RAW this weeks starts with pyro and their new music.
Lillian starts to announce a match and is cut off my DX's music. Edge and Orton come out dressed as DX. Randy is HBK with a wig, Edge is HHH. They pose on the stage and Randy/HBK holds his back like he's in terrible pain. Edge is wearing fake facial hair and a really bad fake nose. They pose in the ring and both fall down in pain.
Edge/HHH starts HHH's schpeal to no pop, some negative. He rips off the fake nose, held on with a rubber band around his head, and starts berating the crowd. He says that if this what it takes to get the crowd going, the signs up and the merchandise selling, then they don't want any part of it.
They say they are the brightest in the industry and they don't need to do stupid things like this. It only appeals to 12 year olds and people like the ones in the crowd.
Randy takes the mic, removes his wig and says they are taking down DX. To all the people who applaude DX and buy their merchandise they have two words for us - "YOU SUCK!"
DX's music cuts Randy off and the real DX comes out. They are both giggling. They come down and climb in the ring. 'DX' chant.
HBK talks to HHH. He asks HHH if he looks like that much of an idiot when they come out together.
HHH says he's not going to lie to him... He doesn't say anything else to HBK.
HHH then turns to the other two and asks what they're doing. They are two of the brightest in the business. That gets boos. HHH continues and says that for some reason they feel DX thinks they're jokes. They don't think they're jokes. HHH asks the crowd if they think they're jokes. The crowd thinks so. HHH says that at least they don't think so.
HBK says Edge's live sex show was the highest rated - in a long, long time. Even though he couldn't rise to the occasion. They show pics of Edge's barely risen winky in his briefs. HHH then says that maybe Lita got him partially aroused. They showed it again. HHH says maybe he was fully arroused. But, it was a really cold day! Nothing to be ashamed of!
Then there's Randy. He's the highest searched and downloaded superstar on the internet - in the gay community. HHH says he's serious. All you have to do is Google Randy Orton + gay community and this is what you find... They show a picture of Randy nude holding a towel in front of his winky. HHH then shows another similar picture of Randy with a small towel. (I will attest to them being on a gay site as I found them their in my searches of WWE pictures. There were a bunch of similar pictures of Randy there. He is huge in the gay community from what I've seen. Hey - they did their researchQ)
HHH shows a third picture but this one isn't Randy... It's HBK and there's a Playgirl logo next to it. It's an almost naked picture of HBK holding a white towel in front of his winky.
HBK stops dead and starts ranting about how he was young and stupid. Besides... HHH told him that that magazine was read by women.
HHH laughs at his friend and goes on to talk about pictures of Randy with a midget with the jellybeans...
Orty cuts HHH off and says he wants him tonight.
HHH grins and says he doesn't swing that way.
Edge gets pissed and says Randy didn't mean it that way - he wants HHH one on one so he can beat his ass.
HHH asks what Randy wants to do to his ass?
Orty cuts in and says he wants a fight tonight.
HHH says he's on.
HBK says that if they think they're going to kill the legend that is DX, they have two words for them... They then quickly attack Edge and Randy. Edge and Randy get overwhelmed and leave the ring. They back up the ramp yelling at DX.
- Commercial
Slam of The Week - Mitch trying to beat Flair. Flair shows up with Piper, IRS, MDM & Arn to beat Mitch.
Nick & Aaron Carter are in the front row.
Spirit Squad comes down to the ring. They issued an open challenge to anyone but Flair and his friends. Cryme Tyme's music hits and they come out. One of them is bouncing so hard, showing off his grills, his hat falls off his head. SS leaves the ring when CT enters.
JTG and Johnny tie up. Shoulder block from Johnny. Hiplock takeover by JTG. JTG tags out and quickly tags back in. Mikey blind tags and gets a latteral press for two. A chinklock on JTG and then another cover for two.
Johnny tags in and they double suplex JTG for two. Headlock on JTG in the middle of the ring. Mikey tags in and they try to double suplex JTG, but her reverses and hit neckbraks on both.
