RAW this week starts with video of DX and Flair last week. DX sets up a party for Flair and then Edge and Orton beat Flair down into a bloody pulp knowing DX has left. Rated RKO call out DX even though they’re gone.
Music and pyro.
Cena’s music hits and he comes out to decent pop. He grabs a mic and comments on the unruly Monday night crowd. He says he’s there with a message. Sometimes in a fight you’re not always the biggest or strongest. Last week when he was challenge by a guy who hasn’t lost yet in the WWE everyone thought he was crazy to accept. When he looked in Umaga’s face he said something under his breath. It sounded like this... Cena makes Taz (the cartoon not the announcer) noises. He took it that Umaga wanted to fight then but his manager dragged him away.
Cena bashes Estrada and tells him he’s ready to fight now. If Umaga says yes then he’s really the Samoan bulldozer. If he says no...
Melina’s music cuts him off as she comes down to the ring.
Cena says Umaga looks very different.
She says she doesn’t feel well but thinks she should tell him something to his face. On January first Cena’s facing a true man who’s being trained by Nitro. He’s a personal friend of hers - K Fed.
Cena says that’s the reason to practice safe sex.
Cena asks if Nitro is responsible for showing Nitro how to be a man. Cena asks if that means she was responsible for bringing Britney to all the nightclubs showing her how to be a slut.
Melina bitch slaps him.
Cena thinks about it and says it’s time to send a message to K Fed. Cena gets Melina up for an FU. The crowd cheers. Just before he drops her Masters rushes the ring. Cena puts Melina down and tosses Masters from the ring.
Coach comes out and tells everyone to hold it. He says he figured Cena was going to try to embarrass Melina like he embarrassed Coach last month when they fought. So he sent Masters out to teach him a lesson.
He did learn that Coach sucks at revenge the way he sucks at running RAW.
Coach says Cena won’t face Umaga tonight. ‘You suck’ chant.
Cena says he agrees with the crowd, Coach sucks.
Coach says Cena will face Masters in a Masterlock Challenge. If Cena loses Cena will face Masters next week for the title.
Cena says it’s so exciting. This is where Bischoff was fired. But at least Bisch created controversy. All Coach can do is sing Right Said Fred in the bathroom. Cena calls for video of Coach doing just that.
JR says Coach looks just like Carlton from ‘Fresh Prince of Belle Aire’.
Coach says he’s changed his mind. Not about the Masterlock Challenge, but now it’s for the title. He loses the challenge he loses the title.
- Commercial
Randy and Edge are in the locker room talking. Kenny from SQ enters. He says SQ is dead. Since DX is always trying humiliate them all. Kenny says he’s the brightest up and coming star on RAW and should join Rated RKO to help them.
Edge asks what he can do for them.
Kenny says they have a hall full of security because they are walking targets.
Edge tells Kenny to prove himself.
Lillian talks about Piper, his surgery and diagnosis. She says they all wish him a speedy recovery and dedicate this match to him.
The Highlanders come down to the ring in Piper shirts with their kilts. Cade and Murdoch come out to face them.
Highlanders starts a Piper chant. They get attacked from behind. Robbie gets tossed but climbs and drop kicks Cade. Murdoch gets tossed out and Murdoch gets tossed out on top of him. They toss Murdoch back in and bounce him off a corner a couple times. Cheap shot to Rory and then a kick to Rory’s face. Cade is in then tags in Murdoch. They hit him hard in the back a couple times. Cade tags in. Cade kicks Rory in the face. Murdoch tags in and slaps Rory’s face. Murdoch on the second rope but runs into Rory’s boot.
Cade tags in as does Robbie. Cade gains control by hitting Robbie in the back of the head. Rory pulls Murdoch from the ring and Robbie rolls up Cade for the three.
- Winners: Highlanders
- Commercial
WWE Rewind - Victoria winning the battle royal and breaking Candice’s face.
Maria comes out in a gold bra and boy shorts. Victoria comes out in a black halter, black sleeves and black boy shorts with a silver belt. She goes to the announce table with a clipboard. Candice’s name is at the top of the list and her name is checked off. Then there’s Maria, Torrie and Mickie. Vic sets up the list on the announce table before entering the ring.
Vic bitch slaps Maria to the mat. Vic chokes her in the ropes and then throws her down. Maria elbows Vic in the face but gets clotheslined. A side slam to Maria and she covers for three.
- Winner: Victoria
Vic checks Maria off on her list.
