RAW this week starts off with music and pyro, no hook. And hey, they have lights and power this week! The cage is already set up on the ring.
DX's music hits and they come out to HUGE pop. HBK is running around like one of those little yippy dogs. He's runnign rings around HHH as they go down the ramp. Video from Hell In A Cell. HBK hands HHH a mic and Trip starts the usual DX schpeal. He tries to hush the crowd and they cheer louder. He says this is serious, he has a question that needs to be answered. He of course throws something in about Vinces, because a picture's worth 1000 words, and the ass shot is on the titantron. HHH tells tells HBK that sometimes you just have to eat crap and like it.
HBK takes the mic but gets cut off by Coach's music. He asks if DX thinks they run the show as he stands on the stage. "Fuck you" chants fromt he crowd. Coach says on behalf of the McMahons DX has to compete now in a Texas Tornado match. He introduces their 6 opponents.
Cade, Murdoch, Vis, Haas & Highlanders rush the ring.
Cade and Murdoch attack, then the Highlanders join in. Rory and Robbie get tossed. Haas and Vis go after HHH as Cade and Murdoch go after HBK. Robbie's outside. Vis tries to splash HHH but HHH pulls Haas in as he moves out of the way. HBK and HHH clothesline Vis to the mat.
Highlanders re-enter. Robbie gets slammed to the mat and lands wrong - looks like it hurt. HHH hits a face buster and HBK hits an inverted atomic drop on Murdoch. They take Vis down again and then Haas.
HBK hits sweet chin music on Haas. HHH hits a pedigree on Haas. HHH covers Haas for three.
Coach yells for the music to stop. He says they might have won this battle, but not the war. Coach says he runs this show. DX is laughing at him.
HHH says they're coming up the ramp and throwing Coach out. Then they will run the show. They think it's a good idea and take off up the ramp after Coach.
- Winners: DX
- Commercial
WWE Slam Of The Week - Shelton against Jeff Hardy. Hardy beats Shelton to face Nitro this week.
Nitro and Melina come out. Melina is in a very low cut red halter and a black mini with bondage straps. He leopard bra is showing and matches her leopard thigh highs. Nitro takes a mink off his coat and hands it to her. Jeff Hardy comes out to face him.
Nitro kicks Jeff in the gut and nails an upper cut. Jeff takes Nitro down with an arm around his throat. Jeff gets tossed in a corner and executes head scissors. He goes for a twist of fate, but is pushed off. Jeff gets tossed over the top but holds on. Nitro goes outside and Jeff flies at him. The two fight outside.
- Commercial
Nitro has Jeff in a headlock. Jeff is flat on his belly with Nitro knee in his back. Jeff gets to his feet and fights back. Jeff runs up the corner and flies, but misses. Nitro covers for two. Nitro drives his shoulder into Jeff's lower back. Nitro hits a baseball slide on Jeff slamming him into the ring post. Nitro covers for two. Nitro puts his knee in Jeff's back and pulls his arms back. 'Hardy' chants from the crowd. Jeff fights to his feet and reverses the hold. Jeff nails a double mule kick and they are both down. Jeff nails a spinning kick for two.
Nitro's on the apron and Jeff flips him over into the ring for two. Jeff flies and hits this time for two. Melina pulls Nitro from the ring but Jeff baseball slides into him. Jeff then flies and takes them both down. Melina holds her ankle. Back in the ring Nitro climbs but Jeff stops him. Jeff back body drops Nitro off the corner and then nails a swanton for three.
Melina is outside screeching at Nitro's loss of the IC Title.
Winner: Jeff Hardy, IC Champion
Melina and Nitro limp their way up the ramp together.
Video of Edge cashing in his Money In The Bank Match after the Elimination Chamber. They show the cage over the ring as King and JR talk about the match later.
Outback DX knocks on Coaches door and HHH says, "Room service!"
Coach says that he won't open the door.
HBK then says, "Land Shark!" and then "Candy Gram!"
