This is NOT a play by play recap of the show. This is me watching the show and giving you my thoughts on it as it happens. For the Rumble match it's more of a live recap although I don't detail everything that went down. It's just hard to be sarcastic with so much going on. With all that said, time for the running diary.
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Note: This is only the second running diary that I've done. The first one was of Survivor Series '06, so I'm still a bit raw at this. I'm actually excited about the show because I've been watching Raw and Smackdown weekly since about Survivor Series while also watching a bit of ECW. I can't stomach too much of that, though. The winner of the Rumble is predictable, yet that doesn't hurt its appeal to me. For twenty years now it's been one of my favorite matches on an annual basis. That's why I'll always look forward to it. The Rumble match delivers usually. Let's hope it does again.
WWE Royal Rumble
San Antonio, Texas
January 28, 2007
The typical great video package leads us off. It highlights the twenty years of past Royal Rumbles as well as the matches taking place tonight.
We meet all the announcers with the Raw boys first, then Smackdown and then ECW. I still laugh every time they say extremists instead of superstars. Imagine being an ECW wrestler, going out with your buddies and going up to a chick: "I'm an extremist baby, how you doin'?" I bet Matt Striker does that.
The Hardy Boys vs. MNM
Pretty obvious match to start the show. Not a bad thing of course because it's the right choice and I'm never going to complain about seeing Melina. MNM's out first as they mention the reason for the feud with Mercury's face getting busted. Who's directing this show? Where are the good shots of Melina's entrance? This is a thumbs down show already!
The Hardy's are in next. I get a kick out of how they mention two guys are on SD and two guys are on Raw like the roster split still matters.
Cool thing of note. The ropes are all white tonight. I like that.
Looks like Matt is going to be the Hardy in peril. They're working on beating up Matt with punches to the face. They're even selling their own fists after they throw punches.
Six minutes in, there's the hot tag to Jeff. I hope that doesn't mean this is ending soon. I was hoping for 15 minutes or so for this one.
Double splash by the Hardy's! Oh no, Nitro got the knee up on Jeff's splash while Matt's leg got Nitro on the head. Now he tags out and Jeff is the Hardy in peril.
The focus is on Jeff's ribs as the pace slows down and it reaches the ten minute mark. Ooh, Melina's yelling. I like that.
Ah, the classic "ref doesn't see the tag" spot. And then moments later he does get the tag. Here comes Matt. Man, the Hardy's spots are so over. As Matt and Joey go rolling out to the floor, Jeff makes the blind tag and hits the Swanton Bomb on Nitro to get the win. Match was 15 minutes.
Winners: The Hardy Boys
Analysis: **1/2 Very solid tag match that followed all the basic formulas of a tag. Good choice for the opener although I'm kinda sad that the Hardy's won again. I'm not sure if there'll be more matches between these teams, which kinda sucks.
Backstage, Long and Coach are there to do the draw. Kelly Kelly, the exhibitionist, rolls the tumbler. Edge makes fun of her name, so then she says at least that's her real name unlike him. Yeah, and those boobs are just as real as that name too.
Orton comes in. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," says Edge. They're talking about their numbers, not their other things. Booker walks in to give his "tell me you didn't just say that" line. Not as funny as they were planning. It was okay, though.
ECW Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Test
They recap the feud. Yes, it sucked as much in the recap as it did normally. Lashley beat Test clean last week on TV, yet they are having this match. Why? Who knows?
The crowd's pretty dead for this, although Lashley did get a nice pop upon entrance.
Story in this match is Lashley hurt his shoulder, so when he goes for his power moves he can't get him up. Test just hit a nasty boot for a good nearfall.
After Lashley knocked him out on the floor with a clothesline, Test didn't return to the ring. He lost via Countout. Lashley then ran out, brought him back in the ring and hit him with the running powerslam. Match was seven minutes.
Winner via Countout: Bobby Lashley
Analysis: * A flat match. Crowd wasn't into it at all. Test wanted so badly to be champion, yet he walked out after a clothesline put him outside the ring? Just kill the ECW brand, please. I like Lashley, I like Punk and I think RVD will be in TNA by the spring. The rest of it? Who cares, really?
Backstage, the doctor is checking on John Cena's health. Vince McMahon walks in the room to tell Cena that he can't see him…as the WWE champion. Yeah, that's all we need. Another Vince McMahon feud against a top babyface. Never seen that before.
World Heavyweight Title: Batista vs. Ken Kennedy
Somehow JBL says this is Smackdown main eventing another PPV. I didn't know having a title match to end the first hour was the main event. The entire video package was basically all of Kennedy's promos over the last month. He does his typical ring intro saying his name twice. "Just like New York, it's so good you have to say it twice," says JBL. Use that line on the ladies, fellas. Batista is out second to a fairly big pop.
