WWE Velocity Report (05/21/06) Taped in Albuquerque, New Mexico

WWE Velocity Report-21st May 2006
By Shaun Best-Rajah.Com Reporter
Commentators: Steve Romero & Josh Mathews

Welcome aboard Velociters. We are mere hours away from Judgment Day so let's get the ball rolling with Velocity. The first matchup this week is.........

Simon Dean vs Paul Burchill
Simon comes out alone on his Dean machine. No promo by Simon who opts to put his arm around announcer Howard Finkel instead. Welcome back Howard by the way. Burchill swings into the arena looking like he's sobered up since SmackDown! His latest buxom wench Shelly has walked the plank too and gone back to OVW. Shame that. Burchill tosses his beads and necklaces into the crowd to begin. Simon talks trash and piefaces Burchill. Simon points a finger into Burchill's chest, Burchill grabs it, twists Simon and applies an armwringer. Simon grabs the hair, Burchill applies more pressure, Simon tries a throw to the mat but Burchill keeps the hold applied. Simon goes for the hair again before getting up and to the ropes. Burchill breaks and no-sells an elbow as both men standoff. The crowd are really behind Burchill. Simon complains to the referee but manages to land a back kick to an advancing Burchill. Simon punches, winds up the arm before whipping Burchill to the corner. Simon boots Irish whips again but Burchill floats over the top rope onto the apron. Burchill forearms an advancing Simon rams his head into the corner shoves him down then vaults back in over the top rope with a legdrop. Burchill goes to reel Simon in for the C4 but Simon elbows the head and whips Burchill to the corner front first. Simon lands a spear in the corner then a knee to the head and a kick. Burchill off the ropes into a knee to the gut. Simon swats Burchill's face with his boot. Simon punches and applies a waistlock to the tune of you suck chants. Burchill elbows out knees the gut and tries a sunset flip but Simon counters with a two footed stomp to the chest for a nearfall. Simon punches Burchill down drives a boot to the back of his head then traps him in a modified abdominal stretch (looks like a hammerlock choke). Burchill knees free, Simon sends off the ropes, Burchill catches a boot turning it into a takedown. Simon tries a second spear in the corner but meets Burchill's knee. Burchill hits a series of punches, two clotheslines, fires up and hits a fishermans buster for a nearfall. Burchill misses with a top rope moonsault and both men go to their respective props in the corner. Simon grabs his bag as Burchill takes a swig from his flask. Burchill sees the referee take Simon's bag away from him so Burchill takes another swig and spits it in Simon's face. A blinded Simon walks into the C4 and that's that. 1-2-3. Good opener with Burchill showing some of his athleticism. Here is Your Winner: PAUL BURCHILL. Post match Burchill parades his pirate flag.

