The show starts with a video recap of HHH playing Vince. Followed up by HBK playing Shane-O-Mac last week. All this including Vince’s music video from the 80's. Then they dropped a load of crap on Vince, Shane and SQ.
HHH and HBK are outside walking to the building. Coach and a bunch of guys are standing in their way. Coach says they obviously haven’t been reading WWE.com.
HHH says he can’t even turn on a computer.
Coach says Vince banned them from the building.
HBK and HHH are all upset, not really. HBK asks what they ever did to Vince to deserve being treated like this.
Coach tells them to leave.
HHH and HBK wander off with grins on their faces.
Inside Edge and Lita come down to the ring. Edge takes a mic and says he will defeat RVD for his second WWE championship. Then at SNME he will defend his title against RVD and Cena. Edge then make wise cracks about the Phillies and the Eagles - he compares Cena and RVD to them. He says it is his summer! Even his lovely lady Lita. She’s going to beat Torrie’s ass and show her what a real cover girl should look like.
Now Edge is going to tell us who his partner for tonight’s triple threat tag match.
Cena’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. Edge asks if he wants to hear who his partner will be. Cena doesn’t give Edge a chance, he just attacks him. Cena throws a bunch of punches and Edge rolls from the ring.
RVD’s music hits. He comes out to the stage and says he had a match last week with Cena. He keeps hearing from people that he was very close to tapping out. People ask if he would of tapped out - he says we’ll never know.
A ‘Cena sucks’ chant from the crowd.
RVD tells Cena to forget about the triple threat tag match... Let’s have a rematch tonight. The crowd likes that idea.
Edge is pissed. If Cena wins tonight his title match for tomorrow night at ECW would be null. Edge doesn’t like this at all.
RVD agrees it isn’t fair. He also says it wouldn’t matter because Edge will interfere in the match anyway. RVD says they should do the SNME main event tonight. Triple threat for the title tonight.
Edge likes that idea. He says the next champion will be rated ‘R’.
RVD says Edge is right, but it’s pronounced a little differently. More like R-V-D.
A limo pulls up outside. Vince climbs out looking pissed. He glares at his driver before walking away.
Coach walks up to Vince and says good evening.
Vince says he wants to know one thing. He wants to know of DX is here.
Coach says they aren’t here. They were here, but when Coach told them to leave they ran off with their tails between their legs.
Vince says that’s good. They will have a very good night tonight.
They walk out of the camera shot into the building. Next to the limo, in the distance, pulls up a convertible with at least 4 screaming scantily clad women.
- Commercial
Lita is in the ring looking smug. Torrie comes out in a tiny silver/pale greenish two piece outfit.
Lita sticks her chin out giving Torrie a free shot. Torrie takes it, not hard, but then gets suplexed for two. Lita gets an arm bar on Torrie and then nails a side Russian leg sweep for two. Lita chokes Torrie on the bottom rope. She jumps up and drives her knee into Torrie’s back. Lita punches Torrie to the mat twice in a row. Lita again gives Torrie a free shot.
Torrie bitch slaps Lita hard this time. Lita actually looks pissed after the slam. Torrie takes Lita down twice and then clotheslines her. Lita gets whipped and then a clothesline in the corner. Lita gets pissed and pushes Torrie into the ref in a corner. Lita kicks Torrie in the gut and then nails a swinging leg DDT for three.
(My boyfriend noticed it first as he was watching closer than I was - I was trying to get the moves typed - and he said Lita was way off mark. The whole match she was out of synch with Torrie. She was halfway falling to the mat when Torrie hit her clothesline. That was the worst of it, but she was off her mark through the whole match. I don’t know what’s going on, but she was really, really bad tonight.)
- Winner: Lita
Outback Vince asks Coach again if DX is gone.
Coach says he’s sure they’re not here.
Vince wants to know why his private bathroom is all plugged up - sinks and toilet - and his caterer isn’t here, nothing for Vince to eat. There’s no one in the halls, it’s a ghost town.
Coach says it’s a holiday weekend and people take days off.
Vince says he’s never taken a day off in his life. He tells Coach to go find out what the hell’s going on. Where everyone is.
- Commercial
Video of the Highlanders Promos from past weeks. JR says they will be debuting tonight.
Lillian announces a 10 man tag match. SQ comes out first. King says he hopes they washed their outfits after last week. 4 of them flip over the top ropes into the ring. Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Eugene, Big Vis, Val and Snitsky come out to Hacksaw’s music to face the SQ. (What a strange tag team.)
Hacksaw starts a ‘USA’ chant. Val and an SQ member start. Val gets beaten down and trapped in the SQ corner. Nick tags in Mikey.