Rey Mysterio, King Booker, Chris Benoit, The Undertaker, Kane and Batista are the six World Champions that Kennedy has beat. I guess that's impressive, but how many of those were DQ wins or really cheap like that?
Kennedy's working over the left knee on Batista. He puts him in some leg lock that has Batista on his stomach trying to fight out of it. The hold breaks when Kennedy holds the ropes.
Somehow Kennedy's nose is busted, but he's relentless with some nice running knees. Single leg Boston Crab by Kennedy on the left knee now. Batista pushes him off, then puts him in the slowest cradle ever.
Spinebuster by Batista. He sells the knee after the move. More power moves. He puts Kennedy on his shoulders, then hits the Kenton Bomb move (forward Samoan drop). Batista Bomb, but Kennedy pushes him off, the ref is down, kick to the nuts, neckbreaker and Kennedy covers. Batista's out, but no ref. DDT, ref is back and that gets two.
Some in the crowd chant for Kennedy. That's nice. Double axe off the ropes, Batista clotheslines him and then hits the Batista bomb for the win. Match was 11 minutes.
Winner: Batista
Analysis: *1/2 It was okay. I don't think anybody believed Kennedy was winning this. It's a good thing it was kept short because I doubt they could have done much if it went long. I guess the story here was Kennedy would have won if the ref wasn't knocked out. I'm tired of Batista. He moves so slow, his moves are getting old and I haven't liked anything he's done since Triple H carried him to a great Cell match a couple years ago. I hate saying it because he's part Greek (HELLAS!), but that's just how I feel. I wouldn't mind seeing him go heel. Maybe he'll be fresh again. I just don't think the dominant babyface act works for him especially when a guy like Undertaker does a much better job of it.
Kevin Thorn and Ariel are at the tumbler. They make some funny faces. Little Bastard! I love that guy. They give him a chair to pick his number. He bites Coach. Then Khali walks in for that visual of the giant with the midget. Khali picks three balls, Coach tells him he can only have one so he tosses two of them down. Kelly picks them up, says they are the biggest balls she's ever held in her hand. I have read she's dating Test, so that's probably true. There's Farooq for the "DAMN" line. Some of that was funny.
I think I like the WrestleMania theme song. I'll probably get sick of it over the next two months.
WWE Title - Last Man Standing: John Cena vs. Umaga
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMAGA! I love this guy. The theme song. The constant yelling. I enjoy this character way more than I ever thought I would. Got the video package, then Umaga's entrance and then Cena. Lots of intensity in Cena's face, which is his best facial expression.
Lots of physicality by Umaga to start it off with the focus being Cena's ribs. They're taped to sell the injuries from Monday. Umaga brings the steel steps in the ring. Cena picks them up and chucks them over the top out to the floor right into Umaga's head. That gets a long count. Umaga gets back up and hits a spinning heel kick? Wawawiwa! Very nice!
Bearhug time. I needed to take a piss, so thanks Umaga. Crowd wants tables. There are the steel steps again. He props them in the corner. The running hip splash…NO! Cool spot in my opinion because I love that move. Cena picks up the steps and decks him with it.
Huge tilt-a-whirl sidewalk slam by Umaga keeps him down. Cena's good at selling the ribs. People rip Cena's in-ring work, but I think he's pretty good. I don't think he'd be as good as a heel. He's more of a natural babyface.
Cena makes his superman comeback to give Umaga a tilt a whirl back suplex/slam on the steel steps. Nasty. With Umaga laying on the steps, Cena hits the five knuckle shuffle. FU on the steps? Sort of. He just drops Umaga stomach first onto the steps.
JR was talking about Cena hitting his head on the steps as he dropped Umaga and when he got up he started bleeding. How could you bleed on aluminum steps with no sharp points? No idea. At least chairs are more believable. We're 15 minutes in at this point as the ref counts Cena down for a count of 8.
Cena's hulking up! Punches galore. Oh man, Umaga just killed him with a huge Samoan drop. Maybe it's because Cena forgot to wave the finger. Samoan Spike…no, Cena gets his hand up to block it. Crowd goes nuts for it.
See, Umaga's spots are over so well. That's why the crowd is so hot for this one. Cena's blood loss is pretty good. Umaga misses a diving headbutt and Cena hits a diving legdrop from the top rope on the back of Umaga's head. Impressive hang time.
