RAW this week starts with a recap of the RVD / Edge / Cena match last week where Edge screwed Cena out of a possible title win. We all knew RVD would be losing the title due to his suspension, but it looked like Cena would be winning the title until Edge screwed him.
Lillian announces the new WWE Champion. Edge comes out with his new belt, and Lita. Lita is again back to wearing naval bearing tops. There is an announce table set up in the Spanish announce table position. It’s decorated with chains and the front says, ‘Rated ‘R’ Superstar’. Lita and Edge sit down and put on head sets.
Cena’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. Edge starts banter back and forth with King and JR. Cena glares down at Edge and Edge trash talks him. Shelton Benjamin’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. The whole time Edge and Lita bash Cena. Edge and Lita say that if Shelton beats Cena tonight he might be number one contender for the WWE Title.
They lock up to ‘Cena’ chants. Cena nails a shoulder block and goes for a quick FU but Shelton wiggles out. Cena stares at Edge and they trash talk each other. It’s enough of a distraction so Shelton gets a boot to Cena’s face. Cena returns blows. Shelton gets whipped and lands out on the apron. Cena tries to suplex him in the ring. Shelton lands on his feet and nails a neckbreaker. Shelton nails a suplex and gets Cena in a headlock. Cena fights his way to his feet. Cena hits a few elbows to get out of the hold. Cena goes for a cross body but Shelton ducks. Shelton throws a few blows and covers for two.
Shelton reapplies the headlock. Cena gets to his feet with Shelton on his back. Shelton gets slammed to the mat and Cena covers for two. Cena climbs and Edge distracts him. Shelton nails Cena dropping him to the floor.
- Commercial
Shelton has a headlock on Cena. ‘Cena’ chants from the crowd. Cena again works his way to his feet with Shelton on his back. Cena backs into a corner, but Shelton holds on tight. Edge trash talks through it all. Cena lands back on his knees in the center of the ring. Cena gets to his feet and elbows out. They exchange blows. Cena gets the upper hand and clotheslines Shelton to the mat a couple times. Shelton gets slammed to the mat. Cena nails the 5 knuckle shuffle.
Shelton gets to his feet and Cena goes for the FU but Shelton wiggles out again. Shelton nails a samoan drop and covers Cena for two. King, Edge and Lita are shocked he was able to kick out. Shelton gets Cena up for the FU, but Cena wiggles out. Cena gets whipped into the corner but moves before Shelton can splash him. Cena nails the FU and then locks on the STFU until Shelton taps.
- Winner: Cena
Cena slides from the ring and dives over the table to attack Edge. They get up exchanging punches and Cena beats on Edge over to the ring. Lita grabs Cena’s leg which gives Edge the edge he needs to get the upper hand. Edge throws a bunch of punches at Cena who’s down on the mat. Edge gets Cena up and nails an impaler DDT. Edge then spears Cena before leaving the ring.
Edge and Lita back their way up the ring as Edge spins his new belt. Edge has a mic and says since they’d rather be anywhere but here right now they’re going to their hotel to watch the rest of the show. Edge says he’ll see Cena on Saturday. Cena is on the mat looking constipated.
- Commercial
Video from Cena’s attack on Edge. The Edge gets the upper hand and beats Cena down before saying they are leaving the arena.
The camera shows outback - the loading dock area. They are wondering when DX will show up as they were invited to RAW by Vince tonight.
Video of Coach telling DX they are banned last week. Then their BBQ out back. Vince says he doesn’t give a damn that they’re having a BBQ outside. DX gets in the production truck and show Vince peeing in a public potty. Vince gets in the ring and DX makes him sound like a chipmunk. They then lower his voice to sound like Darth Vader. They then make a bunch of farting noises. They then make chicken noises and draw a chicken on the screen with a word bubble saying, “I love cocks.” The crowd starts an, “I love cocks” chant. Vince asks for his music so he can leave. They give it to him and Vince starts to leave the area. Then the music changes to Vince’s music video from the 80's.