Mikey drives his elbow into Val’s head and then stomps him. Mikey tries to suplex. Val blocks and nails a suplex himself.
Eugene tags in and gets beaten on. Johnny gets a blind tag and drops Eugene to the mat. Kenny tags in and drives an elbow into Eugene’s face.
There’s another tag and a cover on Eugene for two. Mikey and Nicky both pound on Eugene. Nicky gets a forearm across Eugene’s fac and covers for two.
Johnny tags in and keeps Eugene down on the mat. Kenny tags in. Kenny whips Eugene but Eugene moves so Kenny eats the buckle padding.
Snitsky tags in and takes down all of the squad, as they enter, with clotheslines. Snitsky slams a member and covers for two.
Val rushes in and gets drop kicked from the ring. Vis tries to climb in and gets drop kicked out. Hacksaw comes in and gets beaten on by a bunch of SQ. He gets tossed from the ring and bounces off the announce table.
Snitsky gets slammed in the ring and then two SQ members climb in opposite corners and hit a (don’t know what it was) and leg drop at the same time on Snitsky. SQ covers for the win.
- Winner: SQ
Outside at a raging BBQ HHH says to the SQ that he hopes they have a good time. They’d like to be in with them, but they’ve been banned from the building. So they decided to have a holiday celebration.
They pull out a cocktail weiner and say it’s Vince size. Then they pull out a DX foot long.
HHH pulls Terry, the bus driver over. He says it must be lonely driving all over the country. Terry says it is. HHH tells HBK that he sees Mr. Fuji, and points. HBK romps off all excited. HHH calls two girls over who flash Terry with their backs to the camera.
HBK comes back saying he couldn’t find Fuji.
HHH says SQ can come out and have fun with them.
HBK says some thing about the SQ being covered in feces.
HHH says no one says feces anymore.
They then have 2 words for Vince and everyone at the BBQ yells ‘Suck It’.
- Commercial
The Highlanders, Rory and Robbie and introduced and Lillian says their combined weight is 34 stone. Rob Conway and Matt Striker are already in the ring.
Rory starts with Matt. Matt tries to kick Rory. Rory catches his foot and head butts him. He backs Matt into a corner and hits him 10 times. He also flashes his kilt up in his face.
Rob tags in and Robbie gets a blind tag. Rory slams Rob and then holds behind him so Rob’s head is kind of between Rory’s legs. Robbie dives head first between his cousin’s legs slamming into Rob.
Robbie keeps Rob from tagging out. Rob nails a back suplex on Robbie and goes for a tag. Matt won’t tag in saying those guys are crazy, and Matt’s smart - he’s not about to get back in the ring with them.
Rob is stuck in the ring and gets battered around until both Rory and Robbie nail the Scot Drop. They get Rob in a double fireman cary and slam him straight down to the mat. Rob is covered for three.
- Winners: The Highlanders
Outside Candice and HHH are standing behind a table that shows them from the boobs up.
Candice asks HHH if he knows what’s in the truck over there.
HHH chokes up, moans and pants, he says it’s the video truck and the nerve center of the truck. He can barely talk.
Candice asks if he thinks it’s nice in there. Suddenly she starts gasping and groaning.
He says it’s nice and he will show her some time. He’s twitching and groaning - having trouble talking. HHH grabs a bottle of mustard and squeezes it up in the air and all over.
Suddenly he relaxes and a girl stands up from in front of him. She leans into his side. Then Candice relaxes and a girl comes out from in front of her. Candice and the girl lean into each other.
Guess it’s obvious as to what the girls had been doing on their knees.
- Commercial
HBK is hanging out of a truck door. He calls out to Hunter and says it’s Vince’s production truck. The whole show is produced from in there. HHH watches the girls walk up the stairs and then grins at the camera. They are both excited about all the access in the truck. They discover that there seems to be a camera in every room of the building.
They are told not to touch anything when HBK tries to push a button. HHH sends Dave, the guy who told him not to push a button, off with the girls. HBK sits down and pushes the button he was told not to push.
HBK pushes it and the screen goes fuzzy and crazy.
JR and King are on screen, but aren’t sure they’re on. King says he wants to go out to the BBQ.
Outback Vince tells Coach to guard the door of the public potty so he can use it.
Out in the truck HBK and HHH find the right camera to look in on Vince.
Vince is standing there peeing. He looks down at his winky and calls it “The 8th wonder of the world, Andre the Giant.”
Coach rushes in. Vince turns and pees on him. Coach tells Vince DX took over the production truck and they are on TV right now.
Vince cusses and stomps out of the potty.
At the announce table JR says that Vince didn’t even wash his hands.
