Hola amigos. This is your King Of Bling Bling, xpacnumber1fan hitting you up with your ECW Report.
I know this is late. But believe me, this report WAS written on Tuesday night, but Rajah was having a bit of problems setting up the account for me to post it. So blame him. ;) And before I get started, I want to apologize for the report from two weeks ago. It was horrendous, probably the worse I've ever produced. But there were other things going on at the time and I simply did not have the time nor the energy to proofread the show. But don't worry, this one will be much better. (I hope). What are we waiting for? Let's get cracklacking.
They show a video package about the ECW title match taking place tonight, Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam. Pretty good package.
Intro. Sazz welcome us to Lakeland, Florida. We start the show with Test in the ring talking about what happened two weeks ago. He calls for a replay showing how he won the match. He says he is a winner. But then lost in the votes. Test says that since they all voted, he decided to vote to. *shows clip of Big Boot to RVD* He says he is the impact player. When it comes to championship matches, it doesn't matter what the fans think. Championship matches are made by wins, and he has a hell of a lot of wins. As far as he is concerned, he is the number 1 contender. He says that tonight will be about making an impact. Sabu's music now hits and we have a match going. Sabu with the *point to the skyTM* at the entrance and it's gonna be...
"The Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal, Death-Defying" Sabu vs. ".................." Test
Bell rings. Sabu with some rights. Dropkick to the foot, dropkick to the head. Two count. Sabu backs up into the ropes and charges but goes down with a clothesline. Mounted punches. Two backbreakers and a sideslam. 2 count. Test with a bearhug. Irish whip to corner, Sabu gets his feet up. Springboard leg lariat. Sabu tries to whip Test into the ropes, Test reverses, Sabu with another springboard leg lariat. Test takes advantage with a bodyslam though. He goes up top but comes down on Sabu's boot. Sabu with his springboard spinning DDT. 2 count. Test then gets up and whips Sabu to the ropes and Sabu does ANOTHER goddamn springboard but Test backs up and Sabu lands on his feet right in front of Test. He then eats a big boot. Test with his spinning Ace Crusher, 3 count.
Winner: Test
We see RVD getting prepped in the back and matchup screen for tonight's main event. Commercial.
Back. We come back to a Sandman video package. Man, I really love this guy. Don't know why, but I think he should be used more. Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke are in the ring, Burke with mic in hand. Burke says that the question is not whether they will win their match, but how. Knock out, or tap out? And seeing as how "Little" Guido Maritato and Tony Mamaluke are their opponents, I'm pretty sure they will win somehow.
The Knock-Out/Tap-Out Connection vs. F.B.I
Burke and Guido go a little bit before Terkay gets tagged in. Terkay pounding down Guido some. Big belly-to-belly side slam. Tag in Burke. Burke with a very innovative double knee to Guido's jaw in the corner. Back suplex. Burke goes for an axe handle to Guido who is on the mat for some reason, Burke catches the boot to the head. He throws it down and goes for an elbow but Guido moves. Hot tag to Mamaluke. Mamaluke with some hot moves to Burke, but Burke catches him with that leg sweep/clothesline combo Brock Lesnar used to do. Forgot the name of it. Terkay tagged in. Terkay hits Mamaluke with a very nasty looking reverse chokeslam maneuver. He picks up Mamaluke by the back of the neck and just drives him to the mat. Terkay then locks on his overhead armbar and Mamaluke taps.
Winners: Elister Burkay
Now we see Lashley getting prepped in the back and another match-up screen. Commercial break.
And now we're back again. Striker with his classroom in the back. He writes an equation on the board for us. 3 minutes + CM Punk is less than Hardcore Holly. Holly then comes on screen and says that Punk doesn't learn. That next week, he will NOT make Holly tap. Styles now says that Tommy Dreamer (I'm guessing from his home), is getting mic'd up for an interview, while Styles intros a video package chronicling what has happened between him and Khali/Daivari. When it is done, Styles asked if Dreamer has a death wish. Dreamer then says everything that Khali has done to him. Dreamer says why does he risk it, knowing that he may never get up again? Because that is who he is. He never stops. He will keep on chopping Khali down until he falls like the big redwood that he is. Death wish? No. That's just what he does.
Now we cut to RVD in an interview. Rebecca, sounding as wooden as ever, asks RVD about his match. RVD, sounding as high as ever, says he thanks Lashley for not only putting the title up, but for getting rid of Show and Heyman, who denied him that very title shot. He also thanks the fans for voting for him, and that tonight the title will go back to where it belongs, around the wasit of *point* R *point* V *point* D. Break.