Snitsky, Eugene and Torrie are watching the video outback. Eugene is laughing and they were laughing with him until they see Vince and Shane behind Eugene.
Vince asks Eugene if he thinks it’s funny.
Eugene thinks it is.
Vince says he thinks...
Eugene cuts him off with Rock’s, “It doesn’t matter what you think.” Eugene then says no, that’s not it. He then says, “We have two words for you...”
Vince cuts him off with, “SHUT UP!” Vince asks Eugene who will be in a handicap match against Vince and Shane. His response is, “Dr. Isaac Yankem.” Shane says no, it’s Eugene. They need to show DX they can’t get away with everything and they will prove it in the ring with Eugene. (Makes no sense to me, but, oh well.)
- Commercial
WWE Rewind - Coach announcing Ashley as the 2005 Diva Search winner.
Melina and Nitro’s music hits and they come out. Melina is in black and yellow pants with cut outs along the hips and thighs. She’s also wearing a yellow halter with a black band below her boobs and big fluffy/furry boots. It’s more of a bikini top than a shirt. Trish comes out in black pleather pants with a pink stripe down the sides and a matching halter that laces up the front with pink.
Trish tries to tie up and Melina pushes her off. They lock up and Melina gets tossed to the mat. Trish kicks Melina who ends up on the apron. Trish pulls her hair and then pulls her back in the ring. Melina gets tossed from the ring and Trish follows. Nitro distracts Trish so Melina can attack. Trish gets thrown back first into the side of the ring.
Back in the ring Melina drop kicks Trish for two. Melina then locks on a camel clutch but Trish won’t submit so Melina lets go. Melina goes for a suplex but Trish blocks and nails the suplex herself. Trish covers for one. Trish gets whipped and then thrown to the mat. Melina climbs and Trish punches her in the gut Trish then hand stands on the bottom ropes and nails head scissors on Melina dropping her to the mat.
In the opposite corner Trish throws a bunch of chops. Back in the center of the ring Trish hand stands in the center of the ring, turns her body and head scissors Melina to the mat. Trish then nails a spine buster on Melina and covers for two. Trish goes for Stratusfaction but gets tossed off of Melina. The momentum throws Trish into the ropes, but Trish jumps up a bit and throws her legs through the ropes and kicks Nitro in the face. Melina grabs Trish and rolls her up, holding her pants, for a quick three.
- Winner: Melina
Nitro rushes the ring so he can help attack Trish but Carlito rushes in for the save. trish and Carlito nail double drop kicks on Melina and Nitro. When the heels are down Trish and Carlito throw punches. Melina and Nitro get away and roll from the ring. They back up the ramp while Nitro holds up his belt. Trish and Carlito stand in the ring talking - pissed - while watching Melina and Nitro leave.
At the hotel Edge and Lita are at the counter. Edge rings the bell over and over. He tells the attendant they have reservations for a suite. The guy looks in the computer. Edge says he will put it in terms the attendant will understand. He puts on a goofy voice and says he needs a big old room with a working toilet.
The guy say the room isn’t ready yet, but they can wait at the bar.
Edge asks if they have USA Network there.
He says they do.
Edge sends Lita to the bar and then starts yelling at the guy. He says there’s a reason Edge is a champion and that the guy behind the counter is where he is with a haircut that looks like someone put a bowl on his head. Edge tells him to get his room ready and bing their bags up ASAP. Then he’s to get them in the bar.
The guys says he will.
- Commercial
The camera shows the loading dock area again with no DX. JR says something seems funny.
Outback the Diva hopefuls pose for the camera.
The Highlanders come down to the ring and Rory grabs a mic. He introduces them. He says they have discovered the wonders of corn here in Iowa. They get cut off by Striker’s school bell. Striker comes out with Rob Conway.