Mickie rushes in to check on Maria. Vic comes in and attacks Mickie. A knee to Mickie’s head and Vic screams, “Who’s the craziest bitch now?” Vic hits the widows peak on Mickie before leaving the ring.
- Commercial
JR and King talk about going to Iraq. Also they went to a retirement community this week. Video from the home. Cryme Tyme shows up. They are in Santa hats and freaking out the old people. They are singing Christmas carols from the hood. They start to leave with one of the older women. The direct bitches them out and the older woman goes jive on his ass. It’s the best Cryme Tyme piece I’ve seen so far - Very funny.
Outback Hacksaw, Grisham and Super Crazy are watching the Cryme Tyme skit and laughing. Shelton steps in pissed. He gets into it with Crazy, who only responds with “Ci”, and challenges him to a match. Crazy calls Shelton a ‘punk ass biatch’. Shelton is all confused after that. Hacksaw and Grisham leave giggling.
- Commercial
Shelton is in the ring saying Cryme Tyme is a joke. He’s ashamed of them. Crazy is going to have to pay the price for them. Crazy comes out yelling.
Shelton knees Crazy in the gut and beats him down. He rips at Crazy’s face and whips him. Crazy comes off the corner with a cross body for two. Head scissors from Crazy but gets a boot to the face, hard. Back body drop to Crazy and Shelton talks trash. Crazy gets whipped but moves before Shelton splashes. Crazy climbs but Shelton moves. The moonsault lands flat. Shelton hits a t-bone suplex for three.
Haas rushes out and celebrates with Shelton with a huge hug and jumping around. Shelton stares at him like he’s lost his mind.
- Winner: Shelton Benjamin
Cena is outback heading for the ring.
- Commercial
Chris Masters’s music hits and he comes down to the ring for the Challenge. There seems to be little reaction from the crowd. Cena comes out looking wary and pissed.
‘Cena’ chant before he sits down. Masters is trying to put the hold on and Cena gets to his feet. ‘Cena’ chant. Cena sits again. Masters locks it on and Cena flops like a doll. Cena tries to fight out but starts to fade. Cena is purple. He tries to fight out again. ‘Cena’ chant. Cena backs Masters into a corner and the hands loosen. Cena and Masters slam the ref into the corner and Masters lets go on his own. Masters kicks Cena but Cena applies the Masterlock. Masters taps and the ref calls for the bell.
- Winner: Cena
Umaga rushes down and attacks Cena. They fight it out and a bunch of refs and security pull Umaga off Cena. Estrada hits a cheap shot on Cena while he’s being held by security. Umaga gets loose and attacks Cena as he rolls fm the ring. Cena gets tossed across the announce table. Umaga comes across the table and on top of Cena. King starts screaming and an odd voice (not King’s) asks JR if he’s alright (probably should not have been heard over the TV).
King and JR scream at security to get them apart. JR screams for more security. Finally they get them out from behind the table and Cena into the ring. Umaga takes out a couple of security and attacks Cena. They are broken apart again.
Umaga takes down more security and rushes the ring to get to Cena. Estrada pulls Umaga out of the ring but Umaga punches another security guard in the face. Cena is still in the ring screaming when Estrada and Umaga back up the ramp.
- Commercial
Video from the end of the Challenge and the Umaga coming down. JR and King are all wound up about what just happened. Both Cena and Umaga are called to Coach’s office.
Outback Vis talks to Torrie about Carlito. He tells her to drop Carlito and get with Vis. Carlito shows up and says he looks like a man who like women and food. But he’s getting a bit hefty, he should eat healthier. Like apples. Carlito spits apple in Vis’s face and Ron Simmons shows up with his usual, “Damn!”
Video of what Rated RKO did to Flair last week.
Grisham is outback with DX. He asks how Flair is.
HBK says you can never hold down Flair. He will be back. Randy and Edge knew that DX’s games do not apply to how they feel about Flair. They looked up to him and now know and love him. Mission accomplished. They’ve made it personal. The pain and humiliation they put Flair through isn’t going to compare to that they will suffer at the hands of DX.
- Commercial
24/7 - Dec. 9, 2001 - Austin, Undertaker, Jerico and the Rock all go for the Undisputed Championship. Austin gets Jerico in the Walls and Jerico taps, but there’s no ref. Booker comes out of the crowd, nails Austin and gives Jerico the chance to win it all.
Carlito comes out with Torrie at his side. Torrie has Chloe under her arm. Vis comes out to face him. Vis looks pissed.