- Commercial
Vince is climbing into the ring. He looks really pissed. He says last week was the most humiliating night of his life. He stood on the stage with Shane and the SQ just before coming down and beating the crap out of DX. Then they dropped crap on them. Because of that he banned DX from the building this week.
He says if they were just having a BBQ he wouldn’t care, but now they’re in the production truck. Suddenly his mic cuts out. He gets another one. This mic starts buzzing. He says he knows it’s them.
Vince then says - in a chipmunk voice - that he will never be humiliated like that again. Still in that voice he says he knows they think it’s funny. He tells them to lower the mic because he’s not Alvin the Chipmunk.
Suddenly his voice is so low it’s creepy. Vince says he sounds like Darth Vader. He tells them to regulate his mic.
They do regulate it and he says he feels better. Suddenly there’ a loud fart sound. Vince says it wasn’t him! He says DX has no respect for him or anyone. He says they’re children.
On the screen is drawn a chicken. Then a word bubble saying,” I love cocks!”. He really isn’t impressed and says he won’t be humiliated any longer.
The crowd starts a, ‘You love cock!’ chant.
HHH voice says loudly that he says Vince thinks he can’t embarrass him any more. DX shows video over and over of the falling poo from last week.
Outback Coach tells three guys to go get a few more guys and he’s getting DX out of the truck. Coach pounds on the door over and over, loudly.
HBK swings the door open hard into Coach. HBK asks if there’s anyone there. There wasn’t so he shuts the door. Coach is splayed out on the floor knocked down and out by the door.
Vince, still in the ring, says that at SNME there will be an elimination match - DX against the Spirit Squad. SQ only has to eliminate one member of DX and the other is fair game.
He asks what DX thinks of that. DX plays canned laughter. He says after SNME Vince will have something to laugh about.
The background noise is crickets. Vince asks if they will have enough respect for him that they play his music so he can leave. Vince‘s music starts and he leaves the ring. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs the music changes to Vince’s 80's music video, and shown on the titantron.
Vince glares at the screen.
- Commercial
Melina, in a sparkly black dress with a white hem, and Nitro come down to the ring. Melina does her usual split into the ring. DX replays the front of Melina as she enters the ring over and over forward and backward. They then play the same entrance from behind over and over backward and forward. Carlito comes out to face Nitro for the IC Title.
Nitro holds the ropes for Melina to exit. They tie up and Carlito gets backed into a corner. Clean brake but Nitro says he got a thumb to the eye. Nitro nails a forearm to Carlito’s face.
Carlito nails a hurricanrana but is slammed to the mat with a forearm across the throat. Nitro drops a leg and covers for two. Nitro locks on a headlock but Carlito elbows his way out. Carlito gets backed into a corner but then Nitro shows off for Melina and gets caught with a couple of clotheslines. Carlito nails a springboard back elbow and Melina gets up on the apron.
Nitro rushes at Carlito from behind but Carlito moves. Nitro stops short of nailing Melina. Carlito nails his back cracker on Nitro and covers him. Melina rushes the ring and attacks Carlito from behind to cause a DQ.
Trish runs down to the ring. Trish gets in the ring and she and Melina go at it. Trish gets a few punches in and Melina rolls Trish up on the mat. Trish fights her way out. Melina tries to get away but Trish grabs her by the hair when she gets to the apron. Melina is kneeling on the apron facing out and Trish is pulling her head back throw the center and top ropes. Trish lets go of Melina and then kicks her in the back. Melina falls hard to the floor - really hard.
Nitro soothes Melina outside the ring while Trish and Carlito talk in the ring.
DX Replays Trish running down the ramp over and over, then Melina rolling Trish up over and over.
- Winner: Carlito via DQ
RVD is outback getting ready for his match. Heyman says he respects him so much as a double champion and no one has kept up RVD schedule. All the matches he’s had in the past week. Now they’re in their ring with their rules. RVD says he trusts in himself and he’s got this.
- Commercial
Video of the 2006 Diva search contestants. They go through each girl one by one and they talk a bit about themselves. They will be on next week.
Outback Coach is holding his head and back. He says he’s in incredible pain.
Vince says he doesn’t care about Coach, he’s been embarrassed enough for tonight. He tells Coach to get his limo ready because he’s leaving.
Coach argues and Vince tells him he’s lucky to have a job and to do it.
Umaga comes down to the ring with Estrada. Scott someone is already in the ring. Estrada starts to introduce himself but is cut off by HBK. HBK says he’s sorry to interrupt the same monotonous introduction, he rolls his ‘R’s like Estrada. On the screen is the new DX shirt. HBK talks about the new shirt and says it’s available on WWEshopzone.com he then returns us to our regular scheduled programming - he again rolls his ‘R’s.
