RAW this week starts with music and pyro. The arena is in the dark. JR and King are on camera and can barely be seen. Finally a flood light goes on them. They are having technical dificulties - No lights or sound.
Lillian's in the ring talking into her mic, but there's no sound.
Candice Michelle comes out in a gold coat. With the arena black and the flood lights on the stage, she looks absolutely amazing. Video of Candy beating Lita last week with distraction by Mickie. Candy stretches on the ropes as Lita's music hits. Candy is in a black sequined halter top that covers the important parts and black boy shorts. Still no lights. Lita comes out in a Rated 'R' tank top and black pants.
Lita grabs a mic and wants to get one thing straight. She shouldn't even be there. She was the former Woman's Champion, so she should get the title back now that Trish retired. She spoke with Coach earlier who agreed she should be able to pick her own ref. It's the next WWE Champion and her boyfriend - Edge.
Edge comes out and checks Candy over inch by inch for weapons, he's not gentle about it. He then gropes Lita, feels up her whole body as she waves her ass in his face, as if he's looking for weapons.
They get there arms up, ready to fight and Edge spears Candy. Lita covers Candy and Edge counts the three.
Cena shows up and attacks Edge. Lita runs from the ring and Edge bolts as quickly as he can. Cena checks on Candy and calls for refs to help her. He keeps yelling up at Edge and looking down at Candy to check on her. He speaks to the refs a couple times.
A couple of the lights have come on, but not many.
- Winner: Lita
- Commercial
Cena has a mic. It seems as though all the lights are back on. He says Edge is one crazy SOB. Last week he wouldn't have a rematch because he didn't feel good. This week he knocks out all the power in the building so everyone will leave so he won't have to face Cena.
Edge comes out yelling at Cena to shut up. He says Cena will say it's because of him the lights came back on.
Cena grins about that and then challenges Edge.
Edge says it won't happen tonight. He's going to take his victorious lady out and celebrate.
Cena says Edge has his arm around something, but it isn't special. In fact, he will explain it for all the fans. They are in Oklahoma, big football fans. So he will put it in their terms.
He says Lita doesn't exactly have what you would call a 'very good defense'. There have been a lot of 'falls pounded in THAT end zone'. Kind of like the end zone is like at a Sooners game. It's red, and has 11 guys trying to score in it.
He looks at JR and says that ones for him. He then says for ten bucks and bus fare that could be his too - meaning Lita. jr grins and scowls at the same time. cena says it could be anyone's fro ten bucks and bus fare, as he looks around at the fans. But then there's the doctors bills to get rid of the anal lice.
Lita takes a mic to huge heat. She says she's a human being. Cena is just jealous because neither he nor anyone else could have her. She says Edge is a better wrestler than Cena. Everyone in the locker room are better wrestlers than him. Lita says she's a better wrestler than Cena.
Cena says he could beat Lita blindfolded, with one arm tied behind his back. He realizes Lita wears the balls in that relationship. He talks about herpes again. Cena says why don't they shut up so they can fight.
Edge takes a mic. and says it's a good idea. On behalf of his girlfriend he accepts. The future Woman's Champ against the soon to be former WWE Champ, with Cena having one arm tied behind his back. Lita starts argueing with Edge off mic. He pulls her back across the stage and outback as she argues.
Video from their Mexico trip.
Kane's music hits and he comes out. He calls for fire from the four corners. Video of Umaga and Kane beating on each other the past couple weeks. Nitro and Melina come out. Melina is in a tiny black dress, above the knee teal leopard print stockings and high hooker heels. Melina looks nervous entering the ring with Kane there. Nitro enters and Kane throws him from the ring under the ropes by the back of his coat. Kane side slams Nitro in the ring, still in his coat. Melina is in the ring and Kane goes after her. Nitro chop blocks him. Kane sends Nitro out of the ring again. Kane drives his boot into Nitro's gut. Umaga was banned by Coach from interfering in the match.
Umaga attacks Kane from behind with a chair. Kane gets tossed in a corner and butt slammed by Umaga. Umaga tapes the top section of stairs off. Estrada is holding Kane in the corner. Umaga drives the stairs into the side of Kane's head.
- Winner: Kane via DQ
HBK is outback reading a WWE Magazine.
HHH asks what he's doing.
HBK says he's reading HHH's interview. HBK says there isn't one ad for a DX shirt, like the one HHH is wearing or the one HBK is wearing.
HHH says they can be bought at WWE.com
Maria comes up to them and asks about the gauntlet match. He says Coach is going to learn what Vince did, that nothing can stop DX. That they have just two word for him...
"No way!" Maria says looking all proud.
HHH says no and whispers it in her ear.
Maria looks confused.
HHH starts reaching down his tights and says if she needs a visual aid.
HBK cuts HHH off.
HHH keeps trying and HBK pulls him away.
Eugene walks up and says hi to Maria. He asks what she is doing.
She says DX just told her to, and she whispers in his ear.
Eugene gets a goofy look on his face and falls over.