Vis goes after Carlito who ducks and then throws punches. Vis gets Carlito cornered and throws some slaps to Carlito’s chest. Carlito gets tossed but Carlito fights back. Carlito gets clotheslined in the ropes. Carlito gets taken down with a kick and then stood on by Vis.
A headbutt to Carlito. Carlito goes for a crossbody but gets swatted away. Vis tries to drop an elbow but Carlito moves. Carlito fights back and hits a knee lift. A side slam to Carlito and Vis dances. Torrie grabs Vis’s ankle and hangs on to get dragged into the ring. She loses the top of her gold shirt and pulls herself back together. Carlito comes off the top with a drop kick and then his spring board for three.
Torrie, holding her broken top up rushes the ring and plants one on Carlito.
- Winner: Carlito
Outback Estrada tells Cena that Coach took his advice and Cena and Umaga can’t touch for the rest of the year.
Cena grabs Estrada and screams in his face. Cena says stuff about Estrada saying he’s got Coach wrapped around his finger, that Estrada really runs RAW. Coach hears it all and cracks.
Coach says the stipulation stands, Umaga and Cena can’t touch for the rest of the year. But next week Estrada has to face Cena.
- Commercial
Video from Kane’s movie.
Kiss Cam done by Val. The last kiss will be in the ring. Val calls two girls into the ring. Two HOT girls in the front row. He gets down there and talks to them up close. Security helps them over the barrier and they get in the ring. Val says no pressure, but there’s a world wide audience who wants to see it.
They give a tiny peck. They then kiss and roll around on the mat together.
Eugene’s music hits and breaks it up. He takes Val mic and says he wants a kiss. He asks for a kiss but neither will kiss him. He says damn it, he’s special. He tries to force one of the girls and Val stops him. Eugene nails Val in the back of the head with a mic and then chokes him in the ropes. Then a DDT to Val the whole time Eugene yells that he’s special. He then climbs on the announce table screaming before backing up the ramp screaming about being special
- Commercial
Slam Of The Week - The Hardys are about to beat Rated RKO but Edge gets DQed on purpose.
Edge and Randy come down to the ring. MNM come out to join them. The Hardys are out next to decent pop. They wait outside the ring for DX who come out to huge pop.
All eight are in the ring throwing punches. All the heels have been tossed. HHH leaves the ring and bounces Randy’s head off the announce table. Back in the ring HHH stomps Randy down in a corner. The ref yells at HHH but HHH pushes the ref out of the way and goes after Randy more.
HBK tags in and chops Randy. A swinging neckbreaker on Randy and HHH tags in. HHH straddles Randy and punches the heck out of him. A poke to HHH’s eyes and Nitro tags in. HHH slams him and tags in Matt. Matt bounces Nitro’s face off a corner. ‘Hardy’ chant. Reverse elbow by Matt for two. A leg drop from Matt for two. Jeff tags in and flies over the top rope to take Nitro down for two. A snap mare and a kick to the back of Nitro’s head.
Huge ‘Edge sucks’ chant. Poetry in motion to both Nitro and Mercury who rushes in to help. ‘Randy Sucks’ is another HUGE chant.
- Commercial
Jeff has Mercury in a corner and throwing punches, but gets double kicked to the gut. Randy tags in and beats down Jeff. The ref gets distracted and Edge attacks from outside. Nitro tags in and works on Jeff’s ribs. Mercury tags in and Jeff gets hung up on the turnbuckle and covered for two.
They double team Jeff with a gut buster and Nitro hits a spinning leg drop for two. Edge tags in and beats on Jeff who almost gets to his corner. A reverse chinlock on Jeff by Edge. Jeff gets to his feet but runs into a drop kick and covered for two. Randy tags in and drives a knee into Jeff’s gut. Edge tags in and they double team for two as Matt breaks the cover.
Randy tags in and stomps his way around Jeff. Knee drop on Jeff for two. Reverse chinlock on Jeff again. Jeff elbows out but get slammed by his hair. Nitro tags in then Mercury tags in. They double team him and Matt tags in. Edge tags in. Everyone rushes in. HBK clotheslines Mercury out of the ring and then flies out into him. HHH hits a spine buster on Randy.
Kenny comes through the crowd and hits HBK with a chair. He goes after HHH with the chair. Jeff climbs but is pushed off. A spear from Edge to Matt for three.
- Winners: Randy, Edge & MNM
HHH tosses Kenny in the ring and HBK hits sweet chin music followed by the pedigree by HHH.
Biggest pop
DX
Cena
Matt & Jeff
Biggest heat
Randy Orton
Edge
Umaga & Estrada
Coach