HHH asks what Coach is doing that he doesn't want people to know about. HHH then tells him he will go blind. Grinning he then tells Coach that HBK says it's a sin.
- Commercial
Maria is outback with Jeff Hardy. Maria is wearing a green metalic boob halter top and matching low-cut mini.
They show video of Jeff winning the title. Maria congratulates him.
He says everyone will want to strip him of the belt.
Maria says she knows about strip because at ECW she will be playing strip poker.
Melina rushes up and screams that Nitro will be stripping Jeff of the title very soon.
Melina starts screaming at the top of her lungs, only stopping to intake air, as Jeff walks off. He returns behind her and covers her mouth to huge cheers from the crowd. As soon as he moves his hand she starts screaming again. So he again covers her mouth.
Coach is in his office on the phone with Vince saying he can't run RAW the way Vince does. Of course he's not opening the door to DX. He then says he will do what Vince wants him to. He gets off the phone and sneaks out the door. Looking around nervously he doesn't see them. He starts walking down the hall and talks to the seamstresses on his way by. He stops dead with his eyes wide when he see Trip. He slowly turns around to see HBK in the other direction grinning at him. Showdown music starts playing and tumbleweed at Coach's feet. He runs in a third direction - right into the Woman's Locker Room.
HBK asks if they're going in there? HHH says oh yea. HBK covers his eyes and rushes in with HHH behind him. The girls point them in Coaches direction and HBK takes off. HHH stops and talks. HBK reaches in and pulls him along.
Coach rushes into another room and finds the short fat male stripper who starts dancing for him. He runs out and into a room with wet hardwood floors. He falls on his face and DX's boots show up beside him. They back Coach outside and throw him in a rolling dumpster. They take it to a guy and hand it off for him to get rid of.
Video of Cena winning the title at the RR.
- Commercial
SS is outback screaming and yelling. DX shows up and says due to the unexpected departure of Coach they are running things tonight. They say that SS is in direct violation of the dress code and will have to change.
They ask what would happen if they don't want to comply.
HHH holds up his sledge.
SS changes their minds and ask what the outfits look like.
Estrada and Umaga come down to the ring. Snitsky is in the ring.
Umaga rushes Snitsky who side steps him. Snitsky shoulder blocks Umaga to the mat. Umaga lifts Snitsky and nails a Samoan drop followed by a bum slam in a corner. Then a Samoan spike and Umaga covers for three.
- Winner: Umaga
Todd is outback with Orton. He wants to know how he feels about facing Carlito.
Orty says he's sick of Carlito talking about what's cool. Carlito wouldn't know anything about cool. Cool is the Legend Killer. Cool is three letters Carlito knows well - RKO.
- Commercial
Video from Cena's new movie.
Orton comes down to the ring. Carlito comes down to face him.
They talk smack before locking up. Orty hits a cheap shot on Carlito's knee and then tosses him shoulder first into the ringpost. And then does it again. 'Randy sucks!' chant. Orty wrenches Carlito's arm/shoulder around a turnbuckle. Carlito hits a standing hurricanrana. Orty fights back and covers for two.
Orty locks on a keylock, to that same arm. Carlito throws chops as Orty throws punches. Carlito nails his slingshot and then a knee lift. Carlito moonsaults and then springboards for two. Orty pulls the ropes down and Carliot goes over but holds on. Calrito hangs Orty up on the ropes but Orty returns to the ring and quickly rolls Carlito up. Holding Carlito's tights he gets a three count.
- Winner: Orton
ECW One Night Stand - Cena get screwed by Edge in a trench coat and helmet. RVD beats Cena for the title due to Edge.
DX knocks on SS's door.
They say they aren't coming out.
DX says if they don't come out they will be stripped of the Tag Titles.
- Commercial
Training video from Cryme Tyme. This week it's 'speed'. They knock a black cop's coffee in his face. Then it's 'agility' as they jump a fence into a pen of dogs.