Kid Kash & Jamie Noble vs Chris Wellman & Russell Simpson
Kash and Noble come out wearing chained dog collars and are barking. Pitbulls gimmick here we come. Both crawl into the ring and Kash tugs Noble back from attacking the jobbers. After removing their collars both men pounce on the jobbers with clubbing blows. Kash tosses Wellman outside before Simpson receives a double backelbow off the ropes. Simpson goes outside as Kash and Noble run round the ring barking then crawl to the ropes where Noble starts biting at the bottom rope. Wellman gets in, Noble chases him on his hands and knees eventually taking him down. Wellman sends him away with his foot and tags in Simpson who charges into a drop toehold. Noble elbows the neck then takes him to his corner and tags in Kash. Simpson fights back with punches to Noble and elbows to Kash but Noble hooks his leg allowing Kash to spear then pound and press away at his face as Noble gets some kicks in. Kash kicks the back for a one count. Noble tags in, Simpson receives a double shoulder tackle off the ropes. Noble covers for one as the crowd strangely get into this and start barking. This happens a few times during the course of the match. Noble with a twisting neckbreaker for a nearfall. Noble takes Simpson to the corner, tag to Kash, Noble headbutts the gut, Simpson gets double chopped. Kash slaps the back before throwing some kicks. Simpson punches back until Kash ducks bringing Simpson's neck down across his knee. Wellman breaks up the cover at two. Noble tags as Kash holds Simpson for a chop. Noble clubs Simpson, slams, drops a leg for a nearfall and applies a rear naked choke. Simpson gets up, Noble headbutts. Kash tags, Noble holds Simpson for an open kick. Kash rips at Simpson's back, Simpson wins a punch exchange. Kash knees the gut, Simpson reverses an Irish whip. Wellman gets a punch in from the apron allowing Simpson to clothesline Kash and gain a nearfall with his arm draped across Kash. Kash bites at Simpson's hand as he makes a tag. Wellman clotheslines Kash down twice then slams but misses two elbowdrops allowing Kash to crawl underneath and make a tag. Noble ducks a lunge shoving Wellman down then Simpson into the corner. Noble sends Wellman off the ropes into a leg lariat. Noble sends Simpson in a slump to the corner with a single leg dropkick. Noble gets Wellman on his shoulders and delivers a double knee gutbuster. 1-2-broken up by a Simpson boot. Simpson sends Noble off the ropes. Noble ducks a clothesline and spears Simpson as Kash delivers a clothesline. Simpson rolls outside as Noble barks and tags Kash. Noble lifts Wellman in a powerbomb position as Kash from the top rope delivers a clothesline which only just connects as Wellman starts to fall before Kash makes contact. Kash covers 1-2-3. I found this match to be a bit boring and tedious. Are Noble and Kash meant to be faces or heels now and are they going to go to ECW with this gimmick? Here Are Your Winners: KID KASH & JAMIE NOBLE. Post match Kash and Noble get on their knees and act like dogs again. Noble bites the bottom rope and barks as Kash growls.

Nunzio & Vito vs Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki
Vito's apparent/inevitable cross dressing is the talk of the commentators. Vito comes out in a suit much to Josh's disappointment. Nunzio hands Vito a glove as the faces come out. Nunzio and Funaki start as Scotty works the crowd into his teams favour. Yes the stale faces are still over. Lockup, side headlock by Nunzio. Funaki starts to muscle out so Nunzio grabs the hair to re-affirm his headlock. Nunzio off the ropes shoulder tackles Funaki. Nunzio with a stepover stops, brushes off the crowd but misses an elbow. Funaki with an armwringer throws Nunzio down by the hair and applies an armbar. Scotty tags in and boots the arm. Both men exchange armwringers. Scotty rolls around nips up and counters into a side headlock. Scotty off the ropes ducks underneath Nunzio who charges into two hiptosses and a modified armdrag with Scotty breaking out some dancing in between. Scotty's cover attempt gets two. Scotty bars the arm, Nunzio takes to the corner where he punches and boots the gut. Scotty punches back, Nunzio boots the gut Scotty returns the favour nails a bulldog and sets up W-O-R-M. Scotty connects 1-2-Vito pulls Scotty off but Nunzio had grabbed the bottom rope anyway. ( I don't think the referee saw though). Nunzio gets a breather outside as the faces and Vito jawjack in the ring. Vito goes out as Scotty reaches out to pull Nunzio back in and Vito decks him with a loaded punch. Vito rolls Nunzio back in and towards his corner as Vito makes his way back himself outside. Vito gets back to his corner tags himself in and jumps into a cover for a nearfall. Vito sends Scotty off the ropes into a clothesline for another nearfall. Vito with a slam misses a legdrop from the second rope. Scotty tags out but Funaki is taken down by a single leg. Vito pounds at the head before picking Funaki up and hitting a swinging implant DDT for the 1-2-3. Looks like they're building Vito up for something even if it is a crossdressing angle. Not a bad little match. A break from the norm with no restholds for a change. Here Are Your Winners: NUNZIO & VITO. The post match rematch challenge is edited off. The FBI went over again by the way after a Vito mafia kick according to fan reports who were live in attendance.