- Commercial
24/7 Sept. 23, 1977 - Andre and Gorilla Monsoon were in a boxing match. Monsoon was saved by the bell in the first round. In the second round he put Andre down, but not out. In round three Gorilla cheats, but Andre fights back. A heavy right from Andre put Gorilla down for the count.
Outback Coach says he needs to talk to Shelton. Coach yells at Shelton for embarrassing Coach by saying he's been over looked because he's black. Coach says Shelton's been given lots of chances and hasn't stepped up. Coach says Shelton should have come to him.
Shelton says Coach knows nothing about being black in this company. He says Dick Cheyney has more soul than Coach.
Jeff Hardy comes up, hair in braids, and starts talking ghetto to Coach and Shelton. Coach is pissed. Coach makes a match between Jeff and Shelton.
Edge and Lita come out of Coaches office. Edge says Coach needs to make the Cena and Lita match. But, he's going to make it no holds barred. Edge and Lita look quite happy. Coach has one problem. Vince hates predictable matches. So, if Edge lays even one finger on Cena then he loses his rematch clause.
- Commercial
Spirit Squad is in the ring. Flair's music hits and he comes out in a rust colored robe. Mikey is facing him. Video from Flair beating Johnny last week.
They tie up and Mikey shoulder blocks Flair. Flair nails an arm drag and struts. Mikey nails some forearms shots in a corner. Mikey kicks and punches Flair down in a corner. Flair comes back with chops. Flair shoulder blocks Mikey, but MIkey comes back with a dropkick. Mikey covers for two. Mikey throws punches and Flair chops.
Flair gets scoop slammed and then an elbow drop off the corner. Flair looks off tonight, doesn't seem to have energy or be hitting his mark. Flair throws some chops but runs into a reverse elbow. Mikey climbs but Flair nails him in the gut as he flies.
More chops from Flair. Flair then hits a chop block and 'Woooos'. Another member of the SQ enters and Flair tosses him out and onto his team. Flair covers Mikey for three. Kenny rushes the ring and Flair puts his dukes up for a fight. Kenny leaves the ring.
- Winner: Flair
Video of Cena at Mad TV.
DX's music hits to huge pop. HBK gives HHH a mic. HHH soaks up the cheers then starts his schpeal. He's just as good as he was the first time DX was around - possibly even better. He of course throws something in about Vince.
HBK says Vince isn't here.
HHH asks where he is.
HBK tells him to watch. Up on the titantron is video from Unforgiven. They show HBK nailing Shane with the elbow drop on the chair. They then show Vince's head up Show's anal cavity.
HHH says that's too bad. He says he he didn't know Vince was such a big fan of Chinese food. He just ate the world biggest poo-poo platter.
They then finish the rest of their schpeal.
The Highlanders come out, they seem star struck. Rory and Robbie put their animal skins on DX's shoulders. HHH gets talking to Robbie, who keeps saying, "I'm Robbie!" HBK super kicks Rory and covers him for three. This whole time HHH is talking to Robbie in the corner.
Robbie tries to find out what happened to his cousin and gets a pedigree from HHH. Both get rolled from the ring.
Haas and Big Vis come out.
Haas and Trip tie up. Haas punches HHH hard into a corner. HHH bounces Haas' face off HBK's foot. HBK tags in and Haas beats on HBK's gut in a corner. Haas backs off and HBK chops him in the corner. Haas pokes HBK in the eye and tags in Vis.
HBK throws punches at Vis but gets side slammed. Vis dances and punches HBK to the mat. Vis covers for two.
- Commercial
Haas is pulling HBK's arms back and has his knee in HBK's back. HBK fights to his feet and throws a punch. Haas punches HBK down and then cheap shots HHH. The ref has to hold HHH and Vis goes after HBK, but nails Haas.
Vis and HHH tag in and HHH gets control. HBK and HHH take Vis down. Haas enters and gets a pedigree. HBK nails sweet chin music on Vis. Vis falls over and lands - belly flops on Haas. HHH and HBK both sit on Vis' back to cover the two of them.
Cade and Murdoch come stomping down to the ring.
HBK nails a flying forearm on Cade followed by an inverted atomic drop. Cade clotheslines and then tags out.
Cade tries to low bridge HBK, but HBK doesn't get the lift to get over the top. HBK ends up outside fighting with Cade. HHH comes and helps and HBK bounces face first off the ring post. Cade and Murdoch attack HHH. They throw him into the stairs.
Cade enters with a chair and goes after HBK with it and the ref calls for the bell. HHH enters with a chair and nails Cade over the head with it HHH sits in the chair and calls Cade and Murdoch back in the ring.
- Winners: DX via DQ
- Commercial
Toby Kieth is in the front row.
Cryme Tyme promo. They mug a guy at the ATM. It's 'intensity' this week.
Jeff Hardy comes down to the ring. Shelton comes strutting down to the ring.