The SS's music hits. The come out in lace up boob tops and micro-minis over their tighty-whities (one has a skid mark!!) - basically female cheer outfits. Lillian is having troubles with laughter looking at them. Nicky is wrestling tonight. Two of them are covering their crotches with their Tag Belts. Sargent Slaughter comes out looking pretty thin, not at all scrawny, but not chubby these days.
Sarge is giggling and teasing Nicky. Nicky tries to knee lift Sarge and gets a dirty look for it. He locks on a cobra clutch briefly. When Nicky gets out Sarge slaps him hard on the ass. Sarge chops him in a corner. Sarge gets tossed in a corner and goes over the top hitting the corner and floor, hard - all arms and legs flying. He looks like a rag doll. It looked horrible, but he must be okay because the rest of the SS start stomping him, but it looked yucky.
Sarge gets back in the ring and takes charge - guess he's fine. Nicky fights back. 'USA' chant. Nicky gets a sleeper hold on. Sarge reverses into a cobra clutch. Nicky gets out using his knees in Sarge's face. Nicky covers for two. Nicky gets an arm bar on Sarge when HHH comes on the titantron. HHH says Nicky forgot part of the outfit. He holds up a white lacy thong.
Nicky lets go and starts yelling at Trip. Sarge rolls him up for three and then quickly leaves the ring.
- Winner: Sargent Slaughter
Video of Edge screwing Cena out of the title again.
- Commercial
DX changed the next match. Both Divas are to be in lingerie. Mickie comes out in black lace boy short panties with pink stripes on the sides, a mesh and lace pink tank and black bra. She looked worried about falling out of her bra when she poses on the corner. Victoria comes out in a red long line bra and matching red lace low-cut boys short panties.
They lock up and Vic gets an arm bar on Mickie. Mickie rolls through and gets kicked in the gut. Vic covers for two. Vic slams Mickie into the corner and throws punches. Vic hits a couple forearms to Mickie's kidneys but Mickie hits a reverse elbow. Mickie mounts Vic and throws right hands. Mickie gut kicks Vic and slams her face first to the mat. Mickie goes for head scissors and Vic holds on to her. Vic looks like she's going to powerbomb but Mickie throws punches and tries again. Vic holds on again. Vic gets a Boston Crab on Mickie who uses her legs to sort of scissors out.
Mickie climbs and does a sunset flip. Vic drops down and covers Mickie. Vic holds the corner ropes and the ref sees it breaking the count. Mickie quickly rolls Vic up for three with her face about in Vic's bum. Mickie quickly leaves the ring.
- Winner: Mickie James.
Victoria stomps around the outside of the ring tossing chairs around and screaming like a psycho.
- Commercial
King is talking about JBL's interview with Bischoff on WWE.com. Video of Bisch talking about firing people - lots of people. He says he loved firing the Honkey Tonk Man. He also says the story JR has told for many years is not the truth.
Masters is outback talking to Bisch - Kissing up. DX walks up and does a gratuitus book plug. They ask if they are mentioned int he book.
Bisch says yes that DX is a blatant rip-off of nWo.
HHH is upset about giving him a plug.
HHH asks Masters about writing a book.
He says he might like to write one on nutrition.
HHH asks if it's about how to loose 50 pounds in 4 weeks.
Master's face drops and he walks off.
HBK asks Trip if they were a blatant rip-off of nWo?
HHH says maybe, but there's a saying - He who laughs last, laughs best.
They both effect really bad fake laughs.
Video of Edge using knucks to beat Cena.
JR says something about Edge and Cena being one of the best rivalries WWE has seen in many years. I try not to put too much of my own views in the RAW Report - here and there, yes - but as little as possible. I can't hold my tongue this time... I wonder how much they had to Pay JR to say that Edge and Cena is one of the best rivalries. I'm not sure I could be paid enough. (Sorry, I'll shut up now.)
- Commercial
Video of Unforgiven 2 weeks ago when Cena re-won the title in the TLC Match.