Yes. Back. Sazz are joined by B.A. Kevin Thorn's music hits. He comes out with Ariel, who looks pretty damned hot tonight. She's rocking a bit of a different look (if you want specifics, ask Kendra). Those big breastuses looking tight. Now we go from T & A to Balls.
Balls Mahoney vs. Kevin Thorn
Brawl to start out. Thorn short-hand clotheslining the hell out of Balls. Clubs to the chest and Yakuza kick to the back of the head. Thorn clubbing Balls down. Thorn with another kick to Balls head. Irish whip to corner and shoulder to the corner. Balls comes back with the *punch* BALLS! *punch* BALLS! *punch* BALLS! *wind up* WHOOOOOAAAAAA *punch* BALLS!. Balls then backs up into the ropes but runs right into a Thorn back elbow.... and Thorn gets a very awkward three count.
Winner: Kevin Thorn
Seems like Mahoney got messed up there. We get some trainers in the ring. They show a replay and Balls took a hard back elbow STRAIGHT to the jaw. Balls is clutching his throat though. I'm assuming (and not joking) when I say that I think one of his teeth got knocked down and went down his throat. He is bleeding from the mouth and appeared to have one less tooth in the upper row. I'm sure. He went from 4 to 3. Let's see what shows up in the news soon. We now cut to a Lashley interview with Rebecca. Rebecca, sounding as wooden as ever, asks Lashley about his match tonight. Lashley, sounding as 12 year oldish as ever, says a bunch of stuff. He concludes by saying that he is walking in as ECW champion, and will walk out ECW champion. Commercial.
We come back to yet another video package about WWE in Iraq. Match up screen for tonight's main event. Tazz with Vladimir Koslov. Tazz says that he knows that he has been at Raw and Smackdown, and asks what he thinks about ECW. He says he likes the style. He then asks about tonight's main event, who will win. He says he can beat both of them. Tazz asks for any additional comments, and he just repeats "I LUV DUBBEL DUBBEL E" 3 times. RVD's music hits and he comes out to the ring. FRIGGING COMMERCIAL BREAK.
BACK. Damn, WWE and Sci-Fi are really trying to squeeze money out of those advertisers. Lashley now comes out, complete with Lesnar pyro. Big fight feel tonight as they do ring intros in the ring. Slight boos for Lashley actually. RVD is really over. They get face to face.
ECW World Championship
Bobby Lashley (c) vs. Rob Van Dam
Lock up, Lashley pushes him off. VD with a side headlock, and Lashley picks him up and tosses him off, casually. Lock up to the corner, Lashley with a clean break, but VD hits him. Lashley with an irish whip, but RVD gets his foot up. RVD up top and hits a backflip since Lashley moved. Lashley to the corner and RVD tries to hit a leg lariat, but Lashley throws him off. He goes for an elbow drop but RVD moves. Stare down. Body slam and bearhug by Lashley. Lashley military presses VD to the outside. 2 count. Another side bearhug. VD elbows out. Lashley tries to hit VD's head against the corner but Van Dam with his foot to Lashley's head. Springboard leg lariat. Split legged moonsault gets two. RVD tries for his rolling monkey flip but Lashley catches him, hits VD with a belly to back suplex. Lashley goes for a back body drop but VD reverses. He goes for a kick but Lashley catches it. VD tries to go for his enziguiri but Lashley catches him and holds him in torture rack position. Drops to his knees and hits a backbreaker. Delayed vertical suplex and he sets up for the Spear. But as he rushes VD hits a dropkick to the knee. VD up top, hits his heel kick. Doesn't touch him bnut he still sells it. RVD goes for a Rolling Thunder but Lashley rolls out. Both of them outside. Lashley going a bit mental hitting RVD against the announce table. He tries to suplex him on it. But RVD reverses and lays Lashley on top of the table. RVD then goes inside the ring and looks like he is setting up for his spinning leg lariat thing that he does. But Lashley gets up and stands on top of the table, dazed. So RVD on the apron gets up on the second rope, and flies off the ring to clothesline Lashley off the top of the announce table. Nice looking spot, but VD hardly connected. ECW chant. Ref Mickey Henson goes outside, and looks at Lashley. He then calls for the bell and throws up an "X" sign.
Winner: No Contest
They then bring out trainers and the like. Don't be worried about Lashley. He wasn't hurt at all, it was obviously a planned ending. It could've been good, but it wasn't executed too well. Crowd with a VERY loud "BULLSHIT!" chant. Even the 8 year olds are getting into it. Crowd is PISSED at this result. As they should be. I really enjoyed this match. Sucks they had to end it that way. Showing replays of the weak clothesline didn't help matters too much either. Fade to black.
Feedback to thecruzanhurricane@gmail.com. Thank you foks. This is the K.O.B.B signing out.