After tossing Umaga shoulder first into the corner, Cena drills him in the head with a monitor. What a sound that was. Just a loud THUMP. Cena sends him to the floor, but Umaga catches him out there and rams him into everything. What a physical match this is. Now they're at the announce tables, all three of 'em. I just realized there's no more Spanish table.
Oh shit! With Cena laying on his stomach on the ECW table, Umaga runs across the Raw and Smackdown tables, leaps and Cena moves sending Umaga splashing through the table! Ouch! Ref gets to seven, eight, nine…but Umaga is up somehow. Crowd thought that was it. What a great spot.
While all this was going on, Estrada unhooked the entire top rope as it came loose and Umaga got a hold of the metal turnbuckle. Cena turns around, he charges, Cena ducks and Umaga it's a giant FU. Then Cena hits him with the metal and straps in the STFU finisher using the ropes to choke him out. Awesome looking spot with Cena yelling. Crowd is chanting for him. Umaga's passing out.
Cena lets go, Umaga gets up a bit. Cena puts the hold on him again. He finally lets go as Umaga is laying face first on the mat now. We're up to six, seven, eight, nine and there's the ten as the crowd goes apeshit for Cena. Match was 24 minutes.
Winner: John Cena
Analysis: ***3/4 Fun, a whole lot of fun. By allowing them to use weapons it made the work easier for both guys and they were able to put on a hell of a good show. Considering how bad the other title matches were it was really nice to see a very good match here. It also protects Umaga by not having him get pinned. Both guys worked their asses off, they kept the pace up the entire time and the match was never boring. Everything they did made sense within the concept of the match, which is all you can ever really ask for. I love Umaga. Cena's pretty damn great right now too.
Sandman's picking a number now. He opens a beer, then canes himself and picks a number. Flair picks his number last as Kelly and the other ECW strippers dance with him. It's about time they realized the women that work for WWE are strippers. Might as well accentuate that from now on.
The announcers for the Rumble look to be Cole, JBL and Lawler. I was hoping for JR, but at least JBL is there. He's the best announcer they got.
Long video package highlighting past Rumble matches. They skip some of them of course (hello Brock Lesnar), but it's cool nonetheless. Then they showed some of the current guys wanting to win it all. Very enjoyable like always.
Royal Rumble Match
This will be more play by play style because I want to keep you updated on what goes down and it doesn't leave much time for sarcastic comments. You know the rules. Every 90 seconds somebody else comes in.
#1 is Ric Flair. Hopefully the strippers didn't tire him out. #2 is Finlay. I may be wrong, but these are probably the two oldest guys in the match. #3 is Kenny "Don't call me Lenny" Dykstra. There's the youngest guy. The early stages are always slow. #4 is Matt Hardy. None of these people are winning, of course. Dykstra's close to being eliminated, but he hangs on. #5 is Edge, who immediately comes in to spear Flair and Finlay. Hardy gives him a Twist of Fate and then Kenny takes out Matt with a clothesline. Flair's out on the floor through the bottom rope and he brings in a couple chairs. That doesn't work. Edge tosses Flair out. Dykstra celebrates with him, so Edge tosses Dykstra out. Tommy Dreamer is #6. Mild ECW chant starts, which explains how the fans feel about ECW. Mild people, very mild. The #7 man in the match is Sabu, who takes out a table and places it outside the ring because he wants to go through it. He goes for Dreamer, immediately fucking up a DDT spot. That's Sabu for ya. The #8 guy is Gregory Helms complete with the worst theme music maybe ever by saying his own name at the start of it. Could you imagine if everybody had music like that? Horrible idea. He of course goes after Hardy. The six guys all pair off in corners of the ring, which leads me to think that a big guy's coming in soon to clear it of some people.
In at #9 is Shelton Benjamin, a favorite of mine. Too bad he's the most underused guy on the roster. There's the big guy I was talking about since Kane is the #10 man. Huge powerslam on Helms, chokeslam on Edge and there goes Dreamer landing on his head like always because he's nuts. Sabu charges at Kane, Kane puts him over the top but he's on the apron. Ooh, chokeslam through the table. Sabu is gone. #11 is CM Punk, another favorite of mine. Too bad he's being wasted away on ECW. The man at #12 is King Booker and he quickly eliminates Helms leaving seven guys in the ring. In at #13 is Super Crazy, who JBL claims worked as his doorman in New York. I love JBL the announcer. Here comes Jeff Hardy at #14 without his usual dance because he's SERIOUS I guess. The Hardy's work together on a bunch of people. The man at #15 is the Sandman. He canes both Hardy's and Super Crazy, but Booker comes over and tosses him over the ropes. I don't think he lasted more than ten seconds. Can we give him the Bushwhacker award for that effort?