The cage has been brought back down. Edge's music hits and he comes down with Lita. She's wearing her black naval bearing top again. Edge grabs the cage and shakes it a bit before removing his coat and entering. 'Cena' chants before his music even starts. Cena's music hits and it sounds like he's getting decent pop. He comes out with his arm bandaged. Video of Cena getting attacked by Smackdown guys after his match with Lita last week.
They lock up and Edge attacks Cena's arm. 'Cena' chant. Cena tries to ram Edge's face into the cage, Edge blocks. Edge tries to bash Cena's face into the cage, Cena blocks. Cena suplexes for two. A hard shot to Cena's arm drops him to the mat. Edge wraps Cena's arm around the ropes and wrenches it. Edge nails a standing dropkick on Cena.
Edge tries to escape through the door but Cena pulls him back and release suplexes him for two. 'Cena' chants. Edge climbs to the top and Cena grabs him. They fight on the top turnbuckle and Cena slams Edge to the mat and covers for two. Edge attacks Cena's arm again. 'Cena' chant. Cena goes for the FU but Edge countes and slams Cena. Edge gets an armbar on Cena but Cena flips Edge off him.
Cena slams Edge face first to the mat and covers for two. Cena starts to climb with one arm. Edge grabs the bad arm and pulls him down onto the ropes. Edge then spears Cena into the cage. 'Cena' chant again! Edge starts climbing. Cena hits him in the kidneys and they are standing on the top turnbuckle. Edge's head bounces off the steel bars at the top of the cage and then Cena slams Edge face first to the mat from up top there.
- Commercial
Edge has a necklock on Cena. They get to their feet and Cena nails a belly to belly and then hold his arm. Cena covers for two. Edge nails a heel kick on Cena and covers for two. Edge crawls for the door. Cena grabs his ankle and won't let go. Cena pulls him back into the center of the ring. Edge kicks him in the arm. Edge tosses Cena shoulder first into the cage. Edge starts climbing. Edge is on the top, but Cena gabs his ankle. Both men are sitting atop the cage throwing punches as they straddle the bars. Cena's eyes get raked and he falls to the ropes. Edge tries to get out but Cena grabs on and holds. Cena pulls Edge back in. Edge suplexes Cena to the mat, both are down.
Edge covers for two. Edge pulls himself to his feet and starts to climb. Cena slams into the ropes and knocks Edge to land hard, the bad way, onto the top of the ropes. Cena clotheslines Edge a couple times. Cena hits the five knuckle shuffle. He goes for the FU but Edge holds onto the cage. Edge pulls Cena into the cage. Edge starts to climb but Cena grabs him. They go back and forth reversing moves. Edge finally covers for two.
Edge again crawls for the door but Cena grabs his ankle. Lita hands Edge a chair. The outside ref tosses Lita from ringside, but the chair is in the ring. Edge is watching Lita leave. Edge gets whipped but Cena runs into Edge's boot. Edge comes off the top of the corner and takes down both Cena and the ref. Edge finds the chair but Cena gets a hold of the chair and nails Edge with it in the head - hard. Cena locks on the STFU but the ref is out. Cena yells for him, but gets no reaction
Cade and Murdoch rush into the ring and attack Cena. They take him down and then they try to wake Edge up to cover Cena. They can't wake him so they drag him to the door. They leave the ring and keep pulling Edge but DX shows up and attack Cade and Murdoch. HBK hits sweet chin music on Murdoch who bounces off the open cage door with his face. Edge had just gotten to his feet and the door slams him in the face.
Cena gets Edge up and nails the FU. Cena covers for three.
- Winner: Cena
Cena leaves the ring and celebrates with a couple of Marines in the front row. Cena then backs up the ramp looking like he's about to cough up a lung. He salutes, but looks like crap.
Biggest pop
DX
Cena
Jeff Hardy
Sargent Slaughter
Biggest heat
Coach
Edge & Lita
Orton
Nitro & Melina
Spirit Squad