Rory starts with Striker with throws Rory to the mat a couple times and covers for two. Rob tags in and locks up with Rory. Rory goes behind but gets an elbow to the face. Rory gets backed into a corner and beaten to the mat. Rory gets whipped to another corner but gets his elbow up. The throws punches and tags in Robbie. Their tag is a headbutt!
They nail a double team battering ram and cover Rob for two. Robbie tries to knock Striker from the mat, but Striker drops down before he can. Robbie nails a standing drop kick and hangs him up on the second rope. The ref pulls Robbie away. So Rory goes over on the apron, puts Robs head under his kilt and does something impolite to Rob before the ref turns around.
Striker and Rory tag in. Robbie and Rory nail the Scotch drop and Rory covers for three.
- Winners: Rory & Robbie - The Highlanders
Outback Maria asks Flair about his match with Foley. Flair says their’s a time for business and a time for pleasure. Tonight is business and Flair is heading to the ring to tell us all about Foley.
At the announce table JR says, “Uht oh.”
- Commercial
Flair’s music hits and he comes in a suit without a tie and the collar of his shirt open, but still looking well groomed. He down to the ring and grabs a mic. He says Foley the truth is at Vengeance he challenged Flair to a classic wrestling match, 2 out of 3 falls. Flair beat him two falls and proved Foley can’t wrestle. That he’s nothing more than a glorified stunt man.
Foley is on the titantron. He cuts Flair off and says he took the easy way out during the match. While Flair talks to a ghost writer on the phone and then slaps him name on the cover of the book, Foley write books long hand, by himself and has gotten on the New York Times Best Seller list twice.
Foley says he said that Flair wasn’t a great boss. He start getting pissed and yelling here. In Germany Flair was Foley’s boss. Foley got tied up in the too tight ropes. Then in the ring he gets hit and his ear falls off. The ref hands the ear off and it gets handed to Flair who suggests putting it on ice. The whole time Foley is still wrestling.
Now Flair says he takes the easy way out and can’t wrestle. Flair has wrestled the dirties matches but has never bled like Foley. It got to a point where Flair just didn’t matter to Foley.
Foley says he doesn’t care about Flair’s 16 times as a champ. Foley says he’s held many belts and is a two time best seller. He’s been interviewed by Katie Couric. He’s friends with Melina. Foley says he’s done with Flair. He’s no longer going to fight with Flair at all.
Flair takes off his jacket and tells Foley to get his ass out there. Flair says he will beat Foley in a hardcore match. He should have stomped Foley’s ear into the mat back then.
Heyman music hits and he comes out and says Foley has made peace with ECW. He says he’s spoken with Foley and gotten everything out. He says Flair keeps putting hardcore into one big lump. Heyman says it’s much more than that, ECW is much more than that. He has a video to show Flair.
The video is when Heyman screwed RVD out of the title so Show would win.
Heyman says it’s his honor to introduce the new ECW Champion - The Big Show. Show comes out in a suit without tie and collar open. He looks as well put together as Flair. The belt looks like a toy in Show’s hands.
Show takes a mic and ‘woos’ at Flair. Show says some would say Flair was the best heavyweight champion of all time. Of all Flair’s accomplishments there’s one thing he hasn’t done. There’s only one man who can claim to have won the WCW, WWE and ECW Championships. That one man is Show. Show says he wonders if Flair has it in him for one more time. Show says there’s nothing more extreme than standing in an ECW ring and look Show in the eye - that’s extreme. Flair should bring himself over to the ECW show and it will be Show and Flair one on one for the ECW Championship - that is if Flair has it in him for one more time.
Flair says simply, “I accept.”
Show and Flair get in each other’s faces and talk trash. Heyman slaps Flair on the back getting his attention. Show wraps an arm around Flair’s neck and drops to one knee slamming Flair’s back into his leg. Show then flings Flair across the mat at Heyman’s word. Show and Heyman leave the ring.
Outback Shane and Vince are talking and there’s a knock on the door. It’s Eugene who freaks when he see Shane with a bat. Eugene says he’s there to say he’s sorry. He didn’t mean to make anyone mad.