The #16 man is Randy Orton. They quickly eliminate Super Crazy together. Orton eliminates Matt and Edge eliminates Jeff at the same time. JBL mentions how last year if Orton survived a hurricanrana he'd have gone to WrestleMania last year instead of Mysterio. Of course Orton went there anyway, so that's not the greatest point in the world. Benoit is #17 and of course he's as good as anybody at being on fire. Man, I could go for another Benoit main event run. How about you? I love this man. Lots of German suplexes. Can they move Punk or Benjamin to Smackdown to be paired with Benoit. For me, please? #18 is Rob Van Dam as JBL mentions that six former World Champions are in the ring. There goes Booker at the hands of Kane. Booker comes back in, hits the scissors kick on Kane and then clotheslines him over the top to eliminate Kane. I guess they need to have some storylines for No Way Out. The man at #19 is Viscera. Nothing much happens as it's time for Johnny Nitro to come in as #20. Ha, Benjamin's holding on the bottom rope as both of his feet are barely off the floor.
There's Kevin Thorn at #21 to make the ring even more full. I'm guessing Undertaker or Khali is soon to clear the ring now. We've hit the 30 minute mark now. They replayed the Benjamin spot to show how awesome he is. The #22 guy is Hardcore Holly to make it 11 guys now. JBL says he's from LA - Lower Alabama. Everybody's ganging up to take Viscera out. The biggest pop of the match comes for San Antonio's own Shawn Michaels at #23. Thesz Press! Stone Cold! No, it's still HBK. There goes Finlay (after 32 minutes) with a clothesline. He superkicks Viscera, then everybody tosses him the fat man out. Big back body drop for Benjamin from Michaels to send my boy out of there. The #24 man is Chris Masters. There goes Johnny Nitro courtesy of Benoit. Rated RKO works on Michaels of course. Oooooh Chavo, here's Chavo as #25 in the match. Maybe my favorite theme song in all of WWE these days. Benoit takes Thorn out of the match with just five more guys left to enter the match.
In at #26 is MVP, who can finally wrestle in his regular outfit. I guess the burns are okay now. Masters gets eliminated by a dropkick from RVD. Cole mentions RVD has made the final six in all of his Rumble appearances. Stop calling people extremists! It sounds horrible. The #27 man is Carlito as Cole notes that four men have won from that number in the past, more than any other number. There are eleven guys in there. Two of the final three are Khali and Undertaker, keep in mind. The crowd goes nuts as HBK tries to hang on again. He's by far the most over guy in this match. The man at #28 is The Great Khali while the Khali cam kicks in shooting from his feet up to his chest. Everybody in the ring stops to try to confront him. Of course they do it ninja style by going one at a time at the guy. Orton sells the best. He chucks out Holly. #29 is The Miz. He's gone right away. Fuck, I bet $2,000 on him. No dinner for me tomorrow! Then Khali chucks out like five guys. Those that are left are Michaels, MVP, Orton, Edge and Khali. The man at #30 is The Undertaker. Nobody has ever won at #30 until this year. There's just six left. Everybody's dead out there except for Khali as Undertaker punches away at him. Crowd is going nuts for this, cheering for every punch. Undertaker punches him against the ropes and hits a stiff clothesline to eliminate Khali. Five left now. Old school clothesline to MVP. He gets tossed by the Deadman.
Final four are Undertaker, Edge, Orton and Michaels. MVP gets a chair, Orton takes it from him and he kills Undertaker in the head with it. He turns his back to Edge, who goes to spear Orton. Randy turns around to almost drill him with the chair. They argue. RKO on Michaels, who falls out to the floor under the bottom rope. Rated RKO go after Undertaker, who is busted open from the chair shot. He manages to overpower them, hitting all of his clotheslines. There's a double clothesline. Snake eyes to Edge, then the big boot. Man, Undertaker is working his ass off tonight. Edge spears Undertaker just as he was about to chokeslam Orton. Michaels is still on the floor. Sick chair shot by Edge on Undertaker. He grabs another chair to set him up for the conchairto. Michaels back up, back body drop sends Orton out and Michaels hits a superkick to send Edge out! Michaels and Undertaker are left with each of them lying prone on the mat.