Big Shad hits back body drops, a flapjack and a boot for a cover for two. He knocks o member of SS from the top down into the rest of the members. SS distracts the ref and Mikey gets double teamed. Big Shad covers for three.
- Winners: Cryme Tyme
- Commercial
Video from during the commercial - Kenny goes off on the other SS members. He's sick of loosing.
Grisham is outback with Melina and Nitro. Todd asks if they get to meet one of their A-list friends. She says yes, they will let us know, when they want us to know. Lots of boos from the crowd.
JR talks about seeing The Marine this past weekend. He says he loved it, but he gets a paycheck to say those things. (Not saying it's good or bad, just that JR is doing his job.) Video from the movie and people saying how good it is.
Coach is outback with King Booker and Sharmell. He tells them to make themselves at home is his office, eat the food and wait until Vince is ready for them. Booker is thanking him and Cryme Tyme break in eating the free food and talking ghetto. They say they like King Booker and hug him. Coach, Sharmell and Booker all stare at them as if they'd lost their minds. CT then leaves.
Coach asks if anyone understood that.
Booker says he doesn't speak ebonics. Booker then asks his wife if she has something (didn't catch what he wanted).
She says she doesn't.
King Booker pats down his pockets and realizes his stuff's been lifted. He starts creaming for the police.
- Commercial
Masterpiece is in the ring for the Fatal Four Way. Super Crazy comes down, slides into the ring and flips to his fee. Shelton is next strutting down the ramp. Last but not least is the IC Champion Jeff Hardy. Hardy by far gets the biggest pop of the four.
Shelton and Crazy, Jeff and Chris. Crazy gets head scissors on Shelton sending him outside. Shelton bounces Crazy's face on the barrier. Chris clotheslines Jeff in a corner and chokes him. Chris suplexes Jeff and covers for two. Crazy and Shelton are still outside fighting. Jeff moves from a corner to avoid Chris. Jeff throws punches in a corner but gets tossed from the ring by Crazy. Crazy and Shelton are fighting up on the corner. Chris powerbombs Shelton, from the top, who flips Crazy over the top with him! Bodies fly across the ring! Chris covers Shelton for two. Chris again tries to cover for two but Jeff flies in and breaks up the count.
- Commercial
Jeff is stomping Chris in a corner. He tries to suplex Chris, but gets suplexed himself. Shelton pulls Chris off the cover and covers Jeff himself for two. Jeff skins the cat into a sunset flip for two on Shelton. Jeff tosses Chris into a corner. Chris pushes Jeff into Shelton for an amazing kick to Jeff's head - was loud and sounded horrible. Jeff then gets tossed from the ring. He lays on the floor in front of the announce table.
Crazy enters with a mistle dropkick on Shelton. Crazy then covers Chris twice for two. Chris locks the masterlock on Crazy. Shelton springboards off the top rope, over Crazy into Chris. Chris uses the ropes to stop the count. Jeff uses a kneeling Crazy and nails poetry in motion on Chris and Shelton. Jeff covers Shelton, Crazy breaks the count. Jeff baseball slides Shelton from the ring and then sends Crazy out over the top onto Shelton. Jeff nails the twist of fate on Chris and then climbs. He hits his swanton on Chris to cover for three.
- Winner: Jeff Hardy
Outback Booker is yelling at an officer to take care of his wallet being stolen.
The cop asks what the guy looked like.
Booker says he was wearing jeans, had cornrows... Booker says he doesn't know, "They all look alike to me." This got HUGE heat from the crowd.
Show enters. He asks Show what he wants.
Show says he's also there to hear what Vince has to say.
Booker says it doesn't matter because Booker will be winning.
Coach breaks in and announces Vince.
He asks where Cena is. He's there to make his announcement and Cena's not there. He sends Coach to go find him.
