Hola amigos. This is the bad, bad, man, xpacnumber1fan, encouraging you all to make a difference. (Which wrestler am I talking about, hmmm?) Let's get this show on the road peeps.
Show starts with a replay of what happened last week on ECW. McMahon comes out with RVD, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer, Sandman, and Balls Mahoney (with neck brace) in the ring. McMahon starts insulting them. He says most of them have criminal records. They couldn't fit in with any other organization and they became ECW originals. McMahon said anything about the original ECW sucked. Which means, these men suck too. He says those men are dinosaurs. And what happens to dinosaurs? They become extinct. He says tonight truly, a new breed will be unleashed. Before they hit him, he says all of them get a paycheck from him. He's the boss, and what he says goes. He's only gonna put some of them in action. And he warns that they better not lay hands on the appointed officials, and they better not interrupt in any of the matches. If they do, they'll be fired.
We see a match up screen graphic for Lashley vs. Holly tonight. Break.
When we come back, we some promo for some bald dude. Apparently it's Snitsky. He looks weird as hell. Anyway, Kevin Thorn now comes out with the breastalicous Ariel. Now Tommy Dreamer comes out. No ref in the ring. He comes out now though. It's Matt Striker.
Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer (Matt Striker referee)
Thorn dominating Dreamer in the beginning. Kicks and chokes and punches. Striker is actually admonishing Thorn. McMahon is looking on in the back. Bareback on Dreamer. Dreamer comes back. Weak looking punches to Thorn. Neckbreaker. He rushes Thorn in the corner but gets a back elbow. Thorn then rushes Dreamer and gets a sit down powerbomb. Dreamer goes for a count but Striker acts like he hurt his knee. He is down on all fours right now. Thorn then clotheslines Dreamer while Striker is behind Dreamer kneeling down. Suddenly Striker can count. 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Kevin Thorn
Striker is still in the ring, acting like he is hurt. Dreamer is looking at him pissed. But he can't touch him. Cut to the back while we see Rebecca's un-good looking face. And I hate her voice. Sounds like she swallowed Alvin and the Chipmunks. Anyway, she is with Hardcore Holly. Holly says some crap and he is going to beat Lashley. Standard stuff. Commercial.
REMEMBER TO GET THE MARINE ON DVD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back. We come back to a little vignette with Lashley. They show him talking to kids. They interview his parents, his friends. They show his training grounds for the Army. They show his kid pictures. Styles mention that was the first of a four part series about Lashley's life.
We now see Harcore Holly coming out. Now the champ's music hits. Apparently, now he is using double pyro. He has his original AND the Lesnar pyro. Bell rings.
Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly (Non-title)
They get in a fist fight in the beginning. Holly stops it with a kick. He whips Lashley into the corner but he no sells and charges back with a clothesline. Whip to the ropes and a shoulder block. Delayed vertical suplex. Holly stops Lashley with a hotshot. He then pushes him into the steel post in the corner. He throws him outside, then pushes Lahsley into the steel post again. Then rams him into the steel steps. Holly rolls in to break the count. Rams him into the apron. Now camel clutch on Lashley. Lashley tries to break it but eats a fist to the face. Reverse bear hug on Lashley. Kick to the back. Chinlock on Lashley. He fights out though. Kicks Holly into the corner. He whips Holly into the corner and charges behind him but Holly moves. Lashley eats turnbuckle. Kind of a reverse figure four maneuver on Lashley. He now moves it into a crossface. Lashley fights out. Holly with some punches. Lashley reverses an Irish whip and hits an overhead belly-to-belly release suplex. Clothesline knocks Holly down. Backbody drop. Irish whip to the corner, charges with a clothesline. Another Irish whip to the corner, Holly brings his boot up. Holly charges but Lashley military presses Holly, then brings him down in a powerslam. 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Snitsky now comes out and attacks Lashley. He looks all long and ugly. Holly gets up. Snitsky pushes Lashley to Holly and gives Lashley an Alabama Slam. Man, Snitsky really does look like an uglier Kane. Break.
Back. They replay what happened moments ago. What to know what happened? Read two lines above. Striker is now in a suit, as a timekeeper. He is still "selling" his knee. Balls Mahoney now comes out. Mahoney is selling his beating from Umaga last night on Raw. His opponent (no longer from the Animal Kingdom, he's from Detroit, Michigan now) "The Alpha Male" Marcus Cor Von.
Balls Mahoney vs. Marcus Cor Von
MCV goes straight for the neck. He rips the neck brace off. We see McMahon watching on in the back. Balls comes back though and hits the *punch* BALLS! *punch* BALLS! *punch* BALLS! *punch* BALLS! *wind up* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA *punch* BALLS! MCV comes back though and attacks Balls. He then hits the Pounce. He sinks in a Cobra Clutch. He lifts up Balls a couple of times then slams him to the ground, holding on the Clutch. Ref calls for the bell, saying Mahoney is knocked out.
Winner: Marcus Cor Von
Cor Von keeps the hold on and Striker keeps on ringing that damn bell. He finally lets go. Replay of what happened. Then they show a graphic for Kelly Kelly's (and Brooke and Layla's) extreme expose next. Break.
BUY THE ECW HARD KNOCKS DVD TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back. We now come back to Extreme Expose to Pussycat Doll's "Don't Cha". God this sucks. Only the Nitro Girls should be allowed to dance in a wrestling ring. Now Striker interrupts. Hallelujah. He says that he is now the special guest announcer. He then introduces the special guest commentator, "The Alpha Male", Marcus Cor Von. The special guest timekeeper is Kevin Thorn (with Ariel). He says that anyone who interferes with the match or with the specially appointed gentlemen at ringside will be fired.
Rob Van Dam now comes out. His opponent is Elijah Burke. Can Van Dam prevail with a ring surrounded by the new breed? We'll find out after break.
We come back to...
Rob Van Dam vs. Elijah Burke
We come back to VD taking control of Burke. Legdrop gets a 2 count. Forearms, irish whip. Burke holds on and VD charges. Burke tries to back body drop him over the top rope but VD holds on. VD tries to suplex Burke to the outside but Burke drops down and guillotines his neck across the top rope. Van Dam goes flying off the apron into the barricade. Burke brings VD back inside. McMahon is again looking on. Burke goes for a pin, gets a 2. Knee to the back while holding on to the arms submission now by Burke. RVD chant. VD fights out, but Burke whips him to the corner. Burke hits his flying double knee to the corner. 2 count. VD with some punches and a kick to the face. Whip to the corner, rolling monkey flip. Flying sidekick to the corner and now sets up for the ***** Frog Splash. As he hits it, Ariel starts ringing the bell. Striker then announces that Burke is the winner. Ref Scott Armstrong is arguing with Striker saying that he didn't call for a bell. While he is distracted, Burke hits a low blow. He then rolls up VD for a 3 count.
Winner: Elijah Burke
After the bell, the New Breed start attacking VD. Then the rest of the O.G's come out and run the New Breed. Nice little gang warfare here and a nice end to the show.
As always, you guys know where to hit me up. thecruzanhurricane@gmail.com. All feedback welcome (except negative). See you guys later, and remember, I did it for The Rock.