Undertaker sits up, Michaels kips up. What a cool spot and moment that was. Crowd is going nuts for all of this. Hell in a Cell #1 flashbacks! Typical big man/little guy spots here. Corner whip, HBK does his flip up to the top of the turnbuckle. Undertaker charges, Shawn ducks and the boot sends him on the apron. He fights Shawn off as they both get back in. Neckbreaker by Michaels. The final two men are the biggest in the history of WWE, according to Cole. I don't see Austin or Hogan in there. Or even Rock. But I do like these two (especially Michaels), so that's okay. Undertaker boots him down. He goes to suplex him out, but Shawn grabs a headlock on the apron. He goes up top, Undertaker follows and wants to toss him out to the floor, but that doesn't work. Shawn ends up hitting the elbow drop. Superkick…no, Taker caught him. Chokeslam. Tombstone…no…sweet chin music knocks the big guy down. Another prone on the mat spot. This is the longest final two man spot in the history of the Rumble, I'm pretty sure. Michaels goes for the superkick, but Undertaker ducks it and lifts him over the top for the elimination. Undertaker wins the Royal Rumble for the first time in his career.
Winner: The Undertaker
Good post match with Michaels looking frustrated and Undertaker nodding to him. Crowd is very appreciative of what they just saw.
Order of Elimination with the person who did the eliminating in brackets: Flair (Edge), Dykstra (Edge), Dreamer (Kane), Sabu (Kane), Helms (Booker), Sandman (Booker), Super Crazy (Orton and Edge), M. Hardy (Orton), J. Hardy (Edge), Booker (Kane), Kane (Booker), Finlay (Michaels), Viscera (Everybody), Benjamin (Michaels), Nitro (Benoit), Thorn (Benoit), Masters (RVD), Holly (Khali), Benoit (Khali), Miz (Khali), RVD (Khali), Punk (Khali), Carlito (Khali), Chavo (Khali), Khali (Undertaker), MVP (Undertaker), Orton (Michaels), Edge (Michaels), Michaels (Undertaker).
Note: Khali tossed a bunch of people right around the same time, so the order might not be perfect, but you should get the point. Save me the emails telling me I got it wrong.
Analysis: **** It's hard to rate Rumble's using the star system, but I'd rate this as one of the better Rumble matches ever. It was fun from start to finish. I wouldn't say it was amazing at any point, but it was solid. It would have been nice to see somebody new in the final four, but I understand why they did what they did. A guy like CM Punk fared okay, yet he didn't even eliminate anybody. You can use this match to elevate people. I don't think anybody was elevated from it, which is about the only disappointment I have from it.
You can't talk about this match without talking about the ending sequence. It was just really cool, especially if you're any kind of WWE historian considering how much Michaels and Undertaker have meant to the company. Neither guy is the draw that a Austin, Rock or Hogan were, but their longevity and loyalty to the company set them apart from all the rest. That's why it was a cool moment when they were the last two in the match, lying there all alone. Their one on one showdown lasted about eight minutes, which is the longest of any final showdown in Rumble history (off the top of my head anyway). Either guy could have taken it. Even though the fans wanted Michaels to win it in his hometown it's not like they made a bad choice in giving it to Undertaker.
I've never been a huge Undertaker fan, but it's not like I hate the guy either. I think he wrestled in last year's WWE match of the year against Kurt Angle and I thought he looked awesome tonight. When he's in there with the right people, like a Michaels, he's at his absolute best. I don't like seeing him against the big clods like Khali or Henry. He's much better with the smaller guys that bounce off him like pinballs. Now the streak is going up against a title. Probably will be Batista, although I'd really like to see it against Cena. He's your top star. If anybody's going to end the streak then it should be him.
As for Michaels, he's performing at a really high level right now. I'd say it might be even better than 2005, which was a great year for him. Last year injuries slowed him down as well as stupid angles. Now, though, he seems very motivated and hungry to show he's got some more left in the tank. I'm looking forward to seeing what's next for him.
I'm sure the skeptics will bitch about this because the last two guys were men in their 40s that are obviously not the future of this company. Maybe they're right, but at least on this night it felt right to see Michaels and Undertaker battle one on one. Ten years ago they had one of the best matches ever in a cell. Tonight they had maybe the best finish to any Rumble ever. That's good chemistry. That's why they got that standing ovation. They earned every bit of it.
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This was definitely an above average show. The Rumble match as well as the Cena/Umaga are matches that I think people are going to remember. The opener was more than adequate as a match to open the show, but I was disappointed in the ECW and Smackdown title matches. Can't win 'em all, I guess.
8 out of 10.
This running diary is a new format for me, so please email me your thoughts on how I did at oratoryjohn@gmail.com and I'll reply to you as soon as possible. Now that NFL season is virtually over my Sunday nights are free, so chances are good that there will be more of these. Not just WWE, but I hope to do some TNA ones as well.
Thanks for reading. I'll try to be back soon with a regular column.
Smell ya later,
John C - oratoryjohn@gmail.com
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