad wrestling. But this is serious. The only thing bad about Tazz is his announcing skills. Tazz was known for choking people out. But choking is illegal in wrestling. There are rules in this world - You can’t bring guns to school. You have to be this tall to ride rides at Disney - oh, sorry that hits too close to home. King says Tazz mentioned having one last match in him, well, King accepts.
JR and King go through the matches for ONS.
Shane walks in with water bottles.
HHH is pissed. He says he’s not going to kiss his ass.
Shane asks does he think for one second he thinks Vince will make him do it. He’s playing head games. He won’t make him do it. Shane says Vince sent him in to make sure HHH is cool.
HHH says he’s cool
Shane says, “Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.” Shane then gets on his cell. He says HHH is going to suck it up and take his medicine. Shane guaran -damn-tees it.
The whole time Shane is on the phone HHH is behind him doing something with the water bottles.
Both HHH and Shane drink from the bottles, Shane watching HHH closely the whole time.
- Commercial
Vince’s music hits and he comes down to the ring with his son. They are both strutting. A sign in the front row says, “Vince walks funny”.
Vince takes a mic and wants to remind us of other special clubs out there. There are strip clubs, country clubs, but the most elite is the Mr. McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.
There are a bunch of members, such as HBK. HBK is at home because his career is over. There is another charter member of the club, good Ole JR. The night was better for JR than for Vince. Heck, even his son Shane has inadvertently joined the club. The newest member is the Cerebral Assassin, The Game, HHH.
HHH comes out to his King of Kings music. Trip slowly comes down to the ring and climbs in. King says HBK drank water before joining the club.
Vince says before they do it, he’s not doing this out of malice. He should do it as a leader. Vince says HHH’s eyes look glassy, and his color is bad. He asks if HHH had a few drinks.
HHH shook his head.
Vince asks if he took a xanax or valium or something.
HHH slurs his words and falls face first to the mat.
Vince says it’s time for him to kiss his ass. Vince says he made HHH and keeps screaming at him. Vince takes of his jacket and drops his pants. He says it’s a mighty fine looking ass, and it does tricks. He tells Shane to put HHH’s face where it belongs.
Shane points at his fathers ass and laughs. Shane imitates his father and then falls to the mat.
Vince’s face drops as HHH gets to his feet behind him. Vince turns around and starts to pull up his draws. Trip shakes his finger and his head. HHH kicks Vince in the gut and then pedigrees him.
Trip stands over Vince who’s naked ass is in the air.
Biggest pop
HHH
Cena
ECW
Angle
Biggest heat
Cena
Edge & Lita
Foley
Vince & Shane
Lack of pop or heat
Big Show
RVD
Heyman