Gregory Helms vs Psicosis
Non title main event. Helms is keen to show off his belt while looking cool, calm and collected. Psicosis comes out alone on his Juan Deere. This is a mistake as Super Crazy should be out here to scout or either try and get in Helms' head. That might make more people care when the Cruiserweight match happens on the PPV as so far there isn't much of a story behind their match. The commentators note Psicosis will try and soften up Helms by himself. Not seen Psicosis in a while by the way. Psicosis receives kind of a lukewarm reception at the start which picks up a little as he plays to the crowd in a couple of the corners. Helms kisses his belt before we begin. Helms rejects a handshake and stares. Psicosis claps to get the crowd going who comprehend. Lockup, waistlock by Helms, Psicosis quickly to the corner, Helms breaks and slaps the back. Psicosis goes to advance and Helms ducks his head outside getting some heat from the crowd who chant you suck. Lockup leads to a Helms hammerlock which Psicosis snapmares out of. Psicosis with an armdrag, Helms puts his fists up but falls on his ass backing to the corner. Helms boots the gut, firemans carry takedown to Psicosis. Helms misses an elbow, Psicosis winds up the arm taking Helms down. Psicosis with a canvas wristlock for a nearfall. Helms nips up, Psicosis flips him down again by the arm. Psicosis runs the ropes and dropkicks Helms. Psicosis charges, Helms moves and Psicosis goes through the ropes in a standing position falling to the floor. Helms teases high risk, goes to charge but stops, brushes off the crowd, steps outside and throws Psicosis into the apron. Helms places Psicosis on the apron and clubs at his back and kicks at his shoulder. Psicosis rolls back in and around the mat in pain. Helms gets in and hits a twisting reverse DDT for a nearfall. Helms applies a sleeper. Psicosis backelbows free, Helms knees the gut and goes for a suplex but Psicosis reverses and both men are down. Psicosis is first up and goes to the corner. Helms charges but Psicosis gets his feet up. Psicosis hits a spinning heel kick from the second rope. Psicosis with a series of punches, Helms reverses off the ropes, Psicosis ducks and comes back hitting another spinning heel kick. Helms rolls outside, Psicosis hits a corkscrew pescado. Psicosis puts Helms back in and hits a cross body from the top rope 1-2-no. Psicosis can't believe it and hits the mat in frustration. Helms takes advantage of a momentary lapse hitting a knee and whipping Psicosis to the corner. Psicosis sidesteps a charge. Helms hits the corner front first but Psicosis charges into an uppercut. Helms starts to climb up top from the apron but Psicosis punches him and climbs to the second rope himself while punching at Helms. Helms pokes the eyes then hangs Psicosis up on the top rope before getting back in getting Psicosis back up and finishing things with the former Eye of the Hurricane for the 1-2-3. Helms tunes up for Super Crazy later tonight. Nice crisp short main event with both men working the crowd well. Here is Your Winner: GREGORY HELMS. This week's show is well worth a look with a good opener, solid main event and a nice little tag match. The less said of the new pitbulls the better.

Steve and Josh shill for Gregory Helms vs Super Crazy and Rey Mysterio vs JBL at Judgment Day before Steve signs off to end the show.

I know Rey Mysterio has been buried recently and needs knee surgery but I think WWE will swerve us perhaps holding off on the title switch until SmackDown! London and Kendrick will win the belts and feud with Gymini (they've been racking up the wins recently). Finlay will win via his debuting sidekick. King of the Ring can go either way. I'm praying the careless Mark Henry doesn't injure Angle who's brittle enough at the moment. Undertaker/Khali won't be pretty, will probably end in a DQ and be kept short with a rematch in mind for a later date. The Cruiserweight match could be pretty good if given some time as both are good workers. I'm tipping Crazy to win and take the belt into ECW.

Keep it here for Heat. Shaun. Comments/praise/feedback/criticism please direct to shaunmb1@hotmail.com.