Vince says they aren’t mad. In fact they were going to go find Eugene to give him a present. They give Eugene an DX shirt.
Eugene is all excited he likes the shirt and the color green on his shirt.
Vince asks if he likes the color green.
Eugene says it’s his favorite.
Shane dumps a bucket of green slime over Eugene’s head. Eugene then gets punches to the sofa. They then grab Eugene and drag him into the potty. Vince and Shane give Eugene a swirly. They then throw Eugene out and the shirt after him.
Vince asks Shane if that will send a message to DX.
Shane thinks it will.
- Commercial
During the commercial Heyman asks Candice to go to ECW to have a dance off against Kelly.
She says she doesn’t want to have a dance off against Kelly, she wants to dance with Kelly.
Lillian announces Big Vis who comes down to the ring. Haas is already in the ring waiting.
Lillian looks nervously at Haas who talks to her from the ring. They tie up and Vis throws Haas across the ring. Haas it then pushed to the mat. In a corner Vis slaps Haas’ chest. Vis then stands on Vis while holding the ropes. Vis gets backed into a corner and Haas gets off ten punches before being tossed to the mat. Vis then punches Haas hard.
Vis puts Haas on the apron but Haas drops down pulling Vis’ head . Haas climbs and nails a flying dropkick for two. Haas gets tossed off Vis. Haas throws some forearms but gets sidewalk slammed by Vis. Haas gets tossed into a corner but moves before Vis can splash him.
Lillian tells them to stop. She climbs the stairs and enters the ring. She tells them they don’t need to do this. She wants to be friends with both of them, just friends.
Haas rakes Vis’ eyes and then runs the ropes, but Lillian gets in the way and Haas stops. Lillian touches Vis’ chest to check on him and Vis, not being able to see, grabs Lillian and nails a samoan drop on her. (Guess maybe now she will have a bit more of a reason to complain outback now. Her complaining is probably what got her slammed in the first place.)
Haas screams at Vis about what he just did. Then, suddenly Vis and Haas start laughing together.
At the hotel bar Lita and Edge are laughing about what just happened to Lillian. The hotel attendant brings them their key and says their room will be ready in ten minutes.
Edge glares and tells him that room service better be sent up. The attendant nods and leaves.
Lita toasts Edge as the best champion ever.
- Commercial
The camera pans outback but still no sign of DX.
The Miz comes out to the stage. He says it’s finally time for the Diva Search. He gets little pop. He says he will host the entire competition. He says the hottest women on in the world are on WWE. He then starts stumbling over the words and the rest of what he said made no sense and was kind of pathetic.
The Diva contestants then come out one by one wearing two piece outfits that cover very little.
The Miz says now we know why he got nervous - look at these girls. He says they have twenty seconds to tell us why we should vote for them
Jen says she says she’s there to kick ass and show a little ass.
Layla says she is the total package mind, body and soul.
Erica gets more pop but says little.
Maryse is hard to understand as she has only learned English 4 months ago.
Milena gets some pop. She says her life long dream of becoming a wrestler needs our votes.
Rebecca says she’s there to entertain. She sprays down the other girls with something - they are not impressed.
JT gets pop. She says she’s here to rock our world.
Amy gets a bit of pop. She says the energy there is incredible and rambles from there.
The crowd is obviously bored as they have been every year.
The Miz say the girls will also been on Smackdown. Their challenge on Smackdown will be Diva Boot Camp. Miz tries again to tell us how to vote. He gets through it a bit better, but not great. Each time he screws up he laughs nervously and keeps fighting threw it. I’m sure he’s still kicking himself for how bad he was in front of a live crowd and on TV.
Outback Shane asks Coach if he’s seen DX.
Coach says he hasn’t.
Shane walks off and runs into Hacksaw. Hacksaw tells Shane he’s known him since he was a little kid and he’s a spoiled brat. He’s pissed about how they treated Eugene. Hacksaw challenges Shane to a match so he can rip him apart.
