WWE Heat Report-1st January 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators: Todd Grisham & Tommy Dreamer
Welcome back people. It looks like Tommy Dreamer has earned himself a spot on the Heat Roster. Hey he's better than Coachman. Here's the last Heat offering from 2005.
Lance Cade vs Val Venis
Jeff Jarrett ala 1995 makes his way out first with a new titantron and some generic music. Thankfully he doesn't do the Double J strut. Val comes out and Dreamer puts him over via his towel or "Towely" as Dreamer calls it. Dreamer then lists all the reasons why he loves towels the main one being "Towely" from South Park. Val towels a mother in the crowd before we settle into some wrestling. Lockup, jostle to the corner, Cade shoves and cowers away before stalling complaining to the referee about Val using a closed fist. Val with a go-behind takedown on the mat into a front facelock, Cade counters into a hammerlock, Val reverses into a side headlock and nails a shoulder tackle off the ropes. Cade shoves Val again who punches Cade down. Val with some chops and a punch, Cade reverses an Irish whip and telegraphs a Val float over by kicking him in the back of the leg. Cade pounds on Val before ramming his leg into the ringpost then the canvas. Cade pulls down Val's kneepad exposing the knee and he drops his weight down onto it before applying a couple of single leg grapevines on the mat. Val eventually escapes by using his other leg to kick Cade into the corner and Val schoolboys Cade for a nearfall. Cade attacks Val in the corner with punches and kicks before choking Val with his boot then his hands. Cade turns his back on Val who recovers to punch Cade away then boot. Val goes for a suplex but his knee gives out allowing Cade to nail a chopblock off the ropes for a one count. Cade lifts Val up by the leg, Val punches free then sends Cade away by dropping him with a knee. Val limps round and into a Cade punch. Cade runs the ropes into a Val clothesline. Val with a backelbow punches Cade down then sends him off the ropes into a backbodydrop. Val hits a half nelson slam and gives the sign and heads up top for the Money Shot. Cade moves, Val gets down rather gingerly, Cade misses a corner charge, Val advances, Cade drops down hooking Val's legs and the ropes for extra leverage for the cheap 1-2-3. Not a good match, too much punch, kick and Cade doesn't need a cheap win especially over Val Venis who has been jobbed out so many times. A nothing match which does nothing for either man. Here is Your Winner: LANCE CADE.
Tyson Tomko vs Jason Static
Static is announced as the local homeboy. Both lockup, Tomko takes Static to the ropes and shoves him outside. Static gets back on the apron and punches Tomko. Static to the top rope jumps off attempting an axehandle but he lands so far from Tomko that Tomko has to stretch to connect with an unconvincing boot. Tomko picks up Static and boots him again and Tomko covers the 'KO'd' Static for the 1-2-3 as Dreamer and Grisham play up and hype Tomko. A very short botched squash. Who/what are they building Tomko for? Here is Your Winner: TYSON TOMKO.
Matt Striker's Classroom
Striker joins us on the ramp for some promo time. Striker says greetings and salutations and introduces himself as our teacher and wishes us all a happy new year. Striker notes young people are out of school and many people in the crowd are off work then corrects himself by saying they're out of work but says he'll make sure we don't miss out on our lessons. Striker talks about New Years Resolutions and explains what they are before saying many in the crowd don't stick to theirs. They lie to themselves over and over again. Striker points out a few people and makes fun of them still living at home when they resolved to move out and for having a fat derriere (French for buttock) and a double chin when they resolved to lose weight. Striker tells a woman she should accept getting fatter and wider. Striker says he's guilty for not sticking to his Resolutions as this morning he said to himself he would speak in small simple words for the people but he can't acclomate himself to that (get used to it) and urges us to try and use that word in a sentence. Striker does have one Resolution he will keep to and that is..... Striker is cut off by a 'You Suck' chant and Striker says he sucks what? Striker's Resolution is to teach us ignorant simpletons the lessons we need to learn afterall he is Matt Striker and he is our teacher. Striker thanks us and leaves as Grisham says that was a waste of time. Why put it on the show then? This whole Heat has sucked thus far.
Rob Conway vs Viscera
Main Event time now folks. Conway holds a Raw victory over Viscera from a few months back. Let's see if he can go 2-0 against the Big Love Machine. Fake cheers are piped in for Viscera. Lillian Garcia is well over Viscera now by the looks of things. Conway begins by dodging Viscera and flexing with his shades on. Conway applies a side headlock, Viscera sends off the ropes and shoulder tackles Conway knocking him down and his shades off. Viscera gyrates as Conway goes to the corner. Conway passes his shades to the referee and knees Viscera in the gut. Conway with some forearms can't whip Viscera off the ropes, Viscera reverses and hits Conway with a high spinebuster. Viscera chops Conway in the corner then delivers a headbutt and a shoulder charge before hiptossing Conway. Viscera punches sends Conway off the ropes, Conway boots the head and runs the ropes right into a swinging side slam. Viscera sets up for Visagra but opts for and misses a VD (Viscera Drop). Conway gets up and wears down Viscera with forearms before jawjacking with the crowd allowing Viscera to slap his chest. Conway taunts and slaps Viscera who on his knees slaps back until Conway hits a big boot off the ropes to put him flat on his back. Conway with a nearfall boots and pounds on Viscera's back and rakes at Viscera's face. Conway taunts Viscera while jucking and jiving. Conway to the second rope takes down Viscera with a clothesline 1-2-no. Conway argues the count before punching at Viscera in the corner. Viscera reverses an Irish whip but misses a corner charge. Conway gives a sign and goes for a bodyslam but Viscera falls on top and gets the 1-2-3. Should have gone for the Ego Trip Rob. What happened to Conway's push? His losing streak continues. Here is Your Winner: VISCERA. Post match Conway disputes the count.
Grisham and Dreamer shill for First Blood on Raw before Grisham signs off and thanks us for watching. End of show. I'll be back either later tonight/early tomorrow with the second annual Heat and Velocity awards. You won't want to miss these. There's something for everybody. Later, Shaun. Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.