Umaga attacks Scott and slams him to the mat. Umaga powerbombs the kid into the corner. Scott falls to his bum and gets a butt slam from Umaga. Scott gets tossed into the center of the ring like a rag doll. Estrada, from the apron, calls for the samoan spike. Umaga does it and covers for three.
- Winner: Umaga
Estrada takes a mic and opens his mouth wide. DX makes a huge belching sound. It happens over and over, at least 5 times and Estrada gets madder and madder each time.
Camera cuts to Vince getting in his Limo. He tell his driver to take him home. The driver gets in the front and fireworks start up. They are supposed to be coming from the moon roof, but it was obviously from the other side of the limo.
Green smoke starts pouring from the back of the limo. The driver runs around the car and opens the door for Vince. Vince rolls out. His hands and face are blackened with soot and he’s rolling on the ground choking and coughing.
HHH and HBK crouch over him holding sparklers in their hands. HBK says it’s too bad they were banned from the building. HHH says maybe next time he’ll let them in. HHH then wishes Vince a Happy 4th.
- Commercial
This Week In Wrestling History - 1996 - The Outsiders defect from WWE to WCW and are to face Savage, Sting and Lex at Bash At The Beach. The Outsiders say they have a partner, but won’t say who. Lex gets knocked out and Hogan rushes out. Everyone think he’s there for Sting, Savage and Lex, but he joins Hall and Nash to form nWo.
Orton is on the stage. He says it was quite an inspirational video package that was. It wasn’t as impressive as the music video last week. Brooke Hogan’s video. He says she’s Hulk Hogan’s beautiful 18 year old daughter. He says she’s hot.
Orty says on an upcoming Hogan Knows Best Hogan will be picking a date for his daughter. He tells Brooke she can find out why Orty’s called a legend. He says if Hogan has a problem with that, then he can just find out why Orty is called the Legend Killer.
Outback Todd asks Edge how he feels about this match tonight.
Edge says he’s totally unprepared, but will be something this city hasn’t seen in 23 years, a champion.
- Commercial
Edge comes down to the ring with Lita in tow. Cena is out next. Cena enters the ring and Lita quickly rolls out, Edge stands on the apron. RVD is last, but not least, to come down to the ring. This is a no DQ and no count out match. Lillian announces all three of them once they are all in the ring. RVD gets some boos.
The bell rings and they all watch each other, but don’t move. Cena and RVD gets face to face, but the Cena attacks Edge. Cena backs Edge into a corner with punches. RVD then gets in and beats on Edge, then Cena then RVD again. Cena whips Edge and RVD nails a running heel kick on Edge. Edge gets whipped and fisherman suplexed by Cena. RVD and Cena toss Edge over the top rope. Cena and RVD stare each other down.
- Commercial
RVD kicks Cena in the face. Edge is still outside. RVD sets Cena up top. RVD goes for a superplex but Edge attacks from behind. Cena falls to the floor. Edge rolls RVD up, but the ref sees Edge’s feet on the ropes. RVD rolls up Edge for two. RVD hits rolling thunder on Edge for two. Edge ducks a clothesline but gets his ankle grabbed by Cena outside. Cena pulls Edge out and slams him into the stairs. RVD flies over the top to take out Cena.
In the ring RVD covers Cena. They get up and Cena tries for an FU, but RVD holds the ropes and Cena can’t get the FU off. Edge enters the ring and Cena gets Edge up in a delayed vertical suplex. RVD climbs and flies cross body into the both of them. All three are sprawled on the mat.
When they get to their feet Edge and Cena suplex RVD the Edge and Cena double clothesline each other. The ref is counting, but it doesn’t matter. All three get to their feet and exchange punches. RVD nails a windmill kick on Cena. Edge tosses RVD out over the top to the floor.
Cena clotheslines a Edge a number of times. Cena shoulder blocks Edge and then sets up for the 5 knuckle shuffle and hits it. Cena gets Edge up for the FU, but Edge holds the ropes. Cena FUs Edge over the top and to the floor outside.
Lita rushes in the ring with a chair. She goes at Cena, but he scoops her up and nails an FU on her too.
RVD comes in and his the vandaminator on Cena. RVD goes for the 5 star frog splash, but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena gets RVD up and hits the FU. Before Cena can cover RVD Edge nails Cena in the head with the title belt. Edge covers RVD for three.
Edge parades around the ring with the title belt in his hands while Lita lays on the mat reaching and calling to him. He keeps parading around the ring with the belt. It isn’t until he rolls from the ring does he even notice Lita is on the mat. He pulls her out and they back up the ramp together.
- Winner and new WWE Champion Edge.
Biggest pop
DX
Candice during the ‘sex’ scene
Biggest heat
Vince
Spirit Squad
Edge & Lita