Hacksaw gets nailed from behind with a chair by Vince. Shane then nails Hacksaw in the face with a chair. They both over Hacksaw and quietly say, “Hooooo.”
- Commercial
Orton is in the ring. He takes a mic and says there will be a legendary figure at SNME. It’s Hogan. ‘Hogan’ chant starts. He says Hogan is a legend among legends. So he’s excited to introduce himself as the legend killer. Val’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. Todd is now announcing. JR says he thinks Orton has a motive to want to meet Hogan. He thinks Orty’s motive is Brooke Hogan.
Val is posing on the corner and Orty attacks. Orty pulls Val off the corner slamming him to the mat. Orty then nails the RKO and covers Val for three.
- Winner: Randy Orton
Orton then takes the mic and a ‘Hogan’ chants starts. Orton says there’s one more thing. Hogan will be bringing Brooke to SNME. He’s looking forward to introducing himself to her too. The look on his face is quite lecherous.
In the hotel room Edge and Lita are cutting up Orton and Hogan. Room service arrives - it’s a rolling cart with a long table cloth on it. The way it’s hanging looks like someone is under there - Wonder who that might be? Edge is pissed about what came up and how long it took. There’s no champagne. Edge tells him he has three minutes to go get it.
- Commercial
King and JR go through the matches for SNME. A mixed tag match has been added - Carlito and Trish against Melina and Nitro.
At the hotel there’ a knock at the door. Cena rushes in and attacks Edge. (I was wrong about the cart.) He throws Edge around the room, across a table, on the sofa and into the food. Cena then nails Edge with the title belt before dropping it on him. Cena rings the bell on the room service cart before leaving the room.
- Commercial
Todd is in the ring. He announces the next match as a No DQ Handicap Match. Shane-O-Mac comes out first. Vinnie-Mac is out next. They are both still covered in green slime from the attack on Eugene earlier. Shane holds the ropes for Vince.
Vince grabs a mic and says, “He’s lean, mean and green. He’s Eugene.” Eugene comes out covered in green holding the DX shirt. He looks shocked and freaked out. He gets to the bottom of the ramp and the Spirit Squad music hits. SQ come out to the stage. This distracts Eugene enough for Shane to go out and throw Eugene in the ring.
Shane pulls his jacket off and then tosses him from the ring. SQ stomp Eugene outside. Eugene gets tossed back in the ring and gets punched by Shane until he hits the mat. Vince grabs a mic and announces as he goes.
Shane nails a back breaker on Eugene and covers for two. Eugene gets pissed and throws punches at Shane. Eugene nails a big boot but is pulled from the ring by the SQ. They stomp him again. Vince tells us to laugh at Vince, his family and the SQ. The SQ get in the ring and pick him up by his arms and legs and slam him to the mat. Shane tags Vince in. ‘DX’ chants start. Eugene is rolled from the ring and set up on Edge’s announce table. Shane climbs and is about to fly but the DX music hits.
HBK and HHH saunter out to the stage. Vince asks what took them so long, they’ve been expected all night. They should get in the center of the stage. Vince wants a sight line on them. He wants them to come down the middle of the ramp. DX goes to one side, then the other, back and forth. Back and forth. Finally, jokingly HHH ask if they are in the right spot.
Vince says, “How now brown cow.” Nothing happens. He says it again and starts getting pissed. DX steps forward and a net falls where they were standing. Vince gets pissed.
Eugene rushes the ring and rolls up Vince for three.
- Winner: Eugene!
DX says until SNME, if you’re not down with that... They DX chop at Vince and Shane.
Biggest pop
Hogan (when mentioned by Orton)
Cena (surprisingly)
Eugene
Biggest heat
Orton
Edge & Lita (Shocker!)
Vince & Shane
Biggest lack of interest
Diva Search
Most pathetic
The Miz