They tie up and Jeff gets shoulder blocked. They glare at each other. Shelton gets a side headlock on Jeff who gets out and nails an arm drag. Jeff punches Shelton to the mat. Jeff ducks a clothesline and takes down Shelton. Jeff end up on the apron and holds on. Shelton holds Jeff by his hair and then pushes him face first off the apron into the barrier.
Shelton nails a forearm to the back of Jeff's neck. Shelton scoop slams Jeff and chokes Jeff with his foot. Shelton gets a head lock on Jeff who gets out. Jeff nails a couple clotheslines and then climbs. Jeff flies, takes Shelton down and covers for two. Jeff climbs again but Shelton jumps up to the top ropes. They exchange punches and Shelton falls. Jeff nails a swanton bomb and covers. Shelton gets his leg onthe ropes.
Jeff goes for a twist of fate but Shelton holds onto the ropes. Jeff rolls Shelton up in an inside cradle for three.
- Winner: Shelton Benjamin
- Commercial
Video of the actors talking about Cena's movie.
Orton's music plays and he comes down to the ring. Chris Masters comes out and does his usual entrance. Now that he's much smaller it looks kind of goofy. He's tagging with Orty.
- Commercial
Supercrazy comes out and waits at the bottom of the ramp. Carlito comes out and they enter together.
Chris and Carlito tie up. Carlito is backed into a corner. Carlito then chops Chris. Chris fights back but gets drop kicked for two.
Crazy tags in and gets an arm bar on Chris. Chris pokes Crazy in the eye. Chris powerbombs Crazy and covers. Carlito breaks up the count.
Orty tags in and nails a snap mare into a headlock. Crazy is wiggling around the mat. 'Randy sucks' chant from the crowd. Crazy gets to his feet and flips Orty over. They both tag out.
Carlito springboard back elbows Chris. Orty rushes in and Carlito take s him apart. Crazy hits a low dropkick on Orty and climbs. He tries a moonsualt but Orty moves. Orty gets pushed out of the ring by Carlito. Chris tries to lock the masterlock on Carlito but can't lock it on. Carlito is able to hit his back cracker and covers for three.
- Winners: Carlito & Supercrazy
Orty reenters the ring and nails a RKO on Carlito.
- Commercial
Coach is in the ring. He says he's going out on a limb here. He hopes Mr. McMahon likes this. He introduces his former mentor and boss, Eric Bischoff.
Bisch comes walking out to the ring with what looks like a book in his hand.
He wants to thank Coach for allowing him this time (kiss ass). Before Vince fired him unceremoniously, and unjustly fired him, he signed a book deal with WWE. he has the book with him 'Controversy Creates Cash'. He says he tells the truth about a lot of things in this book. He knows it will piss off Vince. How this show wouldn't exist in it's surrent incarnation if it wasn't for him and Nitro. There would be any DX if not for the nWo. There wouldn't be a Vince if not for Bisch.
Music cuts in and Coach starts argueing with Bisch about what he's saying.
Lita's music hits and she comes out with Edge. Edge has a rope in his hand.
- Commercial
Cena comes out to the ring and glares at Edge. Edge pep talks Lita. The ref takes the rope and ties up Cena's right hand to the back of his belt and around his waist. He wraps electrical tape around the knot.
Edge distracts Cena. Lita pokes Cena in the eye and hits a low blow. Cena blocks a slap while on his knees. He gets to his feet and FUs Lita with one arm. Cena covers Lita for three. Edge looks pissed from the outside.
- Winner: Cena
Regal, Fit and King Booker show up in the ring. They all attack Cena who's arm is still tied. Regal holds Cena down as Fit uses the sheleighly on his head.
Regal holds Cena and Fit hits him in the gut with the sheleighly. Edge laughs from outside the ring as Sharmell yells for them to hurt him more. King Booker takes a shot at Cena. Fit uses the sheleighly on Cena's free arm.
King Booker calls him a rapscallion. He says Cena thinks he can show up on his show and show him up? New flash for Cena. Time for Cena to be humbled, tonight. Tonight Cena will kiss the feet of King Booker. Booker sits up on a corner as Cena tries to fight back. Booker nails his scissors kick on Cena. Regal keeps working on Cena's free arm. Fit keeps hitting Cena in the gut with the sheleighly. He then chokes Cena with it.
Booker tells them to pick the peasant up and make him kiss his feet. Cena won't give up and keeps getting beaten down by Regal and Fit. Booker takes his shoe off. Regal and Fit grind Cena's face into Booker's foot, the sheleighly across Cena's throat.
Regal bows to King Booker. Booker spins around in the ring. There's no sound from the crowd - none at all.
Edge says it looks like Cena just got his ass kicked. And it looks like he's going to get his ass kicked on Friday. And he's going to get his ass kicked next week on RAW as he invokes his rematch clause - in a 15 foot steel cage. Edge throws down the mic and grins as he backs his way up the ramp.
Biggest pop
DX
Flair
Biggest heat
Orton
Edge & Lita
Biggest flop
King Booker
Fit Finlay
William Regal