- Commercial
Melina and Nitro's music hits and they come down to the ring. Melina is in a little black and purple dress. She does her normal ring entrance. Nitro takes a mic and says they have a special guest. He's an A-lister. One of the biggest stars in Hollywood. He's an actor, he's a rapper. He introduces Kevin Federline. K-Fed comes down to the ring, he enters above the bottom rope like a girl!
He hugs Nitro and Melina and takes a mic. he thanks them - to hug heat - he says it's good to be here. He then says it ain't so good to be here. They need to stop booing them all and treat them with respect.
He says he's going to rap, then says he won't. Everyone has to wait for the album to come out to hear his latest songs. Nitro is acting like a child saying saying in a sassy voide that they've already heard it.
They're about to leave and Cena's music hits. He comes down to the ring to huge pop. He tells everyone to wait. He says he can't have him come down, promise an eborate hip hop performance and then leave. He hasn't done this in a long time, and is no where near the quality of K-Fed. But he might should dust off the mic head. The albums called Playing With Fire. Let's call it the World's Biggest Asshole. Cena starts ripping hard on K-Fed.
Cena goes on to say... They hang with a marine, you're with a dude who likes semen. If K-Fed wasn't around he'd be spearing Britney.
K-FEd looks absolutely pissed. Nitro takes off his coat and goes after Cena. Cena quickly drops him from the ring where K-Fed and Melina had rushed to.
Big Show's music hits and he comes down. Booker's music hits and he follows with his wife. Vince's music then hits and he comes down to join the Champs.
He says it's special to have all three champ in the ring. At CS they will be competing to find out who will be the Champion of Champions. One of them will be defend his title that night. Vince won't make that decision, the fans will because it's Cyber Sunday. Voting begins right now on WWE.com. Booker and Sharmell leave. Then Show leaves. Vince salutes Cena from the floor before going up the ramp. Cena's still in the ring. He's glaring up the ramp and gets a HUGE 'Cena' chant.
He turns around and sees K-Fed is still there. He says that K-Fed says everyone copies everything K-Fed does. Well voting just started. He invites K-FEd into the ring. We get the scoop, so we can all follow him.
K-Fed says he wants it to be Cena's title on the line. He wants to Cena's ass kicked up and down this ring. They both throw down their mics and glare at each other. Finally Cena grabs the *&%*^$ and FUs him HARD to the mat. It really did look like a HARD FU. The fans go wild! K-Fed is prone on the mat trying to move as Cena leaves the ring and all the refs rush down the ramp.
- Commercial
Steve-O and Chris from Jackass is in the front row.
Carlito comes down to the ring. Rob Conway is in the ring.
Rob backs Carlito into a corner. Carlito chops his way out and gains control. Carlito ducks a clothesline and nails a spring board back elbow and a high knee for two.
Carlito nails his back cracker and covers for a quickly three.
- Winner: Carlito
He takes a bite of his apple and spits it in Rob's face while he's on the mat.
Outback Edge and Lita approach Vince about CS. Edge has an idea about CS. Vince says he sees a tag match between Dx and Edge and Orton.
Edge says the fans should pick the guest ref. Someone who demands respect like Coach, or Bisch. Or maybe Vince himself.
Vince says he'll think about it.
- Commercial
24/7 - 10/17/83 - Superfly aganst Muracco in a steel cage. Snuka climbs and flies, but it sends Muracco out the door to win. Snuka keeps beating on him, climbs the cage and flies.
Todd is in the ring talking about the guys from Jackass 2. He calls them into the ring. Steve-O says they're there to kick some ass and whoop some butt.
Tdd asks who their favorite superstar. They say they are.
Estrada cuts them off saying that those two Jackasses like to do a lot of crazy thing. Others say it's all an act. He asks if they will do anything.
Steve-O says they'll do anything.
Estrada asks - Anything?
Steve-O says ANYTHING.
Since they'll do anything, he has a friend for them to meet - Umaga.
Umaga comes down to the ring. Steve-O is stretching out. They look as ready as they every could be. Steve-O takes off his shirt to cheers. Steve-O gets on the corner and backflips off to cheers.
Chris flips Steve-O onto Umaga and Steve-O gets tossed to the mat. Then Chrsi gets tossed to the mat. Chris gets Samoan dropped and Steve-O kicked in the face.
Umaga is leaving the ring and sees Steve-O laughing at Chris. Steve-O gets a HARD kick to the back. Umaga then climbs and then splashed Steve-O HARD. Steve-O is still laughing and gets kicked punched, tossed and still laughs.
As Umaga goes up the ramp and you can see Steve-O and Chris leaving the ring without any problems.
Outback Maria is heading to the ring. She's in tiny white shorts with silver sequins, a white sleeveless top with silver sequins and a balck sequined bra. Her hair and makeup are perfect. Looks like she's ready for the runway and not the ring.
- Commercial
Video from the Marine. Actors and directos talking about all the explosions in the movie.
Three 6 Mafia is in the front row.
Bra & Panties Match to advance into the second round. Lillian is badly reading from index cards. Candice Michelle comes out in a gold coat over a white outfit. Maria then comes out in black pants and black tank top. Torrie is in a pink tank top and white pants.
Vic and Torrie, Candy and Maria. Maria loses her shirt. Torrie nails head scissors on Vic. Side slam on Torrie from Vic. Torrie loses her pink tank. Candy and Vic tie it up and Candy holds her own. Torrie holds Vic while Candy removes Vic's pants. Torrie and Candy are celebrating. Maria rolls up Torrie and pulls Torrie's pants off. Maria, and everyone else has a look of shock on their faces. Maria actually won something on her own!
- Winner: Maria
SD! Rebound - Batista wins a Number 1 Contender Match.
- Commercial
`Bisch talking about his new book and it's contents.
DX's music hits and they come out, to huge pop, for HHH's match. HHH grabs a mic and says this is how it's really done, and starts his schpeal. He's added for Randy Orton, even though he might have an alternative lifestyle - there's nothing wrong with that by the way - He's still about to get his ass kicked. HHH and HBK finish up and Orty's music hits. Edge comes down with him. They both come down with a cocky head shake chewing gum the whole way to the ring.
Edge distracts HHH and Randyy gets the jump on HHH. HHH comes back with clotheslines. Randy gets tossed in a corner but gets his elbow up in Trip's face. Randy rushed HHH who side steps him and Randy goes flying outside. He's laying on the floor holding his knee tightly.
- Commercial
HHH suplexes Randy and drop a knee into Randy's head. HHH covers for two. Trip stops and stares as Lita sways down to the ring. Randy tosses the Game over the top and Edge DDT's him to the floor. The ref exits and tries to stop HBK from helping, Randy rolls HHH into the ring. Randy stomps HHH in the center fo the ring.
Randy gets a neck vice into a neck breaker for two. 'Randy sucks' chant. Randy gets a chinlock on Trip. HHH punches his way out but gets power slammed for two. Randy keeps covering Trip for two - about three times. Randy punches HHH down in a corner. HHH gets to his feet and tosses punches, lots and lots of punches until Randy hits the mat. HHH hits a high knee and then punches Randy down in a corner. The ref pulls HHH off and Randy pokes HHH in the eye.
HHH goes for a pedigree and Edge gets on the apron for distraction. Randy gets control and covers for two. Randy sets up for the RKO but gets stuck in a spinebuster. Lita distracts the ref while Edge enters and low blows HHH. HBK tries to get in and the ref stops him. Randy gets a chair and is waiting for Trip to get to his feet. Lita is on the apron distracting the ref for Randy. HBK rushes the ring and low blows Randy. HHH gets the chair and nails Randy with it. HHH covers Randy for three.
- Winner: HHH
Biggest pop
DK
Cena
Steve-O & Chris
Jeff Hardy
Biggest heat
K-Fed
Randy Orton
Edge & Lita
Melina & Nitro
